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food JOKES (random)

Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."

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 1 - One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks... More ››
 2 - When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman w... More ››
 3 - And what's your name?" the secretary asked the next new boy. "Butter." "I hope your first name... More ››
 4 - A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.... More ››
 5 - WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. HUSBAND: Which is this?... More ››
 6 - What's the fastest cake in the world? Meriiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngue.... More ››
 7 - What's red and green and wears boxing gloves? A fruit punch.... More ››
 8 - Knock Knock Who's there ! Beef ! Beef who ? Beef fair now !... More ››
 9 - Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours? A: Nacho cheese!... More ››
 10 - What cheese is made backwards? Edam.... More ››
 11 - A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandw... More ››
 12 - A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning b... More ››
 13 - A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning b... More ››
 14 - An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven b... More ››
 15 - An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven b... More ››
 16 - In February 1994 in New Brighton, Minn., a 32-year-old man and his 24-year-old girlfriend were a... More ››
 17 - At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever rema... More ››
 18 - An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my son in for two pounds of cooki... More ››
 19 - A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. T... More ››
 20 - A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream co... More ››
 21 - Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat? Father: Have I not told you never to mention suc... More ››
 22 - The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food. "Here," h... More ››
 23 - I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking. What did he say? He sugg... More ››
 24 - A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started l... More ››
 25 - A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lag... More ››
 26 - A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big en... More ››
 27 - At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy's ear. "There!" he said p... More ››
 28 - Several women were discussing what they should have for dinner. "If you're watching your weight,... More ››
 29 - First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were l... More ››
 30 - "May I take your order?" the waiter asked. "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing s... More ››
 31 - Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instil good table manners in her girls? She t... More ››
 32 - Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why... More ››
 33 - What are the four food groups? For bachelors: Fast, Frozen, Junk and Spoiled. For drinkers: Ma... More ››
 34 - Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today. . Cook: There is. Fred: No, there isn't. T... More ››
 35 - WIFE: "You look tired, honey. How about a nice steak, mashed potatoes and an apple pie for desse... More ››
 36 - What could you do if you were on a desert island without food or water? Open your watch: drink... More ››
 37 - Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third coo... More ››
 38 - A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland. "I'll have fish and chips twice," he orde... More ››
 39 - Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. "Why are we running so fast?" asked one. "Because," sai... More ››
 40 - Two flies were on a cornflakes packet. "Why are we running so fast?" asked one. "Because," sai... More ››
 41 - If there were no food left, what could people do? Country people could eat their forest preserves... More ››
 42 - Flo: Try some of my sponge cake. Joe: It's a bit tough. Flo: That's strange. I only bought the... More ››
 43 - What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster? You can dip a biscuit in your tea, but a... More ››
 44 - Girl: Did you like that cake, Mrs Jones? Mrs Jones: Yes, very much. Girl: That's funny. My mom... More ››
 45 - Fred! What did I say I'd do if I found you with your fingers in the butter again? That's funny... More ››
 46 - Boy: What's black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don't w... More ››
 47 - Don't eat the cookies so fast they'll keep. I know, but I want to eat as many as I can before I... More ››
 48 - How does a witch make scrambled eggs? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove s... More ››
 49 - What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner? Thank you, I'll just... More ››
 50 - Jimmy, how many more times must I tell you to come away from that cookie tin? No more, mom. It... More ››
 51 - How can you tell the difference between a can of chicken soup and a can of tomato soup? Read t... More ››
 52 - Q: Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water? A: Just spell "Evian" bac... More ››
 53 - My Aunt Maud had so many candles on her last birthday cake that all her party guests got sunburn... More ››
 54 - Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a slice of bread. Doctor: You've got to stop loafing aroun... More ››
 55 - Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of? Pupil: A pear.... More ››
 56 - Camper: There's something wrong with my hot dog. Cook: Don't tell me. I'm not a veterinarian.... More ››
