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The Best Doctor And Nurse Jokes: |
| 1) Three nurses went to heaven, and were
awaiting their turn wit... Show more |
| 2) An old fellow came
into the
hospital truly on death's door du... Show more |
| 3) At a medical
convention, a male
doctor and a female doctor st... Show more |
| 4) A young woman went to her doctor
complaining of pain.
"Where a... Show more |
| 5) A doctor is going round the ward with
a nurse and they
come t... Show more |
| 6) "Doctor, doctor!" said the
panic-stricken woman,
"my husband... Show more |
| 7) A man went to see his doctor because
he was suffering from a... Show more |
| 8) Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I
in here?
Doctor: You've... Show more |
| 9) When a car skidded on wet pavement
and struck a telephone pole,... Show more |
| 10) Jack: "My brother was sick and
went to the doctor."
John: "I... Show more |
| 11) A doctor has come to see one of
his patients in a hospital. T... Show more |
| 12) The patient shook his doctor's hand
in gratitude and said, "S... Show more |
| 13) A baseball manager who had an
ulcer was in his physician offi... Show more |
| 14) A doctor and his wife were having a
big
argument at breakfast... Show more |
| 15) A nurse had to
take a patient
back to her room after surgery.... Show more |
| 16) A man who was very
upset walked
in to see his doctor. "Doctor... Show more |
| 17) A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He
called a
plumber. The pl... Show more |
| 18) The ninety-year-old man was in for
his checkup when the nurse... Show more |
| 19) A man needing a
heart transplant
is told by his doctor that t... Show more |
| 20) A new arrival, about to enter
hospital, saw two white coated do... Show more |
| 21) The surgeon told his patient that woke
up after
having been o... Show more |
| 22) A coffin was being moved
when it
fell off a wagon, and starte... Show more |
| 23) "Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering
from pneumonia? I've hear... Show more |
| 24) The seven-year old girl told her mom,
"A boy in my class
aske... Show more |
| 25) Fireman rescued a
man who was
badly injured in a car accident... Show more |
| 26) A man goes to the eye doctor. The
receptionist asks him why h... Show more |
| 27) A doctor and a nurse were
called
to the scene of an accident.... Show more |
| 28) A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his... Show more |
| 29) "What do you do?" a young man asked
the beautiful girl he was... Show more |
| 30) The patient: Tell me, is it true that
alcohol decreases blood... Show more |
| 31) Patient: Doctor, you must help me.
I'm under such a lot of st... Show more |
| 32) Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My
son, John, swallowed the can... Show more |
| 33) How many physiotherapists
does it
take to change a light bulb... Show more |
| 34) "Why are you so
excited?", the
surgeon asked the patient that... Show more |
| 35) The Doctor was
puzzled "I'm very
sorry but I can't diagnose y... Show more |
| 36) Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming of
bats, creepy-crawlies, demon... Show more |
| 37) Why did the nurse always insist on
using the rectal thermomet... Show more |
| 38) Jack went to see the camp nurse. 'I
fell last night,' he said... Show more |
| 39) Doctor, Doctor you've
taken out
my tonsils, my adenoids, my g... Show more |
| 40) Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my
tonsils, my adenoids, my g... Show more |
| 41) Doctor, Doctor When I press with my
finger
here... it hurts,... Show more |
| 42) A nurse was
showing some student
nurses through the hospital.... Show more |
| 43) Doctor, Doctor When I press with my
finger
here... it hurts,... Show more |
| 44) A man, seeking to lose
some of
his excess weight, visited the... Show more |
| 45) Doctor: You need new glasses
Patient: How do you know?, I hav... Show more |
| 46) Doctor, Doctor Have you got something
for a bad headache?
Of... Show more |
| 47) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
snake about to shed it's... Show more |
| 48) Doctor: Did you know
that there
are more than 1,000 bones in... Show more |
| 49) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
snake about to shed it's... Show more |
| 50) Did you hear the new penalty for
speeding in Illinois?
The... Show more |
| 51) Doctor, doctor, can I have a bottle
of aspirin and
a pot of g... Show more |
| 52) Mary:
My daughter believes in
preventative medicine, doctor.... Show more |
| 53) Doctor, Doctor, my little brother
thinks he's a computer.
Well... Show more |
| 54) Doctor:
You seem to be in
excellent health. Your pulse is as... Show more |
| 55) Doctor: You seem to be in
excellent health. Your pulse is as... Show more |
| 56) Doctor, Doctor I feel like a
needle.
