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pig JOKES (random)

How do you get your pigs to sleep at night?
No problem.
Everyone here goes to bed with the chickens.
You must have a very large chicken house.

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 1 - Why do pigs run into trees? To shake out the alligators. I've never seen an alligator In a tre... More ››
 2 - Why did the little pig try to join the Navy? He loved to sing, "Oinkers Aweight"... More ››
 3 - What did the pig say when his brother rolled on him? "Heavy!"... More ››
 4 - What do piggys take when they are sick? Pigicillin!... More ››
 5 - The teacher was furious with her son. "Just because you've been put in my class, there's no need... More ››
 6 - MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in school today? FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink! SECOND PIGLET: Oin... More ››
 7 - If an elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party and a donkey is the symbol of the Democra... More ››
 8 - A city child came running into the farmhouse. "No wonder that mama pig is so big," she yelled.... More ››
 9 - Did you hear about the pig's vacation? They had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. T... More ››
 10 - How do you get your pigs to sleep at night? No problem. Everyone here goes to bed with the chick... More ››
 11 - What do you get when you cross a pig with a canary? I don't know, but when it sits on your ele... More ››
 12 - Why didn't the Blonic Pig get a TV series of his own? He made the mistake of going to a barbec... More ››
 13 - Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother's day? What did t... More ››
 14 - What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples? "Don't tell the far... More ››
 15 - FIRST PIGLET: How do you know your boyfriend loves you? SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters wi... More ››
 16 - Why did the spotted pigs run away? They thought the traveling salesman told the farmer to put hi... More ››
 17 - What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough? He ate it quickly, before the oth... More ››
 18 - What's that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head? Didn't you tell... More ››
 19 - Why won't the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage? She's afraid th... More ››
 20 - I told you not to let those pigs In my office. Now, look what's happened. They've eaten all th... More ››
 21 - SOW: Would you like a nice cake with three candles for your party? PIGLET: I'd rather have thr... More ››
 22 - Why wouldn't the piglet's mother let her read romantic novels? She was afraid her daughter wou... More ››
 23 - Pigs don't look very smart to me. Sure, they are. You ever see a sow try to make a silk purse ou... More ››
 24 - What did the fat pig say when the farmer dumped corn mash into the trough? "I'm afraid that's a... More ››
 25 - Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a g... More ››
 26 - Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a g... More ››
 27 - Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business? He couldn't get it o... More ››
 28 - Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets? No, it's theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all... More ››
 29 - Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage In November? She wanted to do her Christmas s... More ››
 30 - Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team? Pigs want to be pulled through... More ››
 31 - Why wouldn't the bird let her chicks go near the pig pen? She didn't want the pigs eating shre... More ››
 32 - The kids are crazy about a new piglet toy. When they wind it up, it eats all the spinach off the... More ››
 33 - Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny? Because its head is on one side and its tail is on... More ››
 34 - What do you get when you cross a pig with an elephant? A very large animal that knows a lot of... More ››
 35 - All our pigs are learning karate. Oh, I don't believe that No? Well, just watch out for their... More ››
 36 - Why did the pig join a muscle-building class? He thought "pumping iron" was a new juice dispen... More ››
 37 - Why did the pig run away from the pig sty? He felt that the other pigs were taking him for grun... More ››
 38 - Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads? She didn't want them to grow into wart h... More ››
 39 - Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their tee... More ››
 40 - Why didn't the pigs eat the rotten eggs in their feed trough? They were saving the best for la... More ››
 41 - Is it true the pigs went over Niagara Falls in a barrel? No, that story's just a lot of hogwas... More ››
