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gorilla JOKES (random)

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree.
He rushs to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls and asks them to send over someone who's a gorilla expert.
When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua and a pair of handcuffs.
The man says,''What are all of those for?'' The animal control officer says, ''I'll climb up in the tree, knock the gorilla down, the dog will bite him in the nuts and you must slap the handcuffs on his wrists.'' The man asks,''What is the gun for?'' The animal control officer responds, ''If I fall first, you shoot the dog!'''

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 1 - A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing... More ››
 2 - A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushs to his... More ››
 3 - When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree, where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branch... More ››
 4 - What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard? It would drink the brand... More ››
 5 - What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were com... More ››
 6 - Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two? Because they are excel... More ››
 7 - What happens if you cross a parrot with a Gorilla? Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth t... More ››
 8 - How did the obscene telephone caller get attacked by the Gorilla? He made a mistake and dialled... More ››
 9 - Who is the Gorillas' favourite playwright? Eugene O'Neill - who wrote 'The Hairy Ape!'... More ››
 10 - What did George Washington have to do with Gorillas? As little as possible, dummy!... More ››
 11 - How does a Gorilla become another animal? When a Mafia don hires a 'big Gorilla' to be his bodygu... More ››
 12 - What did the great Ape shout to the pilots who tried to shoot him off the skyscraper? Listen, h... More ››
 13 - Why did the girl Gorilla, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding? Because in the la... More ››
 14 - Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies? Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter,... More ››
 15 - Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed by a Gorilla jumping off a tall bu... More ››
 16 - How did a Gorilla come to be with Washington at Valley Forge? He had seen a sign saying, 'Uncle... More ››
 17 - What's black, brown and white, black, brown and white, brown and white, etc.? A Gorilla riding... More ››
 18 - When did the Gorillas start to picket the cookie factory? The day they started to manufacture a... More ››
 19 - Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head? A. He thought he was a gori... More ››
 20 - What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl? I can't help it - she brings out the... More ››
 21 - What did the great Ape say as he plummeted from the skyscraper? Listen baby, I think I'm fallin... More ››
 22 - Why do Apes love to go to school in bad neighbourhoods? They like any jungle - even a blackboar... More ››
 23 - How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes? Hold up your arm and say 'Go back, you didn't say 'M... More ››
 24 - Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money? It's dangerous to let him put the bite on yo... More ››
 25 - How do you make a Gorilla float? Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla... More ››
 26 - If you put 30 female Apes and 30 male Apes in a bedroom, what do you have? A very large bedroom... More ››
 27 - Why couldn't the Gorilla pitcher make it in the major leagues? His balk was worse than his bite... More ››
 28 - Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent? The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite... More ››
 29 - Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!... More ››
 30 - Q. Why does Rilla get mad when he's in a race? A. Because all his friends shout, "GO-RILLA!"... More ››
 31 - Why did the Gorilla visit Italy? An advertisement's headline enticed him - See Ape-les and die!... More ››
 32 - Why do the Gorillas like Jimmy Carter? They don't really know - but they're NUTS about him!... More ››
 33 - Why did the Ape jump off the building? He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!... More ››
 34 - What happened when the Ape won the door prize? He didn't take it - he already had a door!... More ››
 35 - How do we know that Apes are like fish after a rainstorm? They'll both bite at anything!... More ››
 36 - What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus? You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!... More ››
 37 - Why do primates do so well in show biz? Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!... More ››
 38 - How did the dog warn its master that a Gorilla was approaching? He barked g-r-r-r-illa!... More ››
 39 - Q: What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender? A: Rhesus Pieces.... More ››
 40 - How come the giant Ape climbed up the side of the skyscraper? The elevator was broken!... More ››
 41 - Which author do the Gorillas love most? Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!'... More ››
 42 - How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!... More ››
 43 - Why do Apes like tall buildings? They want to climb the heights of the business world!... More ››
 44 - If George Raft's wife gave birth to twin Gorillas, would they be the Apes of Raft?... More ››
 45 - Q: What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree? A: A gorilla with a machine gun.... More ››
 46 - If you throw a great Ape into one of the Great Lakes, what will it become? Wet!... More ››
 47 - Which wrestler do the Gorillas admire most? Gorilla Monsoon - he knows the ropes!... More ››
 48 - What did the Gorilla do when he saw the sign, 'Clean Washroom'? He cleaned it!... More ››
 49 - Why did the Gorilla enlist in the ragged continental army? To avoid the draft!... More ››
 50 - How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!... More ››
 51 - How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar? She was 'Miss Ape-ril!'... More ››
 52 - What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes? A banana split!... More ››
 53 - Why do apes climb to the tops of buildings? The elevator men are on strike!... More ››
 54 - Which is the favourite Gorilla proverb? A fiend in need is a fiend indeed!... More ››
 55 - Who is the Gorillas' favourite President of recent years? Hairy Truman!... More ››
 56 - Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree ? A: Because it was dead.... More ››
 57 - Do you know a favourite expression used by the Gorillas? Apesy daisy!... More ››
 58 - What's hairy and flies through the air? Jonathan Livingstone Gorilla!... More ››
 59 - Where did the Gorilla play baseball? In the bush leagues,of course!... More ››
 60 - How do you make a Gorilla stew? You keep it waiting for three hours!... More ››
 61 - What gives a gorilla good taste? Four years in an Ivy League school!... More ››
 62 - What's black, hairy, and writes under water? A ball-point gorilla!... More ››
 63 - What political party entices most Gorillas? The Treepublican Party!... More ››
 64 - Which two names figure prominently in every Ape's diet? Ben/Anna!... More ››
 65 - What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris? Ape Suzettes!... More ››
 66 - Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils? A: They have big fingers.... More ››
 67 - How do you make a Gorilla laugh? Tell it an elephant joke!... More ››
 68 - Why are Gorillas underpaid? They're willing to work peanuts!... More ››
 69 - Q: Why are gorillas so noisy? A: They were raised in a zoo!... More ››
 70 - What did the Gorilla call his first wife? His prime-mate!... More ››
 71 - Which operetta make the Gorilla crack up? Nutty Marietta!... More ››
 72 - Which song title makes an Ape heartsick? Gorilla My Dreams!... More ››
 73 - Why did the Gorilla fail English? He had little Ape-titude!... More ››
 74 - Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy? An ape-ricot sour!... More ››
 75 - What does a Gorilla learn first in school? The Apey-cees!... More ››
 76 - What do you feed a 600 pound Gorilla? Anything it wants!... More ››
 77 - Which book makes prudish Gorillas blush? The Naked Ape!... More ››
 78 - What is the Ape monster's name? Godzilla Gorilla!... More ››
 79 - Do Apes kiss? Yes, but never on the first date!... More ››
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