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COMPUTER JOKES!

computer JOKES (random)

"Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?" " My right hand." " Amazing!Most people have to use the on/off switch."

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY computer JOKES:

 1 - A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pa... More ››
 2 - A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The... More ››
 3 - Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and... More ››
 4 - Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPer... More ››
 5 - This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches... More ››
 6 - Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Fina... More ››
 7 - A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. Th... More ››
 8 - A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting.... More ››
 9 - A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane toge... More ››
 10 - Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work: Strange... I've never heard abo... More ››
 11 - Dear God: Yesterday was an awful day for me... My husband ran off with his secretary, My son... More ››
 12 - Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the... More ››
 13 - After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new to... More ››
 14 - Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them... More ››
 15 - A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest prof... More ››
 16 - A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie app... More ››
 17 - Customer: "I've been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally got your program... More ››
 18 - There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft... More ››
 19 - One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he... More ››
 20 - Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she cal... More ››
 21 - Dear Boss, I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none o... More ››
 22 - A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of t... More ››
 23 - While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat f... More ››
 24 - They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the comput... More ››
 25 - A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything sh... More ››
 26 - Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?" Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I think I've got the... More ››
 27 - One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in fr... More ››
 28 - After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered use... More ››
 29 - Many people in computer labs will assure you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were doing e... More ››
 30 - An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not wo... More ››
 31 - There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.... More ››
 32 - There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.... More ››
 33 - Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four. One to ask "W... More ››
 34 - Me: "What is that noise?" Customer: "Hey Martinez!! I'm on the phone! Cut it out!" Me: "What w... More ››
 35 - An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring t... More ››
 36 - The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke... More ››
 37 - A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processin... More ››
 38 - A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer... More ››
 39 - The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results. The problem w... More ››
 40 - You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!! As we ain't got no programin' experience, this... More ››
 41 - Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she u... More ››
 42 - A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to test it empiri... More ››
 43 - A customer needed help setting up a new program, so the technician suggested he go to the loca... More ››
 44 - A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the comput... More ››
 45 - Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95 Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphic... More ››
 46 - How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They try to fix the... More ››
 47 - How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb? Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to... More ››
 48 - Customer: "Why didn't you tell me I have call waiting?" Tech Support: "Sir, we have no way of... More ››
 49 - A customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troub... More ››
 50 - A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the doo... More ››
 51 - Customer: "My disk is stuck in my disk drive. Clicking eject doesn't work." Tech Support: "Ok,... More ››
 52 - Student: "Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?" Compute... More ››
 53 - A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him... More ››
 54 - A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling... More ››
 55 - This customer comes into the computer store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lo... More ››
 56 - As most technophiles are aware, there are special programs to run scanners. These programs use a... More ››
 57 - A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: "To... More ››
 58 - How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? "You're still thinking procedural... More ››
 59 - I overheard a woman in a computer store say to the sales assistant "I want a game capable of hol... More ››
 60 - This computer you charged me L950 for doesn't work....and you said it would be trouble free.... More ››
 61 - - Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer? - Well, dear... Every time I ask yo... More ››
 62 - Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for... More ››
 63 - A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days lat... More ››
 64 - Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my fa... More ››
 65 - Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust co... More ››
 66 - I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But th... More ››
 67 - Redmond, WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating s... More ››
 68 - The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy a computer, don... More ››
 69 - Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a laptop computer. You're just run down, let me give you so... More ››
 70 - Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key"... More ››
 71 - Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND... More ››
 72 - "This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you." Studying... More ››
 73 - Customer: I think I've got a bug in my computer. Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noi... More ››
 74 - Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a computer. My goodness, you'd better come to my surgery ri... More ››
 75 - Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the prog... More ››
 76 - Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use. Teacher: You get a choice her... More ››
 77 - ..... Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for con... More ››
 78 - Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider? A: "Life is like a bo... More ››
