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WAITER JOKES!

waiter JOKES (random)

Waiter, your tie is in my soup!
That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY waiter JOKES:

 1 - A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. "Are you crazy?... More ››
 2 - Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?" 1st customer: "I'll have tea." 2nd customer: "Me, too - and... More ››
 3 - "Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "How dare you serve me this! There's a damn TWIG in my soup... More ››
 4 - Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes, and... More ››
 5 - Diner: Waitress, the portions are getting smaller. Waiter: It's just an optical illusion. It's... More ››
 6 - Diner: Waiter, please close the window. Waiter: Why, is there a draft? Diner: Yes, it's blown... More ››
 7 - Waiter, I can't eat this meat, it's crawling with maggots ! Quick, run to the other end of the... More ››
 8 - Waiter, Waiter there's a fly in my ice-cream ! Gee I did not know that they had started winter... More ››
 9 - Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They a... More ››
 10 - Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy, why do you keep coming back? Customer: It remind... More ››
 11 - Customer: Waiter, I found a hair in my turtle soup. Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the... More ››
 12 - Waiter, I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream. I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream... More ››
 13 - Waiter, there is a bee in my alphabet soup ! Yes sir, and I'm sure there is an A, C and all the... More ››
 14 - Waiter, waiter! There's a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It's no good, sir, he's fri... More ››
 15 - Waiter: These are the best eggs we've had for years. Diner: Well, bring me some you haven't had a... More ››
 16 - Customer: This fish isn't as good as what I ordered here last month. Waiter: That's funny. It's... More ››
 17 - Customer: Waiter, I can't eat this meal. Waiter: Why not? It looks all right to me. Customer:... More ››
 18 - Q: How many Waiters does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, even a burned out bulb can't... More ››
 19 - Why do waiters prefer elephants to flies? Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a elephant... More ››
 20 - Customer: Waiter, look at this chicken! It's nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like... More ››
 21 - Diner: May I please have a glass of water? Waiter: Why, are you thirsty? Diner: No, I want to se... More ››
 22 - Waiter, waiter, this lobster's only got one claw. It must have been in a fight, sir. Then br... More ››
 23 - Customer: Why don't you eat here, waiter? Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don't want to compo... More ››
 24 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Surely not, sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear... More ››
 25 - Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner? Oh, that one ? he comes her... More ››
 26 - Waiter, I can't seem to find any oysters in this oyster soup. Would you expect to find angels i... More ››
 27 - Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn't come in and closed you up? Waiter: They're afraid... More ››
 28 - Waiter, can you get rid of this fly in my starter ! I can't do that sir, he's not had his main... More ››
 29 - Customer: Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials? Waiter: Because nothing about this foo... More ››
 30 - Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered? Waiter: Well, you know how slow... More ››
 31 - Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough. Waiter: That wasn't the crust, that was th... More ››
 32 - Customer: Waiter, there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad w... More ››
 33 - Customer: Why doesn't your menu list prices? Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the f... More ››
 34 - Waiter: I'm sorry I spilled a glass of water on you. Diner: That's all right. My suit is too la... More ››
 35 - And how did you find your steak sir? Well, quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and ther... More ››
 36 - How many waiters does it take to change a light bulb? None, a burned out bulb can't catch a wai... More ››
 37 - Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup! Then we've served you too much soup, the fly should be... More ››
 38 - Waiter, there is a fly in my soup ! Yes sir, thats the manager, the last customer was a witch d... More ››
 39 - Waiter, what's this bug doing waltzing around my table ! It's the band, sir, they are playing h... More ››
 40 - Waiter, waiter! There's a mosquito in my soup. Don't worry sir, mosquitoes have very small app... More ››
 41 - Waiter: I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Your soup will be ready soon. Customer: What bait are yo... More ››
 42 - Waiter, there is a fly in my bean soup ! Don't worry sir I'll fish him out and exchange it for a... More ››
 43 - Sir you haven't touched your custard. I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampo... More ››
 44 - Waiter: Why are you taking so long to order? Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or... More ››
 45 - Waiter, there is a fly in my soup! Sorry sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other... More ››
 46 - Diner: Could I have a glass of water? Waiter: To drink? Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few t... More ››
 47 - Customer: There's something wrong with my hot dogs. Waiter: Sorry, I'm a waiter, not a veterina... More ››
 48 - Waiter, waiter, do you have frog's legs? Certainly, Sir! Well hop over here and get me a sandw... More ››
 49 - Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wad... More ››
 50 - Waiter, waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma'am, they can't stand the boiling wat... More ››
