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accountant JOKES (random)

What's a shy and retiring accountant?
An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.

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 1 - How do you know accountants have no imagination? They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.... More ››
 2 - A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Hera... More ››
 3 - An accountant applies for the position of Chief Financial Officer. There are a number of candi... More ››
 4 - A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing.... More ››
 5 - Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take th... More ››
 6 - An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Mel... More ››
 7 - A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldi... More ››
 8 - The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news. It is very unusual,... More ››
 9 - An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. H... More ››
 10 - A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant joke?"... More ››
 11 - A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said,... More ››
 12 - A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees... More ››
 13 - Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down th... More ››
 14 - A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a... More ››
 15 - An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical p... More ››
 16 - An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just bought a sheep stat... More ››
 17 - A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am... More ››
 18 - The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and h... More ››
 19 - The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first... More ››
 20 - What does CPA stand for? Can't Produce Anything... More ››
 21 - An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't g... More ››
 22 - What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost... More ››
 23 - There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of th... More ››
 24 - A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops a... More ››
 25 - Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax part... More ››
 26 - The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tom... More ››
 27 - What's the definition of unlikely? A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants... More ››
 28 - What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.... More ››
 29 - The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first jo... More ››
 30 - An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to hi... More ››
 31 - A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her... More ››
 32 - A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him t... More ››
 33 - Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the... More ››
 34 - How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? "What kind of answer did you have in... More ››
 35 - Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: "No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost... More ››
 36 - Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wa... More ››
 37 - "The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoroughly." "Wha... More ››
 38 - What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 1... More ››
 39 - Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don't 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capita... More ››
 40 - Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you ha... More ››
 41 - How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and... More ››
 42 - When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn't have the charism... More ››
 43 - What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a... More ››
 44 - How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Hmmm........I'll just do a few n... More ››
 45 - How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to Marketing... More ››
 46 - What's a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he... More ››
 47 - What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead o... More ››
 48 - Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last... More ››
 49 - How do you know when an accountant's on holidays? He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in af... More ››
 50 - What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit s... More ››
 51 - If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell me about your w... More ››
 52 - What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment ca... More ››
 53 - What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is le... More ››
 54 - There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.... More ››
 55 - What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.... More ››
 56 - Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.... More ››
 57 - How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb? How many did it take last year?... More ››
 58 - Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.... More ››
 59 - Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: ".......and ninthly..."... More ››
 60 - Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work... More ››
 61 - Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.... More ››
 62 - What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.... More ››
 63 - Why did he cross back? So he could charge the client for travel expenses.... More ››
 64 - Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.... More ››
 65 - What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular... More ››
 66 - When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise... More ››
 67 - Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.... More ››
 68 - What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.... More ››
 69 - What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.... More ››
 70 - What does FCPA stand for? Finally Caught Pinching the Assets... More ››
 71 - What would Economics be without assumptions? Accounting... More ››
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