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DOG JOKES!

dog JOKES (random)

Q: When's the best time to take your doberman pinscher for a walk?
- A: Anytime he wants to go.

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY dog JOKES:

 1 - Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying; DANGER! BEWARE OF... More ››
 2 - A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dogs tail. The vet con... More ››
 3 - What should you do if you have a basset hound over for dinner? Have a short table!... More ››
 4 - What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals ? A guard dog !... More ››
 5 - What dog is always tired in London? An English sleep dog.... More ››
 6 - A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the follo... More ››
 7 - Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his... More ››
 8 - A man is walking down the street when he hears a voice, "Pssst you come over here!" He looks r... More ››
 9 - A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you... More ››
 10 - What did the elephant say when it saw the Chihuahuas coming down the road? Look out for the mi... More ››
 11 - Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head? The tomato was in a can.... More ››
 12 - Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat ? Cats can't drive !... More ››
 13 - What is the best way to follow a lost dog's paw prints? With a track-tor!... More ››
 14 - Which dog is always without a tail? A hot dog.... More ››
 15 - A man and his dog went into a pub. The barman said "Sorry mate no dogs allowed in here!" The dog... More ››
 16 - Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. Sh... More ››
 17 - Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that... More ››
 18 - A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the w... More ››
 19 - A man and his son were shovelling the driveway after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wand... More ››
 20 - The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling... More ››
 21 - A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was ex... More ››
 22 - Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter. First woman: My dog is so smar... More ››
 23 - Every time I tell my English Setter to stop barking, it never does! What does it do? It just... More ››
 24 - A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an Internet cafe and the dalmation said to the houn... More ››
 25 - I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Co... More ››
 26 - A Chihuahua was shopping in a mall when another shopper walked up to it and started talking. D... More ››
 27 - What artistic dog chews a lot and follows the rules of the farm where it lives? A Chihuahua th... More ››
 28 - Why does the Hound of the Baskervilles turn round and round before he lies down for the night?... More ››
 29 - What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise ? A dog that will run to the shop to get... More ››
 30 - My dog is great at math. Really ? Ask him how much is two minus two. But two minus two is no... More ››
 31 - Why did the dog's owner think his dog was a great mathematician? When he asked the dog what six... More ››
 32 - What is brown and gray, has eight legs, and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk? A C... More ››
 33 - Why did the dog sleep so poorly? By mistake he plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and... More ››
 34 - When George Washington was a general, why did he like to have dogs around? They were very help... More ››
 35 - What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy ? "I must thr... More ››
 36 - Alsation: How come you are always so well behaved when you go on a walk with your master? Chih... More ››
 37 - What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog ? Father Christmas wears a whole... More ››
 38 - What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog ? Father Christmas wears a whole... More ››
 39 - Small girl: I'd buy that dog, but his legs are too short! Clerk: Too short ? Why, all four of th... More ››
 40 - If a beagle can't play a bugle in the marching band, what's his other favorite instrument to pla... More ››
 41 - How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast? He foame... More ››
 42 - How did the dog's owner know his pet was angry about having soap flakes for breakfast? He foame... More ››
 43 - Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund? He wanted a dog they could all pe... More ››
 44 - How do you make a dog float? Take two scoops of ice cream, a couple of squirts of soda and a sm... More ››
 45 - How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods ? Put your ear up to a tree and listen for t... More ››
 46 - Why should you never watch a video with a Chihuahua? It always plays with the "paws" button on... More ››
 47 - What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog ? A dog that can lick you from the other side of t... More ››
 48 - When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what should you do? Take the words right out of hi... More ››
 49 - What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena ? I don't know but I'll join in if it la... More ››
 50 - What is the best kind of dog to ask for directions? A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shor... More ››
 51 - What do you get if you cross a dog with a blind mole ? A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tr... More ››
 52 - How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped you to set up your computer? With dog disket... More ››
