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MUSIC JOKES!

music JOKES (random)

Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto? A: Music Minus One.

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY music JOKES:

 1 - A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins... More ››
 2 - Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone? A: A Rolling Stone says "hey... More ››
 3 - Person 1: It must be terrible for an opera singer to realize that he can never sing again. Pers... More ››
 4 - Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You don't have to be very... More ››
 5 - Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins? A: A pair of Re-bachs.... More ››
 6 - Q: What do you call a person who plays the viola? A: A violator.... More ››
 7 - Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what... More ››
 8 - When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptica... More ››
 9 - A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater... More ››
 10 - A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Stridin... More ››
 11 - Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenro... More ››
 12 - A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead. T... More ››
 13 - "Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You ha... More ››
 14 - Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe playe... More ››
 15 - Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player... More ››
 16 - Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music,... More ››
 17 - Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Only one, but they'll insist... More ››
 18 - Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I... More ››
 19 - Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower... More ››
 20 - Q. What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A. You can tune the lawnmower, and... More ››
 21 - Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy so... More ››
 22 - Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the ro... More ››
 23 - Q: Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording? A: Recording technology has reached such... More ››
 24 - Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons? A: I do... More ››
 25 - A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. "Help!" cried the cellist,... More ››
 26 - 1st man: "My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!" 2nd man: "D... More ››
 27 - Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it an... More ››
 28 - Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Five. One to handle the bu... More ››
 29 - Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One to change it, five to... More ››
 30 - Q: When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story buildin... More ››
 31 - Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven; one to change and the... More ››
 32 - Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks? A: Stick them up front... More ››
 33 - One day the bass player hid one of the drummer's sticks. The drummer said, "finally! After bein... More ››
 34 - Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to screw it... More ››
 35 - Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to tu... More ››
 36 - Q: Why are violas so large? A: It is an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large, jus... More ››
 37 - Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this?... More ››
 38 - Q: Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering? A: Because if they get lost, it takes ages be... More ››
 39 - Q: Dad, why do the singers rock left and right while performing on stage? A: Because, son, it i... More ››
 40 - An eight-year-old kid says t his dad, "When I grow up, I want to be a musician." The dad says,... More ››
 41 - Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue r... More ››
 42 - Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a... More ››
 43 - Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend? A: Without him, the fiddle would be t... More ››
 44 - Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson? Because he'd... More ››
 45 - Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don'... More ››
 46 - Do you think, Professor, that my wife should take up the piano as a career? No, I think she sh... More ››
 47 - Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw? A: One is loud, obnoxious... More ››
 48 - Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? A: Government bonds even... More ››
 49 - Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet witho... More ››
 50 - Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before y... More ››
 51 - Q: Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car? A: It took him four hours to... More ››
 52 - Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. The piano player can do... More ››
 53 - Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor? A: You tie a rope to an anchor before... More ››
 54 - Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play... More ››
 55 - Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the b... More ››
 56 - Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one - but the guitarist h... More ››
 57 - Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't k... More ››
 58 - Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please. Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no... More ››
 59 - Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover? A: When they even put their ear up to the ba... More ››
 60 - Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet? A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a to... More ››
 61 - Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long? A: So the violists don't need to b... More ››
 62 - Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? A: No-one cries when you chop up an... More ››
 63 - Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They have a machine that doe... More ››
 64 - Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom? Because he was practicing Handel's Wat... More ››
 65 - Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away? A: Root position... More ››
 66 - Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong... More ››
 67 - Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet? A: A trombone will bend before it b... More ››
 68 - Q: What's the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We're still trying to find ou... More ››
 69 - Q. Why do bagpipers leave their cases on their dashboards? A. So they can park in handicapped... More ››
 70 - Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an Uzi submachine gun? A: An Uzi only repeats 40... More ››
 71 - Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin? A: The coffin has the corpse on the ins... More ››
 72 - Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please r... More ››
