Funny Car And Train Jokes

Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car. 'Oh, Gladys,' said her friend, 'you've lost your engine!' 'Never mind dear,' said auntie. 'I've got a spare one in the trunk.'

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The Best Car And Train Jokes:

1) A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or E... Show more

2) A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls... Show more

3) One day, two guys were driving to a local grocery store to ge... Show more

4) Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of... Show more

5) A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss... Show more

6) Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told t... Show more

7) A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block... Show more

8) A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he come... Show more

9) Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian bord... Show more

10) Blake and his parents were drinking at the bar in a train sta... Show more

11) A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's li... Show more

12) A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark nigh... Show more

13) A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck... Show more

14) A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell... Show more

15) A businessman was traveling in the train and his seat was res... Show more

16) A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists. The A... Show more

17) A man is driving down the road for a long period of time. Dur... Show more

18) An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They bot... Show more

19) A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hit... Show more

20) After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remov... Show more

21) Dilmer, six-foot-three, two hundred eighty pounds, was thrown f... Show more

22) A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and... Show more

23) One day there was a family driving in the car to Michigan to... Show more

24) After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly cle... Show more

25) A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once h... Show more

26) A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to att... Show more

27) A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks... Show more

28) The train was about to pull out of the station. Swinging a la... Show more

29) A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the... Show more

30) Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by America... Show more

31) A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving tha... Show more

32) A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his a... Show more

33) Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every... Show more

34) In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directio... Show more

35) A man was driving up a steep and narrow mountain road. A wom... Show more

36) A man was fed up of having his car broken into and having his... Show more

37) Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental ca... Show more

38) While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truck... Show more

39) Kelly was standing in front of Cohan's Tavern when he saw a d... Show more

40) Auntie Maud bought herself a new rear-engine European car. She... Show more

41) It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over... Show more

42) As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car pho... Show more

43) One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and bee... Show more

44) WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carb... Show more

45) Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bul... Show more

46) "Where's the car?" asked Professor Delbert's wife when he got... Show more

47) A San Francisco motorist following a taillight in a dense fog... Show more

48) McAfee and Bracket were driving home after a big party. "He... Show more

49) Two cab drivers met. "Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of pai... Show more

50) A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home on... Show more

51) Hawk and Tom were talking in the bar. Hawk said," I just got... Show more

52) A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restrict... Show more

53) A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restrict... Show more

54) A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a... Show more

55) Personally, I like to stay and read the credits. When the las... Show more

56) I saw the most beautiful cars in the window of a dealership r... Show more

57) On Fred's 17th birthday, his Dad said he'd take him out for h... Show more

58) You know all that talk about backseat driving? Well, I've... Show more

59) A man walks into an auto parts store and says "I'd like a rea... Show more

60) If an electric train travels 90 miles an hour in a westerly d... Show more

61) Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-wa... Show more

62) Two wizards in a car were driving along and the police were c... Show more

63) "When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and... Show more

64) A monster goes to a petrol station and says: Fill me up The ma... Show more

65) A boy sat on a train chewing gum and staring vacantly into sp... Show more

66) Motorist: When I bought this car you told me it was rust-free... Show more

67) Policeman: What do you think you're doing driving through that... Show more

68) My sister's a really bad driver. What makes you say that? E... Show more

69) I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who sai... Show more

70) A motorist ran into a shop. "Do you own a black and white cat... Show more

71) Policeman: I suppose you're going to tell me you weren't spee... Show more

72) Q: How many London taxi drivers does it take to change a ligh... Show more

73) If you watch the way that many motorists drive you will soon... Show more

74) Did you hear about the girl who was so keen on road safety th... Show more

75) When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a gr... Show more

76) Teacher: "Who built the first American car?" Student: "Me Pil... Show more

77) What's the difference between a schoolteacher and a train dri... Show more

78) Motorist: Does a deer have a horn? Police Officer: No, a deer... Show more

79) Policeman: Are you going to a fire? Motorist: No, I'm trying... Show more

80) Monster: I've got to walk 25 miles home. Ghost: Why don't y... Show more

81) Monster: I've got to walk 25 miles home.' Ghost: Why don't you... Show more

82) What do you get if you cross a Rolls Royce with a vampire?... Show more

83) Policeman: What do you think you're doing parking your car th... Show more

84) What sort of a car has your dad got? I can't remember the n... Show more

85) Policeman: Why did you stop your car, get out, and yell "cowa... Show more

86) Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no... Show more

87) Policeman: I've had my eye on you for some time now. Young L... Show more

88) Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into... Show more

89) What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on th... Show more

90) Policeman: Why were you speeding when I stopped you? Motoris... Show more

91) a quadruple amputee is waiting at the bus stop.The bus pulls... Show more

92) Did you ever see a country boy in New York whistle for a cab?... Show more

93) Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic ligh... Show more

94) What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a te... Show more

95) Policeman: How can you say you don't have any outstanding tic... Show more

96) Policeman: Why were you driving around in circles and laughin... Show more

97) Why did the stupid racing car driver make ten pit stops durin... Show more

98) Policeman: Why did your car just spin around in circles? Mot... Show more

99) Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I wasn't going to... Show more

100) Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?... Show more

101) Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ? Beca... Show more

102) What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full o... Show more

103) Policeman: Did you realize you just missed that bus with your... Show more

104) Policeman: Didn't you see my lights flashing? Motorist: No,... Show more

105) Policeman: Didn't you see the signs with the speed limit? Dr... Show more

106) Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your wa... Show more

107) Policeman: Why did you lead me on a high-speed chase? Motori... Show more

108) Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train to come alo... Show more

109) What did the big carburettor say to the little carburettor?... Show more

110) Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains?... Show more

111) Policeman: Why didn't you stop at that red light? Motorist:... Show more

112) Policeman: Didn't you hear me whistle at you? Woman Driver:... Show more

113) Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?... Show more

114) Policeman: Why are you driving that car in circles? Driver:... Show more

115) Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I was trying to... Show more

116) "Take the wheel, Harry!" said the nervous lady driver. "There's... Show more

117) Policeman: Why are you driving without a license? Motorist:... Show more

118) Policeman: Do you know how fast you were going? Motorist: No... Show more

119) Q: What did the first stoplight say to the second stoplight?... Show more

120) Policeman: Why are you driving on the sidewalk? Motorist: It's... Show more

121) Policeman: Why didn't you obey that stop sign? Driver: I don... Show more

122) Policeman: Why did you crash into that stop sign? Motorist:... Show more

123) Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I was trying to ge... Show more

124) What is the best thing to take when you're run over? The num... Show more

125) What do you get if you cross an Egyptian mummy with a car mec... Show more

126) Policeman: How can you drive so recklessly? Driver: I have t... Show more

127) Policeman: Why were you asleep at the wheel? Motorist: Your... Show more

128) What do you call someone who draws funny pictures of motor ve... Show more

129) Police Officer: Why are you driving in a bathing suit? Motor... Show more

130) Policeman: Didn't you see that stop sign? Driver: I keep my... Show more

131) Policeman: Why have you parked your bus here? Bus Driver: Th... Show more

132) Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost? It ha... Show more

133) Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A:... Show more

134) What should a teacher take if he's run down? The number of... Show more

135) Police Officer: Why were you speeding? Women Driver: I was lat... Show more

136) What do you call a pig who's been arrested for dangerous drivin... Show more

137) Policeman: Why were you speeding? Driver: I didn't want to be... Show more

138) What is the meaning of afford? It's the car most sales repre... Show more

139) What kind of car drives over water? Any kind of car, if it goe... Show more

140) What did the man put on his car when the weather was cold? A... Show more

141) The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you... Show more

142) What happens if an axe falls on your car? You have an ax-i-d... Show more

143) What is evil and ugly and goes at 125 mph? A witch in a hig... Show more

144) Where do cars get the most flat tires? Where there is a fork... Show more

145) How do you stop a dog howling in the back of a car? Put him i... Show more

146) Policeman: Didn't you hear my siren? Motorist: Sure, that's wh... Show more

147) What did one car muffler say to the other car muffler? "Am I... Show more

148) What do you call a person who falls onto you on a train ? A... Show more

149) What would you have if your car's motor was in flames? A fir... Show more

150) Why is it not safe to doze on trains? Because they run over s... Show more

151) Why is an old car like a baby playing? Because it goes with a... Show more

152) What part of a car is the laziest? The wheels. They are always... Show more

153) Why did the man put his car in the oven? Because he wanted a h... Show more

154) Whats black and white and red all over? A nun in a car accid... Show more

155) What happens when a frog's car breaks down? It gets toad aw... Show more

156) What do you get when you put a car and a pet together ? Carp... Show more

157) Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your ca... Show more

158) What do you call a witch who drives really badly? A road ha... Show more

159) How did the woman feel when she got run over by a car? Tire... Show more

160) Brother: How do you top a car ? Sister: Tep on the brake, tupi... Show more