Jokes





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JOKES
BLOND
YO MOMMA
BIRTHDAY
KNOCK KNOCK
ANSWER ME THIS

A
Aardvark
Accountant
Answer me this
Ant
Apple
Attorney
Aviation

B
Baby
Banana
Bar beer booze and fun
Barbie doll
Bath
Beauty
Bed
Bicycle
Biologist
Bird
Birthday
Blind
Blonde
Book title
Brother and sister
Burger
Bus
Business

C
Cannibal
Car and train
Cat
Children
Christmas
Clinton
College
Computer
Cow
Cowboy
Criminal

D
Dance
Dead and dying
Dentist
Dinosaur
Divorce
Doctor and nurse
Dog

E
E mail
Easter
Elephant
Ethnic

F
Face
Farmer
Firefighter
Fishing
Food
Frog

G
Ghost
Gorilla

H
Hair and bald
Halloween
Heaven and hell
History
Horse
Humor
Hunting

I
Idiot and fool
Insect
Internet

J
Journalist
Judge

K
King Kong
Knock Knock

L
Lawyer
Letter
Lotto

M
Marriage
Men
Military
Money
Monster
Mouse
Movie and TV
Music

O
Old age

P
Parent
Phone
Pig
Police
Political

R
Rabbit
Religious
Restaurant

S
Salesmen
School
Snake
Snowman
Space
Spelling
Sport

T
Teeth
Time
Travel and tourist

V
Vampire
Various animal

W
Waiter
Weather
Witch
Women

Y
Yo momma

Z
Zodiac
Zoo

 

Brazilian Jokes
PIADAS - Curtas, Loiras, Sogras...

THE BEST FUNNY JOKES!

Accountant JOKE (1st joke of the minute)

Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down the share price list, laughing and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because she couldn't find an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people would be very angry if she couldn't produce it. "What's wrong, little oil company?" said a gruff voice nearby. She looked around and there was a funny little creature with spectacles, a bald patch and shaving cuts. "I can't find a dividend," she said and started crying again. "Don't worry," said the creature. "I can find you one." "How?" said the oil company, "And who are you?" "I'm an accountant," he said. "As for how I do it, never mind about that. But there's one condition. If I do find it for you, you must agree to let me stay with you." "Yes, yes!" she said, anxious only to get the dividend. The accountant disappeared into some books nearby and stayed there for a while. She could hear him muttering and tut tutting and transferring accounts. Then he emerged and put his long sloping hand into hers. "I've found you a dividend," he said. Her usual cheerfulness returned in an instant and she rushed off to tell her father, the Chairman. She forgot all about the accountant until he followed her in and reminded her of her promise; despite all her tears, her father insisted that she keep her word and that night the little accountant slept on the floor beside her bed. The next morning she opened her eyes and to her amazement she saw the accountant was exactly the same as he had been before. "I know what you're thinking," smiled the accountant. "You're quite right. Before I was changed into an accountant I was a handsome young man with a devil-may-care attitude and considerable joie de vivre." "Then change back!" said the oil company, clapping her hands. "Are you crazy?" said the accountant. "Handsome young men are two a penny but clever, ugly little accountants are worth their weight in gold."

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Accountant JOKE (2nd joke of the minute)

There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation. One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an accountant make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in." said the accountant. "Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in." "Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay in Heaven" "Sorry, we have rules..." And with that St. Peter put the accountant in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and the accountant found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow accountants that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. The accountant was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was ti me to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's time to spend a day in heaven." So the accountant spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her. "So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity." The accountant paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell." So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the accountant went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the accountant, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her and smiled. "That's because yesterday you were a recruit, but today you're staff."

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Humor Definitions:

  • Humor is a universal language ( piadas Sent by John)
  • Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.
    ( piadas Sent by David)
  • Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity. ( piadas Sent by Robin)
  • We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh. ( piadas Sent by Will)
  • Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. ( piadas Sent by Arnold)
  • The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven. ( piadas Sent by Bill)
  • I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup. ( piadas Sent by Margaret)
  • Humour is to be brave enough to laugh of one self. ( piadas Sent by Riley)
  • Humor is like salt from mother earth. And those salted very well will stay fresh for long time. ( piadas Sent by Jan Neruda)
  • Having a 'sense of humor' means that you are a funny person and make good jokes. All in all humor is comedy and funniness! ( piadas Sent by Saffron)
  • Have a better definition? Share it!

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