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The Best Computer Jokes: |
| 1) Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help
you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble... Read On » |
| 2) Jesus and Satan got into an
argument over
which of them was the better computer p... Read On » |
| 3) A
tech support employee once received a
call from a disgruntled lady who
had pu... Read On » |
| 4) Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows
95
Windows95: n.
32 bit extension... Read On » |
| 5) How many C++ programmers does it take to
change a light
bulb?
"You're still thin... Read On » |
| 6) Redmond,
WA --Microsoft announced today
that the official release date for the... Read On » |
| 7) Helpline? I've just pushed a
piece of
bacon into my disk drive!
Has the computer... Read On » |
| 8) Why do programmers always get Christmas and
Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 =... Read On » |
| 9) Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself
face to face with God. God stood over... Read On » |
| 10) A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next
to each other on a long flight from... Read On » |
| 11) This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer
load of
computers stops for a beer. A... Read On » |
| 12) A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a
Branch
Manager were on their way t... Read On » |
| 13) A Software Engineer, a
Hardware Engineer and a Branch
Manager were on their way t... Read On » |
| 14) A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill
Gates, the
Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all... Read On » |
| 15) Comments made
by Programmers when their
programs don't work:
Strange...
I've... Read On » |
| 16) Dear God: Yesterday was an awful day for
me...
My husband ran off with his secre... Read On » |
| 17) Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in
an IT company.
During the welcomi... Read On » |
| 18) After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady
repute, the luckless
customer unpa... Read On » |
| 19) Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited
to have dinner with God. During dinn... Read On » |
| 20) A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer
scientist
were arguing about what was... Read On » |
| 21) A programmer was walking along the beach when
he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the l... Read On » |
| 22) Customer: "I've been doing risk analysis by
hand for
five years, and we finally g... Read On » |
| 23) There are three engineers in a car; an
electrical
engineer, a chemical engineer a... Read On » |
| 24) One of Microsoft's finest
technicans was
drafted and sent to boot camp. At the ri... Read On » |
| 25) Young Judy, the editor of a trivia
publication, was having trouble with her compu... Read On » |
| 26) Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood
your instructions. Because to be
hones... Read On » |
| 27) While trying to diagnose a
problem over
the phone I told the user to type out his... Read On » |
| 28) They say that the new super computer
knows
everything. A skeptical man came and a... Read On » |
| 29) A caller, perplexed that his new desktop
computer--the one that was
supposed to d... Read On » |
| 30) Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?"
Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I thi... Read On » |
| 31) One guy was on duty in the main lab
on a
quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woma... Read On » |
| 32) After a caller gave a technician her PC's
serial number, he scanned a database of... Read On » |
| 33) A ragged individual stranded for several months
on a small desert island in the m... Read On » |
| 34) Many people in computer labs will assure
you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that th... Read On » |
| 35) An office technician got a call from a
user. The user told the tech that her comp... Read On » |
| 36) There was once a
young man who, in his
youth, professed his desire to become a gr... Read On » |
| 37) There was once a young man who,
in his
youth, professed his desire to become a gr... Read On » |
| 38) Q: How many Microsoft support
staff does
it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four... Read On » |
| 39) Me: "What is that noise?"
Customer: "Hey
Martinez!! I'm on the phone! Cut it out!... Read On » |
| 40) An exasperated caller to Tech Support
couldn't get her new
computer to turn on. A... Read On » |
| 41) The boy is smoking and
leaving smoke rings
into the air.
The girl gets irritated... Read On » |
| 42) A technician received a call from a man
complaining that the
system wouldn't read... Read On » |
| 43) A person turned on the computer without a
keyboard plugged in.
When she turns... Read On » |
| 44) The problem
with physicists is that they
tend to cheat in order to get results.... Read On » |
| 45) You
have just received the "Kentucky
Virus"!!!
As we ain't got no programin' e... Read On » |
| 46) Another customer called Tech Support to say
her brand-new computer wouldn't work.... Read On » |
| 47) A software verifier read in the Bible
that
God protects all fools, and decided to... Read On » |
| 48) A customer
needed help setting up a new
program, so the technician suggested he g... Read On » |
| 49) A confused caller was having troubles printing
documents. He told the technician... Read On » |
| 50) How many maintenance programmers does it take
to change a light bulb?
None. They... Read On » |
| 51) How many
IBM employees does it take to
change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to do... Read On » |
| 52) Customer: "Why didn't you tell me I have
call waiting?"
Tech Support: "Sir, we... Read On » |
| 53) A customer called to say he couldn't get his
computer to fax anything. After 40 m... Read On » |
| 54) A technician advised his customer to put his
troubled floppy
back in the drive an... Read On » |
| 55) Customer: "My disk is stuck in my disk drive.
