ANSWER ME THIS
Answer me this
Bar beer booze and fun
Brother and sister
Car and train
Dead and dying
Doctor and nurse
Hair and bald
Heaven and hell
Idiot and fool
Movie and TV
Travel and tourist
PIADAS - Curtas, Loiras, Sogras...
THE BEST FUNNY JOKES!
Marriage JOKE (1st joke of the minute)
A henpecked husband was advised by a
psychiatrist to assert
himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully
you," he said. "Go
home and show her you're the boss."
husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He went
the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and
now on you're taking orders from me. I want my
supper right now, and
when you get it on the table, go upstairs
and lay out my clothes.
Tonight I am going out with the boys.
You are going to stay at home
where you belong. Another
thing, you know who is going to tie my
"I certainly do," said his wife calmly, "the
Accountant JOKE (2nd joke of the minute)
There once was an accountant who lived her whole life
ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In
made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win
One day while walking down the street she was
tragically hit by a bus
and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where
she was met at the
Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in
seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never
had an accountant make it this far and we're not really sure what
to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in." said the
accountant. "Well, I'd like
to, but I have higher orders. What we're
going to do is let you have a
day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then
you can choose whichever one
you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind...I prefer to stay
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that
St. Peter put the accountant in an elevator and it went
down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and the accountant found
stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In
distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her
friends - fellow accountants that she had worked with and they were
dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.
up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old
They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the
club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute)
and she had a
great time telling jokes and dancing. The accountant
was having such a
good time that before she knew it, it was ti
me to leave. Everybody
shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got
on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up
at the Pearly Gates and
found St. Peter waiting for her. "Now it's
time to spend a day in
So the accountant spent the
next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and
playing the harp and
singing. She had a great time and before she knew
it her 24 hours
were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in
hell and you've spent a day in heaven.
Now you must choose your
The accountant paused for a second and then replied,
"Well, I never
thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really
great and all, but
I think I had a better time in Hell."
St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again the accountant went
down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened
found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in
filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and
were picking up the
garbage and putting it in sacks.
Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't
stammered the accountant, "Yesterday I was here and there was a
golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had
a great time. Now all there is is a wasteland of garbage and all my
friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her and smiled.
"That's because yesterday you
were a recruit, but today you're
- Humor is a universal language
( Sent by John)
- Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.
( Sent by David)
- Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity.
( Sent by Robin)
- We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.
( Sent by Will)
- Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
( Sent by Arnold)
- The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.
( Sent by Bill)
- I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.
( Sent by Margaret)
- Humour is to be brave enough to laugh of one self.
( Sent by Riley)
- Humor is like salt from mother earth. And those salted very well will stay fresh for long time.
( Sent by Jan Neruda)
- Having a 'sense of humor' means that you are a funny person and make good jokes. All in all humor is comedy and funniness!
( Sent by Saffron)
- Have a better definition? Share it!