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The Best Music Jokes: |
| 1) Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies
first, he will c... Show more |
| 2) When a young hotshot conductor was making his
debut at
the Me... Show more |
| 3) A tourist is sightseeing in
a European city.
She comes upon t... Show more |
| 4) A violist comes
home late at night to
discover fire trucks, p... Show more |
| 5) A down and out musician was playing his
harmonica in the midd... Show more |
| 6) Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed
an
autograph... Show more |
| 7) A musician calls the orchestra office,
asks
for the conductor... Show more |
| 8) "Haven't I
seen your face before?" a judge
demanded, looking... Show more |
| 9) Q. If you were lost in
the woods, who would
you trust for dir... Show more |
| 10) Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you
trust for dire... Show more |
| 11) Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a
recital
in Carnegie Hall... Show more |
| 12) Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in
a light bulb... Show more |
| 13) Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and
one
says to... Show more |
| 14) Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower
and a soprano s... Show more |
| 15) Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and
a Rolling
Sto... Show more |
| 16) Q. What's the difference
between a
lawnmower and a bagpipe?... Show more |
| 17) Did you hear about the classical pianist who was
not a good s... Show more |
| 18) Q. What's the difference between a
dead
bagpiper in the road... Show more |
| 19) Q: Why can't you hear a
viola on a digital
recording?
A: Rec... Show more |
| 20) Q: Mom,
why do you always stand by the
window when I practice... Show more |
| 21) A violist and a cellist were standing on a
sinking ship toget... Show more |
| 22) 1st
man: "My neighbors were screaming and
yelling at three o'... Show more |
| 23) Person 1: It must be terrible for an
opera singer to
realize... Show more |
| 24) Q: How many lead trumpet
players does it
take to change a lig... Show more |
| 25) Q: How many alto sax
players does it take to
change a light b... Show more |
| 26) Q: How many
bass players does it take to
change a light bulb?... Show more |
| 27) Q: When a 16-inch
viola and a 17-inch viola
are dropped simul... Show more |
| 28) Q: How many folk musicians does it take to
change a
light bul... Show more |
| 29) Q: What do
you do with percussionists that
lose one of their... Show more |
| 30) One day the bass player hid one of the
drummer's sticks.
The... Show more |
| 31) Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it
take
to screw in a li... Show more |
| 32) Q: How many musicians does it take to change a
light bulb?
A:... Show more |
| 33) Q: Why are violas so large?
A: It is an
optical illusion. It's... Show more |
| 34) Q: There is a frog driving
east and a
trombonist walking west... Show more |
| 35) Q: Why shouldn't violists take
up
mountaineering?
A: Because... Show more |
| 36) Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right
while performi... Show more |
| 37) An eight-year-old kid says
t his dad, "When
I grow up, I want... Show more |
| 38) Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse,
but has the cou... Show more |
| 39) Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect
pitch?
A. He ca... Show more |
| 40) Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's
best
friend?
A:... Show more |
| 41) Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed
wire fence mi... Show more |
| 42) Q: Why is it good that accordionists have
a
half-ounce more b... Show more |
| 43) Do you think, Professor, that my
wife should
take up the pian... Show more |
| 44) Q: What is the difference between
a banjo
and a South America... Show more |
| 45) Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a
javelin
blindfold... Show more |
| 46) Q: What's the difference between trumpet
players and governme... Show more |
| 47) Q: What's the
definition of perfect
pitch?
A: When an accord... Show more |
| 48) Q: What is the difference between a viola and a
trampoline?... Show more |
| 49) Q: Did you hear about the drummer who locked his
keys in his... Show more |
| 50) Q: How many
bass players does it take to
change a light bulb?... Show more |
| 51) Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an
anchor?
A:... Show more |
| 52) Q: How do
you make a trombone sound like a
french horn?
A: S... Show more |
| 53) Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the
timpanist?
A: He t... Show more |
| 54) Q:
How many bass players does it take to
change a light bulb?... Show more |
| 55) Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at
the door?
A:... Show more |
| 56) Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you
please.
Voice from vio... Show more |
| 57) Q: How can you tell someone
is a true music
lover?
A: When t... Show more |
| 58) Q: What is the definition of a Soviet
String
Quartet?
A: A S... Show more |
| 59) Q: Why are orchestra intermissions
only
twenty minutes long?... Show more |
| 60) Q: What's the difference
between an onion
and an accordion?... Show more |
| 61) Q: How many drummers does it take
to change
a lightbulb?
A:... Show more |
| 62) Why did the music student have a piano in the
bathroom?
Bec... Show more |
| 63) Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so
the
saplings... Show more |
| 64) Q: How do you make a violin sound
like a
viola?
A: Play in t... Show more |
| 65) Q: What is the difference between a trombone and
a trumpet?... Show more |
| 66) Q: What's the only thing worse than a
bagpiper?
A: Good ques... Show more |
| 67) Q. Why do bagpipers leave their cases on their
dashboards?... Show more |
| 68) Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an
Uzi submachi... Show more |
| 69) Q: What
is the difference between a cello
and a coffin?
A: T... Show more |
| 70) Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the
three
piece sui... Show more |
| 71) Q: What is the difference between a trumpet
soloist and King... Show more |
| 72) Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the
three piece sui... Show more |
| 73) Q: What's the inscription on
dead
blues-singers tombstones?... Show more |
| 74) Q: What
is the difference between the first
and last desk of... Show more |
| 75) Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian
soprano and a W... Show more |
| 76) Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A:
One who knows how... Show more |
| 77) Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit
have in
common?
