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THE FUNNIEST CHRISTMAS JOKES

1st Christmas joke

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when there came a knock at the door. His wife comes in. "Honey, where do you want me to put your boots and gloves?" Well, Santa is very busy and so he's slightly annoyed by this trivial question, so he snaps at her, "Put them by the front door, and stop bothering me. I'm trying to get some work done." He starts back to work, but a few minutes later an elf barges in. "Santa, we got all the toys wrapped, what should we do with them?" Santa snaps, "Stick 'em in the sleigh! Can't you see I'm trying to get ready? I don't want any more interruptions!" But sure enough, as soon as he starts back to work, there is another interruption. An angel, standing at the door, says, "Santa, I have your Christmas tree. Where would you like me to put it?" And this is where we get the tradition of placing an ange l on top of the Christmas tree.

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2nd Christmas joke

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

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3rd Christmas joke

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.

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4th Christmas joke

My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it! Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and bring me a new video camera.

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5th Christmas joke

Dear Father Christmas, this Christmas could you please send me a yellow door. Yours, Sherlock Holmes Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes? Lemon-entry my dear watson.

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6th Christmas joke

Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

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7th Christmas joke

Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream? Lady: You certainly did! Father Christmas: Oh good! That means I'm back in the right row!

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8th Christmas joke

Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!

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9th Christmas joke

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas ? A merry Christmas to ewe

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10th Christmas joke

ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do? SANTA: Use a pen.

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY christmas JOKES:

