THE BEST FUNNY JOKES!

ACCOUNTANT Accountant JOKE (1st joke of the minute) An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On a n impulse the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't shop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins." ACCOUNTANT

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BLONDE Blonde JOKE (2nd joke of the minute) In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. "I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up. "I think--" "POOF!" BLONDE

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Humor Definitions:

• Humor is a universal language ( Sent by John)
• Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.
  ( Sent by David)
• Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity. ( Sent by Robin)
• We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh. ( Sent by Will)
• Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. ( Sent by Arnold)
• The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven. ( Sent by Bill)
• I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup. ( Sent by Margaret)
• Humour is to be brave enough to laugh of one self. ( Sent by Riley)
• Humor is like salt from mother earth. And those salted very well will stay fresh for long time. ( Sent by Jan Neruda)
• Having a 'sense of humor' means that you are a funny person and make good jokes. All in all humor is comedy and funniness! ( Sent by Saffron)
• Have a better definition? Share it!