A: Everyone... Show more |
| 78) Q: What is the difference between a banjo
and a chain saw?
A... Show more |
| 79) Q: What's the difference between a violist and
a
dressmaker?... Show more |
| 80) Q: How do you get a viola section to play
spiccato?
A: Write a... Show more |
| 81) Q: What is the difference
between a violist
and a terrorist?... Show more |
| 82) Q: Why do drummers always
have trouble
entering a room ?
A:... Show more |
| 83) Q: What is the difference between a dog and a
viola?
A: The do... Show more |
| 84) Q: What happens if you sing country music
backwards?
A: You... Show more |
| 85) Q: What do you call the
folks who hang
around the musicians a... Show more |
| 86) Q: How is lightning like a violist's
fingers?
A: Neither one s... Show more |
| 87) Q: What's the difference between a
chainsaw
and an accordion?... Show more |
| 88) Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your
door?
A: T... Show more |
| 89) Q: What will you never say about a
banjo
player?
A: That's... Show more |
| 90) Q:
What is the difference between a saxophone
and a chainsaw?... Show more |
| 91) Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is
reincarnated as twins?... Show more |
| 92) Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really
stupid?
A: When t... Show more |
| 93) Q: How do you
know when a trumpet player is
at your door?
A:... Show more |
| 94) Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a
violin?
A: It is usua... Show more |
| 95) Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A:
Someone who has his or... Show more |
| 96) Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bassoon
!
Bassoon who ?
Bassoon t... Show more |
| 97) Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for
transplants?
A: Th... Show more |
| 98) Q: How do you make a violin sound like a
viola?
A: Sit in the... Show more |
| 99) Q: What is the difference between a violin and a
viola?
A: A... Show more |
| 100) Q: Why is a violinist
like a Scud
missile?
A: Both are offen... Show more |
| 101) Q. Why
did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get away from... Show more |
| 102) Q: How can you tell the difference between all
the banjo songs?... Show more |
| 103) Q: What is the best recording of the Walton
viola concerto?... Show more |
| 104) Q: What's the range of an
accordion?
A:
Twenty yards if you'... Show more |
| 105) Q: How do know a
clarinet player is playing
loud?
A: You can... Show more |
| 106) Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bass !
Bass
who ?
Bass the salt a... Show more |
| 107) Q: Why don't violists play hide and seek?
A:
Because no one wi... Show more |
| 108) Q. What's the definition
of a quarter tone?
A. A bagpiper t... Show more |
| 109) Knock Knock
Who's there !
Beethoven
!
Beethoven who ?
Beeth... Show more |
| 110) Q: What do you get if you cross a lamp with a
violin?
A: You... Show more |
| 111) Hey buddy.
How late does the band
play?
About half a beat be... Show more |
| 112) Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a
mine shaft?... Show more |
| 113) Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth
control?
A: Th... Show more |
| 114) Q: What is the definition of an optimist?
A:
An accordion play... Show more |
| 115) Q: What is the definition
of a major
seventh?
A: A violist p... Show more |
| 116) Q: What do you get when you play a new age song
backwards?
A:... Show more |
| 117) Q: How do you protect a valuable
instrument?
A: Hide it in an... Show more |
| 118) Q: What
is the missing link between the bass
and the ape?
A:... Show more |
| 119) Q: How do you get a
cellist to play
fortissimo?
A: Write 'pp... Show more |
| 120) Q: What is the range of a tuba?
A: Twenty
yards if you've got... Show more |
| 121) Q: Why do bagpipers
walk when they
play?
A: To get away from... Show more |
| 122) Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to
chorus?
A: He wanted to s... Show more |
| 123) A saxophone is like a lawsuit.
Everyone is
happy when the case... Show more |
| 124) Q: Which positions
does a violist use?
A:
First, third, and... Show more |
| 125) Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the
banjo?
A: They make goo... Show more |
| 126) What's musical and
holds gallons and
gallons of beer?
A bar... Show more |
| 127) Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a
perfect unison?
A: Sh... Show more |
| 128) Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of
tune?
A: The bow is... Show more |
| 129) Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is
buried?
A: Because he's... Show more |
| 130) Q: Why
do so many fishermen own
banjos?
A: They make great a... Show more |
| 131) When is the water in the shower room musical?
When it's pipin... Show more |
| 132) Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play
louder?
A: You c... Show more |
| 133) What do you call a mammoth who conducts an
orchestra?
Tuska... Show more |
| 134) Q:
What do you call a person who plays the
viola?
A: A viola... Show more |
| 135) Q: What's musical and handy in a
supermarket?
A: A Chopin Lisz... Show more |
| 136) What is musical and
handy in the
supermarket.
A Chopin Lizs... Show more |
| 137) Tuba Player: Did you hear
my last
recital?
Friend: I hope so... Show more |
| 138) Q: What's an accordion good for?
A: Learning
how to fold a map... Show more |
| 139) Q: What do you call a male quartet?
A: Three
men and a tenor.... Show more |
| 140) Q: Why does everyone hate a banjo
right
off?
A: Saves time.... Show more |
| 141) Knock Knock
Who's there !
Bach !
Bach
who ?
Bach to work!... Show more |
| 142) Q.How is a heart like a musician?
A.They both
have a beat :)... Show more |
| 143) Q. What did the bagpiper get on his I.Q. test?
A. Drool.... Show more |
| 144) Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a
"tuba glue."... Show more |
| 145) Why did they arrest the musician?
He got
into treble.... Show more |
| 146) How do you
make a bandstand?
Take away
their chairs... Show more |
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