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aviation JOKES (random)

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: "Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ..."

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 1 - A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in S... More ››
 2 - Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate... More ››
 3 - Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority. Here are some actual humorous statements by airline... More ››
 4 - One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the... More ››
 5 - An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and ma... More ››
 6 - A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing w... More ››
 7 - A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked... More ››
 8 - Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken the Secret Service mobilize... More ››
 9 - It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back h... More ››
 10 - As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks... More ››
 11 - Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the count... More ››
 12 - An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from New York to Los Angeles. The weather was to... More ››
 13 - Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd... More ››
 14 - While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. "G... More ››
 15 - A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewarde... More ››
 16 - Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, "Ladies and Gentlemen... More ››
 17 - There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the... More ››
 18 - A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose do... More ››
 19 - A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before... More ››
 20 - No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight... More ››
 21 - An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with a free travel vouch... More ››
 22 - The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer was Chinese. It was the first time they had... More ››
 23 - An airplane pilot dies at the controls. He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the 'newly arriv... More ››
 24 - On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks t... More ››
 25 - The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected yo... More ››
 26 - A young lady was conducting a study in to human sexual behavior. She came to the conclusion th... More ››
 27 - An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flyi... More ››
 28 - A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, st... More ››
 29 - A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, t... More ››
 30 - A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the cap... More ››
 31 - Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom... More ››
 32 - After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily... More ››
 33 - "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British... More ››
 34 - A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane any... More ››
 35 - An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced,... More ››
 36 - An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway... More ››
 37 - At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate... More ››
 38 - As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his... More ››
 39 - A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had... More ››
 40 - A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplish... More ››
 41 - From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate y... More ››
 42 - A man jumps out of an airplane with a parachute on his back. As he's falling, he realizes hiss c... More ››
 43 - Bill Clinton, Hillary Ramrod Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper Gore are flying aboard Air Force 1 o... More ››
 44 - On a flight with EasyJet back in 1997 the pilot made what can only be describes as an extremel... More ››
 45 - An airplane was losing altitude over the Rocky Mountains. The pilot over the intercom said that... More ››
 46 - Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old... More ››
 47 - During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Admin... More ››
 48 - Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Sea... More ››
 49 - A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance,... More ››
 50 - A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented... More ››
 51 - Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy... More ››
 52 - All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. Du... More ››
 53 - An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passe... More ››
 54 - Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husba... More ››
 55 - Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.... More ››
 56 - United Airlines FA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our Captain has... More ››
 57 - McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed... More ››
 58 - USAir recently introduced a special half fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on busine... More ››
 59 - According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. T... More ››
 60 - After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing, re... More ››
 61 - A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his firs... More ››
 62 - An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just... More ››
 63 - Pilot says: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the sea... More ››
 64 - As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noti... More ››
 65 - Cessna: "Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel." Tower: "Roger Cessna 1234... More ››
 66 - A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until fi... More ››
 67 - Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with... More ››
 68 - A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Po... More ››
 69 - Stewardess" "Yes, Sir?" "I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the sa... More ››
 70 - "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet,... More ››
 71 - "I've never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely... More ››
 72 - "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place t... More ››
 73 - Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?...... It's not because of the film's... More ››
 74 - A man walks up to the counter at the airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent. "I want a rou... More ››
 75 - A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked... More ››
 76 - A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Bosto... More ››
 77 - ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? " Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence a... More ››
 78 - Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass. To... More ››
 79 - From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight atten... More ››
 80 - It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like... More ››
 81 - Once as Laloo was coming out of airport, there was huge rush and the security guard told him, "W... More ››
 82 - Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remai... More ››
 83 - Pilot: Tower, there's a runway light burning. Tower: I'm sure there must be dozens of lights b... More ››
 84 - From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are o... More ››
 85 - Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're number one, check for workers on the taxiway. Pilot: Roger ........ More ››
 86 - Tower: Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ? Pilot: Nega... More ››
 87 - Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival. Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think... More ››
 88 - Little boy to airline pilot: "You're a pilot?!?!? That must be exciting." Pilot: "Not... More ››
 89 - How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp? Both the engines and the co-pilot s... More ››
 90 - "Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings.." "OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!"... More ››
 91 - Tower: What's your heigth and position? Pilot: Well, I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.... More ››
 92 - How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is done by the automatic pilot.... More ››
 93 - Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not? Pilot: Yes. Tower: Yes what?? Pilot: Yes, SIR!... More ››
 94 - Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck. Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.... More ››
 95 - LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.... More ››
 96 - Tower: Cannot read you, say again! Pilot: Again!... More ››
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