 57 - What happens if you play tabletennis with a bad egg? First it goes ping, then it goes pong.... More ››
 58 - What's the difference between a homeless and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.... More ››
 59 - How do you know that a elephant's been in the fridge? There are foot prints in the butter. "... More ››
 60 - What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can't dip a vampire in your tea.... More ››
 61 - What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef? A humburger.... More ››
 62 - What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom? "He's a real fun guy [fungi]."... More ››
 63 - Q. What's worse than finding a worm in the apple you're eating? A. Finding half a worm.... More ››
 64 - Why can't you make bread like my mother? I would if you could make dough like your father!... More ››
 65 - I thought you were trying to get into shape? I am. The shape I've selected is a triangle.... More ››
 66 - My brother's on a seafood diet. Really? Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.... More ››
 67 - On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.... More ››
 68 - Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll? Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!... More ››
 69 - Knock Knock Who's there ! Butter ! Butter who ? Butter wrap up - it's cold out here !... More ››
 70 - A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.... More ››
 71 - Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.... More ››
 72 - Q: What did one strawberry say to the other? A:"Look at the jam you've gotten us into!"... More ››
 73 - Why did your brother give up his job in the biscuit factory? Because he went crackers.... More ››
 74 - Have you got any broken biscuits? Yes, I have. Well, you shouldn't be so clumsy!... More ››
 75 - Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake...... More ››
 76 - What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook ? 100 way to wok your dog.... More ››
 77 - Knock Knock Who's there ! Bacon ! Bacon who ? Bacon a cake for your birthday !... More ››
 78 - Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is butter made from imitation cows.... More ››
 79 - Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine? They keep repeating themselves.... More ››
 80 - Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods? One was "a-salted."... More ››
 81 - Knock Knock Who's there ! Bean ! Bean who ? Bean working very hard today !... More ››
 82 - What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake? "Hey, what's eating you?"... More ››
 83 - The snack bar next door to an atom smasher was called "The Fission Chips."... More ››
 84 - A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.... More ››
 85 - What did the biscuit say when it saw two friends knocked down? Crumbs!... More ››
 86 - What do you call an egg from outer space? An unidentified flying omelet!... More ››
 87 - I'd say he was spineless. Yes, about as spineless as cooked spaghetti.... More ››
 88 - What sort of soup do skeletons like? One with plenty of body in it.... More ››
 89 - Why did the biscuit cry? Because its mother had been a wafer so long.... More ››
 90 - Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread? No. Oh, crumbs.... More ››
 91 - What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink ? Gravi-tea !... More ››
 92 - Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas.... More ››
 93 - Q. What did the salt say to the pepper? A. Hey Baby, what's SHAKING!... More ››
 94 - Why did the grape cross the road? To get away from the grapefruit.... More ››
 95 - They say she has a sharp tongue. Yes, she can slice bread with it.... More ››
 96 - Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice? Why? Do I look like one?... More ››
 97 - Would you like a duck egg for supper? Only if you quack it for me.... More ››
 98 - When Lee ate raw onions for a week what did he become? Lone Lee.... More ››
 99 - Q.Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A. He was feeling crummy!... More ››
 100 - What looks just like half a loaf of bread? Its other half.... More ››
 101 - What do you call two rows of cabbages ? A dual cabbageway !... More ››
 102 - Why are oranges like bells? You can peel (peal) both of them.... More ››
 103 - The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.... More ››
 104 - Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.... More ››
 105 - How can you make a soup rich? Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.... More ››
 106 - What food are you able to can? Cannibal (can able) food.... More ››
 107 - What is small, furry and smells like bacon? A hamster.... More ››
 108 - What ghost is handy in the kitchen? A recipe spook.... More ››
 109 - What cake wanted to rule the world? Attila the Bun.... More ››
 110 - What musical instrument goes with cheese? Picklelo.... More ››
 111 - Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."... More ››
 112 - What do cannibals eat for breakfast? Buttered host.... More ››
 113 - What's a fresh vegetable? One that insults a farmer.... More ››
 114 - Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta.... More ››
 115 - How do you make gold soup? Put 14 carrots in it.... More ››
 116 - What food is good for the brain? Noodle soup.... More ››
 117 - What's the best day to eat bacon? Fry-day.... More ››
 118 - What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.... More ››
 119 - What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek.... More ››
 120 - What's a doll's favorite food? Barbie-Q!... More ››
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