Jokes





spacer
spacer spacer

VISITED
DOCTOR AND NURSE

JOKES
BLOND
YO MOMMA
BIRTHDAY
KNOCK KNOCK
ANSWER ME THIS

DOCTOR AND NURSE JOKES!

doctor and nurse JOKES (random)

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair !

  VotarVOTE!   Imprimir PRINT  
Enviar
  ImprimirEMBED  
 

THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY doctor and nurse JOKES:

 1 - Doctor, Doctor I'm having trouble with my breathing. I'll give you something that will soon put... More ››
 2 - Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.... More ››
 3 - Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to... More ››
 4 - An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The... More ››
 5 - At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male d... More ››
 6 - A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.... More ››
 7 - A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is l... More ››
 8 - "Doctor, doctor!" said the panic-stricken woman, "my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and... More ››
 9 - A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescrib... More ››
 10 - Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.... More ››
 11 - When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to h... More ››
 12 - Jack: "My brother was sick and went to the doctor." John: "Is he feeling better now?" Jack: "N... More ››
 13 - A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to... More ››
 14 - The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I... More ››
 15 - A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup. "Remember," the d... More ››
 16 - A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed eithe... More ››
 17 - A nurse had to take a patient back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the effe... More ››
 18 - A man who was very upset walked in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!" he wail... More ››
 19 - A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools,... More ››
 20 - The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about... More ››
 21 - A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that o... More ››
 22 - A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flowe... More ››
 23 - The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to... More ››
 24 - A coffin was being moved when it fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the morti... More ››
 25 - "Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating som... More ››
 26 - The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor." "Oh, dear,"... More ››
 27 - Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his bod... More ››
 28 - A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I k... More ››
 29 - A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident. Doctor: We need to get these pe... More ››
 30 - A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and... More ››
 31 - "What do you do?" a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with. "I'm a nurse." "I wi... More ››
 32 - The patient: Tell me, is it true that alcohol decreases blood pressure? Doctor: Yes, that is... More ››
 33 - Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with... More ››
 34 - Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener! Doctor: Don't panic. He'... More ››
 35 - How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just give the dead bu... More ››
 36 - "Why are you so excited?", the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized. "... More ››
 37 - The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it... More ››
 38 - Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming of bats, creepy-crawlies, demons, ghosts, monsters, vampires, we... More ››
 39 - Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures? Because... More ››
 40 - Jack went to see the camp nurse. 'I fell last night,' he said. 'And I was unconscious for eight... More ››
 41 - Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins an... More ››
 42 - Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and... More ››
 43 - Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... a... More ››
 44 - A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most hazardous... More ››
 45 - Doctor, Doctor When I press with my finger here... it hurts, and here... it hurts, and here... a... More ››
 46 - A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor. John: How can I l... More ››
 47 - Doctor: You need new glasses Patient: How do you know?, I haven't told you whats wrong with me... More ››
 48 - Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache? Of course. Just take this hammer and... More ››
 49 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin. Why don't you go behind the... More ››
 50 - Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh, doc... More ››
 51 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin Why don't you go behind the... More ››
 52 - Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois? The first offense they give you Bears t... More ››
 53 - Doctor, doctor, can I have a bottle of aspirin and a pot of glue? Why? Because I've been at my... More ››
 54 - Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh, really? Mary: Y... More ››
 55 - Doctor, Doctor, my little brother thinks he's a computer. Well bring him in so I can cure him. I... More ››
 56 - Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork. Patient:... More ››
 57 - Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork. Patient: Tha... More ››
 58 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a needle. I see your point! Tell me straight Doc, Is it bad? Well,... More ››
 59 - What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have... More ››
 60 - What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy? If you put a puppy in a room by itself for... More ››
 61 - Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to reali... More ››
 62 - Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits! What, you mean those square ones? Yes! The ones you put but... More ››
 63 - How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb will have to spen... More ››
 64 - How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just have a nursing assistant do... More ››
 65 - Patient: I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help? Patient: Sure,... More ››
 66 - Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh... More ››
 67 - Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh... More ››
 68 - Doctor, Doctor You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking Do you drink a lot?... More ››
 69 - How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tel... More ››
 70 - 1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator? Because when she kept it in the freez... More ››
 71 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog. Sit on the couch and we will talk about it. But I'm... More ››
 72 - Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What... More ››
 73 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber band Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch there an... More ››
 74 - Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really.... More ››
 75 - "The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell... More ››
 76 - Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little... More ››
 77 - Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift! Well tell her to come in I can't she doesn't st... More ››
 78 - Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth, foul breath and smelly feet. Sounds like you've got Foot and... More ››
 79 - Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry, it's just a bug that's goi... More ››
 80 - Doctor these pills you gave me for BO... What's wrong with them? They keep slipping out from... More ››
 81 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God When did this start? Well first I created the sun, then... More ››
 82 - Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No... More ››
 83 - Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth. So why did you come around then ? Well, I saw this light at th... More ››
 84 - Did you hear about the two podiatrists who opened their offices on the same street? They were a... More ››
 85 - Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth. So why did you come around then? Well, I saw this light at the... More ››
 86 - Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry, it's just a bug that's goi... More ››
 87 - Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam. You're t... More ››
 88 - Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, M... More ››
