Jokes





spacer
spacer spacer

VISITED
DOCTOR AND NURSE

JOKES
BLOND
YO MOMMA
BIRTHDAY
KNOCK KNOCK
ANSWER ME THIS

DOCTOR AND NURSE JOKES!

doctor and nurse JOKES (random)

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion."

  VotarVOTE!   Imprimir PRINT  
Enviar
  ImprimirEMBED  
 

THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY doctor and nurse JOKES:

 1 - Doctor, Doctor I'm having trouble with my breathing. I'll give you something that will soon put... More ››
 2 - Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.... More ››
 3 - Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to... More ››
 4 - An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The... More ››
 5 - At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male d... More ››
 6 - A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.... More ››
 7 - A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is l... More ››
 8 - "Doctor, doctor!" said the panic-stricken woman, "my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and... More ››
 9 - A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescrib... More ››
 10 - Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.... More ››
 11 - When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to h... More ››
 12 - Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor." John: "Is he feeling better now?" Jack: "N... More ››
 13 - A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to... More ››
 14 - The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I... More ››
 15 - A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup. "Remember," the d... More ››
 16 - A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed eithe... More ››
 17 - A nurse had to take a patient back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the effe... More ››
 18 - A man who was very upset walked in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!" he wail... More ››
 19 - A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools,... More ››
 20 - The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about... More ››
 21 - A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that o... More ››
 22 - A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flowe... More ››
 23 - The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to... More ››
 24 - A coffin was being moved when it fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the morti... More ››
 25 - "Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating som... More ››
 26 - The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor." "Oh, dear,"... More ››
 27 - Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his bod... More ››
 28 - A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I k... More ››
 29 - A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident. Doctor: We need to get these pe... More ››
 30 - A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and... More ››
 31 - "What do you do?" a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wi... More ››
 32 - The patient: Tell me, is it true that alcohol decreases blood pressure? Doctor: Yes, that is... More ››
 33 - Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with... More ››
 34 - Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener! Doctor: Don't panic. He'... More ››
 35 - How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just give the dead bu... More ››
 36 - "Why are you so excited?", the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized. "... More ››
 37 - The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it... More ››
 38 - Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming of bats, creepy-crawlies, demons, ghosts, monsters, vampires, we... More ››
 39 - Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures? Because... More ››
 40 - Jack went to see the camp nurse. 'I fell last night,' he said. 'And I was unconscious for eight... More ››
 41 - Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins an... More ››
 42 - Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and... More ››
 43 - Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... a... More ››
 44 - A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most hazardous... More ››
 45 - Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... a... More ››
 46 - A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor. John: How can I l... More ››
 47 - Doctor: You need new glasses Patient: How do you know?, I haven't told you whats wrong with me... More ››
 48 - Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache? Of course. Just take this hammer and... More ››
 49 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin. Why don't you go behind the... More ››
 50 - Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh, doc... More ››
 51 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin Why don't you go behind the... More ››
 52 - Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois? The first offense they give you Bears t... More ››
 53 - Doctor, doctor, can I have a bottle of aspirin and a pot of glue? Why? Because I've been at my... More ››
 54 - Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh, really? Mary: Y... More ››
 55 - Doctor, Doctor, my little brother thinks he's a computer. Well bring him in so I can cure him. I... More ››
 56 - Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork. Patient:... More ››
 57 - Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork. Patient: Tha... More ››
 58 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle. I see your point! Tell me straight Doc, Is it bad? Well,... More ››
 59 - What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have... More ››
 60 - What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy? If you put a puppy in a room by itself for... More ››
 61 - Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to reali... More ››
 62 - Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits! What, you mean those square ones? Yes! The ones you put but... More ››
 63 - How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb will have to spen... More ››
 64 - How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just have a nursing assistant do... More ››
 65 - Patient: I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help? Patient: Sure,... More ››
 66 - Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh... More ››
 67 - Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh... More ››
 68 - Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking Do you drink a lot?... More ››
 69 - How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tel... More ››
 70 - 1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator? Because when she kept it in the freez... More ››
 71 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog. Sit on the couch and we will talk about it. But I'm... More ››
 72 - Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What... More ››
 73 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber band Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there an... More ››
 74 - Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really.... More ››
 75 - "The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell... More ››
 76 - Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little... More ››
 77 - Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift! Well tell her to come in I can't she doesn't st... More ››
 78 - Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet. Sounds like you've got Foot and... More ››
 79 - Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry, it's just a bug that's goi... More ››
 80 - Doctor these pills you gave me for BO... What's wrong with them? They keep slipping out from... More ››
 81 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God When did this start? Well first I created the sun, then... More ››
 82 - Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No... More ››
 83 - Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth. So why did you come around then ? Well, I saw this light at th... More ››
 84 - Did you hear about the two podiatrists who opened their offices on the same street? They were a... More ››
 85 - Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth. So why did you come around then? Well, I saw this light at the... More ››
 86 - Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry, it's just a bug that's goi... More ››
 87 - Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam. You're t... More ››
 88 - Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, M... More ››
 89 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God When did this start ? Well first I created the sun, then... More ››