I see your point!
Tell... Show more |
| 57) What's the difference between a
general practitioner and a sp... Show more |
| 58) What's the difference between a
surgeon and a puppy?
If you... Show more |
| 59) Did you hear about the nurse who died
and went
straight to he... Show more |
| 60) Doctor Doctor I feel like
biscuits!
What, you mean those squar... Show more |
| 61) How many triage nurses does it take
to
change a light bulb?... Show more |
| 62) How many nurses does it take to
change a light bulb?
None, the... Show more |
| 63) Patient: I always see spots before my
eyes.
Doctor: Didn't the... Show more |
| 64) Doctor, Doctor I'm on a
diet and
it's making me irritable. Ye... Show more |
| 65) Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and
it's making me irritable. Ye... Show more |
| 66) Doctor, Doctor
You've got to
help me - I just can't stop my h... Show more |
| 67) How many doctors does it take to
change a light bulb?
Only one... Show more |
| 68) 1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan
in the
refrigerator?
Be... Show more |
| 69) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
dog.
Sit on the couch a... Show more |
| 70) Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the
waiting
room with a glas... Show more |
| 71) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a rubber
band
Why don't you stretch... Show more |
| 72) Patient: Doctor, if
I give up
wine, women, and song, will I l... Show more |
| 73) "The doctor said he would have me on
my feet in two weeks."... Show more |
| 74) Patient:
Doctor, I think I
swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How... Show more |
| 75) Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she
is
a lift!
Well tell her... Show more |
| 76) Doctor, Doctor
I'm having
trouble with my breathing.
I'll gi... Show more |
| 77) Doctor, Doctor I've got bad teeth,
foul breath and smelly fee... Show more |
| 78) Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an
insect spinning around.
Don'... Show more |
| 79) Doctor these pills you gave me for
BO...
What's wrong with t... Show more |
| 80) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking
I'm God
When did this start?... Show more |
| 81) Doctor: Nurse, how is that little
girl
doing who swallowed te... Show more |
| 82) Doctor Doctor I think I'm a
moth.
So why did you come around t... Show more |
| 83) Did you hear about the two
podiatrists who
opened their offic... Show more |
| 84) Doctor Doctor I think I'm a
moth.
So why did you come around t... Show more |
| 85) Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an
insect
spinning around.
Don'... Show more |
| 86) Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like
a tee-pee and
other day... Show more |
| 87) Patient (to
cosmetic surgeon):
Will it hurt me, doctor?
Su... Show more |
| 88) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm
God
When did this start ?... Show more |
| 89) Doctor, Doctor I keep
getting
pains in the eye when I drink c... Show more |
| 90) How many nurses does
it take to
screw in a light bulb?
None... Show more |
| 91) Doctor, Doctor I dream there are
monsters
under my bed, what... Show more |
| 92) Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just
swallowed
a roll of fil... Show more |
| 93) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
bridge
What's come over you?
Oh,... Show more |
| 94) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
dog.
How long have you felt lik... Show more |
| 95) Doctor, doctor my baby's swallowed a
bullet
Well don't poin... Show more |
| 96) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking
I'm a frog
What's wrong with... Show more |
| 97) Patient: Doctor,
what should I do
if my temperature goes up f... Show more |
| 98) Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed
my
pen, what should I do?... Show more |
| 99) Doctor, Doctor, I can't get
to
sleep.
Sit on the edge of th... Show more |
| 100) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
butterfly
Will you say what you... Show more |
| 101) Doctor, Doctor my baby is the image
of his father
Never mind... Show more |
| 102) Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I
do about
it?
Hire yours... Show more |
| 103) Doctor: Have you ever had this
before?
Patient: Yes.
Doct... Show more |
| 104) Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red
magic markers to work?
A: In... Show more |
| 105) Doctor, Doctor I think I need
glasses
You certainly do, Sir, t... Show more |
| 106) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an adder
Great, can you help me wi... Show more |
| 107) Doctor, Doctor I've broke my
arm
in two places
Well don't g... Show more |
| 108) Camp Doctor: Your cough sounds better
today!
Camper: It should... Show more |
| 109) How can you tell who is the head
nurse
of a facility? She's t... Show more |
| 110) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
snail
Don't worry we'll soon have... Show more |
| 111) Doctor how can I cure my sleep
walking
?
