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birthday JOKES (random)

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"

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 6 - First boy: Are you having a party for your birthday? Second boy: No, I'm having a witch do. Fi... More ››
 7 - Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so... More ››
 8 - "Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and... More ››
 9 - Man l: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday" Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?" Man 1: "No, a V... More ››
 10 - What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday? I don't know, but you'd better... More ››
 11 - Why won't anyone eat the dogs birthday cake? Because he always slobbers out the candles!... More ››
 12 - Grandma, is it exciting being 99? It certainly is! If I wasn't 99 I'd be dead.... More ››
 13 - A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be... More ››
 14 - It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party... More ››
 15 - The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.... More ››
 16 - Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked wh... More ››
 17 - A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a ceme... More ››
 18 - A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to... More ››
 19 - I've been shopping for my wife's birthday present. What did you get her? A bottle of expensi... More ››
 20 - Will you come to my party on Saturday? Yes, please, What's the address? 25 The High Street.... More ››
 21 - "I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you." "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that... More ››
 22 - Helen: Mum, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday? Mum: No, dear, what ? He... More ››
 23 - Fred: Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days? Harry: No. Why? Fred:... More ››
 24 - Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch h... More ››
 25 - How old were you on your last birthday? Eight. And how old will you be on your next birthday?... More ››
 26 - Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Harry: That was a kind thought.... More ››
 27 - Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Betty: That was a kind thought.... More ››
 28 - Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. It's a great pre... More ››
 29 - Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn't figure out how to get the cake in... More ››
 30 - Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be s... More ››
 31 - Good news! I've been given a goldfish for my birthday . . .the bad news is that I don't get the... More ››
 32 - "Did you go shopping for my birthday present?" "Yeah, and I found the perfect thing." "What... More ››
 33 - Cat: "What did you get him for his birthday?" Dog: "Pant . . . pant!" Cat: "Great . . . he n... More ››
 34 - Why was the monster standing on his head at the birthday party? He heard they were having upsid... More ››
 35 - How can you tell if an elephant's been to your birthday party? Look for his footprints in the... More ››
 36 - Did you hear about the time Eddy's sister tried to make a birthday cake ? The candles melted in... More ››
 37 - BoyFriend: Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday? GirlFriend: You told me to surprise... More ››
 38 - Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bott... More ››
 39 - "I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"... More ››
 40 - "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." "Next time, take off the candles."... More ››
 41 - Why did Davy Crockett always wear a coonskin cap? It was a birthday present from his wife!... More ››
 42 - Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday? He's trying to age disgracefully!... More ››
 43 - For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater. So they gave him a sumo wrestler!... More ››
 44 - Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards? The stamps kept falling off the rocks!... More ››
 45 - What's the greatest birthday present? Hard to say - but a drum takes a lot of beating.... More ››
 46 - Why did you hit your birthday cake with a hammer? Because you said it was pound cake!... More ››
 47 - A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.... More ››
 48 - What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday? "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"... More ››
 49 - "My birthday's coming" Do you know what I need?" "Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?"... More ››
 50 - Why did the fat monster put a candle on his tummy? He was celebrating his girthday!... More ››
 51 - "I guess I didn't get my birthday wish." "How do you know?" "You're still here!"... More ››
 52 - I forgot my brother's birthday last month. What did he say? Rick: Nothing, yet.... More ››
 53 - "This birthday cake certainly is crunchy." "Maybe you should spit out the plate!"... More ››
 54 - Why did you buy me a pair of bunny ears? I wanted you to have a hoppy birthday!... More ››
 55 - What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!... More ››
 56 - Why did the boy put candles on the toilet? He wanted to have a birthday potty!... More ››
 57 - Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday? Because people kept toasting him!... More ››
 58 - Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!... More ››
 59 - "Were any famous men born on your birthday?" "No, only little babies."... More ››
 60 - What did one candle say to the other? "Don't birthdays burn you up?"... More ››
 61 - How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? He has a whale of a party!... More ››
 62 - What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!... More ››
 63 - Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!... More ››
 64 - What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A birthday pheasant!... More ››
 65 - What do you always get on your birthday? Another year older!birt... More ››
 66 - What is your favourite type of birthday present? Another present!... More ››
 67 - When is your birthday? 17th January. What year? Every year!... More ››
 68 - What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday? A stole.... More ››
 69 - When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.... More ››
 70 - What is an elf's favourite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!... More ››
 71 - Did you hear about the tree's birthday? It was a sappy one!... More ››
 72 - Did you hear about the dancer's birthday? It was a tappy one!... More ››
 73 - What did the birthday balloon say to the pin? "Hi, Buster."... More ››
 74 - Did you hear about the flag's birthday? It was a Happy one!... More ››
 75 - What does a clam do on his birthday? He shellabrates!... More ››
 76 - What did you get for your birthday? Another year!... More ››
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