 53 - What do you get if you cross a dog with a kangaroo? A dog that has somewhere to put its own lea... More ››
 54 - What is the difference between a dog and a mailbox? If you don't know you must lose a lot of ma... More ››
 55 - What is black and white and red all over? A Chihuahua in a tuxedo that tripped into a jar of sal... More ››
 56 - Q: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car? - A: Put him in the front sea... More ››
 57 - What do you get if you cross a giraffe with a dog ? An animal that barks at low flying aircraft... More ››
 58 - When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house ? When the door is open... More ››
 59 - What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off of the table ? He gets splinters in his mouth... More ››
 60 - Why did the dog have a gleam in his eye? Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth... More ››
 61 - What happened to the dog that fell into a lens-grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself... More ››
 62 - Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or a tiger? I'd rather have him chase the tiger... More ››
 63 - Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? - A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.... More ››
 64 - What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic ? His bark was much worse than it's bite !... More ››
 65 - What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick? You should know more than your dog.... More ››
 66 - Q: When's the best time to take your doberman pinscher for a walk? - A: Anytime he wants to go.... More ››
 67 - What do you get if you cross a dog and a cheetah ? A dog that chases cars - and catches them !... More ››
 68 - What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn't matter what you call him, he still won't come !... More ››
 69 - Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7s? He puts down the three and carries the one.... More ››
 70 - Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you? Chihuahua: No, I was playing throw with her!... More ››
 71 - What do you get if you cross a computer and a Rottweiller ? A computer with a lot of bites !... More ››
 72 - Why do Chihuahuas have such short necks? Because their heads are so close to their bodies!... More ››
 73 - What did the dog do with the history professor? They got together and talked over old times.... More ››
 74 - Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise? Because the captain stood on the deck.... More ››
 75 - Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ? Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !... More ››
 76 - What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow ? Slush puppies !... More ››
 77 - What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella? The umbrella can be shut up.... More ››
 78 - Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ? Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !... More ››
 79 - Q: When is a strange dog most likely to go into your house? - A: When the door is open.... More ››
 80 - Why do dogs turn around three times before lying down? One good turn deserves another.... More ››
 81 - Why is a dog like a baseball player? He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.... More ››
 82 - Advertisement: Dog for sale. Really gentle. Eats anything. Especially fond of children.... More ››
 83 - What did the dog take when he was run down? The license number of the car that hit him.... More ››
 84 - What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog? A hen that lays pooched eggs.... More ››
 85 - Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? - A: Because you can't bury them in the sky!... More ››
 86 - What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories ? A shaggy dogs tale !... More ››
 87 - Why is a dog like a baseball player? He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.... More ››
 88 - What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A Lassie who plays brassie!... More ››
 89 - What do you get if you cross a dog and a sheep ? A sheep that can round itself up !... More ››
 90 - What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog? A hen that lays pooched eggs.... More ››
 91 - Why doesn't a dog ever have a nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.... More ››
 92 - What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones ? Hush puppies !... More ››
 93 - What looks like a dog, sounds like a dog, eats like a dog, but isn't a dog? A pup.... More ››
 94 - What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at a busy intersection? A pointer!... More ››
 95 - How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your back yard.... More ››
 96 - Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping trips? Chihuahua: I like to "ruff it!... More ››
 97 - When are Pomeranians good at taking photographs? Only when they snap at something!... More ››
 98 - Q: Why is a dog's nose in the middle of it's face? - A: Because it's the scenter.... More ››
 99 - What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk ? A Great Dane out !... More ››
 100 - What did the dog do when the panhandler put the bite on him? Bit him, naturally.... More ››
 101 - Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? - A: It stole the show!... More ››
 102 - Why is it called a "litter" of puppies ? Because they mess up the whole house !... More ››
 103 - What happened when the shaggy dog swallowed a teaspoon? He wasn't able to stir.... More ››
 104 - What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound dog in your kitchen? Eat out.... More ››
