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1º
Blonde Jokes!
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Three women are about to be
executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a
blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she
has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner
shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly
the brunette yells,
''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws
themselves on the ground
while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the
executioner asks if she
has any last requests. She say no and the
executioner shouts, ''Ready!
Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells,
''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is
startled and looks around for cover
while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The
guard brings her forward
and the executioner asks if she has any
last requests. She says no and
the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!''
and the blonde yells,
''FIRE!!!'''
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2º
Yo Momma Jokes!
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Yo mama so fat when she gets on the
scale
it says we don't do livestock.
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3º
Dentist Jokes!
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A man went to his dentist because he feels
something wrong in his mouth.
The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for
you six months ago is eroding.
What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is
that about four months ago my
wife made some asparagus and put some
stuff on it that was delicious
... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so
much I now put it on everything ---
meat, toast, fish, vegetables,
everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollandaise
sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly
corrosive.
It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new
plate, and this
time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the
patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's
simple. Everyone knows that
... there's no plate like chrome for the
Hollandaise!"
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4º
Dirty Jokes!
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A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for
obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the
police
raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes,
including the young
girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a
straight line on
the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the
neighborhood, but little
old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked
curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma
in
on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people
were
passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some
myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A
police
officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the
prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he
was bewildered.
"But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my
dentures and suck 'em dry!"
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5º
Answer Me This Jokes!
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What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty?
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6º
Baby Jokes!
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Q:
Where does a white baby go when it dies?
A: Heaven
Q: What does it get?
A: Wings
Q:
What does it become?
A: An angel
Q: Where does a
black baby go when it dies?
A: Heaven
Q: What does it get?
A: Wings
Q: What does it become?
A: A Bat!
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7º
History Jokes!
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Why did Henry VIII have so many wives ?
He
liked to chop and change !
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8º
Yo Momma Jokes!
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Yo mama so ugly that
your father takes
her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss
her goodbye.
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9º
Birthday Jokes!
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A man asked his wife, "What would you most
like for your birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten
again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early
and they
went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park
- the Death
Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a
go on every ride
there was.
She staggered out of the theme
park five hours later, her head reeling
and her stomach
turning.
Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.
At
last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into
bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being
ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey,
I meant dress
size!"
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10º
Halloween Jokes!
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One Halloween this woman opens her
door
to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly
hair
and the biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was
just delightful. The woman said,
"what are you supposed to say
sweetheart?"
The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or
Tweat!"
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her
husband to
come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead
honey say it
just one more time."
Once again the little
Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!"
The husband agrees with
his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest
thing. The woman
picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with
her apron, and
drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag.
The little Angel
looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says,
"Thanks a lot
lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!"
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