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various animal JOKES (random)

Who held the baby octopus to ransom ?
Squidnappers !

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 1 - A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it... More ››
 2 - A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet sto... More ››
 3 - There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For... More ››
 4 - There's a guy who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree. T... More ››
 5 - A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himse... More ››
 6 - A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it ne... More ››
 7 - Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but... More ››
 8 - A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock... More ››
 9 - A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start... More ››
 10 - One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeate... More ››
 11 - Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached t... More ››
 12 - A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Moth... More ››
 13 - This little snail bought a little car and took it to the body shop to have it painted. The servi... More ››
 14 - A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two m... More ››
 15 - A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't... More ››
 16 - An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat. "But will it be all right in the rain?"... More ››
 17 - There was once a puppy called May who loved to pick quarrels with animals who were bigger than s... More ››
 18 - Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal. "There's a human with a gun, and he's gett... More ››
 19 - There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happen... More ››
 20 - One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you be... More ››
 21 - First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you ge... More ››
 22 - What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas' sleigh and is made of cement? I don't know. A rein... More ››
 23 - A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear?" "Yes" "... More ››
 24 - How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back! And how do you... More ››
 25 - Two skunks were being chased by a bear. As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said "Whatever... More ››
 26 - First Kangaroo: What do you call it when giraffes moving one way get mixed up with giraffes movi... More ››
 27 - Why don't whales eat sushi very often? Of course whales like sushi. It's just those itty-bitty ch... More ››
 28 - First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kan... More ››
 29 - If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what wo... More ››
 30 - Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He t... More ››
 31 - Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side... More ››
 32 - How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him w... More ››
 33 - What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? 'Don't go over the road till... More ››
 34 - Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear? A. Because every time she got hot, he'... More ››
 35 - What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown ? Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's... More ››
 36 - A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his n... More ››
 37 - If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger ? A... More ››
 38 - Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat... More ››
 39 - What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear... More ››
 40 - Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station ? Because it's a 'mane-lion' stat... More ››
 41 - What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common ? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mo... More ››
 42 - Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Wha... More ››
 43 - What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They're both brown, except the snowbal... More ››
 44 - How does a leopard change its spots ? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another !... More ››
 45 - What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ? After a week he was spotless !... More ››
 46 - What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool!... More ››
 47 - What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ? He had to get a new goat !... More ››
 48 - What kind of noise annoys an oyster ? A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)... More ››
 49 - What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really!... More ››
 50 - First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts? Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.... More ››
 51 - Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating -- I call it 'goofing off'."... More ››
 52 - Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!... More ››
 53 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon? A creature that stinks to high heaven!... More ››
 54 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl? A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!... More ››
 55 - What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off? I'll get you next slime!... More ››
 56 - Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."... More ››
 57 - What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times? Two octopuses shaking hands.... More ››
 58 - What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ? A tiger has the mane part missing !... More ››
 59 - What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas? A red jellyfish.... More ››
 60 - What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane ? A dandy lion !... More ››
 61 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang? A smell that keeps coming back!... More ››
 62 - What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe ? A long necked toothbrush !... More ››
 63 - Why was the little bear so spoiled ? Because its mother panda'd to its every whim !... More ››
 64 - What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ? A tiger moth !... More ››
 65 - What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater ? 'Claws.'... More ››
 66 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a wasp? Something that stinks and stings!... More ››
 67 - Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise!... More ››
 68 - What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast? How slime flies!... More ››
 69 - Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth!... More ››
 70 - Why do polo bears like bald men ? Because they have a great, white, bear place !... More ››
 71 - How are skunks able to avoid danger? By using their instinks and common scents!... More ››
 72 - What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt-ered.... More ››
 73 - Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee!!!!!... More ››
 74 - What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz !... More ››
 75 - Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent!... More ››
 76 - What's black and white and makes a lot of noise? A zebra with a set of drums.... More ››
 77 - What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.... More ››
 78 - What's the definition of a nervous breakdown ? A chameleon on a tartan rug !... More ››
 79 - Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper... More ››
 80 - What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ? A polo bear !... More ››
 81 - Did you hear about the argumentative skunk? He always liked to make a stink!... More ››
 82 - What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty!... More ››
