1 - A woman goes into a funeral home to make
husband's funeral. She tells the... More ››
2 - A man
is calling on his best friend
to pay a condolence call the day after the
friend's wife h... More ››
3 - An English guy was very ill and his son
went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father... More ››
4 - A Packer fan was enjoying himself at
the game in a packed Lambeau Field,
until he noticed an em... More ››
5 - A woman goes into the local newspaper
office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased... More ››
6 - This elderly Newfoundland
is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "W... More ››
7 - A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher
sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was t... More ››
8 - A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal
raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the stre... More ››
9 - Phoning the florist to order some
flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard wh... More ››
10 - A chap went up to the counter in the
and said, "Have you got any books about committing... More ››
11 - Sam was on his death bed, and his wife
and children were
around him. Suddenly the arom... More ››
12 - A man is fibbing
away about how
great things are in his country. Finally, he starts
describing... More ››
13 - Three weeks after her wedding
Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and... More ››
14 - "Do you
believe in life after
death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir," the ne... More ››
15 - At the inquest
into her husband's
death by food poisoning Mrs Wally was asked by the
coroner i... More ››
16 - "Why are you crying Fred?" asked the
'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in... More ››
17 - There was a great loss today in the
entertainment world. The
man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey... More ››
18 - A monster and a zombie went into a
funeral home. 'I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of min... More ››
19 - The man who
was about to die said
to the Sheriff,
"Say, do I really have to die swinging from... More ››
20 - A monster and a zombie went
the undertaker's. "I'd like to order a coffin for a friend of... More ››
21 - A man was sitting in the electric
chair. The executioner said, "Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to... More ››
22 - Vampire 1: "I once went so long without
fresh blood that I
Vampire 2: "How awful... More ››
23 - Did you hear someone has invented a
coffin that just covers the head?
It's for people like you... More ››
24 - What's the difference between a very
old, shaggy Yeti and a dead
One's a seedy beast and... More ››
25 - Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk,
and I swatted one, how many flies would be left?
Girl:... More ››
26 - Why did the cowboy
die with his
boots on ?
Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicke... More ››
27 - Did you
hear about the undertaker
who buried someone in the wrong place and was
sacked for the... More ››
28 - If a woman is born in Italy, grows up
England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is... More ››
29 - Did you hear about the do-it-yourself
They just loosen the earth and you sink down by... More ››
30 - Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door!
Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins. An operation will soon pull you... More ››
31 - I've been e-mailing William
William Shakespeare's dead, silly.
No wonder he hasn't... More ››
32 - My brother's a professional boxer.
No, featherweight. He tickles his opponents to d... More ››
33 - When a knight in armour was killed in
battle, what sign did they put on
his grave ?
Rust in pea... More ››
34 - What is the difference between a
musician and a
One composes and the other decompos... More ››
35 - If a man was born in England, raised in
America and died in Spain, what does that make him?
De... More ››
36 - I was so sorry
to hear you buried
your mother last week.
Well, we had to, you know, she was dea... More ››
37 - Teacher: What can you tell me about the
Pupil: Dead ?, I didn't even know he was sick !... More ››
38 - Waiter, waiter! There's a
in my soup.
Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?... More ››
39 - Why do you want to be buried at sea?
Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.... More ››
40 - Did you hear about the two men who were
cremated at the same time?
It was a dead heat.... More ››
41 - Why did the monster
take a dead man
for a drive in his car?
Because he was a car-case.... More ››
42 - Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the
I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.... More ››
43 - What are you doing?
I'm trying to
Oh, haven't you heard? He's dead!... More ››
44 - Did you hear about the man
his job at the mortuary?
It was a dead end job.... More ››
45 - Question: What
did the dead raccoon
say in his will?
Answer: "Leave it to Beaver."... More ››
46 - What do you call a man who has been
dead and buried for
thousands of years?
Pete.... More ››
47 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup
Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !... More ››
48 - First ghoul: You don't look too well
Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.... More ››
49 - Why do cemeteries have fences around
Because people are dying to get in.... More ››
50 - What lies on the ground 100 feet up in
the air and smells?
A dead centipede.... More ››
51 - Q: What is the
A: When you stop paying taxes suddenly.... More ››
52 - What is posthumous work ?
written by someone after they are dead !... More ››
53 - Why was George Washington buried at
Mount Vernon ?
Because he was dead !... More ››
54 - What is the last thing you eat before
You bite the dust.... More ››
55 - What did the little kid do with the
He buried it.... More ››
56 - What kind of ghosts haunt operating
Surgical spirits.... More ››
57 - What's a zombie's favorite pop song?
Dead sails in the sunset.... More ››
58 - What has four legs, a tail,
whiskers and flies?
A dead cat.... More ››
59 - What do you find in a zombie's veins?
Dead blood corpuscles.... More ››
60 - Where do ghosts go for their holidays?
The Dead Sea.... More ››
61 - How do you make a Venetian
Poke him in the eye... More ››