 79 - "Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?" " My right hand." " Ama... More ››
 80 - I've been sitting at this computer for hours and I haven't seen a single website. That's becaus... More ››
 81 - Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer? Black, Red or Iced? Iced Ink? Well, y... More ››
 82 - How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, provided there's a pr... More ››
 83 - Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1.99904274017, but that... More ››
 84 - Helpline? I've just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive! Has the computer stopped workin... More ››
 85 - Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He puts the bulb in and l... More ››
 86 - Customer: "I'm running Windows '95." Tech: "Yes." Customer: "My computer isn't working now."... More ››
 87 - Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pent... More ››
 88 - What's the difference between your finger and a hammer? I don't know! Well, you're not using m... More ››
 89 - How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb? One, to generate a "ChangeLightBul... More ››
 90 - The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." "Thank you, daddy, but where... More ››
 91 - How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "la... More ››
 92 - You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No, they... More ››
 93 - Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman c... More ››
 94 - If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operat... More ››
 95 - Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer? Someone told him he was supposed to boot... More ››
 96 - Customer: "It says I've performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Have I done someth... More ››
 97 - I've been on my computer all night! Don't you think you'd be more comfortable on a bed like every... More ››
 98 - What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night? No wonder you called the company... More ››
 99 - My computer made a funny sound the other day. Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a win... More ››
 100 - Computer helpline? Everytime I log onto the seven dwarfs website my computer screen goes snow... More ››
 101 - Would you like to buy a second-hand computer? I'm afraid not. I'm only able to type with one hand... More ››
 102 - Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb? A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry... More ››
 103 - Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware pr... More ››
 104 - Customer: "Hi, I'm supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack i... More ››
 105 - If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed... Oh, wait a minute, he already... More ››
 106 - Q. What creature has the best aptitude for engineering ? A. The spider -- It has its own webs... More ››
 107 - Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: The warning lab... More ››
 108 - Tech Support: "Which format are the images you send?" Customer: "Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters.... More ››
 109 - Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on? Pupil: No, Miss, the dress you're wearing looks fine... More ››
 110 - Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive approximations.... More ››
 111 - Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad scientist.... More ››
 112 - Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31... More ››
 113 - Why do computer teachers never get sick? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.... More ››
 114 - Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old block.... More ››
 115 - What do you get if you stuff your computer's disk drive with herbs? A thyme machine.... More ››
 116 - What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer? The Netcracker suite.... More ››
 117 - Mum, Mum, Dad's broken my computer! How did he do that? I dropped it on his head.... More ››
 118 - Want to buy a pocket computer? No, thanks, I already know how many pockets I've got.... More ››
 119 - Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer? A: You get a short circut.... More ››
 120 - Customer: "Wait, that password looks really gray. I'm going to type it in again."... More ››
 121 - Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis? Because it is below C level.... More ››
 122 - Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer? He wanted to have webbed feet.... More ››
 123 - Why did the dish and spoon hide their computer? The cat kept fiddling with i.t.... More ››
 124 - What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.... More ››
 125 - How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out? Hide their trainers.... More ››
 126 - What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard? Sorry, you're not my type.... More ››
 127 - Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98? A: 3 years... More ››
 128 - What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard? The space bar.... More ››
 129 - What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink? A slipped disk.... More ››
 130 - Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.... More ››
 131 - What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger? A big mac.... More ››
 132 - What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.... More ››
 133 - Which football team to you need to connect up your computer? Leeds.... More ››
 134 - Who holds up stagecoaches and steals laptop computers? Click Turpin... More ››
 135 - The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.... More ››
 136 - What did one mouse say to the other mouse? I get a click out of you.... More ››
 137 - To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.... More ››
 138 - What do you do if your computer hums? Tell it to change its socsks!... More ››
 139 - What do you get if you cross a constable with a computer? PC Plod.... More ››
 140 - Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?... More ››
 141 - Where is the best place to buy computer software? Washington C.D... More ››
 142 - What do computer experts do at weekends? Go for a disk drive.... More ››
 143 - Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house? A. He uses "windows".... More ››
 144 - Q: What's the best way to accelerate a Mac? A: 9.81 m/s2... More ››
 145 - Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.... More ››
 146 - Q: Which way did the programmer go? A: He went DATA way!... More ››
 147 - Why did the computer act crazy? It had a screw loose.... More ››
 148 - When do computers go to sleep? When it's internight.... More ››
 149 - Where does an elephant carry its laptop? In its trunk.... More ››
 150 - My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.... More ››
 151 - What do computers eat when they get hungry? Chips.... More ››
 152 - Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.... More ››
 153 - What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.... More ››
 154 - What did the mouse say to the webcam? Cheese.... More ››
 155 - Who sits on Cinderella's keyboard? Buttons.... More ››
 156 - Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"... More ››
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