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VAMPIRE JOKES!

vampire JOKES (random)

MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY vampire JOKES:

 1 - Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in th... More ››
 2 - Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back p... More ››
 3 - What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty.... More ››
 4 - Two men were having a drink together. One said, "I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wif... More ››
 5 - Doctor, doctor, I think I've been bitten by a vampire. Drink this glass of water. Will it ma... More ››
 6 - When the picture of the vampire's grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night wh... More ››
 7 - Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire ? It bit his neck, sucked his... More ››
 8 - What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood... More ››
 9 - What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? Something that goes straight... More ››
 10 - One vampire to the other : " Let's go and have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just roun... More ››
 11 - Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lig... More ››
 12 - What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he leaves for work in the evening? Have a nice bi... More ››
 13 - Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose? He was a ghoulsnif fer.... More ››
 14 - What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail? I don't know but it would slow him down.... More ››
 15 - Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King? He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion.... More ››
 16 - What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy ? Something you wouldn't want to unwrap !... More ››
 17 - Did you know that Dracula wants to become a comedian? He's looking for a crypt writer.... More ››
 18 - Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed.... More ››
 19 - What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ? He cut all his fingers off !... More ››
 20 - How does a vampire get through life with only one fang? He has to grin and bare it.... More ››
 21 - Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded? Because he was a complete sucker.... More ››
 22 - What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic? Wait for him to give it back.... More ››
 23 - Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they're always out for blood!... More ››
 24 - Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart? He had loved in vein.... More ››
 25 - What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail? The world's slowest vampire.... More ››
 26 - When he's out driving, where does Dracula like to stop and eat? The Happy Biter.... More ››
 27 - Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? He could really get into the vaultz.... More ››
 28 - Did you hear about the vampire who got married? He proposed to his girl-fiend.... More ››
 29 - What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot? A bite in shining armor.... More ››
 30 - Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.... More ››
 31 - Why was the young vampire a failure? Because he fainted at the sight of blood.... More ››
 32 - What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.... More ››
 33 - Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot? He was a bite of the Round Table!... More ››
 34 - Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin? Because his life is at stake.... More ››
 35 - How do you join a Vampire Fan Club? Send your name, address and blood group.... More ››
 36 - Why is Hollywood full of vampires? They need someone to play the bit parts.... More ››
 37 - Who plays center forward for the vampire football team? The ghoulscorer.... More ››
 38 - How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use extractor fangs.... More ››
 39 - What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact? Well, fangcy that!... More ››
 40 - Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist? He wanted to improve his bite.... More ››
 41 - Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water.... More ››
 42 - Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!... More ››
 43 - What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat.... More ››
 44 - What is the vampire's favorite slogan? Please Give Blood Generously.... More ››
 45 - What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? Coffin medicine.... More ››
 46 - How does Dracula like to have his food served? In bite-sized pieces.... More ››
 47 - Why did the vampire go to hospital? He wanted his ghoulstones removed.... More ››
 48 - Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.... More ››
 49 - What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day? A coffin break.... More ››
 50 - MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.... More ››
 51 - What do you get if you cross Dracula with AI Capone? A fangster.... More ››
 52 - Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ? The girl necks door.... More ››
 53 - Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he's a pain in the neck.... More ››
 54 - What does Dracula say to his victims? It's been nice gnawing you.... More ››
 55 - What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.... More ››
 56 - What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight? Necking.... More ››
 57 - What is the American national day for vampires? Fangsgiving Day.... More ››
 58 - Where is Dracula's American office? The Vampire State Building.... More ››
 59 - What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ? Jack-u-la !... More ››
 60 - Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn't fancy the stake.... More ››
 61 - Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin? It wanted to play squash.... More ››
 62 - What kind of typewriters do vampires like? Blood type-writers.... More ››
 63 - What type of people do vampires like? Type O positive people.... More ››
 64 - What do vampire footballers have at half-time? Blood oranges.... More ››
 65 - How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap.... More ››
 66 - What is the best way to talk to a vampire? By long distance.... More ››
 67 - What do vampires make sandwiches out of? Self-raising dead.... More ››
 68 - What is a vampire's favourite soup ? Scream of mushroom !... More ››
 69 - Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge? Ghouldilocks.... More ››
 70 - How does a vampire clean his house? With a victim cleaner.... More ››
 71 - What's pink, lives in a sty and drinks blood? A hampire.... More ››
 72 - Where did vampires go to first in America? New-fang-land.... More ››
 73 - Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.... More ››
 74 - Which flavor ice cream is Dracula's favorite? Vein-illa.... More ››
 75 - What is Dracula's favorite pudding? Leeches and scream.... More ››
 76 - What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ? Mack-u-la !... More ››
 77 - Which vampire tried to eat James Bond? Ghouldfinger.... More ››
 78 - What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!... More ››
 79 - Why wouldn't the vampire eat his soup? It clotted.... More ››
 80 - What is Dracula's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.... More ››
 81 - What do vampires cross the sea in? Blood vessels.... More ››
 82 - What's a vampire's favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.... More ››
 83 - What's Dracula's car called? A mobile blood unit.... More ››
 84 - What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.... More ››
 85 - How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.... More ››
 86 - What's a vampire's favorite hobby? In-grave-ing.... More ››
 87 - What do you think of Dracula films? Fangtastic!... More ››
 88 - What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Quackula.... More ››
 89 - How does Dracula keep fit? He plays batminton.... More ››
 90 - When do vampires bite you? On Wincedays.... More ››
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