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The Best Christmas Jokes: |
| 1) Once upon a time there was a little girl who
wanted a kitten... Show more |
| 2) It was Christmas
eve, and Santa was
really busy making his li... Show more |
| 3) I remember when Father Christmas first
passed his
sleigh-driv... Show more |
| 4) 'Father Christmas has two
reindeer. He
calls one Edward and t... Show more |
| 5) 'Father
Christmas has two reindeer. He
calls one Edward and t... Show more |
| 6) Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to
go out there and c... Show more |
| 7) Father Christmas: What's your
favourite
Christmas story?
Elf... Show more |
| 8) My problem is that I
keep stealing
things when I go Christmas... Show more |
| 9) Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step
on your toes on m... Show more |
| 10) Father Christmas: All right, my good lady,
my face is my ticket... Show more |
| 11) Dear Father
Christmas, this Christmas
could you please send m... Show more |
| 12) Father
Christmas: How do I stop a
Christmas Gnome being airsi... Show more |
| 13) I've had a slight
accident with your
sleigh, Father Christmas... Show more |
| 14) Dear Father Christmas, could you please
send me some Crocodil... Show more |
| 15) Father Christmas:
What's your favourite
Christmas story?
Elf... Show more |
| 16) Who made this Christmas pudding?
Our
chef. He's a little green... Show more |
| 17) Father Christmas:I
like the story about
the girl who steals f... Show more |
| 18) Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us
oranges every Chris... Show more |
| 19) Elf: My favourite film is about the man who
casts spells in t... Show more |
| 20) What was wrong with the boy's
brand new
toy electric train se... Show more |
| 21) Someone
bought Scrooge a clock for
Christmas. He put it strai... Show more |
| 22) Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of
Christmas I can't... Show more |
| 23) A group of mountain
climbers once heard
Father Christmas go p... Show more |
| 24) What song do Father Christmas' gnomes sing
to him when he com... Show more |
| 25) Why is
Christmas just like a day at the
office ?
You do all... Show more |
| 26) Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a
Christmas bell!
Just t... Show more |
| 27) Last year's Christmas pudding was so
awful I threw it in the... Show more |
| 28) What is the difference between the Christmas
alphabet and the... Show more |
| 29) Why does Santa Claus only have seven
reindeer?
Because Pran... Show more |
| 30) Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer
now
works for Proct... Show more |
| 31) I wouldn't say
Christmas gnomes are
ugly,
But if beauty's s... Show more |
| 32) I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are
cross-eyed,
but wh... Show more |
| 33) ELF NO. 1: What did
Santa shout to his
toys on Christmas Eve?... Show more |
| 34) What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they
were looking out their... Show more |
| 35) What was so good about he
neurotic doll
the girl was given fo... Show more |
| 36) Why are Father Christmas' reindeer like a
cricket
match?
Bec... Show more |
| 37) What do gnomes fear
most about
Christmas?
They're afraid Fat... Show more |
| 38) Can I have a broken drum for
Christmas?
The best thing you cou... Show more |
| 39) What did the bald man say when he got
a
comb for Christmas ?... Show more |
| 40) Why does Santa's sled get such good
mileage?
Because it has l... Show more |
| 41) What's Father Christmas
called when he
takes a rest while del... Show more |
| 42) Father Christmas lost
his umbrella but
he didn't get wet! Why... Show more |
| 43) What does Father Christmas suffer from if he
gets
stuck in a... Show more |
| 44) Doctor,
Doctor I'm scared of Father
Christmas
Doctor: You're... Show more |
| 45) I wouldn't say Christmas gnomes are
small.
But they used to be... Show more |
| 46) Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the
beach ?
Because he... Show more |
| 47) One time Father Christmas lost his
underpants.
That's how he g... Show more |
| 48) JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa
Claus?
MIKE: We'll hav... Show more |
| 49) ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my
pencil! What
sho... Show more |
| 50) If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child,
what would
he be c... Show more |
| 51) Why is a burning candle like being
thirsty ?
Beacause a litt... Show more |
| 52) How to cats greet each other at
Christmas ?
"A furry merry C... Show more |
| 53) Why does Father Christmas like to work in
the garden ?
Because... Show more |
| 54) What do you have in December that you don't
have in any other... Show more |
| 55) Father Christmas win a saucepan in a
competition.
Now thats wh... Show more |
| 56) What did the big cracker
say to the
little cracker ?
My pop... Show more |
| 57) Why is a cat on a beach like
Christmas
?
Because they both h... Show more |
| 58) What's fat and jolly and runs on eight
wheels?