Clicking eject
doesn't work."
Tec... Read On » |
| 56) Student: "Would it be possible to
install
Arabic language support on those comput... Read On » |
| 57) A
technician received a call from a
customer who was enraged because his computer... Read On » |
| 58) A customer called
to complain that his
keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned... Read On » |
| 59) This customer comes into
the computer
store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure... Read On » |
| 60) As most technophiles are aware, there are
special programs to run scanners. These... Read On » |
| 61) A
system programmer came home from work
almost at dawn and told his wife
enthus... Read On » |
| 62) I overheard a woman in a
computer store
say to the sales assistant "I want a game... Read On » |
| 63) This computer
you charged me L950 for
doesn't work....and you said it would be... Read On » |
| 64) - Why do you think I spend too much
time
at my computer?
- Well, dear... Ever... Read On » |
| 65) Q:
How many Microsoft executives does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: We can... Read On » |
| 66) A customer was asked to send a
copy of her
defective diskettes to the technician.... Read On » |
| 67) Teacher: Look at the state of the school
computer. I want that screen cleaned so... Read On » |
| 68) Technical support had a
caller complaining
that her mouse was hard to control wit... Read On » |
| 69) I heard that
if you play the Windows NT
4.0 CD backwards, you'll get a satanic... Read On » |
| 70) The Three
Laws of Secure
Computing
1) Don't buy a computer.
2) If you do buy... Read On » |
| 71) Doctor, doctor, I
keep thinking I'm a
laptop computer.
You're just run down, let... Read On » |
| 72) Computers manufacturer is considering changing
the command "Press Any Key" to "Pr... Read On » |
| 73) Q: Complete the following word analogy:
Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1)... Read On » |
| 74) "This
little computer," said the sales
clerk, "will do half of your job for
you... Read On » |
| 75) Customer: I think I've got a bug in my
computer.
Repairman: Does your computer mak... Read On » |
| 76) Doctor, doctor, I keep
thinking I'm a
computer.
My goodness, you'd better come t... Read On » |
| 77) Once a programmer drowned in the sea.
Many
Marines where at that time on the beac... Read On » |
| 78) Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a
choice of computers to use.
Teacher: You g... Read On » |
| 79) ..... Ya see, we
at Microsoft believe in
making computing easier! What could be e... Read On » |
| 80) Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the
Pentium's
floating point divider?
A: "Li... Read On » |
| 81) "Do you turn on your computer with your left
hand
or your right hand?"
" My righ... Read On » |
| 82) I've been sitting at this computer for hours
and I haven't seen a
single website.... Read On » |
| 83) Which kind of ink do you put in your
computer's printer?
Black, Red or Iced?
Ice... Read On » |
| 84) How many
technical writers does it take to
change a light bulb?
Just one, provid... Read On » |
| 85) Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: 1.999042... Read On » |
| 86) Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts th... Read On » |
| 87) Customer: "I'm running Windows '95."
Tech: "Yes."
Customer: "My computer isn't... Read On » |
| 88) Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the
586?
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on... Read On » |
| 89) What's the difference between your finger and
a
hammer?
I don't know!
Well, you... Read On » |
| 90) How many Java programmers does it take to
change a light bulb?
One, to generate a... Read On » |
| 91) The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought
you a new
basketball."
"Thank you, d... Read On » |
| 92) How do you keep a programmer in the shower
all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo... Read On » |
| 93) You're spending a lot of time at that
computer screen. Have you had your eyes che... Read On » |
| 94) Q: What's the
difference between a car
salesman and a computer salesman? A: The c... Read On » |
| 95) If Microsoft built cars you would need to
restart your car,
then it would perform... Read On » |
| 96) Why did
the school bully kick the
classroom computer?
Someone told him he was su... Read On » |
| 97) Customer: "It says I've performed an
illegal operation and will be shut down. Hav... Read On » |
| 98) I've been on my computer all night!
Don't
you think you'd be more comfortable on a... Read On » |
| 99) What did
Bill Gate's wife say to him on
their wedding night?
No wonder you cal... Read On » |
| 100) My computer made a funny sound the other
day.
Of course, I've never heard it get t... Read On » |
| 101) Computer
helpline?
Everytime I log onto
the seven dwarfs website my computer scr... Read On » |
| 102) Would you like to buy a second-hand
computer?