 42 - Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig? He knows a little ham goes a long way.... More ››
 43 - If you drop this book in a pig pen, what should you do? Take the words out of their mouths.... More ››
 44 - The hog was a failure as a TV talk show host What happened? He turned out to be a big boar.... More ››
 45 - Why do pigs never recover from illness ? Because you have to kill them before you cure them !... More ››
 46 - Have you heard about the pig who took up disco dancing? He liked to swing his weight around.... More ››
 47 - What did the mama pig say to her bad little piglet? "Behave or Frankenswine will get you."... More ››
 48 - Why did the little piglet fall in love with the hog? Because he was such a sloppy dresser.... More ››
 49 - Why did the piglets get in trouble in their stained glass class? They stained it with mud.... More ››
 50 - Why was the pig happy when reviewers criticized his story? Because they called it garbage.... More ››
 51 - What should you say to a pig on roller skates? Don't say anything. Just get out of the way.... More ››
 52 - Why isn't there a Superpig? It's too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.... More ››
 53 - Why did the piglets get in trouble in their biology class? They ate all the specimens.... More ››
 54 - Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so quickly? They squealed on each other.... More ››
 55 - Why are there so many piggy banks? Pigs don't like to hide their money in the mattress.... More ››
 56 - Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden? We're raising mashed potatoes.... More ››
 57 - Why did the pig send his story to New York? He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.... More ››
 58 - Why was the pig unhappy in the Minors? Because he wants to play in the Pig Leagues.... More ››
 59 - What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough? "Mmm. Canapes."... More ››
 60 - Why won't pigs take up jogging? They don't like to get that far from the table.... More ››
 61 - How can you tell the pig is a failure as Easter bunny? By the egg on its face.... More ››
 62 - When pigs have a party, who jumps out of the cake? Nobody. The pigs all jump in.... More ››
 63 - How can you recognize a Gnome Pig? They're the ones with the little red hats.... More ››
 64 - What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur? Sir Lunchalot.... More ››
 65 - Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it "Ham Hocks".... More ››
 66 - What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her tail? "That's the end of me!"... More ››
 67 - Why didn't the piglets listen to the teacher pig? Because he was an old boar.... More ››
 68 - Doctor, doctor, I've got a little sty. Then you'd better buy a little pig.... More ››
 69 - What world athletic sporting event is held every four years? The Olympigs!... More ››
 70 - Pig's explanation for the creation of the Universe: The Pig Bang Theory.... More ››
 71 - Why did the little pig hide the soap? He heard the farmer yell, "Hogwash!"... More ››
 72 - Why did the pig wear yellow coveralls? He split a seam in his blue ones.... More ››
 73 - What do you get when you cross a pig with a billy goat? A crashing bore.... More ››
 74 - Why doesn't Santa hitch his sleigh to a pig? Pigs don't have red noses.... More ››
 75 - What kind of bread do pig ladles make in the Yukon? Sow-r dough bread.... More ››
 76 - Where did the piglets study their ABC's? At a school for higher loining.... More ››
 77 - What famous pig actor made a movie about Frankenswine? Boaris Karloff.... More ››
 78 - What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes ? A swine gut !... More ››
 79 - How does a mama pig put her piglets to sleep? She reads them pig tales.... More ››
 80 - Why are pigs such early risers? Did you ever try to shut off a rooster?... More ››
 81 - Why did the big pig want to go on stage? There was a lot of ham in him.... More ››
 82 - How did the little pig win at Monopoly? He built hotels on Pork Place.... More ››
 83 - Who do they get for Babe the pig's dangerous movie scenes? A stunt ham.... More ››
 84 - What do little pigs want to be when they grow up? Garbage collectors.... More ››
 85 - What is the pig's favorite musical instrument? The piggalo (piccalo).... More ››
 86 - Why did the piglets do badly in school? They were all slow loiners.... More ››
 87 - What do little piglets do on a Saturday night? Have a pigjama party!... More ››
 88 - Why did the pigs paint their hoofs green? It was Saint Patrick's Day.... More ››
 89 - Did you hear the story about the razorback hog? It's pretty dull.... More ››
