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lawyer JOKES (random)

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?
You cry when you cut up an onion.

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 1 - A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which o... More ››
 2 - A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombs... More ››
 3 - A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counte... More ››
 4 - Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart? Because even Cupid can't hit a target... More ››
 5 - Lawyer: "Let me give you my honest opinion." Client: "No, no. I'm paying for professional a... More ››
 6 - How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!... More ››
 7 - What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? You cry when you cut up an onion.... More ››
 8 - A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no c... More ››
 9 - A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most suc... More ››
 10 - A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a rec... More ››
 11 - The bartender asks him "What'll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender... More ››
 12 - It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended t... More ››
 13 - An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to b... More ››
 14 - At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another: "Did you know that... More ››
 15 - A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenc... More ››
 16 - A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The... More ››
 17 - A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to... More ››
 18 - A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's car is total loss and covered with leaves,... More ››
 19 - A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's... More ››
 20 - In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a c... More ››
 21 - "Excuse me," a young fellow said to an older librarian, "I've just moved here and I wonder if th... More ››
 22 - The first lawyer questioning a panel of prospective jurors began right off as an intimidating sh... More ››
 23 - A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up... More ››
 24 - "How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles... More ››
 25 - Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, "lawyer" is always the third thing they lo... More ››
 26 - "You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sn... More ››
 27 - Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear"? It's about a deranged psychotic who i... More ››
 28 - Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?" Cl... More ››
 29 - Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?... More ››
 30 - You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bulle... More ››
 31 - Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? P... More ››
 32 - A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. "Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked. "The... More ››
 33 - A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. "Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked. "The... More ››
 34 - If you laid all the lawyers in the world head to foot around the Equator, then... Hey, come to... More ››
 35 - What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You should take your workboots off... More ››
 36 - If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you... More ››
 37 - Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers? New... More ››
 38 - First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning? Second person: No. First... More ››
 39 - Why don't lawyers enjoy playing golf? Because it's too much like work, what with all of the lying... More ››
 40 - If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you read the paper or... More ››
 41 - How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'd rather keep their clients in... More ››
 42 - Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicyc... More ››
 43 - What is the proper weight for a lawyer? About 3 pounds, .......not counting the urn!... More ››
 44 - If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?... More ››
 45 - Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A. From chasing parked ambulances.... More ››
 46 - Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.... More ››
 47 - If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer's.... More ››
 48 - Why don't lawyers play hide-and-seek? Nobody will look for them.... More ››
 49 - How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.... More ››
 50 - How can you tell a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested.... More ››
 51 - What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.... More ››
 52 - Where is the best place to hide a lawyer? In a brief case.... More ››
 53 - How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.... More ››
 54 - What do lawyers do after they die? They lie still.... More ››
 55 - What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.... More ››
 56 - What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits.... More ››
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