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police JOKES (random)

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

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 1 - A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The po... More ››
 2 - A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up... More ››
 3 - The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. "You've got to help... More ››
 4 - A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their sk... More ››
 5 - A seargent is interviewing three cadets who were training to become detectives. To test their... More ››
 6 - A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I... More ››
 7 - A police officer stopped a young man for speeding. He stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted hi... More ››
 8 - A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. S... More ››
 9 - A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods... More ››
 10 - Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see... More ››
 11 - A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court... More ››
 12 - A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far... More ››
 13 - While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge... More ››
 14 - The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in... More ››
 15 - Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets o... More ››
 16 - This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the ca... More ››
 17 - A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early... More ››
 18 - A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turn... More ››
 19 - A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol buildin... More ››
 20 - One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hur... More ››
 21 - A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs s... More ››
 22 - The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they... More ››
 23 - A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the... More ››
 24 - While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting... More ››
 25 - Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.... More ››
 26 - John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the off... More ››
 27 - An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled... More ››
 28 - A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A c... More ››
 29 - I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came... More ››
 30 - A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a pol... More ››
 31 - A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at t... More ››
 32 - A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a fo... More ››
 33 - A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it... More ››
 34 - Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She... More ››
 35 - The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He... More ››
 36 - A cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you goin... More ››
 37 - An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the le... More ››
 38 - Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor,... More ››
 39 - A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to "Make out Mountain" to try to catch some... More ››
 40 - A policeman stops a car and suggests an apparently drunken fellow to take a breath test. He blow... More ››
 41 - A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with h... More ››
 42 - Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of hi... More ››
 43 - A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed u... More ››
 44 - A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 1... More ››
 45 - A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his... More ››
 46 - Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they... More ››
 47 - As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The c... More ››
 48 - A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride. After traveling... More ››
 49 - A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead."... More ››
 50 - A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explainin... More ››
 51 - A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes o... More ››
 52 - Two Rangers stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were... More ››
 53 - The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop be... More ››
 54 - A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Lis... More ››
 55 - Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and w... More ››
 56 - A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in t... More ››
 57 - A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the... More ››
 58 - On a narrow mountain's road a man saw a police car driving uphill backwards. - Hi guys. Why are... More ››
 59 - One evening this Columbia Yuppie was stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a bre... More ››
 60 - The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gut... More ››
 61 - Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doin... More ››
 62 - A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doc... More ››
 63 - The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole... More ››
 64 - One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she live... More ››
 65 - The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was wa... More ››
 66 - Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect c... More ››
 67 - The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, an... More ››
 68 - Veronica was practicing the piano when suddenly there was a loud pounding on the front door. S... More ››
 69 - At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telepho... More ››
 70 - A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the... More ››
 71 - Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I ask... More ››
 72 - A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he disc... More ››
 73 - A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discove... More ››
 74 - A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house... More ››
 75 - Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a... More ››
 76 - The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.... More ››
 77 - A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speed... More ››
 78 - How many cops does it take to change light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need... More ››
 79 - A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her licens... More ››
 80 - A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speedin... More ››
 81 - A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should b... More ››
 82 - There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, th... More ››
 83 - "Now as I understand it, Sir," said the police officer to the motorist, "you were driving this v... More ››
 84 - - Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spotted hundr... More ››
 85 - Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Hi, is this the police? Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you nee... More ››
 86 - A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The offic... More ››
 87 - A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the d... More ››
 88 - Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one s... More ››
 89 - The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."... More ››
 90 - "I'll have to report you, sir," said the traffic cop to the speeding driver. "You were doing 85... More ››
 91 - Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there? Motorist: I thought you were saying... More ››
 92 - Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"... More ››
 93 - Polceman: "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night." Man: "What's the... More ››
 94 - A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shout... More ››
 95 - Policeman: Now, sir, how did you come to have this accident? Motorist: Well, the sign just there... More ››
 96 - A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, "What will you take.... More ››
 97 - This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. "You got any... More ››
 98 - Why do Iraqi police officers walk in threes? The first knows how to read, the second knows how t... More ››
 99 - Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured.... More ››
 100 - A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers wi... More ››
 101 - Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you... More ››
 102 - A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective."... More ››
 103 - A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No," says the cop. "What... More ››
 104 - Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are... More ››
 105 - "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." "You're wrong, officer, it's o... More ››
 106 - Lady:(standing in the middle of a busy street) Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospit... More ››
 107 - When Mike got arrested, they told him, "Anything you say will be held against you." Mike said... More ››
 108 - My horoscope read, "You're going places and you can't be stopped." Apparently the cop who gav... More ››
 109 - Police officer: And what do you think you are doing on this road, Dracula? Dracula: Looking fo... More ››
 110 - Police Chief: Why do you spend all your time trying to hit flies? Officer: You assigned me to t... More ››
 111 - Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? A: I'd probably lose my... More ››
 112 - How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb? Six. One to do it and five to smash the old b... More ››
 113 - Woman: Officer you must help. I've just lost my wig. Police officer: Certainly, ma'am, we'll c... More ››
 114 - Police Chief: Why did you tie a rope on that criminal? Officer: You ordered me to get a line on... More ››
 115 - HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are lookin... More ››
 116 - Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer? A: It would be tough to be an idiot all da... More ››
 117 - Police Chief: Why did you ticket the computer? Officer: It was speeding along the information h... More ››
 118 - Police Chief: Why are you putting handcuffs on that building? Officer: I'm making a house arres... More ››
 119 - Motorist: Why are you crying after giving me that ticket? Policeman: It was a moving violation.... More ››
 120 - Police Chief: Why did you arrest that doctor? Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.... More ››
 121 - What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer? A fair cop.... More ››
 122 - What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer? A fair cop.... More ››
 123 - How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow-worm? He has a flashing light.... More ››
 124 - What did the police officer say to his stomach? I've got you under a vest.... More ››
 125 - How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.... More ››
 126 - The police are looking for a thief with one eye Why don't they use two?... More ››
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