Sprinkle tin-tacks... Show more |
| 112) Doctor, Doctor I need something to
keep my falling hair in... Show more |
| 113) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
bell?
Take these and if it doesn'... Show more |
| 114) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm turning
into a frog
Your just pla... Show more |
| 115) Doctor, Doctor I need something to
keep my
falling hair in... Show more |
| 116) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python
You can't get round me ju... Show more |
| 117) Doctor, Doctor will this
ointment
clear up my spots ?
I neve... Show more |
| 118) Doctor, Doctor I
keep painting
myself gold
Don't worry it's... Show more |
| 119) Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
caterpillar
Don't worry... Show more |
| 120) Doctor, Doctor will this ointment
clear up my
spots?
I never... Show more |
| 121) Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
caterpillar
Don't worry... Show more |
| 122) Interns think of God, residents pray
to God, doctors talk to... Show more |
| 123) There were ten zebras in the zoo. All
but nine escaped. How man... Show more |
| 124) Doctor how can I cure my sleep
walking?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on... Show more |
| 125) Doctor, Doctor I've a split
personality
Well, you'd better... Show more |
| 126) Doctor, Doctor I
think I'm
suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I... Show more |
| 127) Doctor, how do I stop my nose from
running?!
Stick your foot o... Show more |
| 128) Doctor, Doctor I feel like a
pair
of curtains
Well pull your... Show more |
| 129) Doctor, Doctor I snore so loud I
keep myself awake
Sleep in... Show more |
| 130) Doctor, Doctor I've lost my
memory!
When did this happen?
Whe... Show more |
| 131) Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can
you
give me something?
Yes... Show more |
| 132) Doctor, Doctor everyone
keeps
throwing me in the garbage.
Do... Show more |
| 133) Doctor, Doctor you have to help me
out!
Certainly, which way... Show more |
| 134) Nurse: Would you like an appointment
for next week?
Patient: N... Show more |
| 135) Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a
lot.
Don't worry it's just a... Show more |
| 136) Doctor, Doctor I've just swallowed a
pen
Well sit down and w... Show more |
| 137) What is a double-blind study?
Two
orthopaedists reading an ele... Show more |
| 138) Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps
thinking she's invisible!... Show more |
| 139) Doctor, Doctor I'm becoming
invisible.
Yes I can see you're... Show more |
| 140) What's the difference
between a
nurse and a nun? A nun only s... Show more |
| 141) Doctor, doctor I keep
thinking
I'm a bee
Buzz off can't you... Show more |
| 142) Doctor: Did you take the patient's
temperature?
Nurse: No. I... Show more |
| 143) Doctor, Doctor Can I have second
opinion?
Of course, come ba... Show more |
| 144) Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of
cards.
I'll deal with... Show more |
| 145) Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing
double.
Please sit on the couch.... Show more |
| 146) Doctor, Doctor I
think I'm a
moth
Get out of the way, your i... Show more |
| 147) The nurse who can smile when
things go wrong is probably goin... Show more |
| 148) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking
I'm a nit
Will you get out o... Show more |
| 149) What do you get if you have strep
throat on Friday?
Saturday N... Show more |
| 150) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there
is two
of me
One at a t... Show more |
| 151) Doctor, Doctor I keep
thinking
I'm a nit
Will you get out o... Show more |
| 152) Doctor, Doctor what did the x-ray of
my head show?
Absolutel... Show more |
| 153) Doctor, Doctor I
feel like an
apple.
We must get to the core... Show more |
| 154) Doctor Doctor I feel like a
racehorse.
Take one of these every... Show more |
| 155) Doctor Doctor I feel like a
racehorse.
Take one of these every... Show more |
| 156) Doctor Doctor I swallowed a
bone.
Are you choking?
No, I real... Show more |
| 157) Doctor, Doctor I feel like a
spoon!
Well sit still and don't... Show more |
| 158) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm
a woodworm
How boring fo... Show more |
| 159) Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
yo-yo.
Are you stringing me alo... Show more |
| 160) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
mosquito
Go away, sucke... Show more |
| 161) Doctor: "Good news you passed your
hearing test!"
Patient: "HU... Show more |
| 162) Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
spider
What a web of lies... Show more |
| 163) Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a
liar
I can't believe that... Show more |
| 164) Doctor, Doctor I'm a burglar
!
Have you taken anything for it... Show more |
| 165) Doctor, Doctor I keep
thinking
I'm invisible
Who said that?... Show more |
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