 90 - What would a pig name a chain of food stores? "Stop "N Slop Markets"... More ››
 91 - What would happen if pigs went on strike? They'd form pigget lines.... More ››
 92 - Where is the most open green space in New York City? Central Pork... More ››
 93 - What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York? Pigpockets.... More ››
 94 - What do you do for a pig with sore muscles? Rub him with oinkment.... More ››
 95 - What does a pig use to write his term papers with? Pen and Oink!... More ››
 96 - What did the pig say when it found a fly in its soup? "Yum Yum."... More ››
 97 - What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs? A pig tail!... More ››
 98 - When is a pig an ecologist? When he recycles garbage into ham.... More ››
 99 - Why are pigs such great football fans? They're always rooting.... More ››
 100 - Do pigs like Backgammon? No, they prefer their backs scratched.... More ››
 101 - When pigs get a toothache, who do they see?' Painless Porker.... More ››
 102 - Which of these jokes do the pigs like best? The corniest ones.... More ››
 103 - Why did the pig go to the casino ? To play the slop machine !... More ››
 104 - Why can't there be a Santa Pig? Pigs don't fit in chimneys.... More ››
 105 - Why do pigs like February 14th? They get lots of Valenswines.... More ››
 106 - What do you call an oversize motorcycle for pigs? A hog hog.... More ››
 107 - What do you call pigs in a demolition derby? Crashing boars.... More ››
 108 - Why did the pig go to the casino? To play the slop machine!... More ››
 109 - Why did the pig join the Army? He heard the food was a mess.... More ››
 110 - FARMER: Who raided my vegetable patch? PIGLET: Beets me!... More ››
 111 - How do you fit more pigs on your farm? Build a sty-scraper!... More ››
 112 - What song do pigs sing on New Year's Eve? Auld Lang Swine.... More ››
 113 - What do you call a pig with no clothes on? Streaky bacon!... More ››
 114 - What do you say to a naked pig? "I never sausage a body."... More ››
 115 - Why couldn't the pig pay his bill? He was a little shoat.... More ››
 116 - A pig's favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York.... More ››
 117 - Why do pigs love Halloween? There's lots of hogsgobblin.... More ››
 118 - What do pigs do on nice afternoons? They go on pignics.... More ››
 119 - What kind of pig do sows dislike? Male Chauvinist Pigs.... More ››
 120 - Where do retired pigs go for warm weather? The tropigs!... More ››
 121 - Why do pigs have flat snouts? From running in to trees.... More ››
 122 - What do you call a lady pig planting seeds? A sow sow.... More ››
 123 - What kind of furniture do pigs like best? Overstuffed.... More ››
 124 - What position does the pig play in football? Loinback.... More ››
 125 - What would happen if pigs could fly? Bacon would go up!... More ››
 126 - Who is the greatest painter of this century? Pigcasso!... More ››
 127 - What do you call a pig in a steel foundry? A pig pig.... More ››
 128 - What do you call a pig with good table manners? Sick.... More ››
 129 - What instrument do piggys play in a band? Pigcussion!... More ››
 130 - Where does a woodsman keep his pigs? In his hog cabin!... More ››
 131 - What do you call a pig that took a plane? Swine flu!... More ››
 132 - What is Chuck Norris' "best karate move"? Pork Chop!... More ››
 133 - How do you take a pig to hospital? By hambulance!... More ››
 134 - Name the pig's favorite Shakespeare play. Hamlet.... More ››
 135 - What do you call a pig with the flu? A swine swine.... More ››
 136 - What do you call a pig with three eyes? ...A piiig... More ››
 137 - What did the pig call a manuscript? A shoat story.... More ››
 138 - What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog!... More ››
 139 - What do hip pigs call their ladies? Fine swine.... More ››
 140 - What do you call a pig who overacts? A ham ham.... More ››
 141 - What soft drink do pigs like best? Root beer.... More ››
 142 - Where do bad pigs go? They get sent to the pen.... More ››
 143 - What do pigs like with chow mein? Sooey sauce.... More ››
 144 - What kind of tie does a pig wear ? Pig's tie !... More ››
 145 - Sports fad invented by pigs: Mud wrestling.... More ››
 146 - Who sends flowers on Valentines Day? Cupigs!... More ››
 147 - What is a pigs favourite ballet? Swine Lake!... More ››
 148 - How does a pig write home? With a pig pen.... More ››
 149 - What do you call a pig thief? A hamburglar!... More ››
 150 - What do you call a crafty pig? CunningHam... More ››
 151 - What do you give a sick pig? Oinkment!... More ››
 152 - What goes "knio, knio?" A backward pig.... More ››
 153 - What do pigs drive? Pig-up trucks!... More ››
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