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religious JOKES (random)

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?" The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop." "Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.
"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously.
"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?" "If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal" "Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.
Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I supose that I could be elected Pope, but..." So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?" "What!!!
I should be the Messiah himself!?!" The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of ou r boys made it."

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 2 - A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble,... More ››
 3 - This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christia... More ››
 4 - A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day i... More ››
 5 - The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. Th... More ››
 6 - A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long an... More ››
 7 - A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all th... More ››
 8 - A Christian man had just died and was on his way to heaven. When he got to the gates of heaven... More ››
 9 - On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while,... More ››
 10 - God created the donkey & said to him : " You will work unceasingly from sunrise to sunset carr... More ››
 11 - A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, h... More ››
 12 - There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he... More ››
 13 - Three Reform Rabbis were in a terrible auto wreck. None survived. One minute they were dri... More ››
 14 - The Chief Rabbi and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices a fancy shmancy phone o... More ››
 15 - A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussi... More ››
 16 - A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and... More ››
 17 - The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beaut... More ››
 18 - A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in... More ››
 19 - It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a hig... More ››
 20 - A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at... More ››
 21 - While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bern... More ››
 22 - Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car... More ››
 23 - This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian... More ››
 24 - Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the... More ››
 25 - Moses, Jesus and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes s... More ››
 26 - Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first... More ››
 27 - An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members,... More ››
 28 - A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashiona... More ››
 29 - I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.... More ››
 30 - As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but year... More ››
 31 - A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are u... More ››
 32 - There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adu... More ››
 33 - Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. On... More ››
 34 - A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as... More ››
 35 - A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So h... More ››
 36 - Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronar... More ››
 37 - The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee, and after a... More ››
 38 - God is sitting up in his ivory tower, he's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the... More ››
 39 - Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial sc... More ››
 40 - The Baptist preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the c... More ››
 41 - There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevato... More ››
 42 - Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar.... More ››
 43 - An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new... More ››
 44 - One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaqu... More ››
 45 - Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, 'Mike, you wa... More ››
 46 - A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for a long t... More ››
 47 - A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mom... More ››
 48 - One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a... More ››
 49 - A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy... More ››
 50 - A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by th... More ››
 51 - There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the... More ››
 52 - A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since... More ››
 53 - A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. 'God,' he prayed, 'I really want a car... More ››
 54 - When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the ho... More ››
 55 - A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well kn... More ››
 56 - Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, mum, our teacher... More ››
 57 - A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the... More ››
 58 - God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he d... More ››
 59 - Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for the... More ››
 60 - Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter... More ››
 61 - A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness... More ››
 62 - A Nun and her friend, Sarah were playing golf. Sarah misses a 3 foot putt and yells, "Goddamn it... More ››
 63 - A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the... More ››
 64 - A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a displa... More ››
 65 - A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz s... More ››
 66 - A little girl spoke to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible... More ››
 67 - This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. Th... More ››
 68 - It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to hi... More ››
 69 - When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City, Utah, a woman told th... More ››
 70 - Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer st... More ››
 71 - The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its regular office supply dealer.... More ››
 72 - On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business. One wore a large... More ››
 73 - Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer star... More ››
 74 - Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses "I want to do a miracle... More ››
 75 - Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to pr... More ››
 76 - Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could wa... More ››
 77 - Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here,... More ››
 78 - O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wo... More ››
 79 - The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they... More ››
