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police JOKES (random)

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin?
I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman?
Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"

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 3 - A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their sk... More ››
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 5 - A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I... More ››
 6 - A police officer stopped a young man for speeding. He stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted hi... More ››
 7 - A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. S... More ››
 8 - A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods... More ››
 9 - Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see... More ››
 10 - A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court... More ››
 11 - A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far... More ››
 12 - While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge... More ››
 13 - The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in... More ››
 14 - Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets o... More ››
 15 - This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the ca... More ››
 16 - A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early... More ››
 17 - A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turn... More ››
 18 - A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol buildin... More ››
 19 - One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hur... More ››
 20 - A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs s... More ››
 21 - The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they... More ››
 22 - A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up... More ››
 23 - A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the... More ››
 24 - While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting... More ››
 25 - Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.... More ››
 26 - John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the off... More ››
 27 - An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled... More ››
 28 - A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A c... More ››
 29 - I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came... More ››
 30 - A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a pol... More ››
 31 - A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at t... More ››
 32 - A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a fo... More ››
 33 - A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it... More ››
 34 - Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She... More ››
 35 - The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He... More ››
 36 - A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you goin... More ››
 37 - An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the le... More ››
 38 - Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor,... More ››
 39 - A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to "Make out Mountain" to try to catch some... More ››
 40 - A policeman stops a car and suggests an apparently drunken fellow to take a breath test. He blow... More ››
 41 - A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with h... More ››
 42 - Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of hi... More ››
 43 - A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed u... More ››
 44 - A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 1... More ››
 45 - A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his... More ››
 46 - Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they... More ››
 47 - As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The c... More ››
 48 - A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride. After traveling... More ››
 49 - A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead."... More ››
 50 - A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explainin... More ››
 51 - A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes o... More ››
 52 - Two Rangers stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were... More ››
 53 - The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop be... More ››
 54 - A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Lis... More ››
 55 - Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and w... More ››
 56 - A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in t... More ››
 57 - A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the... More ››
 58 - On a narrow mountain's road a man saw a police car driving uphill backwards. - Hi guys. Why are... More ››
 59 - One evening this Columbia Yuppie was stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a bre... More ››
 60 - The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gut... More ››
 61 - Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doin... More ››
 62 - A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doc... More ››
 63 - The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole... More ››
 64 - One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she live... More ››
 65 - The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was wa... More ››
 66 - Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect c... More ››
 67 - The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, an... More ››
 68 - Veronica was practicing the piano when suddenly there was a loud pounding on the front door. S... More ››
 69 - At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telepho... More ››
 70 - A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the... More ››
 71 - Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I ask... More ››
 72 - A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he disc... More ››
 73 - A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discove... More ››
 74 - A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house... More ››
 75 - Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a... More ››
 76 - The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.... More ››
 77 - A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speed... More ››
 78 - How many cops does it take to change light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need... More ››
 79 - A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her licens... More ››
 80 - A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speedin... More ››
 81 - A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should b... More ››
 82 - There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, th... More ››
 83 - "Now as I understand it, Sir," said the police officer to the motorist, "you were driving this v... More ››
 84 - - Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundr... More ››
 85 - Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Hi, is this the police? Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you nee... More ››
 86 - A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The offic... More ››
 87 - A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the d... More ››
 88 - Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one s... More ››
 89 - The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."... More ››
 90 - "I'll have to report you, sir," said the traffic cop to the speeding driver. "You were doing 85... More ››
 91 - Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there? Motorist: I thought you were saying... More ››
 92 - Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"... More ››
 93 - Polceman: "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night." Man: "What's the... More ››
 94 - A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shout... More ››
 95 - Policeman: Now, sir, how did you come to have this accident? Motorist: Well, the sign just there... More ››
 96 - A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, "What will you take.... More ››
 97 - This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. "You got any... More ››
 98 - Why do Iraqi police officers walk in threes? The first knows how to read, the second knows how t... More ››
 99 - Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured.... More ››
 100 - A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers wi... More ››
 101 - Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you... More ››
 102 - A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective."... More ››
 103 - A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No," says the cop. "What... More ››
 104 - Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are... More ››
 105 - "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." "You're wrong, officer, it's o... More ››
 106 - Lady:(standing in the middle of a busy street) Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospit... More ››
 107 - When Mike got arrested, they told him, "Anything you say will be held against you." Mike said... More ››
 108 - My horoscope read, "You're going places and you can't be stopped." Apparently the cop who gav... More ››
 109 - Police officer: And what do you think you are doing on this road, Dracula? Dracula: Looking fo... More ››
 110 - Police Chief: Why do you spend all your time trying to hit flies? Officer: You assigned me to t... More ››
 111 - Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my... More ››
 112 - How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb? Six. One to do it and five to smash the old b... More ››
 113 - Woman: Officer you must help. I've just lost my wig. Police officer: Certainly, ma'am, we'll c... More ››
 114 - Police Chief: Why did you tie a rope on that criminal? Officer: You ordered me to get a line on... More ››
 115 - HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are lookin... More ››
 116 - Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would be tough to be an idiot all da... More ››
 117 - Police Chief: Why did you ticket the computer? Officer: It was speeding along the information h... More ››
 118 - Police Chief: Why are you putting handcuffs on that building? Officer: I'm making a house arres... More ››
 119 - Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me that ticket? Policeman: It was a moving violation.... More ››
 120 - Police Chief: Why did you arrest that doctor? Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.... More ››
 121 - What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer? A fair cop.... More ››
 122 - What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer? A fair cop.... More ››
 123 - How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow-worm? He has a flashing light.... More ››
 124 - What did the police officer say to his stomach? I've got you under a vest.... More ››
 125 - How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.... More ››
 126 - The police are looking for a thief with one eye Why don't they use two?... More ››
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