 90 - Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee Have you tried taking the sp... More ››
 91 - How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? None - They just have a nursing assistan... More ››
 92 - Doctor, Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed, what can I do? Saw the legs off of your... More ››
 93 - Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film! Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing dev... More ››
 94 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge What's come over you? Oh, two cars, a large truck and a co... More ››
 95 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog. How long have you felt like this? Ever since I was a puppy!... More ››
 96 - Doctor, doctor my baby's swallowed a bullet Well don't point him at anyone until I get there!... More ››
 97 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog What's wrong with that I think I'm going to croak... More ››
 98 - Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points? Doctor: Sell!... More ››
 99 - Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do? Use a pencil till I get there... More ››
 100 - Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep. Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.... More ››
 101 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a butterfly Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!... More ››
 102 - Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father Never mind just so long as he's healthy!... More ››
 103 - Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it? Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!... More ››
 104 - Doctor: Have you ever had this before? Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well, you've got it again!... More ››
 105 - Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work? A: In case they have to draw blood.... More ››
 106 - Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!... More ››
 107 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an adder Great, can you help me with my accounts then please!... More ››
 108 - Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places Well don't go back there again then!... More ››
 109 - Camp Doctor: Your cough sounds better today! Camper: It should, I practised all night!... More ››
 110 - How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.... More ››
 111 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a snail Don't worry we'll soon have you out of your shell!... More ››
 112 - Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking ? Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor !... More ››
 113 - Doctor, Doctor I need something to keep my falling hair in What about a matchbox !... More ››
 114 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell? Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!... More ››
 115 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog Your just playing too much croquet!... More ››
 116 - Doctor, Doctor I need something to keep my falling hair in What about a matchbox!... More ››
 117 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python You can't get round me just like that you know!... More ››
 118 - Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots ? I never make rash promises !... More ››
 119 - Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!... More ››
 120 - Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change !... More ››
 121 - Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots? I never make rash promises!... More ››
 122 - Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change!... More ››
 123 - There were ten zebras in the zoo. All but nine escaped. How many were left? Nine!... More ››
 124 - Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking? Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor!... More ››
 125 - Doctor, Doctor I've a split personality Well, you'd better both sit down then!... More ››
 126 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu! Didn't I see you yesterday?... More ››
 127 - Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?! Stick your foot out and trip it up!... More ››
 128 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains Well pull yourself together then... More ››
 129 - Doctor, Doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake Sleep in another room then!... More ››
 130 - Doctor, Doctor I've lost my memory! When did this happen? When did what happen?... More ››
 131 - Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something? Yes - here's a kite!... More ››
 132 - Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage. Don't talk rubbish!... More ››
 133 - Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out! Certainly, which way did you come in?... More ››
 134 - Nurse: Would you like an appointment for next week? Patient: No, I'm sick now.... More ››
 135 - Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot. Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!... More ››
 136 - Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a pen Well sit down and write your name!... More ››
 137 - What is a double-blind study? Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.... More ››
 138 - Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible! What sister?... More ››
 139 - Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible. Yes I can see you're not all there!... More ››
 140 - What's the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God.... More ››
 141 - Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?... More ››
 142 - Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?... More ››
 143 - Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion? Of course, come back tomorrow!... More ››
 144 - Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later.... More ››
 145 - Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double. Please sit on the couch. Which one!... More ››
 146 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth Get out of the way, your in my light!... More ››
 147 - The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.... More ››
 148 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair !... More ››
 149 - What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday? Saturday Night Fever.... More ››
 150 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me One at a time please... More ››
 151 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair!... More ››
 152 - Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of my head show? Absolutely nothing!... More ››
 153 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple. We must get to the core of this!... More ››
 154 - Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse. Take one of these every 4 laps !... More ››
 155 - Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse. Take one of these every 4 laps!... More ››
 156 - Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone. Are you choking? No, I really did!... More ››
 157 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon! Well sit still and don't stir!... More ››
 158 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm How boring for you!... More ››
 159 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a yo-yo. Are you stringing me along!... More ››
 160 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a mosquito Go away, sucker!... More ››
 161 - Doctor: "Good news you passed your hearing test!" Patient: "HUH"... More ››
 162 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider What a web of lies!... More ››
 163 - Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar I can't believe that!... More ››
 164 - Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar ! Have you taken anything for it ?... More ››
 165 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible Who said that?... More ››
 166 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire. Necks please!... More ››
 167 - Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar! Have you taken anything for it?... More ››
 168 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel That's shocking!... More ››
 169 - What kind of physician works on a cruise liner? A dry doc.... More ››
 170 - Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me. Next please!... More ››
 171 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep. That's baaaaaaaaaad!... More ››
 172 - Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish Poor sole!... More ››
 173 - Doctor, Doctor I'm boiling up! Just simmer down!... More ››
Submit a Joke | Contact | Privacy Policy | Last Update: 2017-08-17