1 - How long does it take to burn a candle down
About a wick !... More ››
2 - Once upon a time there was a little girl who
wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't... More ››
3 - 'Father Christmas has two
calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can'... More ››
4 - Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us
oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into... More ››
5 - What was wrong with the boy's
toy electric train set he
received for Christmas?
Fo... More ››
6 - What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they
were looking out their front
"Looks like rein... More ››
7 - What happens to you at Christmas ?
be happy !... More ››
8 - It was Christmas
eve, and Santa was
really busy making his list and checking it twice, when
th... More ››
9 - I remember when Father Christmas first
sleigh-driving test. He came skidding down in... More ››
10 - 'Father
Christmas has two reindeer. He
calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I
bet you ca... More ››
11 - Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to
go out there and clear the snow!
I'm on my way, Fath... More ››
12 - Father Christmas: What's your
Elf: The one where the three creatures... More ››
13 - My problem is that I
things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me
someth... More ››
14 - Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step
on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream?
Lad... More ››
15 - Father Christmas: All right, my good lady,
my face is my ticket.
Box office attendant: Then you'd... More ››
16 - Dear Father
Christmas, this Christmas
could you please send me a yellow door.
Yours, Sherlock... More ››
17 - Father
Christmas: How do I stop a
Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge?
Gnome : Put a fi... More ››
18 - I've had a slight
accident with your
sleigh, Father Christmas!
Father Christmas: Oh no! That sl... More ››
19 - Dear Father Christmas, could you please
send me some Crocodile shoes!.
Father Christmas: Can't... More ››
20 - Father Christmas:
What's your favourite
Elf: The one about the ghost that stea... More ››
21 - Who made this Christmas pudding?
chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool.
Wha... More ››
22 - Father Christmas:I
like the story about
the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to... More ››
23 - Elf: My favourite film is about the man who
casts spells in the middle of a swamp.
Father Chris... More ››
24 - Someone
bought Scrooge a clock for
Christmas. He put it straight in the bank.
Why did he do tha... More ››
25 - Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of
Christmas I can't sleep.
Try lying on the edge of yo... More ››
26 - A group of mountain
climbers once heard
Father Christmas go past.
They must have had sharp ears... More ››
27 - What song do Father Christmas' gnomes sing
to him when he comes home cold on Christmas night?
F... More ››
28 - Why is
Christmas just like a day at the
You do all the work and the fat guy with the s... More ››
29 - Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a
Just take these pills - and, if they don'... More ››
30 - Last year's Christmas pudding was so
awful I threw it in the ocean.
That's probably why the oce... More ››
31 - What is the difference between the Christmas
alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas... More ››
32 - Why does Santa Claus only have seven
Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in... More ››
33 - Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer
works for Proctor and Gamble?
Its true....Comet... More ››
34 - I wouldn't say
Christmas gnomes are
But if beauty's skin deep then they were was born in... More ››
35 - I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are
but when they cry the tears run down thei... More ››
36 - ELF NO. 1: What did
Santa shout to his
toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack t... More ››
37 - What was so good about he
the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up alre... More ››
38 - Why are Father Christmas' reindeer like a
Because they're both stopped by the re... More ››
39 - What do gnomes fear
They're afraid Father Christmas will give them the sa... More ››
40 - Can I have a broken drum for
The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat i... More ››
41 - What did the bald man say when he got
comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it !... More ››
42 - Why does Santa's sled get such good
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.... More ››
43 - What's Father Christmas
called when he
takes a rest while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !... More ››
44 - Father Christmas lost
his umbrella but
he didn't get wet! Why not?
Because it wasn't raining!... More ››
45 - What does Father Christmas suffer from if he
stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !... More ››
46 - Doctor,
Doctor I'm scared of Father
Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.... More ››
47 - I wouldn't say Christmas gnomes are
But they used to be lumberjacks on a mushroom farm!... More ››
48 - Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the
Because he didn't want to be recognised !... More ››
49 - One time Father Christmas lost his
That's how he got the name Saint Knickerless!... More ››
50 - JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa
MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.... More ››
51 - ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my
should I do?
SANTA: Use a pen.... More ››
52 - If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child,
he be called?