 105 - How did the Chihuahua disappear on the road? It was using a hide-'n-go-seekle!... More ››
 106 - Why did the poor dog chase his own tail ? He was trying to make both ends meet !... More ››
 107 - Why does a d dog scratch himself? He is the only one that knows where it itches.... More ››
 108 - Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake? To a weterinarian!... More ››
 109 - Why do dogs bury bones in the ground ? Because you can't bury them in trees !... More ››
 110 - I just spotted a Chihuahua! That wasn't very nice, you shouldn't draw on dogs!... More ››
 111 - How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at night? He used a skeleton key.... More ››
 112 - Alsation: I'll see you shortly. Chihuahua: Okay, but don't call me "Shortly!"... More ››
 113 - Q: Why did the dog cross the road? - A: Because it was the chickens day off.... More ››
 114 - Why did the dog wear white sneakers ? Because his boots were at the menders !... More ››
 115 - What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal ? That hit the spots !... More ››
 116 - What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly ? The collie wobbles !... More ››
 117 - What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog ? Dingo Starr !... More ››
 118 - What is worse than a dog howling at the moon? Two dogs howling at the moon.... More ››
 119 - What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal ? That hit the spots !... More ››
 120 - How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster ? Terrier-fied !... More ››
 121 - What dog would you want on your American football team? A golden receiver!... More ››
 122 - What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a bird? A Doberman fincher!... More ››
 123 - What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater ? A plain clothes police dog !... More ››
 124 - What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails? A retail store.... More ››
 125 - Why do dogs wag their tails ? "Because no one else will do it for them !"... More ››
 126 - How many seasons are there in a dogs life ? Just one, the moulting season !... More ››
 127 - Why did the dog mistake the dog catcher for a grape? He was colour-blind.... More ››
 128 - Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City? To see who shot his "paw."... More ››
 129 - What happened when the dog went to the flea circus ? He stole the show !... More ››
 130 - What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road ? A mutt in a rut !... More ››
 131 - What is a dog who crosses the street twice in an hour? A double crosser.... More ››
 132 - Why was the mother flea so unhappy? All her children had gone to the dogs.... More ››
 133 - Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers? They have short tales!... More ››
 134 - What wears a black, white, and tan coat but has no hair? A bald beagle!... More ››
 135 - Q: What has got four legs and an arm? - A: A Rottweiler in a playground.... More ››
 136 - What is black and white and red all over? A Dalmatian with a bad sunburn.... More ››
 137 - What is the only breed of dog a boxer is afraid of? A Doberman puncher!... More ››
 138 - What kind of dog can you best see in the dark? A glowberman pinscher!... More ››
 139 - How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon ? Melon-collie !... More ››
 140 - Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a keyboard? They're all paws.... More ››
 141 - Which dog eats with its tail? All dogs keep their tails on when eating.... More ››
 142 - Alsation: How did you find the fleas? Beagle: I didn't! They found me!... More ››
 143 - Q.Why is a dog scared of a fire? A.It doesn't want to become a hot dog.... More ››
 144 - Q: Why does a dog wag it's tail? - A: No one else will do it for them... More ››
 145 - What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower !... More ››
 146 - Where do you usually find dogs? It all depends on where you lose them.... More ››
 147 - Dad, I spotted a Dalmatian! No need to, it already has its own spots!... More ››
 148 - How many hairs are in a dog's tail? None. They are all on the outside.... More ››
 149 - Q. What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper? A. "Rough rough".... More ››
 150 - What did the dog get when he multiplied 497 by 684? The wrong answer.... More ››
 151 - What should you do if you see a vicious dog? Hope he doesn't see you.... More ››
 152 - Why did the dog run in circles? He was a watchdog and needed winding.... More ››
 153 - What has eighteen legs and fetches a ball? The Philadelphia Beagles!... More ››
 154 - What do you get when you cross a sled dog with an elephant? A tusky!... More ››
 155 - What dog do other dogs tell their problems to? A complaint Bernard!... More ››
 156 - What dog sweats the most and drinks the most water? A hot-weiler!... More ››
 157 - What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie? "Well, doggone !"... More ››
 158 - What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde ? A jet setter !... More ››
 159 - Why do dogs run in circles ? Because its hard to run in squares !... More ››
 160 - What game do 18 dogs like to play during the summer? Woofleball... More ››
 161 - What was the dog doing on the turnpike? About seven miles an hour.... More ››
 162 - What dogs are best for sending telegrams ? Wire haired terriers !!... More ››
 163 - What dog wears a white coat and does science experiments? Labs!... More ››
 164 - What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather? A faint Bernard!... More ››
 165 - Why did the dog jump into the sea? He wanted to chase the catfish!... More ››
