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various animal JOKES (random)

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird.
The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."

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 28 - First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kan... More ››
 29 - If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what wo... More ››
 30 - Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He t... More ››
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 32 - How do you shoot a great white shark? Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him w... More ››
 33 - What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? 'Don't go over the road till... More ››
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 36 - A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his n... More ››
 37 - If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger ? A... More ››
 38 - Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat... More ››
 39 - What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear... More ››
 40 - Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station ? Because it's a 'mane-lion' stat... More ››
 41 - What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common ? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mo... More ››
 42 - Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Wha... More ››
 43 - What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball? They're both brown, except the snowbal... More ››
 44 - How does a leopard change its spots ? When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another !... More ››
 45 - What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ? After a week he was spotless !... More ››
 46 - What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool!... More ››
 47 - What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ? He had to get a new goat !... More ››
 48 - What kind of noise annoys an oyster ? A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)... More ››
 49 - What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really!... More ››
 50 - First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts? Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.... More ››
 51 - Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating -- I call it 'goofing off'."... More ››
 52 - Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!... More ››
 53 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon? A creature that stinks to high heaven!... More ››
 54 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl? A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!... More ››
 55 - What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off? I'll get you next slime!... More ››
 56 - Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."... More ››
 57 - What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times? Two octopuses shaking hands.... More ››
 58 - What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ? A tiger has the mane part missing !... More ››
 59 - What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas? A red jellyfish.... More ››
 60 - What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane ? A dandy lion !... More ››
 61 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a boomerang? A smell that keeps coming back!... More ››
 62 - What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe ? A long necked toothbrush !... More ››
 63 - Why was the little bear so spoiled ? Because its mother panda'd to its every whim !... More ››
 64 - What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ? A tiger moth !... More ››
 65 - What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater ? 'Claws.'... More ››
 66 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a wasp? Something that stinks and stings!... More ››
 67 - Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise!... More ››
 68 - What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast? How slime flies!... More ››
 69 - Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth!... More ››
 70 - Why do polo bears like bald men ? Because they have a great, white, bear place !... More ››
 71 - How are skunks able to avoid danger? By using their instinks and common scents!... More ››
 72 - What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt-ered.... More ››
 73 - Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee!!!!!... More ››
 74 - What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz !... More ››
 75 - Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent!... More ››
 76 - What's black and white and makes a lot of noise? A zebra with a set of drums.... More ››
 77 - What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.... More ››
 78 - What's the definition of a nervous breakdown ? A chameleon on a tartan rug !... More ››
 79 - Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper... More ››
 80 - What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ? A polo bear !... More ››
 81 - Did you hear about the argumentative skunk? He always liked to make a stink!... More ››
 82 - What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty!... More ››
 83 - What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ? A bear faced lyre !... More ››
 84 - What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ? This one will sleigh you !... More ››
 85 - What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours ? A hermit crab !... More ››
 86 - What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ? A little bear !... More ››
 87 - What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo ? A stripey jumper !... More ››
 88 - Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold!... More ››
 89 - When should you feel sorry for a skunk? When its spray pump is out of order!... More ››
 90 - What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before? Deja phew!... More ››
 91 - Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank... More ››
 92 - What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!... More ››
 93 - What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper? A slippery customer.... More ››
 94 - What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep ? A stripey sweater !... More ››
 95 - What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk.... More ››
 96 - One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"... More ››
