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beauty JOKES (random)

Julie had broken off her engagement.
Her friend asked her what had happened.
'I thought it was love at first sight,' said Julie.
'It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.

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 1 - A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head. "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I... More ››
 2 - A little boy came running into the kitchen. 'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door w... More ››
 3 - Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what... More ››
 4 - Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It d... More ››
 5 - She's so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes.... More ››
 6 - Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The br... More ››
 7 - Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his... More ››
 8 - A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her loo... More ››
 9 - A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ug... More ››
 10 - Monster: I'm so ugly. Ghost: It's not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born t... More ››
 11 - Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was l... More ››
 12 - First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch:... More ››
 13 - Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to? Mrs Saggy: Y... More ››
 14 - "My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!"said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her... More ››
 15 - I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like... More ››
 16 - What is yellow and goes click-click? A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get... More ››
 17 - First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?... More ››
 18 - Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty ? Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'... More ››
 19 - What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the p... More ››
 20 - Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your... More ››
 21 - I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want m... More ››
 22 - I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone... More ››
 23 - Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing... More ››
 24 - Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two.... More ››
 25 - Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it's not on her head.... More ››
 26 - Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't pretty and wasn't ugly ? She was pretty ugly... More ››
 27 - My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.... More ››
 28 - Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and fat and ugly? Boyfriend: Of course I do !... More ››
 29 - She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time.... More ››
 30 - They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?... More ››
 31 - First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.... More ››
 32 - People keep telling me I'm beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have.... More ››
 33 - What did the really ugly man do for a living ? He posed for Halloween masks !... More ››
 34 - My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !... More ››
 35 - Don't look out of the window, Betty, people will think it's Halloween.... More ››
 36 - Your ugly. And you're drunk. Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober !... More ››
 37 - I've just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!... More ››
 38 - Who won the Monster Beauty Contest? No one.... More ››
 39 - Where is everyone beautiful? In the dark.... More ››
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