I'm afraid not. I'm only able to typ... Read On » |
| 103) Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
A: He doesn't. He declares darknes... Read On » |
| 104) Q: How many programmers does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that'... Read On » |
| 105) Customer: "Hi, I'm
supposed to pack [zip]
my database and send it to you. What sh... Read On » |
| 106) If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a
Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minu... Read On » |
| 107) Q.
What creature has the best aptitude for
engineering ?
A. The spider -- It h... Read On » |
| 108) Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside"
sticker they put on Pentiums?
A:... Read On » |
| 109) Tech Support: "Which format are the images you
send?"
Customer: "Rectangular, 15x... Read On » |
| 110) Teacher: Shall I put the school computer
on?
Pupil: No, Miss, the dress you're wea... Read On » |
| 111) Q: What do you call a series of FDIV
instructions on a Pentium?
A: Successive a... Read On » |
| 112) Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC
with a research grant?
A: A mad... Read On » |
| 113) Why do computer teachers never get
sick?
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor... Read On » |
| 114) Q: What does a proud computer call his
little son?
A: A microchip off the old bl... Read On » |
| 115) What do you get if you stuff your computer's
disk drive
with herbs?
A thyme mach... Read On » |
| 116) What do you get if you cross a computer
with a ballet dancer?
The Netcracker sui... Read On » |
| 117) Mum, Mum,
Dad's broken my
computer!
How did he do that?
I dropped it on his hea... Read On » |
| 118) Want to buy a pocket computer?
No, thanks,
I already know how many pockets I've go... Read On » |
| 119) Q: What happens if you cross a
midget and
a computer?
A: You get a short circut.... Read On » |
| 120) Customer: "Wait, that
password looks
really gray. I'm going to type it in again."... Read On » |
| 121) Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in
Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.... Read On » |
| 122) Why did the duck stick his leg into a
computer?
He wanted to have webbed feet.... Read On » |
| 123) Why did the dish and spoon hide their
computer?
The cat kept fiddling with i.t.... Read On » |
| 124) What's the difference between Windows 95 and a
virus?
A virus does something.... Read On » |
| 125) How do you stop your laptop batteries from
running out?
Hide their trainers.... Read On » |
| 126) What did one
keyboard say to the other
keyboard?
Sorry, you're not my type.... Read On » |
| 127) Q: What is the difference between Windows 95
and Windows 98?
A: 3 years... Read On » |
| 128) What is an
astronaut's favorite key on a
computer keyboard?
The space bar.... Read On » |
| 129) What do you get if you take your computer to
an ice
rink?
A slipped disk.... Read On » |
| 130) Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was
looking for a byte to eat.... Read On » |
| 131) What do you get if you cross a computer with a
hamburger?
A big mac.... Read On » |
| 132) What happened when the computer fell on the
floor?
It slipped a disk.... Read On » |
| 133) Which football team to you need to connect up
your
computer?
Leeds.... Read On » |
| 134) Who holds up
stagecoaches and steals
laptop computers?
Click Turpin... Read On » |
| 135) The
attention span of a computer is as
long as its electrical cord.... Read On » |
| 136) What did one mouse say to the other
mouse?
I get a click out of you.... Read On » |
| 137) To err is human; but to really mess things up
requires a computer.... Read On » |
| 138) What do you do if your computer hums?
Tell
it to change its socsks!... Read On » |
| 139) What do you get if you cross a constable with
a computer?
PC Plod.... Read On » |
| 140) Got this email from a friend:
CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?... Read On » |
| 141) Where is the best place to buy computer
software?
Washington C.D... Read On » |
| 142) What do computer experts do at weekends?
Go
for a disk drive.... Read On » |
| 143) Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?
A.
He uses "windows".... Read On » |
| 144) Q: What's the
best way to accelerate a
Mac?
A: 9.81 m/s2... Read On » |
| 145) Computers are not intelligent.
They only
think they are.... Read On » |
| 146) Q: Which way did the programmer go?
A: He
went DATA way!... Read On » |
| 147) Why
did the computer act crazy?
It had
a screw loose.... Read On » |
| 148) When do computers
go to sleep?
When
it's internight.... Read On » |
| 149) Where does an elephant carry its laptop?
In
its trunk.... Read On » |
| 150) My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a
bit ANSI.... Read On » |
| 151) What do computers eat when they get hungry?
Chips.... Read On » |
| 152) Computers make very fast, very accurate
mistakes.... Read On » |
| 153) What is a computer virus?
A terminal
illness.... Read On » |
| 154) What did the mouse say to the
webcam?
Cheese.... Read On » |
| 155) Who sits on Cinderella's
keyboard?
Buttons.... Read On » |
| 156) Customer:
"How do I print my
voicemail?"... Read On » |