1 - A ragged individual stranded for several months
on a small desert island in the middle of the Pa... More ››
2 - A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next
to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The... More ››
3 - Jesus and Satan got into an
which of them was the better computer programmer. Fina... More ››
4 - Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself
face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and... More ››
5 - Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
WordPer... More ››
6 - This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer
computers stops for a beer. As he approaches... More ››
7 - A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a
Manager were on their way to a meeting. Th... More ››
8 - A Software Engineer, a
Hardware Engineer and a Branch
Manager were on their way to a meeting.... More ››
9 - A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill
Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane toge... More ››
10 - Comments made
by Programmers when their
programs don't work:
I've never heard abo... More ››
11 - Dear God: Yesterday was an awful day for
My husband ran off with his secretary,
My son... More ››
12 - Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in
an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the... More ››
13 - After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady
repute, the luckless
customer unpacked his new to... More ››
14 - Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited
to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them... More ››
15 - A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer
were arguing about what was the oldest prof... More ››
16 - A programmer was walking along the beach when
he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie app... More ››
17 - Customer: "I've been doing risk analysis by
five years, and we finally got your program... More ››
18 - There are three engineers in a car; an
engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft... More ››
19 - One of Microsoft's finest
drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he... More ››
20 - Young Judy, the editor of a trivia
publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she cal... More ››
21 - Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood
your instructions. Because to be
honest, boss, none o... More ››
22 - A
tech support employee once received a
call from a disgruntled lady who
had purchase one of t... More ››
23 - While trying to diagnose a
the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat f... More ››
24 - They say that the new super computer
everything. A skeptical man came and asked the comput... More ››
25 - A caller, perplexed that his new desktop
computer--the one that was
supposed to do everything sh... More ››
26 - Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?"
Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I think I've got the... More ››
27 - One guy was on duty in the main lab
quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in fr... More ››
28 - After a caller gave a technician her PC's
serial number, he scanned a database of registered use... More ››
29 - Many people in computer labs will assure
you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were doing e... More ››
30 - An office technician got a call from a
user. The user told the tech that her computer was not wo... More ››
31 - There was once a
young man who, in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great
writer.... More ››
32 - There was once a young man who,
youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.... More ››
33 - Q: How many Microsoft support
it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "W... More ››
34 - Me: "What is that noise?"
Martinez!! I'm on the phone! Cut it out!"
Me: "What w... More ››
35 - An exasperated caller to Tech Support
couldn't get her new
computer to turn on. After ensuring t... More ››
36 - The boy is smoking and
leaving smoke rings
into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke... More ››
37 - A technician received a call from a man
complaining that the
system wouldn't read word processin... More ››
38 - A person turned on the computer without a
keyboard plugged in.
When she turns on the computer... More ››
39 - The problem
with physicists is that they
tend to cheat in order to get results.
The problem w... More ››
40 - You
have just received the "Kentucky
As we ain't got no programin' experience, this... More ››
41 - Another customer called Tech Support to say
her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she u... More ››
42 - A software verifier read in the Bible
God protects all fools, and decided to test it empiri... More ››
43 - A customer
needed help setting up a new
program, so the technician suggested he go
to the loca... More ››
44 - A confused caller was having troubles printing
documents. He told the technician that the comput... More ››
45 - Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows
32 bit extensions and a graphic... More ››
46 - How many maintenance programmers does it take
to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the... More ››
47 - How many
IBM employees does it take to
change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to... More ››
48 - Customer: "Why didn't you tell me I have
Tech Support: "Sir, we have no way of... More ››
49 - A customer called to say he couldn't get his
computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troub... More ››
50 - A technician advised his customer to put his
back in the drive and close the doo... More ››
51 - Customer: "My disk is stuck in my disk drive.
Tech Support: "Ok,... More ››
52 - Student: "Would it be possible to
Arabic language support on those computers?"
