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| The Best Computer Jokes: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| 1) Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2) Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer p... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3) A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had pu... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4) Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95 Windows95: n. 32 bit extension... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5) How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? "You're still thin... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6) Redmond, WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 7) Helpline? I've just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive! Has the computer... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 8) Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 =... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 9) Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 10) A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 11) This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. A... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 12) A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way t... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 13) A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way t... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 14) A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 15) Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work: Strange... I've... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 16) Dear God: Yesterday was an awful day for me... My husband ran off with his secre... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 17) Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcomi... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 18) After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpa... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 19) Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinn... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 20) A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 21) A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the l... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 22) Customer: "I've been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally g... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 23) There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer a... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 24) One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the ri... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 25) Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her compu... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 26) Dear Boss, I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be hones... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 27) While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 28) They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and a... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 29) A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to d... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 30) Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?" Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I thi... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 31) One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woma... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 32) After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 33) A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the m... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 34) Many people in computer labs will assure you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that th... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 35) An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her comp... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 36) There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a gr... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 37) There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a gr... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 38) Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 39) Me: "What is that noise?" Customer: "Hey Martinez!! I'm on the phone! Cut it out!... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 40) An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. A... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 41) The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 42) A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 43) A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 44) The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 45) You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!! As we ain't got no programin' e... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 46) Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 47) A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 48) A customer needed help setting up a new program, so the technician suggested he g... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 49) A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 50) How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 51) How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb? Fifteen. Five to do... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 52) Customer: "Why didn't you tell me I have call waiting?" Tech Support: "Sir, we... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 53) A customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 m... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 54) A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive an... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 55) Customer: "My disk is stuck in my disk drive. Clicking eject doesn't work." Tec... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 56) Student: "Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those comput... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 57) A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 58) A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 59) This customer comes into the computer store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 60) As most technophiles are aware, there are special programs to run scanners. These... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 61) A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthus... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 62) I overheard a woman in a computer store say to the sales assistant "I want a game... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 63) This computer you charged me L950 for doesn't work....and you said it would be... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 64) - Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer? - Well, dear... Ever... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 65) Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 66) A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 67) Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 68) Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control wit... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 69) I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, you'll get a satanic... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 70) The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 71) Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a laptop computer. You're just run down, let... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 72) Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Pr... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 73) Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1)... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 74) "This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 75) Customer: I think I've got a bug in my computer. Repairman: Does your computer mak... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 76) Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a computer. My goodness, you'd better come t... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 77) Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beac... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 78) Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use. Teacher: You g... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 79) ..... Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be e... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 80) Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider? A: "Li... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 81) "Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?" " My righ... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 82) I've been sitting at this computer for hours and I haven't seen a single website.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 83) Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer? Black, Red or Iced? Ice... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 84) How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, provid... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 85) Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1.999042... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 86) Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He puts th... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 87) Customer: "I'm running Windows '95." Tech: "Yes." Customer: "My computer isn't... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 88) Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A: Because they added 486 and 100 on... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 89) What's the difference between your finger and a hammer? I don't know! Well, you... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 90) How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb? One, to generate a... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 91) The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." "Thank you, d... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 92) How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 93) You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes che... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 94) Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The c... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 95) If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 96) Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer? Someone told him he was su... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 97) Customer: "It says I've performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Hav... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 98) I've been on my computer all night! Don't you think you'd be more comfortable on a... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 99) What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night? No wonder you cal... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 100) My computer made a funny sound the other day. Of course, I've never heard it get t... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 101) Computer helpline? Everytime I log onto the seven dwarfs website my computer scr... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 102) Would you like to buy a second-hand computer? I'm afraid not. I'm only able to typ... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 103) Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb? A: He doesn't. He declares darknes... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 104) Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, that'... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 105) Customer: "Hi, I'm supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What sh... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 106) If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed... Oh, wait a minu... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 107) Q. What creature has the best aptitude for engineering ? A. The spider -- It h... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 108) Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A:... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 109) Tech Support: "Which format are the images you send?" Customer: "Rectangular, 15x... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 110) Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on? Pupil: No, Miss, the dress you're wea... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 111) Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive a... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 112) Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 113) Why do computer teachers never get sick? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 114) Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old bl... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 115) What do you get if you stuff your computer's disk drive with herbs? A thyme mach... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 116) What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer? The Netcracker sui... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 117) Mum, Mum, Dad's broken my computer! How did he do that? I dropped it on his hea... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 118) Want to buy a pocket computer? No, thanks, I already know how many pockets I've go... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 119) Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer? A: You get a short circut.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 120) Customer: "Wait, that password looks really gray. I'm going to type it in again."... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 121) Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis? Because it is below C level.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 122) Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer? He wanted to have webbed feet.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 123) Why did the dish and spoon hide their computer? The cat kept fiddling with i.t.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 124) What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 125) How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out? Hide their trainers.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 126) What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard? Sorry, you're not my type.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 127) Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98? A: 3 years... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 128) What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard? The space bar.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 129) What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink? A slipped disk.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 130) Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 131) What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger? A big mac.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 132) What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 133) Which football team to you need to connect up your computer? Leeds.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 134) Who holds up stagecoaches and steals laptop computers? Click Turpin... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 135) The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 136) What did one mouse say to the other mouse? I get a click out of you.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 137) To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 138) What do you do if your computer hums? Tell it to change its socsks!... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 139) What do you get if you cross a constable with a computer? PC Plod.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 140) Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 141) Where is the best place to buy computer software? Washington C.D... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 142) What do computer experts do at weekends? Go for a disk drive.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 143) Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house? A. He uses "windows".... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 144) Q: What's the best way to accelerate a Mac? A: 9.81 m/s2... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 145) Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 146) Q: Which way did the programmer go? A: He went DATA way!... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 147) Why did the computer act crazy? It had a screw loose.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 148) When do computers go to sleep? When it's internight.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 149) Where does an elephant carry its laptop? In its trunk.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 150) My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 151) What do computers eat when they get hungry? Chips.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 152) Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 153) What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 154) What did the mouse say to the webcam? Cheese.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 155) Who sits on Cinderella's keyboard? Buttons.... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 156) Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"... Read On » | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