A subordinate claus.... More ››
53 - Why is a burning candle like being
Beacause a little water ends both of them !... More ››
54 - How to cats greet each other at
"A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" !... More ››
55 - Why does Father Christmas like to work in
the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe... More ››
56 - What do you have in December that you don't
have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !... More ››
57 - Father Christmas win a saucepan in a
Now thats what you call pot luck !... More ››
58 - What did the big cracker
say to the
little cracker ?
My pop is bigger than yours !... More ››
59 - Why is a cat on a beach like
Because they both have "Sandy claws" !... More ››
60 - What's fat and jolly and runs on eight
Father Christmas on roller skates!... More ››
61 - Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
you can have turkey like everyone else !... More ››
62 - Why couldn't the skeleton go to the
Christmas Party ?
He had no body to go with !... More ››
63 - What do
you get if you cross Father
Christmas with a detective ?
Santa Clues !... More ››
64 - What do you call a letter sent up the
on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !... More ››
65 - "Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas
tie?" "He said it was too tight."... More ››
66 - Who sings "Love me tender", and makes
Santa's little Elvis.... More ››
67 - What do you get if you
cross an apple
with a Christmas tree ?
A pineapple !... More ››
68 - What does Dracula write on his Christmas
Best vicious of the season... More ››
69 - Why are Christmas trees like bad
They both drop their needles !... More ››
70 - What reindeer can jump higher than a
They all can! Houses can't jump!... More ››
71 - Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind
manners the most?
"Rude"olph... More ››
72 - What does Father Christmas
reindeer with no eyes?
No-eyed-deer!... More ››
73 - What's a hairdressers's favourite
'Oh comb all ye faithful'... More ››
74 - Did you hear about the stupid turkey?
was looking forward to Christmas!... More ››
75 - A football supporter's favourite
'Yule never walk alone'... More ››
76 - Why was Santa's little helper
Because he had low elf esteem.... More ››
77 - Why couldn't the butterfly go to the
Chistmas ball ?
It was a moth ball !... More ››
78 - Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.... More ››
79 - How do sheep greet each other at Christmas
A merry Christmas to ewe... More ››
80 - How did the chickens dance at the Christmas
Chick to chick !... More ››
81 - Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
turkey - he's always stuffed !... More ››
82 - What did Adam say on the day before
It's Christmas, Eve !... More ››
83 - What's a ghosts favourite Christmas
A phantomime !... More ››
84 - Who brings the Christmas presents to
Santa Clues.... More ››
85 - A rabbit's favourite Christmas
'Lettuce with a gladsome mind'... More ››
86 - What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Bells, Jungle bells.. !... More ››
87 - What do you give a train driver for
Platform shoes !... More ››
88 - Why does Father Christmas go down
Because they soot him!... More ››
89 - Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas
Your teeth !... More ››
90 - What do you get hanging from Father
Tired arms!... More ››
91 - What's the most popular wine at
"I don't like sprouts!"... More ››
92 - What do you call a man who claps at
Santapplause !... More ››
93 - Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas
It was a scream !... More ››
94 - Who delivers presents to baby sharks at
Santa Jaws !... More ››
95 - Who delievers elephants's Christmas
Elephanta Claus !... More ››
96 - How does Santa Claus take pictures?
his North Pole-aroid.... More ››
97 - How do sheep in Mexico say
Fleece Navidad!... More ››
98 - What do vampires put on their turkey at
Grave-y !... More ››
99 - What do you get if you deep fry Santa
Crisp Cringle.... More ››
100 - What did Dracula say at the Christmas party
Fancy a bite ?... More ››
101 - What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.... More ››
102 - What game do reindeer play in their
Stable-tennis!... More ››
103 - How many chimney does Father Christmas go
Stacks !... More ››
104 - What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas
Mean-opoly.... More ››
105 - What does Father Christmas call his money
Iced lolly ?... More ››
106 - What is the cow's holiday greeting?
Mooooory Christmas!... More ››
107 - Who delievers cat's Christmas
Santa Paws !... More ››
108 - What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas
Jungle bells.... More ››
109 - How do you make a slow reindeer fast
Don't feed it !... More ››
110 - What bird has wings but cannot
Roast turkey !... More ››
111 - What's Christmas called in England
Yule Britannia !... More ››
112 - Why is it so cold at Christmas?
Decembrrrrr.... More ››
113 - What can Santa give away and still keep?
A cold.... More ››
114 - What nationality is Santa Claus?
Polish.... More ››
115 - What does Santa say when he is sick?
OH NO!... More ››