Father Christma... Show more |
| 59) Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No
you can have turkey l... Show more |
| 60) Why couldn't the skeleton go to the
Christmas Party ?
He had n... Show more |
| 61) What do
you get if you cross Father
Christmas with a detectiv... Show more |
| 62) What do you call a letter sent up the
chimney
on Christmas Ev... Show more |
| 63) "Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas
tie?" "He said i... Show more |
| 64) Who sings "Love me tender", and makes
Christmas
toys?
Santa... Show more |
| 65) What do you get if you
cross an apple
with a Christmas tree ?... Show more |
| 66) What does Dracula write on his Christmas
cards ?
Best viciou... Show more |
| 67) Why are Christmas trees like bad
knitters
?
They both drop t... Show more |
| 68) What reindeer can jump higher than a
house?
They all can! Hous... Show more |
| 69) Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind
his
manners the most... Show more |
| 70) What does Father Christmas
call that
reindeer with no eyes?... Show more |
| 71) What's a hairdressers's favourite
Christmas song?
'Oh comb all... Show more |
| 72) Did you hear about the stupid turkey?
It
was looking forward t... Show more |
| 73) A football supporter's favourite
Christmas song?
'Yule never... Show more |
| 74) Why was Santa's little helper
depressed?
Because he had low... Show more |
| 75) Why couldn't the butterfly go to the
Chistmas ball ?
It was a... Show more |
| 76) Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low e... Show more |
| 77) How do sheep greet each other at Christmas
?
A merry Christm... Show more |
| 78) How did the chickens dance at the Christmas
party ?
Chick to... Show more |
| 79) Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The
turkey - he's always st... Show more |
| 80) What did Adam say on the day before
Christmas ?
It's Christmas... Show more |
| 81) What's a ghosts favourite Christmas
entertainment ?
A phanto... Show more |
| 82) Who brings the Christmas presents to
police stations?
Santa... Show more |
| 83) A rabbit's favourite Christmas
song?
'Lettuce with a gladsome... Show more |
| 84) What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Jungle
Bells, Jungle bells... Show more |
| 85) What do you give a train driver for
Christmas
?
Platform sho... Show more |
| 86) Why does Father Christmas go down
chimneys?
Because they soot... Show more |
| 87) Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas
cake ?
Your tee... Show more |
| 88) What do you get hanging from Father
Christmas' roof?
Tired a... Show more |
| 89) What's the most popular wine at
Christmas?
"I don't like sprou... Show more |
| 90) What do you call a man who claps at
Christmas
?
Santapplause... Show more |
| 91) Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas
party ?
It was a scream... Show more |
| 92) Who delivers presents to baby sharks at
Christmas ?
Santa Jaws... Show more |
| 93) Who delievers elephants's Christmas
presents?
Elephanta Claus... Show more |
| 94) How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With
his North Pole-aroid... Show more |
| 95) How do sheep in Mexico say
Merry
Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!... Show more |
| 96) What do vampires put on their turkey at
Christmas ?
Grave-y !... Show more |
| 97) What do you get if you deep fry Santa
Claus?
Crisp Cringle.... Show more |
| 98) What did Dracula say at the Christmas party
?
Fancy a bite ?... Show more |
| 99) How long does it take to burn a candle down
?
About a wick !... Show more |
| 100) What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.... Show more |
| 101) What game do reindeer play in their
stalls?
Stable-tennis!... Show more |
| 102) How many chimney does Father Christmas go
down ?
Stacks !... Show more |
| 103) What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas
game?
Mean-opoly.... Show more |
| 104) What does Father Christmas call his money
?
Iced lolly ?... Show more |
| 105) What is the cow's holiday greeting?
Mooooory Christmas!... Show more |
| 106) Who delievers cat's Christmas
presents
?
Santa Paws !... Show more |
| 107) What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas
song?
Jungle bells.... Show more |
| 108) How do you make a slow reindeer fast
?
Don't feed it !... Show more |
| 109) What bird has wings but cannot
fly
?
Roast turkey !... Show more |
| 110) What's Christmas called in England
?
Yule Britannia !... Show more |
| 111) Why is it so cold at Christmas?
It's in
Decembrrrrr.... Show more |
| 112) What happens to you at Christmas ?
Yule
be happy !... Show more |
| 113) What can Santa give away and still keep?
A cold.... Show more |
| 114) What nationality is Santa Claus?
North
Polish.... Show more |
| 115) What does Santa say when he is sick?
OH
OH NO!... Show more |
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