 1 - It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking i... Read More ››
 2 - What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabe... Read More ››
 3 - What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.... Read More ››
 4 - My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can yo... Read More ››
 5 - Dear Father Christmas, this Christmas could you please send me a yellow door.... Read More ››
 6 - Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step on your toes on my way out to get... Read More ››
 7 - Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about t... Read More ››
 8 - Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the... Read More ››
 9 - Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas Doctor: You're suffering from C... Read More ››
 10 - ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do? SANTA... Read More ››
 11 - If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subord... Read More ››
 12 - How do sheep greet each other at Christmas ? A merry Christmas to ewe... Read More ››
 13 - What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.... Read More ››
 14 - Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. He... Read More ››
 15 - I remember when Father Christmas first passed his sleigh-driving test. He came... Read More ››
 16 - 'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edwa... Read More ››
 17 - 'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edwa... Read More ››
 18 - Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to go out there and clear the snow! I... Read More ››
 19 - Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one where t... Read More ››
 20 - Father Christmas: All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket. Box office att... Read More ››
 21 - Father Christmas: How do I stop a Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge?... Read More ››
 22 - I've had a slight accident with your sleigh, Father Christmas! Father Christm... Read More ››
 23 - Dear Father Christmas, could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!. Father... Read More ››
 24 - Who made this Christmas pudding? Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in... Read More ››
 25 - Father Christmas:I like the story about the girl who steals from the rich and... Read More ››
 26 - Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think... Read More ››
 27 - Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a sw... Read More ››
 28 - What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received f... Read More ››
 29 - Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank.... Read More ››
 30 - Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep. Try lying... Read More ››
 31 - A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must h... Read More ››
 32 - What song do Father Christmas' gnomes sing to him when he comes home cold on C... Read More ››
 33 - Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell! Just take these pills -... Read More ››
 34 - Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean. That's pr... Read More ››
 35 - Why does Santa Claus only have seven reindeer? Because Prancer moved in with... Read More ››
 36 - Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?... Read More ››
 37 - I wouldn't say Christmas gnomes are ugly, But if beauty's skin deep then the... Read More ››
 38 - I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed, but when they cry the t... Read More ››
 39 - ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? ELF NO. 2: Oka... Read More ››
 40 - What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?... Read More ››
 41 - What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas? It... Read More ››
 42 - Why are Father Christmas' reindeer like a cricket match? Because they're both... Read More ››
 43 - What do gnomes fear most about Christmas? They're afraid Father Christmas wil... Read More ››
 44 - Can I have a broken drum for Christmas? The best thing you could have asked for... Read More ››
 45 - What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ? Thanks, I'll nev... Read More ››
 46 - Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage? Because it has long-distance runn... Read More ››
 47 - What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents... Read More ››
 48 - Father Christmas lost his umbrella but he didn't get wet! Why not? Because it... Read More ››
 49 - What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ? Santa... Read More ››
 50 - I wouldn't say Christmas gnomes are small. But they used to be lumberjacks on a... Read More ››
 51 - Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach ? Because he didn't want to b... Read More ››
 52 - One time Father Christmas lost his underpants. That's how he got the name Saint... Read More ››
 53 - JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas... Read More ››
 54 - Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ? Beacause a little water ends bot... Read More ››
 55 - How to cats greet each other at Christmas ? "A furry merry Christmas & Happy... Read More ››
 56 - Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe,... Read More ››
 57 - What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ? The let... Read More ››
 58 - Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot l... Read More ››
 59 - What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ? My pop is bigger than yo... Read More ››
 60 - Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ? Because they both have "Sandy claws"... Read More ››
 61 - What's fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels? Father Christmas on roller skate... Read More ››
 62 - Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone else... Read More ››
 63 - Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ? He had no body to go with... Read More ››
 64 - What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ? Santa Clues... Read More ››
 65 - What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ? Black mail !... Read More ››
 66 - "Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?" "He said it was too tight."... Read More ››
 67 - Who sings "Love me tender", and makes Christmas toys? Santa's little Elvis.... Read More ››
 68 - What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ? A pineapple !... Read More ››
 69 - What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards ? Best vicious of the season... Read More ››
 70 - Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ? They both drop their needles !... Read More ››
 71 - What reindeer can jump higher than a house? They all can! Houses can't jump!... Read More ››
 72 - Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph... Read More ››
 73 - What does Father Christmas call that reindeer with no eyes? No-eyed-deer!... Read More ››
 74 - What's a hairdressers's favourite Christmas song? 'Oh comb all ye faithful'... Read More ››
 75 - Did you hear about the stupid turkey? It was looking forward to Christmas!... Read More ››
 76 - A football supporter's favourite Christmas song? 'Yule never walk alone'... Read More ››
 77 - Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.... Read More ››
 78 - Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ? It was a moth ball !... Read More ››
 79 - Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.... Read More ››
 80 - How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ? Chick to chick !... Read More ››
 81 - Who is never hungry at Christmas ? The turkey - he's always stuffed !... Read More ››
 82 - What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It's Christmas, Eve !... Read More ››
 83 - What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment ? A phantomime !... Read More ››
 84 - Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations? Santa Clues.... Read More ››
 85 - A rabbit's favourite Christmas song? 'Lettuce with a gladsome mind'... Read More ››
 86 - What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !... Read More ››
 87 - What do you give a train driver for Christmas ? Platform shoes !... Read More ››
 88 - Why does Father Christmas go down chimneys? Because they soot him!... Read More ››
 89 - Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ? Your teeth !... Read More ››
 90 - What do you get hanging from Father Christmas' roof? Tired arms!... Read More ››
 91 - What's the most popular wine at Christmas? "I don't like sprouts!"... Read More ››
 92 - What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ? Santapplause !... Read More ››
 93 - Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party ? It was a scream !... Read More ››
 94 - Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ? Santa Jaws !... Read More ››
 95 - Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents? Elephanta Claus !... Read More ››
 96 - How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid.... Read More ››
 97 - How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!... Read More ››
 98 - What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ? Grave-y !... Read More ››
 99 - What did Dracula say at the Christmas party ? Fancy a bite ?... Read More ››
 100 - How long does it take to burn a candle down ? About a wick !... Read More ››
 101 - What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.... Read More ››
 102 - What game do reindeer play in their stalls? Stable-tennis!... Read More ››
 103 - How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ? Stacks !... Read More ››
 104 - What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas game? Mean-opoly.... Read More ››
 105 - What does Father Christmas call his money ? Iced lolly ?... Read More ››
 106 - What is the cow's holiday greeting? Mooooory Christmas!... Read More ››
 107 - Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ? Santa Paws !... Read More ››
 108 - What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas song? Jungle bells.... Read More ››
 109 - How do you make a slow reindeer fast ? Don't feed it !... Read More ››
 110 - What bird has wings but cannot fly ? Roast turkey !... Read More ››
 111 - What's Christmas called in England ? Yule Britannia !... Read More ››
 112 - Why is it so cold at Christmas? It's in Decembrrrrr.... Read More ››
 113 - What happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy !... Read More ››
 114 - What can Santa give away and still keep? A cold.... Read More ››
 115 - What does Santa say when he is sick? OH OH NO!... Read More ››

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