Compute... More ››
53 - A
technician received a call from a
customer who was enraged because his computer
had told him... More ››
54 - A customer called
to complain that his
keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by
filling... More ››
55 - This customer comes into
store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with
lo... More ››
56 - As most technophiles are aware, there are
special programs to run scanners. These programs use a... More ››
57 - A
system programmer came home from work
almost at dawn and told his wife
enthusiastically: "To... More ››
58 - How many C++ programmers does it take to
change a light
"You're still thinking procedural... More ››
59 - I overheard a woman in a
say to the sales assistant "I want a game capable of hol... More ››
60 - This computer
you charged me L950 for
doesn't work....and you said it would be
trouble free.... More ››
61 - - Why do you think I spend too much
at my computer?
- Well, dear... Every time I ask yo... More ››
62 - Q:
How many Microsoft executives does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for... More ››
63 - A customer was asked to send a
copy of her
defective diskettes to the technician. A few days lat... More ››
64 - Teacher: Look at the state of the school
computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my fa... More ››
65 - Technical support had a
that her mouse was hard to control with the dust
co... More ››
66 - I heard that
if you play the Windows NT
4.0 CD backwards, you'll get a satanic
message. But th... More ››
67 - Redmond,
WA --Microsoft announced today
that the official release date for the
new operating s... More ››
68 - The Three
Laws of Secure
1) Don't buy a computer.
2) If you do buy a computer, don... More ››
69 - Doctor, doctor, I
keep thinking I'm a
You're just run down, let me give you so... More ››
70 - Computers manufacturer is considering changing
the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key"... More ››
71 - Q: Complete the following word analogy:
Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND... More ››
72 - "This
little computer," said the sales
clerk, "will do half of your job for
Studying... More ››
73 - Customer: I think I've got a bug in my
Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noi... More ››
74 - Doctor, doctor, I keep
thinking I'm a
My goodness, you'd better come to my surgery ri... More ››
75 - Once a programmer drowned in the sea.
Marines where at that time on the beach, but the prog... More ››
76 - Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a
choice of computers to use.
Teacher: You get a choice her... More ››
77 - ..... Ya see, we
at Microsoft believe in
making computing easier! What could be easier
for con... More ››
78 - Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the
floating point divider?
A: "Life is like a bo... More ››
79 - "Do you turn on your computer with your left
or your right hand?"
" My right hand."
" Ama... More ››
80 - I've been sitting at this computer for hours
and I haven't seen a
That's becaus... More ››
81 - Which kind of ink do you put in your
Black, Red or Iced?
Well, y... More ››
82 - How many
technical writers does it take to
change a light bulb?
Just one, provided there's a pr... More ››
83 - Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: 1.99904274017, but that... More ››
84 - Helpline? I've just pushed a
bacon into my disk drive!
Has the computer stopped workin... More ››
85 - Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts the bulb in and l... More ››
86 - Customer: "I'm running Windows '95."
Customer: "My computer isn't working now."... More ››
87 - Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the
A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pent... More ››
88 - What's the difference between your finger and
I don't know!
Well, you're not using m... More ››
89 - How many Java programmers does it take to
change a light bulb?
One, to generate a "ChangeLightBul... More ››
90 - The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought
you a new
"Thank you, daddy, but where... More ››
91 - How do you keep a programmer in the shower
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "la... More ››
92 - You're spending a lot of time at that
computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked?
No, they... More ››
93 - Q: What's the
difference between a car
salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car
salesman c... More ››
94 - If Microsoft built cars you would need to
restart your car,
then it would perform illegal operat... More ››
95 - Why did
the school bully kick the
Someone told him he was supposed to boot... More ››
96 - Customer: "It says I've performed an
illegal operation and will be shut down. Have I done someth... More ››
97 - I've been on my computer all night!
you think you'd be more comfortable on a bed like every... More ››
98 - What did
Bill Gate's wife say to him on
their wedding night?
