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MEN JOKES!

men JOKES (random)

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?
Being stuck in a lift with the Spice girls.

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY men JOKES:

 1 - This man says to his friend," I stopped driving 10 years ago. Now my wife drives and I just sit... More ››
 2 - Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A: It changes their blood type.... More ››
 3 - What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.... More ››
 4 - Men are like high heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.... More ››
 5 - When do men insist that women are illogical? When a woman doesn't agree with them.... More ››
 6 - why don't men do laundry? cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!... More ››
 7 - Q: What are the three types of men? A: The handsome, the caring, and the majority.... More ››
 8 - One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the... More ››
 9 - A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table... More ››
 10 - There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying... More ››
 11 - One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him.... More ››
 12 - Brian was dating Lorraine and they were very close. While they were dating he met another woma... More ››
 13 - A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a stu... More ››
 14 - Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator t... More ››
 15 - What a woman says: "This place is a mess C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is ly... More ››
 16 - The difference between men and women A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman... More ››
 17 - Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I g... More ››
 18 - Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her."... More ››
 19 - One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife... More ››
 20 - A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman... More ››
 21 - A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writin... More ››
 22 - Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them... More ››
 23 - Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away? 1) Get away or... More ››
 24 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? - Because a woman who can't affor... More ››
 25 - Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a s... More ››
 26 - Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call.... More ››
 27 - Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?... More ››
 28 - Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? A.... More ››
 29 - Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You... More ››
 30 - Q. How are men like television commercials? A. You can't believe a word either one of them says... More ››
 31 - How are men like carpet tiles? If you lay them properly the first time around, you can walk all... More ››
 32 - Q: What's the best way to kill a man? A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then... More ››
 33 - There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving. They'd be wrong,... More ››
 34 - Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat a... More ››
 35 - How many men does it take to make popcorn? Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho an... More ››
 36 - If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is... More ››
 37 - What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still exci... More ››
 38 - Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder to "instruc... More ››
 39 - What does it mean to come home to a man who'll give you some love and tenderness? You're in the... More ››
 40 - Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship? A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-th... More ››
 41 - Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the gir... More ››
 42 - How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don... More ››
 43 - Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of t... More ››
 44 - Question: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still... More ››
 45 - Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happ... More ››
 46 - Q. Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men? A. No phone num... More ››
 47 - Men are like bike helmets. They are handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look si... More ››
 48 - How many men does it take to open a beer? - None. It should be opened by the time she brings... More ››
 49 - Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? A. His wife is good at picking out clot... More ››
 50 - Q. How do men exercise on the beach? A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a biki... More ››
 51 - How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of th... More ››
 52 - Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer instead of on... More ››
 53 - Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups? A. Put the remote control between his toes... More ››
 54 - Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom? A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.... More ››
 55 - How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? No one knows, it's never happened.... More ››
 56 - Why did God create a man before a women? You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.... More ››
 57 - Men are like vacuum cleaners. They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.... More ››
 58 - Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind 2. No business.... More ››
 59 - Why don't women work as long and as hard as men in the office? They do it right first time.... More ››
 60 - Men are like animals: messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.... More ››
 61 - Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? A. Any place without a drive-up window.... More ››
 62 - How are men like noodles? They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.... More ››
 63 - Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house.... More ››
 64 - A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.... More ››
 65 - Q: Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander? A: It's too little to be out alone.... More ››
 66 - Men are like old car tires. Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.... More ››
 67 - Men are like plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom... More ››
 68 - Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment? A mental hospital.... More ››
 69 - Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.... More ››
 70 - Q. What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it.... More ››
 71 - Why does a man only get half-hour lunch-breaks? So his boss doesn't have to retrain him.... More ››
 72 - Men are like power tools. They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.... More ››
 73 - Men are like soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.... More ››
 74 - There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: "don't" and "stop".... More ››
 75 - Men are like chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.... More ››
 76 - Question: How many men does it take to mop the floor? Answer: None, it's a women's job.... More ››
 77 - What do you do if your bank account stops working? Throw the guy out of the house.... More ››
 78 - Men are like curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.... More ››
 79 - Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship? A. Telling you his real name.... More ››
 80 - Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.... More ››
 81 - Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.... More ››
 82 - What's a man idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.... More ››
 83 - How can you tell if a man is cheating on you? He has a bath more than once a month.... More ››
 84 - When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.... More ››
 85 - Q: What do you call a man who marries an old, ugly and poor woman? A: Desperate!... More ››
 86 - QUESTION: Why are lifesavers better than men? ANSWER: They come in five flavors.... More ››
 87 - Men are like remote controls. Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.... More ››
 88 - Men are like road kill. They usually just lie around until they start to smell.... More ››
 89 - Men are like mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.... More ››
 90 - What does a man consider to be a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six pack.... More ››
 91 - Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.... More ››
 92 - Men are like horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.... More ››
 93 - Men are like placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.... More ››
 94 - Men are like copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.... More ››
 95 - Q: How does a man keep his youth? A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.... More ››
 96 - Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A. A power failure.... More ››
 97 - What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him.... More ››
 98 - Men are like department stores. Their clothes should always be half off.... More ››
 99 - Men are like mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.... More ››
 100 - Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.... More ››
 101 - Men are like coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.... More ››
 102 - Men are like plastic wrap. Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.... More ››
 103 - Men are like pillows. Eventually, even the best ones get soft and lumpy.... More ››
 104 - Q. Why do men like love at first site? A. It saves them a lot of time.... More ››
 105 - What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower? A widower.... More ››
 106 - How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.... More ››
 107 - Men are like shag carpets. Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.... More ››
 108 - Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask directions.... More ››
 109 - What do you call a man who opens the car door for you? A chauffeur.... More ››
 110 - What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.... More ››
 111 - Men are like computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory.... More ››
 112 - Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.... More ››
 113 - Where's the safest place to hide money from a man? Under the soap... More ››
 114 - Men are like lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.... More ››
 115 - Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease? A. Because they're all pigs.... More ››
 116 - Now do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.... More ››
 117 - Why do men prefer blondes? Men always like intellectual company... More ››
 118 - Q: Why do men float better than women? A: Because they are scum.... More ››
 119 - What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.... More ››
 120 - Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.... More ››
 121 - Men are like government bonds. They take so long to mature.... More ››
 122 - What did God say after she made Eve? "Practice makes perfect."... More ››
 123 - Why did God create men first? Because we learn from mistakes.... More ››
 124 - How do you confuse a man? You don't - they're born that way.... More ››
 125 - Men don't get lost; they discover alternative destinations.... More ››
 126 - What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? Close the door.... More ››
 127 - Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy.... More ››
 128 - Q. How can you tell if a man is happy? A. Who cares?... More ››
 129 - Q. Why do men like smart women? A. Opposites attract.... More ››
 130 - Why do men act like idiots? Who says they're acting?... More ››
 131 - How do you lose fourteen stone of fat? Dump him.... More ››
 132 - Why are men like paper cups? They're disposable... More ››
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