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Random Accountant Jokes!

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart." The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?" "One was a teacher and the other was an accountant." "I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."


 
     
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The Best Accountant Jokes:
1) Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run... Read On »
2) A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sh... Read On »
3) The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied f... Read On »
4) An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use o... Read On »
5) There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advanta... Read On »
6) An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in... Read On »
7) A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager... Read On »
8) A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant h... Read On »
9) Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner,... Read On »
10) An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner shows him th... Read On »
11) A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydn... Read On »
12) Mr Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large manufacturing concern. Every day, on... Read On »
13) An auditor was examining the balance sheet of a mining company that had just boug... Read On »
14) A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one evening which read: "De... Read On »
15) Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the... Read On »
16) A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an accou... Read On »
17) The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior... Read On »
18) A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "Th... Read On »
19) A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. T... Read On »
20) The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient. "This is good news. It i... Read On »
21) The accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughte... Read On »
22) A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the firs... Read On »
23) An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosau... Read On »
24) A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an acco... Read On »
25) An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor,... Read On »
26) An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor,... Read On »
27) A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.... Read On »
28) A businessman hires a private detective to find a missing accountant. The detect... Read On »
29) Who was the first accountant? Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first... Read On »
30) How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? "What kind of answer d... Read On »
31) Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: "No, son. When Littl... Read On »
32) Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive... Read On »
33) The accountant's prayer: Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant detail... Read On »
34) "The auditors have just left, sir." "Did they check the books?" "Very thoro... Read On »
35) What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9.18 am and 12 secon... Read On »
36) Laws of Accounting 1. Trial balances don't 2. Bank reconciliations never do 3.... Read On »
37) Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of an... Read On »
38) How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in f... Read On »
39) When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn't h... Read On »
40) What's the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't kn... Read On »
41) How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Hmmm........I'll... Read On »
42) How can you tell when the Chief Accountant is getting soft? When he actually liste... Read On »
43) What's a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy an... Read On »
44) What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking t... Read On »
45) What's the definition of unlikely? A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's T... Read On »
46) Why did the auditor cross the road? Because he looked in the file and that's wha... Read On »
47) How do you know when an accountant's on holidays? He doesn't wear a tie to work... Read On »
48) What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town a... Read On »
49) What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town a... Read On »
50) If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell... Read On »
51) What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the g... Read On »
52) What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?... Read On »
53) There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those... Read On »
54) What's the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named a... Read On »
55) How do you know accountants have no imagination? They named a firm Pricewaterhouse... Read On »
56) Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too ex... Read On »
57) How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb? How many did it take last... Read On »
58) Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbe... Read On »
59) Conversation between two accountants at a cocktail party: ".......and ninthly...... Read On »
60) Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays? They can wear casual clothes to wor... Read On »
61) Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at.... Read On »
62) What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.... Read On »
63) What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.... Read On »
64) Why did he cross back? So he could charge the client for travel expenses.... Read On »
65) Q: What is a Budget? A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.... Read On »
66) What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular... Read On »
67) When do accountants laugh out loud? When somebody asks for a raise... Read On »
68) Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures.... Read On »
69) What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.... Read On »
70) What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.... Read On »
71) What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost... Read On »
72) What does FCPA stand for? Finally Caught Pinching the Assets... Read On »
73) What would Economics be without assumptions? Accounting... Read On »
74) What does CPA stand for? Can't Produce Anything... Read On »

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