 166 - Q: How did bulldogs get such flat noses? - A: From chasing cars.... More ››
 167 - Q: What goes "krab, krab, krab"? - A: A dog barking in a mirror.... More ››
 168 - Where did the dog breeder keep his savings ? In bark-lays bank !... More ››
 169 - What is a dog's favourite food ? Anything that is on your plate !... More ››
 170 - What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up? A dog.... More ››
 171 - Alsation: What is your favorite holiday? Chihuahua: Howloween!... More ››
 172 - Q: What do you say to a dog before he eats? - A: Bone appetite!... More ››
 173 - Q: What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper? - A: RUFF!... More ››
 174 - How can you tell a dog from an elephant? The elephant remembers.... More ››
 175 - What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua? A short one!... More ››
 176 - What dog do other dogs go to when they are sick? A docs-hund!... More ››
 177 - What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it ? A sausage dog !... More ››
 178 - What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua? Shorts!... More ››
 179 - When does a dog go "moo" ? When it is learning a new language !... More ››
 180 - How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight? Delighted.... More ››
 181 - What did the dog say when he chased his tail? This is the end.... More ››
 182 - When is a black dog not a black dog ? When it's a greyhound !... More ››
 183 - Why did the dog say he was an actor? His leg was in a cast.... More ››
 184 - Why can't Chihuahuas run marathons? They're short of breath!... More ››
 185 - What do you do when a Chihuahua sneezes? Get a small hankie!... More ››
 186 - Q: What kind of dog does a dracula like? - A: A Bloodhound.... More ››
 187 - What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia? A puppy.... More ››
 188 - Why is a dog so warm in Summer? He wears a coat and pants.... More ››
 189 - Where will a springer spaniel never shop? At a flea market!... More ››
 190 - How can if you have a stupid dog ? It chases parked cars !... More ››
 191 - What do dogs have that no other animal has ? Puppy dogs !... More ››
 192 - What is a dogs favourite flower ? Anything in your garden !... More ››
 193 - Q: What side of the dog has the most fur? - A: The Outside.... More ››
 194 - What do you call a nutty dog in Australia ? A dingo-ling !... More ››
 195 - What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog ? Chump chops !... More ››
 196 - What does a Chihuahua play basketball with? A tennis ball!... More ››
 197 - What is a collie puppy's favorite toy? A chew-chew train!... More ››
 198 - How can you make a basset hound fast? Take away its food!... More ››
 199 - How do you stop a dog smelling ? Put a peg on it's nose !... More ››
 200 - What kind of dog is a person's best friend? A palmatian!... More ››
 201 - What kind of dog always needs a shave? A bearded collie!... More ››
 202 - What dog always gets on everyone's nerves? A great pane!... More ››
 203 - Q: What's got four legs and no ears? A: Mike Tyson's dog.... More ››
 204 - What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ? A petticoat !... More ››
 205 - Where do Eskimos train their dogs ? In the mush room !... More ››
 206 - How can you tell a dog from a tomato? The tomato is red.... More ››
 207 - What dog is a cousin to the Dalmatian? A spot-weiler!... More ››
 208 - What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best? Lap-top!... More ››
 209 - What is a Chihuahua's favorite sport? Miniature golf!... More ››
 210 - What kind of dog is the most colorful? A paint Bernard!... More ››
 211 - What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ? A bud hound !... More ››
 212 - How did the dog make anti-freeze? He stole her blanket.... More ››
 213 - What is a dog's favourite sport ? Formula 1 drooling !... More ››
 214 - What dog rides a horse named Macaroni? Yankee poodle!... More ››
 215 - What kind of dog chases anything red ? A bull dog !... More ››
 216 - How did the dog make gold soup? He put in 24 carrots.... More ››
 217 - What did the dog say to the pig? You are just a bore.... More ››
 218 - Which dog looks like a cat? A police dog in disguise.... More ››
 219 - What do you call a black Eskimo dog ? A dusky husky !... More ››
 220 - What dog wears contact lenses ? A cock-eyed spaniel !... More ››
 221 - What is your dog's favorite breakfast? Pooched eggs!... More ››
 222 - Who is the dogs favourite comedian ? Growlcho Marx !... More ››
 223 - What has 2,000 eyes and 4,000 feet? A thousand dogs.... More ››
 224 - What dog takes the money and runs fast! A payhound!... More ››
 225 - What do you call a happy Lassie ? A jolly collie !... More ››
 226 - What did the dog use to make his kite? Flypaper.... More ››
 227 - What did the dog use to make his kite? Flypaper.... More ››
 228 - What kind of modeling clay does a dog use? Fi-Do!... More ››
 229 - What's a dog favourite hobby ? Collecting fleas !... More ››
 230 - What kind of dog is the smartest? A great brain!... More ››
 231 - What is the dogs favourite city ? New Yorkie !... More ››
 232 - What do you call a boring dog? A dull-mation!... More ››
 233 - What is a baseball dog? One that chases fowls.... More ››
 234 - Which dog tastes better when eaten? A hot dog.... More ››
 235 - What kind of dog can tell time? A clockshund!... More ››
 236 - What do you call an alcoholic dog ? A whino !... More ››
 237 - When is a dog most impolite? When he points.... More ››
 238 - What dogs never get lost? Newfound-lands!... More ››
 239 - Which dog can tell time? A watchdog.... More ››
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