THE BEST FUNNY JOKES!

CHRISTMAS Christmas JOKE (1st joke of the minute) Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl. 'You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. 'Is that what you want?' The little girl said, 'It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!' 'What's that?' her mother asked. 'Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!' Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.' Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still no sign, Kitty went to her mother and asked again, 'Are you absolutely sure that the kitten will have its middle claws tomorrow? There's only a few hours to go and there's not a hint or clue or an inkling as to claws as far as I can see.' 'Wait till you wake up on Christmas morning,' her mother smiled and went on stuffing the turkey. So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. When she woke up on Christmas morning she ignored the presents in her stocking and rushed downstairs to look at her little kitten. She was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle ones had appeared as if by magic. Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom. 'Mummy , Mummy! The kitten has grown its middle claws!' 'Of course it has,' her mother grinned. 'But how did you know?' Kitty demanded. Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh, Kitty, everybody knows that Centre-claws always comes at Christmas!' CHRISTMAS

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BLONDE Blonde JOKE (2nd joke of the minute) Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first Blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" BLONDE

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Humor Definitions:

• Humor is a universal language ( Sent by John)
• Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.
  ( Sent by David)
• Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity. ( Sent by Robin)
• We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh. ( Sent by Will)
• Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. ( Sent by Arnold)
• The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven. ( Sent by Bill)
• I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup. ( Sent by Margaret)
• Humour is to be brave enough to laugh of one self. ( Sent by Riley)
• Humor is like salt from mother earth. And those salted very well will stay fresh for long time. ( Sent by Jan Neruda)
• Having a 'sense of humor' means that you are a funny person and make good jokes. All in all humor is comedy and funniness! ( Sent by Saffron)
• Have a better definition? Share it!