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beauty JOKES (random)

Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back.
Will: Pity it's not on her head.

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 1 - A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head. "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I... More ››
 2 - A little boy came running into the kitchen. 'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door w... More ››
 3 - Fred keeps telling me that he's going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what... More ››
 4 - Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It d... More ››
 5 - She's so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes.... More ››
 6 - Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The br... More ››
 7 - Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his... More ››
 8 - A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her loo... More ››
 9 - A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ug... More ››
 10 - Monster: I'm so ugly. Ghost: It's not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born t... More ››
 11 - Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was l... More ››
 12 - First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch:... More ››
 13 - Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to? Mrs Saggy: Y... More ››
 14 - "My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!"said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her... More ››
 15 - I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like... More ››
 16 - What is yellow and goes click-click? A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get... More ››
 17 - First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?... More ››
 18 - Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty ? Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'... More ››
 19 - What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the p... More ››
 20 - Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your... More ››
 21 - I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want m... More ››
 22 - I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone... More ››
 23 - Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing... More ››
 24 - Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two.... More ››
 25 - Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it's not on her head.... More ››
 26 - Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't pretty and wasn't ugly ? She was pretty ugly... More ››
 27 - My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.... More ››
 28 - Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and fat and ugly? Boyfriend: Of course I do !... More ››
 29 - She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time.... More ››
 30 - They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?... More ››
 31 - First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.... More ››
 32 - People keep telling me I'm beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have.... More ››
 33 - What did the really ugly man do for a living ? He posed for Halloween masks !... More ››
 34 - My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !... More ››
 35 - Don't look out of the window, Betty, people will think it's Halloween.... More ››
 36 - Your ugly. And you're drunk. Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober !... More ››
 37 - I've just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!... More ››
 38 - Who won the Monster Beauty Contest? No one.... More ››
 39 - Where is everyone beautiful? In the dark.... More ››
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