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1º
Blonde Jokes!
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Three women are about to be
executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a
blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she
has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner
shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly
the brunette yells,
''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws
themselves on the ground
while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the
executioner asks if she
has any last requests. She say no and the
executioner shouts, ''Ready!
Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells,
''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is
startled and looks around for cover
while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The
guard brings her forward
and the executioner asks if she has any
last requests. She says no and
the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim!''
and the blonde yells,
''FIRE!!!'''
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2º
Yo Momma Jokes!
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Yo mama so fat when she gets on the
scale
it says we don't do livestock.
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3º
Dentist Jokes!
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A man went to his dentist because he feels
something wrong in his mouth.
The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for
you six months ago is eroding.
What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is
that about four months ago my
wife made some asparagus and put some
stuff on it that was delicious
... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so
much I now put it on everything ---
meat, toast, fish, vegetables,
everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollandaise
sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly
corrosive.
It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new
plate, and this
time use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the
patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's
simple. Everyone knows that
... there's no plate like chrome for the
Hollandaise!"
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4º
Answer Me This Jokes!
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What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty?
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5º
Dirty Jokes!
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A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for
obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the
police
raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes,
including the young
girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a
straight line on
the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the
neighborhood, but little
old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked
curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma
in
on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people
were
passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some
myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A
police
officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the
prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he
was bewildered.
"But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my
dentures and suck 'em dry!"
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6º
Baby Jokes!
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Q:
Where does a white baby go when it dies?
A: Heaven
Q: What does it get?
A: Wings
Q:
What does it become?
A: An angel
Q: Where does a
black baby go when it dies?
A: Heaven
Q: What does it get?
A: Wings
Q: What does it become?
A: A Bat!
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7º
Halloween Jokes!
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One Halloween this woman opens her
door
to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly
hair
and the biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was
just delightful. The woman said,
"what are you supposed to say
sweetheart?"
The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or
Tweat!"
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her
husband to
come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead
honey say it
just one more time."
Once again the little
Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!"
The husband agrees with
his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest
thing. The woman
picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with
her apron, and
drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag.
The little Angel
looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says,
"Thanks a lot
lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!"
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8º
Yo Momma Jokes!
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Yo mama so ugly that
your father takes
her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss
her goodbye.
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9º
Blonde Jokes!
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on
an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the
beach and discover a
magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough,
out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three
wishes, you may each
have one."
The brunette says, "I've
been stuck here for years. I miss my family,
my husband, and my life.
I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and
she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've
been stuck here for years as well. I
miss my family, my husband, and
my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her
wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying
uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the
matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
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10º
Blonde Jokes!
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A blonde decides to learn and try horse back
riding
unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the
horse
with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into
motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the
blonde begins
to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs
for the horse's
mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries
to throw her arms
around the horse's neck, but she slides down the
side of the horse
anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip,
she leaps away from the horse to try
and throw herself to
safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is
now
at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is
struck
against the ground again and again. As her head is battered
against the
ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn
ess or even death when
Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to
shut the horse off.
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