 97 - How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew!... More ››
 98 - How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!... More ››
 99 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong!... More ››
 100 - What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.... More ››
 101 - What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.... More ››
 102 - Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.... More ››
 103 - Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !... More ››
 104 - What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ? A teddy boar !... More ››
 105 - First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like? Second Caribou: Owlgebra.... More ››
 106 - What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear ? Winnie the Pooh !... More ››
 107 - How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ? He prawned everything !... More ››
 108 - Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"... More ››
 109 - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur? A stinkasaurus!... More ››
 110 - Why is a reindeer like a gossip ? Because they are both tail bearers !... More ››
 111 - What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d... More ››
 112 - How are tigers like sergeants in the army ? They both wear stripes !... More ››
 113 - What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court!... More ››
 114 - What happens when sharks take their clothes off ? They go sharkers !... More ››
 115 - If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!... More ››
 116 - Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark!... More ››
 117 - Why did the tadpole feel lonely ? Because he was newt to the area !... More ››
 118 - What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up? A big stinker!... More ››
 119 - What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away!... More ››
 120 - Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale!... More ››
 121 - Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action.... More ››
 122 - How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.... More ››
 123 - What is a chameleon's motto ? A change is as good as a rest !... More ››
 124 - Why did the dolphin feel crabby? Because he ate too many crabs!... More ››
 125 - What happened when the lion ate the comedian ? He felt funny !... More ››
 126 - Did you hear the joke about the skunk? Never mind, it stinks!... More ››
 127 - How does a group of dolphin's make a decision? Flipper coin!... More ››
 128 - What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball? Glass flippers!... More ››
 129 - What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.... More ››
 130 - Why did the whale cross the road ? To get to the other tide !... More ››
 131 - Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !... More ››
 132 - Which big cat should you never play cards with ? A cheetah !... More ››
 133 - What is the fiercest flower in the garden ? The tiger lily !... More ››
 134 - What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry!... More ››
 135 - What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer.... More ››
 136 - Why was the lion-tamer fined ? He parked on a yellow lion !... More ››
 137 - What's a skunk's favourite game in school? Show and smell!... More ››
 138 - What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ? Whale of fortune !... More ››
 139 - Why did the whale like the diver? Because he had flippers!... More ››
 140 - What do you call a show full of lions ? The mane event !... More ››
 141 - What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls ? Reptiles !... More ››
 142 - What do you call rubber bumpers on yachts? Shark absorbers!... More ››
 143 - When is a lion not a lion ? When he turns into his cage !... More ››
 144 - How can you tell when a skunk is angry? It raises a stink!... More ››
 145 - Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ? On squid row !... More ››
 146 - What's an octopuses favourite latin saying? Squid pro quo!... More ››
 147 - What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles!... More ››
 148 - What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.... More ››
 149 - What's a pet's favorite day? ...Saint Petrick's Day... More ››
 150 - How do you start a teddy bear race ? Ready, teddy, go !... More ››
 151 - What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms!... More ››
 152 - Who was the most famous pirate octopus? Captain Squid!... More ››
 153 - What kind of sharks make good carpenters? Hammerheads!... More ››
 154 - What's a teddy bears favourite pasta ? Tagliateddy !... More ››
 155 - Who held the baby octopus to ransom ? Squidnappers !... More ››
 156 - What's the favourite flavour of sharks? Shark-o-late!... More ››
 157 - What is a whale's favorite TV show? Flukes of Hazard!... More ››
 158 - What kind of money do polar bears use ? Ice lolly !... More ››
 159 - What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.... More ››
 160 - What did one skunk say to another? And so do you!... More ››
 161 - What is the most famous shark? William Sharkspeare!... More ››
 162 - How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !... More ››
 163 - What do polar bears have for lunch ? Ice burger !... More ››
 164 - What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time!... More ››
 165 - How do you weigh a whale? On Whale Weigh Scales.... More ››
 166 - Who robs banks and squirts ink? Billy the Squid.... More ››
 167 - What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !... More ››
 168 - What is a bear's favourite drink ? Koka-Koala !... More ››
 169 - What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter!... More ››
 170 - What happened to the cold jellyfish ? It set !... More ››
 171 - How does an octopus go to war ? Well-armed !... More ››
 172 - What does a squid sheriff form? An octoposse!... More ››
 173 - How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.... More ››
 174 - Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.... More ››
 175 - Why was the skunk angry? He was incensed!... More ››
 176 - Are shellfish warm? No they're clammy!... More ››
 177 - What kind of whale flies? Pilot whales!... More ››
 178 - Where do sharks come from? Sharkago!... More ››
 179 - What is a buttress? A female goat.... More ››
 180 - What gas do snails prefer? Shell.... More ››
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