 73 - Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? A: King Kong is more sensiti... More ››
 74 - Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please ri... More ››
 75 - Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones? A: "I didn't wake up this morning.... More ››
 76 - Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? A: Half a measure... More ››
 77 - Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds... More ››
 78 - Q: What's the definition of a gentleman? A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!... More ››
 79 - Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.... More ››
 80 - Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.... More ››
 81 - Q: What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker? A: A dressmaker tucks up frills.... More ››
 82 - Q: How do you get a viola section to play spiccato? A: Write a whole note with "solo" above it.... More ››
 83 - Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathizers.... More ››
 84 - Q: Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ? A: They never know when to come in.... More ››
 85 - Q: What is the difference between a dog and a viola? A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.... More ››
 86 - Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards? A: You get your job and your wife back.... More ››
 87 - Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories? A: Violists.... More ››
 88 - Q: How is lightning like a violist's fingers? A: Neither one strikes in the same place twice.... More ››
 89 - Q: What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion? A: A chainsaw can be tuned.... More ››
 90 - Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door? A: The knocking always speeds up.... More ››
 91 - Q: What will you never say about a banjo player? A: That's the banjo player's porsche.... More ››
 92 - Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It's all in the grip.... More ››
 93 - Q: How can you tell when a tenor is really stupid? A: When the other tenors notice.... More ››
 94 - Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door? A: The doorbell shrieks!... More ››
 95 - Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin? A: It is usually still in the case.... More ››
 96 - Q: What's the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.... More ››
 97 - Knock Knock Who's there ! Bassoon ! Bassoon who ? Bassoon things will be better !... More ››
 98 - Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants? A: They've had little use.... More ››
 99 - Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don't play.... More ››
 100 - Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola? A: A viola burns longer.... More ››
 101 - Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile? A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.... More ››
 102 - Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get away from the bagpipe recital.... More ››
 103 - Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs? A: By their names.... More ››
 104 - Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto? A: Music Minus One.... More ››
 105 - Q: What's the range of an accordion? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!... More ››
 106 - Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud? A: You can almost hear them.... More ››
 107 - Knock Knock Who's there ! Bass ! Bass who ? Bass the salt and pepper please !... More ››
 108 - Q: Why don't violists play hide and seek? A: Because no one will look for them.... More ››
 109 - Q. What's the definition of a quarter tone? A. A bagpiper tuning his drones.... More ››
 110 - Knock Knock Who's there ! Beethoven ! Beethoven who ? Beethoven is too hot !... More ››
 111 - Q: What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin? A: You get light music.... More ››
 112 - Hey buddy. How late does the band play? About half a beat behind the drummer.... More ››
 113 - Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor.... More ››
 114 - Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality.... More ››
 115 - Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager.... More ››
 116 - Q: What is the definition of a major seventh? A: A violist playing octaves.... More ››
 117 - Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song.... More ››
 118 - Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument? A: Hide it in an accordion case.... More ››
 119 - Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? A: The baritone.... More ››
 120 - Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo? A: Write 'pp, espressivo'.... More ››
 121 - Q: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.... More ››
 122 - Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise.... More ››
 123 - Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus? A: He wanted to sing higher!... More ››
 124 - A saxophone is like a lawsuit. Everyone is happy when the case is closed.... More ››
 125 - Q: Which positions does a violist use? A: First, third, and emergency.... More ››
 126 - Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo? A: They make good paddles.... More ››
 127 - What's musical and holds gallons and gallons of beer? A barrel organ.... More ››
 128 - Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison? A: Shoot one.... More ››
 129 - Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving.... More ››
 130 - Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried? A: Because he's Haydn!... More ››
 131 - Q: Why do so many fishermen own banjos? A: They make great anchors!... More ››
 132 - When is the water in the shower room musical? When it's piping hot.... More ››
 133 - Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder? A: You can't!... More ››
 134 - What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra? Tuskanini.... More ››
 135 - Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A: A Chopin Liszt.... More ››
 136 - What is musical and handy in the supermarket. A Chopin Lizst.... More ››
 137 - Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.... More ››
 138 - Q: What's an accordion good for? A: Learning how to fold a map.... More ››
 139 - Q: What do you call a male quartet? A: Three men and a tenor.... More ››
 140 - Q: Why does everyone hate a banjo right off? A: Saves time.... More ››
 141 - Knock Knock Who's there ! Bach ! Bach who ? Bach to work!... More ››
 142 - Q.How is a heart like a musician? A.They both have a beat :)... More ››
 143 - Q. What did the bagpiper get on his I.Q. test? A. Drool.... More ››
 144 - Q: How do you fix a broken tuba? A: With a "tuba glue."... More ››
 145 - Why did they arrest the musician? He got into treble.... More ››
 146 - How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs... More ››
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