No wonder you called the company... More ››
99 - My computer made a funny sound the other
Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a win... More ››
100 - Computer
Everytime I log onto
the seven dwarfs website my computer screen goes
snow... More ››
101 - Would you like to buy a second-hand
I'm afraid not. I'm only able to type with one hand... More ››
102 - Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry... More ››
103 - Q: How many programmers does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that's a hardware pr... More ››
104 - Customer: "Hi, I'm
supposed to pack [zip]
my database and send it to you. What should I
pack i... More ››
105 - If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a
Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already... More ››
106 - Q.
What creature has the best aptitude for
A. The spider -- It has its own webs... More ››
107 - Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside"
sticker they put on Pentiums?
A: The warning lab... More ››
108 - Tech Support: "Which format are the images you
Customer: "Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters.... More ››
109 - Teacher: Shall I put the school computer
Pupil: No, Miss, the dress you're wearing looks fine... More ››
110 - Q: What do you call a series of FDIV
instructions on a Pentium?
A: Successive approximations.... More ››
111 - Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC
with a research grant?
A: A mad scientist.... More ››
112 - Why do programmers always get Christmas and
Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31... More ››
113 - Why do computer teachers never get
Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.... More ››
114 - Q: What does a proud computer call his
A: A microchip off the old block.... More ››
115 - What do you get if you stuff your computer's
A thyme machine.... More ››
116 - What do you get if you cross a computer
with a ballet dancer?
The Netcracker suite.... More ››
117 - Mum, Mum,
Dad's broken my
How did he do that?
I dropped it on his head.... More ››
118 - Want to buy a pocket computer?
I already know how many pockets I've got.... More ››
119 - Q: What happens if you cross a
A: You get a short circut.... More ››
120 - Customer: "Wait, that
really gray. I'm going to type it in again."... More ››
121 - Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in
Because it is below C level.... More ››
122 - Why did the duck stick his leg into a
He wanted to have webbed feet.... More ››
123 - Why did the dish and spoon hide their
The cat kept fiddling with i.t.... More ››
124 - What's the difference between Windows 95 and a
A virus does something.... More ››
125 - How do you stop your laptop batteries from
Hide their trainers.... More ››
126 - What did one
keyboard say to the other
Sorry, you're not my type.... More ››
127 - Q: What is the difference between Windows 95
and Windows 98?
A: 3 years... More ››
128 - What is an
astronaut's favorite key on a
The space bar.... More ››
129 - What do you get if you take your computer to
A slipped disk.... More ››
130 - Why was there a bug in the computer?
looking for a byte to eat.... More ››
131 - What do you get if you cross a computer with a
A big mac.... More ››
132 - What happened when the computer fell on the
It slipped a disk.... More ››
133 - Which football team to you need to connect up
Leeds.... More ››
134 - Who holds up
stagecoaches and steals
Click Turpin... More ››
135 - The
attention span of a computer is as
long as its electrical cord.... More ››
136 - What did one mouse say to the other
I get a click out of you.... More ››
137 - To err is human; but to really mess things up
requires a computer.... More ››
138 - What do you do if your computer hums?
it to change its socsks!... More ››
139 - What do you get if you cross a constable with
PC Plod.... More ››
140 - Got this email from a friend:
CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?... More ››
141 - Where is the best place to buy computer
Washington C.D... More ››
142 - What do computer experts do at weekends?
for a disk drive.... More ››
143 - Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?
He uses "windows".... More ››
144 - Q: What's the
best way to accelerate a
A: 9.81 m/s2... More ››
145 - Computers are not intelligent.
think they are.... More ››
146 - Q: Which way did the programmer go?
went DATA way!... More ››
147 - Why
did the computer act crazy?
a screw loose.... More ››
148 - When do computers
go to sleep?
it's internight.... More ››
149 - Where does an elephant carry its laptop?
its trunk.... More ››
150 - My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a
bit ANSI.... More ››
151 - What do computers eat when they get hungry?
Chips.... More ››
152 - Computers make very fast, very accurate
mistakes.... More ››
153 - What is a computer virus?
illness.... More ››
154 - What did the mouse say to the
Cheese.... More ››
155 - Who sits on Cinderella's
Buttons.... More ››
156 - Customer:
"How do I print my
voicemail?"... More ››