 80 - Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a... More ››
 81 - Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting ministe... More ››
 82 - Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptis... More ››
 83 - A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the d... More ››
 84 - The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small tow... More ››
 85 - A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is... More ››
 86 - A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help... More ››
 87 - The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the pr... More ››
 88 - A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the G... More ››
 89 - A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She wal... More ››
 90 - Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why a... More ››
 91 - A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and poste... More ››
 92 - The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked m... More ››
 93 - Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar wi... More ››
 94 - An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven... More ››
 95 - The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about t... More ››
 96 - After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decid... More ››
 97 - One day God called the Pope, and he said "John Paul I have good news and bad news. First the g... More ››
 98 - A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind hi... More ››
 99 - A mother was teaching her three year old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at b... More ››
 100 - There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the pl... More ››
 101 - A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it.... More ››
 102 - A priest was vested in his surplus and cassock ready to process at the beginning of the servic... More ››
 103 - The church was conducting its annual fund drive. One member of the congregation said, "I give te... More ››
 104 - And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say that I am?" And His disciples answered... More ››
 105 - Examiner: I think you know very little, if anything at all, about the Bible. Can you quote any p... More ››
 106 - Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world. "I didn't sleep with m... More ››
 107 - At the first session of a conversion class the minister conducting the class asked, "What must w... More ››
 108 - "And how much of that stack of hay did you steal, Kavanaugh?" the priest asked at confession.... More ››
 109 - Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? A. Because in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come... More ››
 110 - The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he sai... More ››
 111 - Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam s... More ››
 112 - Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a milli... More ››
 113 - Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in... More ››
 114 - An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything for a while the Priest k... More ››
 115 - A minister was asked by a politician, "Name something the government can do to help the church."... More ››
 116 - Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to th... More ››
 117 - Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. Because he... More ››
 118 - Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your moth... More ››
 119 - Q. Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyon... More ››
 120 - Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish? A. When he goes to confession,... More ››
 121 - Q: Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'? A: The same reason they... More ››
 122 - Did you hear about that guy who was asked to be a Jehovah's witness? - He refused becuase he... More ››
 123 - Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? A. The thought had never e... More ››
 124 - Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around the Jordan. The banks wer... More ››
 125 - Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out? A. They r... More ››
 126 - Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A: It only takes one nail to han... More ››
 127 - Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garde... More ››
 128 - Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Honda...because the apostles were all in on... More ››
 129 - Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's c... More ››
 130 - What do you get when you cross a Jehova's witness with a business man? A door to door sales... More ››
 131 - Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the la... More ››
 132 - Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directio... More ››
 133 - Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? A. They were really put out... More ››
 134 - Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.... More ››
 135 - Q: When was the longest day in the Bible? A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.... More ››
 136 - Paul says to Jesus, "Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?" Jesus says, "Just hanging around."... More ››
 137 - What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale ? You can't keep a good man down !... More ››
 138 - Doctor: 'Your recovery was a miracle!' Patient: 'PRAISE GOD. Now I don't have to pay you!'... More ››
 139 - Who is the fastest runner in history. Adam - because he was the first in the human race.... More ››
 140 - What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.... More ››
 141 - Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down.... More ››
 142 - What do you get when you cross Holy Water with castor oil? A religious movement!... More ››
 143 - Jill: Have you read the Bible? Jack: No, I'm waiting for the film to come round.... More ››
 144 - Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? A: He sold his soul to Santa.... More ››
 145 - What is the meaning of life? All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.... More ››
 146 - Who was the best actor in the bible ? Samson, he brought the house down !... More ››
 147 - Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise? A. Turn right and go straight.... More ››
 148 - Q: Why did God create man before woman? A: He didn't want any advice.... More ››
 149 - How do Religious Education teachers mark exams? With spirit levels.... More ››
 150 - Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? A. Ruth-less.... More ››
 151 - Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A: A roamin' Catholic!... More ››
 152 - Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.... More ››
 153 - What did Adam do when he wanted some sugar? He raised Cain.... More ››
 154 - Q. How do you make holy water? A. Boil the hell out of it.... More ››
 155 - Q: Why didn't Noah go fishing? A: He only had two worms!... More ››
 156 - What language do the Vatican Police speak? Pig Latin!... More ››
 157 - Is there a God? A billion Hindus can't be wrong.... More ››
 158 - At what time of day was Adam born? Just before Eve.... More ››
 159 - Who designed Noah's ark? An ark-itect !... More ››
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