 51 - I say waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life bel... More ››
 52 - "Waiter, waiter,there's a hand in my soup." "That's not your soup, sir, that's your finger bow... More ››
 53 - Waiter: Why didn't you make all the food on that long order? Cook: Because I'm a short order co... More ››
 54 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Couldn't be, sir. The cook used them all in the raisin brea... More ››
 55 - Waiter, there is a dead fly in my soup ! No its not, it's a piece of dirt that looks like one !... More ››
 56 - Waiter (serving soup): It looks like rain today. Patron: Yes it does, but it smells like soup.... More ››
 57 - Waiter, there is a cockroach on my steak ! They don't seem to care what they eat do they sir !... More ››
 58 - Waiter, there is a spider drowning in my soup ! It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir !... More ››
 59 - Waiter, what is this creepy-crawly doing in my salad? Not him again, he's in here every night !... More ››
 60 - Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt! Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.... More ››
 61 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Don't worry sir, the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.... More ››
 62 - Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?... More ››
 63 - Waiter, there is a frog in my soup ! Don't worry sir there isn't enough there to drown him !... More ››
 64 - Waiter! Waiter! This salad is frozen solid. Yes, sir. It's the iceberg lettuce that does it.... More ››
 65 - Customer: Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu: Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.... More ››
 66 - Waiter, there is a fly in my wine ! Well you did ask for something with a little body in it!... More ››
 67 - Diner: What's wrong with these eggs I ordered? Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.... More ››
 68 - Waiter, are there snails on the menu ! Yes sir, they must have escaped from the kitchen !... More ››
 69 - Waiter, waiter! There's a wasp in my dessert. So that's where they go to in the winter.... More ››
 70 - Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup? Waiter: Probably learning to read.... More ››
 71 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! No sir, that's a cockroach, the fly is on your steak.... More ››
 72 - Customer: Waiter, this food is repeating on me. Waiter: Good, we love repeat business.... More ››
 73 - Patron: Hey, there's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Why are you complaining? Isn't it cooked?... More ››
 74 - Waiter, there is a maggot in my soup ! Don't worry sir, he won't last long in there !... More ››
 75 - Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!... More ››
 76 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Force of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.... More ››
 77 - Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten? Waiter: I didn't have time to finish it.... More ››
 78 - Diner: Why are the waiters in here so nasty? Waiter: Look at who they have to serve.... More ››
 79 - Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass? Waiter: It scares away the flies.... More ››
 80 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.... More ››
 81 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !... More ››
 82 - Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup! Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them.... More ››
 83 - Customer: Why don't you have doggie bags? Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.... More ››
 84 - Waiter, there is a fly in my soup! I know, but unfortunately we are out of turtle.... More ››
 85 - Waiter, there is a worm on my plate ! That's not a worm sir, it's your sausage ?... More ››
 86 - Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir... More ››
 87 - Customer: Why does your sign say "Fine Dining"? Waiter: We can dream, can't we?... More ››
 88 - Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.... More ››
 89 - Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 - a live one?... More ››
 90 - Waiter, there is a mosquito in my soup ! Don't worry sir, they don't eat much !... More ››
 91 - Waiter, your tie is in my soup! That's all right, sir, it's not shrinkable.... More ››
 92 - Customer: I didn't order this. Waiter: I know, but your meal tastes worse.... More ››
 93 - Waiter, my lunch is talking to me ! Well you did ask for a tongue sandwich !... More ››
 94 - CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.... More ››
 95 - "Waiter ! Have you got frogs' legs ? " "No, sir, I always walk this way"... More ››
 96 - CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake? WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming.... More ››
 97 - Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup. Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.... More ››
 98 - Waiter, what is this cockroach doing on my ice cream sundae ? Skiing sir !... More ››
 99 - CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig cooler? WAITER: Sure, spray him with a hose.... More ››
 100 - Waiter, there is a fly in my soup ! Hold on sir, I'll get the fly spray !... More ››
 101 - Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Its OK, Sir, there's no extra charge!... More ››
 102 - Waiter, there's a fly in my custard ! I'll fetch him a spoon sir !... More ››
 103 - Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny. Waiter: So laugh, sir.... More ››
 104 - Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? It's fly soup sir!... More ››
 105 - Waiter, is there soup on the menu ? No, madam I wiped it off !... More ››
 106 - Patron: This bread is stale. Waiter: It wasn't last week.... More ››
 107 - What will a monster eat in a restaurant? The waiter.... More ››
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