ANSWER ME THIS
Answer me this
Bar beer booze and fun
Brother and sister
Car and train
Dead and dying
Doctor and nurse
Hair and bald
Heaven and hell
Idiot and fool
Movie and TV
Travel and tourist
PIADAS - Curtas, Loiras, Sogras...
THE BEST FUNNY JOKES!
Heaven and hell JOKE (1st joke of the minute)
Three men died in a car accident and
Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto
them saying, "I will ask you each a simple
question. If you tell the
truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you
waiting for you.
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times
did you cheat on your
wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a
good husband. I never
cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very
good! Not only will I
allow you in, but for being faithful to your
wife I will give you a huge
mansion and a limo for your
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you
your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my
The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for
unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did y
ou cheat on
your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on
my wife about
8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come
in, but for
your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment,
and a Yugo for
A couple hours later
the second and third men saw the first man crying
his eyes out. "Why
are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the
mansion and limo!"
The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw
my wife a little
while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"
Accountant JOKE (2nd joke of the minute)
Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil
All day long she loved to run up and down the share price
and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because
she couldn't find
an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people
would be very angry if
she couldn't produce it.
wrong, little oil company?" said a gruff voice nearby.
around and there was a funny little creature with
bald patch and shaving cuts.
"I can't find a dividend," she said
and started crying again.
"Don't worry," said the creature. "I
can find you one."
"How?" said the oil company, "And who are
"I'm an accountant," he said. "As for how I do it, never mind about that. But there's one condition. If I do find it for
must agree to let me stay with you."
"Yes, yes!" she
said, anxious only to get the dividend.
The accountant disappeared into some books nearby and stayed there for
a while. She
could hear him muttering and tut tutting and transferring
Then he emerged and put his long sloping hand into hers.
found you a dividend," he said.
Her usual cheerfulness returned
in an instant and she rushed off to
tell her father, the Chairman.
She forgot all about the accountant until
he followed her in and
reminded her of her promise; despite all her
tears, her father
insisted that she keep her word and that night the little
on the floor beside her bed.
The next morning she opened her
eyes and to her amazement she saw the
accountant was exactly the same
as he had been before.
"I know what you're thinking," smiled
the accountant. "You're
quite right. Before I was changed into an
accountant I was a handsome young
man with a devil-may-care attitude
and considerable joie de vivre."
"Then change back!" said the oil company, clapping her hands.
"Are you crazy?" said the
accountant. "Handsome young men are two a
penny but clever, ugly
little accountants are worth their weight in
- Humor is a universal language
( Sent by John)
- Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.
( Sent by David)
- Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity.
( Sent by Robin)
- We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.
( Sent by Will)
- Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
( Sent by Arnold)
- The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.
( Sent by Bill)
- I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.
( Sent by Margaret)
- Humour is to be brave enough to laugh of one self.
( Sent by Riley)
- Humor is like salt from mother earth. And those salted very well will stay fresh for long time.
( Sent by Jan Neruda)
- Having a 'sense of humor' means that you are a funny person and make good jokes. All in all humor is comedy and funniness!
( Sent by Saffron)
- Have a better definition? Share it!