spacer spacer




accountant JOKES (random)

An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels.
He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it.
He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin.
Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load.
On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip.
On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath.
He could never find anything amiss.
After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned.
A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in.
On a n impulse the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't shop you, but I just have to know.
What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."

  VotarVOTE!   Imprimir PRINT  


 1 - How do you know accountants have no imagination? They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.... More ››
 2 - A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Hera... More ››
 3 - An accountant applies for the position of Chief Financial Officer. There are a number of candi... More ››
 4 - A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing.... More ››
 5 - Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take th... More ››
 6 - An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Mel... More ››
 7 - A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldi... More ››
 8 - The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news. It is very unusual,... More ››
 9 - An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. H... More ››
 10 - A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant joke?"... More ››
 11 - A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said,... More ››
 12 - A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees... More ››
 13 - Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down th... More ››
 14 - A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a... More ››
 15 - An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him three identical p... More ››
 16 - An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just bought a sheep stat... More ››
 17 - A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am... More ››
 18 - The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and h... More ››
 19 - The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first... More ››
 20 - What does CPA stand for? Can't Produce Anything... More ››
 21 - An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't g... More ››
 22 - What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost... More ››
 23 - There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of th... More ››
 24 - A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops a... More ››
 25 - Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax part... More ››
 26 - The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tom... More ››
 27 - What's the definition of unlikely? A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants... More ››
 28 - What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.... More ››
 29 - The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first jo... More ››
 30 - An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to hi... More ››
 31 - A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her... More ››
 32 - A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detective tells him t... More ››
 33 - Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the... More ››
 34 - How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? "What kind of answer did you have in... More ››
 35 - Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: "No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost... More ››
 36 - Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wa... More ››
 37 - "The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoroughly." "Wha... More ››
 38 - What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 1... More ››
 39 - Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don't 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3. Working Capita... More ››
 40 - Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you ha... More ››
 41 - How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and... More ››
 42 - When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn't have the charism... More ››
 43 - What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a... More ››
 44 - How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Hmmm........I'll just do a few n... More ››
 45 - How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to Marketing... More ››
 46 - What's a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he... More ››
 47 - What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead o... More ››
 48 - Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last... More ››
 49 - How do you know when an accountant's on holidays? He doesn't wear a tie to work and comes in af... More ››
 50 - What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit s... More ››
 51 - If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell me about your w... More ››
 52 - What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment ca... More ››
 53 - What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is le... More ››
 54 - There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.... More ››
 55 - What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.... More ››
 56 - Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.... More ››
 57 - How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb? How many did it take last year?... More ››
 58 - Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.... More ››
 59 - Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: ".......and ninthly..."... More ››
 60 - Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to work... More ››
 61 - Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.... More ››
 62 - What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.... More ››
 63 - Why did he cross back? So he could charge the client for travel expenses.... More ››
 64 - Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.... More ››
 65 - What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular... More ››
 66 - When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise... More ››
 67 - Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.... More ››
 68 - What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.... More ››
 69 - What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.... More ››
 70 - What does FCPA stand for? Finally Caught Pinching the Assets... More ››
 71 - What would Economics be without assumptions? Accounting... More ››
Submit a Joke | Contact | Privacy Policy | Last Update: 2024-05-25