 83 - What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ? A bear faced lyre !... More ››
 84 - What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ? This one will sleigh you !... More ››
 85 - What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours ? A hermit crab !... More ››
 86 - What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ? A little bear !... More ››
 87 - What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo ? A stripey jumper !... More ››
 88 - Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold!... More ››
 89 - When should you feel sorry for a skunk? When its spray pump is out of order!... More ››
 90 - What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before? Deja phew!... More ››
 91 - Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank... More ››
 92 - What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!... More ››
 93 - What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper? A slippery customer.... More ››
 94 - What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep ? A stripey sweater !... More ››
 95 - What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk.... More ››
 96 - One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"... More ››
 97 - How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew!... More ››
 98 - How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!... More ››
 99 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong!... More ››
 100 - What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.... More ››
 101 - What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.... More ››
 102 - Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.... More ››
 103 - Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !... More ››
 104 - What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ? A teddy boar !... More ››
 105 - First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like? Second Caribou: Owlgebra.... More ››
 106 - What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear ? Winnie the Pooh !... More ››
 107 - How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ? He prawned everything !... More ››
 108 - Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"... More ››
 109 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur? A stinkasaurus!... More ››
 110 - Why is a reindeer like a gossip ? Because they are both tail bearers !... More ››
 111 - What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d... More ››
 112 - How are tigers like sergeants in the army ? They both wear stripes !... More ››
 113 - What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court!... More ››
 114 - What happens when sharks take their clothes off ? They go sharkers !... More ››
 115 - If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!... More ››
 116 - Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark!... More ››
 117 - Why did the tadpole feel lonely ? Because he was newt to the area !... More ››
 118 - What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up? A big stinker!... More ››
 119 - What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away!... More ››
 120 - Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale!... More ››
 121 - Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action.... More ››
 122 - How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.... More ››
 123 - What is a chameleon's motto ? A change is as good as a rest !... More ››
 124 - Why did the dolphin feel crabby? Because he ate too many crabs!... More ››
 125 - What happened when the lion ate the comedian ? He felt funny !... More ››
 126 - Did you hear the joke about the skunk? Never mind, it stinks!... More ››
 127 - How does a group of dolphin's make a decision? Flipper coin!... More ››
 128 - What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball? Glass flippers!... More ››
 129 - What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.... More ››
 130 - Why did the whale cross the road ? To get to the other tide !... More ››
 131 - Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !... More ››
 132 - Which big cat should you never play cards with ? A cheetah !... More ››
 133 - What is the fiercest flower in the garden ? The tiger lily !... More ››
 134 - What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry!... More ››
 135 - What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer.... More ››
 136 - Why was the lion-tamer fined ? He parked on a yellow lion !... More ››
 137 - What's a skunk's favourite game in school? Show and smell!... More ››
 138 - What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ? Whale of fortune !... More ››
 139 - Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers!... More ››
 140 - What do you call a show full of lions ? The mane event !... More ››
 141 - What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls ? Reptiles !... More ››
 142 - What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers!... More ››
 143 - When is a lion not a lion ? When he turns into his cage !... More ››
 144 - How can you tell when a skunk is angry? It raises a stink!... More ››
 145 - Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ? On squid row !... More ››
 146 - What's an octopuses favourite latin saying? Squid pro quo!... More ››
 147 - What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles!... More ››
 148 - What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.... More ››
 149 - What's a pet's favorite day? ...Saint Petrick's Day... More ››
 150 - How do you start a teddy bear race ? Ready, teddy, go !... More ››
 151 - What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms!... More ››
 152 - Who was the most famous pirate octopus? Captain Squid!... More ››
 153 - What kind of sharks make good carpenters? Hammerheads!... More ››
 154 - What's a teddy bears favourite pasta ? Tagliateddy !... More ››
 155 - Who held the baby octopus to ransom ? Squidnappers !... More ››
 156 - What's the favourite flavour of sharks? Shark-o-late!... More ››
 157 - What is a whale's favorite TV show? Flukes of Hazard!... More ››
 158 - What kind of money do polar bears use ? Ice lolly !... More ››
 159 - What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.... More ››
 160 - What did one skunk say to another? And so do you!... More ››
 161 - What is the most famous shark? William Sharkspeare!... More ››
 162 - How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !... More ››
 163 - What do polar bears have for lunch ? Ice burger !... More ››
 164 - What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time!... More ››
 165 - How do you weigh a whale? On Whale Weigh Scales.... More ››
 166 - Who robs banks and squirts ink? Billy the Squid.... More ››
 167 - What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !... More ››
 168 - What is a bear's favourite drink ? Koka-Koala !... More ››
 169 - What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter!... More ››
 170 - What happened to the cold jellyfish ? It set !... More ››
 171 - How does an octopus go to war ? Well-armed !... More ››
 172 - What does a squid sheriff form? An octoposse!... More ››
 173 - How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.... More ››
 174 - Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.... More ››
 175 - Why was the skunk angry? He was incensed!... More ››
 176 - Are shellfish warm? No they're clammy!... More ››
 177 - What kind of whale flies? Pilot whales!... More ››
 178 - Where do sharks come from? Sharkago!... More ››
 179 - What is a buttress? A female goat.... More ››
 180 - What gas do snails prefer? Shell.... More ››
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