 89 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God When did this start ? Well first I created the sun, then... More ››
 90 - Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee Have you tried taking the sp... More ››
 91 - How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? None - They just have a nursing assistan... More ››
 92 - Doctor, Doctor I dream there are monsters under my bed, what can I do? Saw the legs off of your... More ››
 93 - Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film! Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing dev... More ››
 94 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge What's come over you? Oh, two cars, a large truck and a co... More ››
 95 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog. How long have you felt like this? Ever since I was a puppy!... More ››
 96 - Doctor, doctor my baby's swallowed a bullet Well don't point him at anyone until I get there!... More ››
 97 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a frog What's wrong with that I think I'm going to croak... More ››
 98 - Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points? Doctor: Sell!... More ››
 99 - Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do? Use a pencil till I get there... More ››
 100 - Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep. Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.... More ››
 101 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a butterfly Will you say what you mean and stop flitting about!... More ››
 102 - Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image of his father Never mind just so long as he's healthy!... More ››
 103 - Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it? Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!... More ››
 104 - Doctor: Have you ever had this before? Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well, you've got it again!... More ››
 105 - Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work? A: In case they have to draw blood.... More ››
 106 - Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!... More ››
 107 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an adder Great, can you help me with my accounts then please!... More ››
 108 - Doctor, Doctor I've broke my arm in two places Well don't go back there again then!... More ››
 109 - Camp Doctor: Your cough sounds better today! Camper: It should, I practised all night!... More ››
 110 - How can you tell who is the head nurse of a facility? She's the one with dirty knees.... More ››
 111 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a snail Don't worry we'll soon have you out of your shell!... More ››
 112 - Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking ? Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor !... More ››
 113 - Doctor, Doctor I need something to keep my falling hair in What about a matchbox !... More ››
 114 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell? Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!... More ››
 115 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning into a frog Your just playing too much croquet!... More ››
 116 - Doctor, Doctor I need something to keep my falling hair in What about a matchbox!... More ››
 117 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python You can't get round me just like that you know!... More ››
 118 - Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots ? I never make rash promises !... More ››
 119 - Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!... More ››
 120 - Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change !... More ››
 121 - Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots? I never make rash promises!... More ››
 122 - Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change!... More ››
 123 - There were ten zebras in the zoo. All but nine escaped. How many were left? Nine!... More ››
 124 - Doctor how can I cure my sleep walking? Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor!... More ››
 125 - Doctor, Doctor I've a split personality Well, you'd better both sit down then!... More ››
 126 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu! Didn't I see you yesterday?... More ››
 127 - Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?! Stick your foot out and trip it up!... More ››
 128 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains Well pull yourself together then... More ››
 129 - Doctor, Doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake Sleep in another room then!... More ››
 130 - Doctor, Doctor I've lost my memory! When did this happen? When did what happen?... More ››
 131 - Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something? Yes - here's a kite!... More ››
 132 - Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage. Don't talk rubbish!... More ››
 133 - Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out! Certainly, which way did you come in?... More ››
 134 - Nurse: Would you like an appointment for next week? Patient: No, I'm sick now.... More ››
 135 - Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot. Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!... More ››
 136 - Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a pen Well sit down and write your name!... More ››
 137 - What is a double-blind study? Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.... More ››
 138 - Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible! What sister?... More ››
 139 - Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming invisible. Yes I can see you're not all there!... More ››
 140 - What's the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God.... More ››
 141 - Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?... More ››
 142 - Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?... More ››
 143 - Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion? Of course, come back tomorrow!... More ››
 144 - Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later.... More ››
 145 - Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double. Please sit on the couch. Which one!... More ››
 146 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a moth Get out of the way, your in my light!... More ››
 147 - The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.... More ››
 148 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair !... More ››
 149 - What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday? Saturday Night Fever.... More ››
 150 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me One at a time please... More ››
 151 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair!... More ››
 152 - Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of my head show? Absolutely nothing!... More ››
 153 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple. We must get to the core of this!... More ››
 154 - Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse. Take one of these every 4 laps !... More ››
 155 - Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse. Take one of these every 4 laps!... More ››
 156 - Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone. Are you choking? No, I really did!... More ››
 157 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon! Well sit still and don't stir!... More ››
 158 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm How boring for you!... More ››
 159 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a yo-yo. Are you stringing me along!... More ››
 160 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a mosquito Go away, sucker!... More ››
 161 - Doctor: "Good news you passed your hearing test!" Patient: "HUH"... More ››
 162 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a spider What a web of lies!... More ››
 163 - Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar I can't believe that!... More ››
 164 - Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar ! Have you taken anything for it ?... More ››
 165 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible Who said that?... More ››
 166 - Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire. Necks please!... More ››
 167 - Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar! Have you taken anything for it?... More ››
 168 - Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel That's shocking!... More ››
 169 - What kind of physician works on a cruise liner? A dry doc.... More ››
 170 - Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me. Next please!... More ››
 171 - Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep. That's baaaaaaaaaad!... More ››
 172 - Doctor, Doctor my husband smells like fish Poor sole!... More ››
 173 - Doctor, Doctor I'm boiling up! Just simmer down!... More ››
Submit a Joke | Contact | Privacy Policy | Last Update: 2017-05-22