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computer JOKES (random)

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.
The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam.
This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world." The civil engineer interrupted and said "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos.
This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering.
Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world." The computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled, and said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?

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 2 - A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The... More ››
 3 - Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Fina... More ››
 4 - What did one mouse say to the other mouse? I get a click out of you.... More ››
 5 - Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and... More ››
 6 - Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPer... More ››
 7 - This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches... More ››
 8 - A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. Th... More ››
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 10 - A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane toge... More ››
 11 - Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work: Strange... I've never heard abo... More ››
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 13 - Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the... More ››
 14 - After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new to... More ››
 15 - Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them... More ››
 16 - A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest prof... More ››
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 21 - Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she cal... More ››
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 23 - A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of t... More ››
 24 - While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat f... More ››
 25 - They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the comput... More ››
 26 - A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything sh... More ››
 27 - Tech Support: "How may I help you today, sir?" Customer: "Hello...hey, er...I think I've got the... More ››
 28 - One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in fr... More ››
 29 - After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered use... More ››
 30 - Many people in computer labs will assure you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were doing e... More ››
 31 - An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not wo... More ››
 32 - There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.... More ››
 33 - There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.... More ››
 34 - Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four. One to ask "W... More ››
 35 - Me: "What is that noise?" Customer: "Hey Martinez!! I'm on the phone! Cut it out!" Me: "What w... More ››
 36 - An exasperated caller to Tech Support couldn't get her new computer to turn on. After ensuring t... More ››
 37 - The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. The girl gets irritated with the smoke... More ››
 38 - A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processin... More ››
 39 - A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer... More ››
 40 - The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results. The problem w... More ››
 41 - You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!! As we ain't got no programin' experience, this... More ››
 42 - Another customer called Tech Support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she u... More ››
 43 - A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to test it empiri... More ››
 44 - A customer needed help setting up a new program, so the technician suggested he go to the loca... More ››
 45 - A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the comput... More ››
 46 - Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95 Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphic... More ››
 47 - How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They try to fix the... More ››
 48 - How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb? Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to... More ››
 49 - Customer: "Why didn't you tell me I have call waiting?" Tech Support: "Sir, we have no way of... More ››
 50 - A customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troub... More ››
 51 - A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the doo... More ››
 52 - Customer: "My disk is stuck in my disk drive. Clicking eject doesn't work." Tech Support: "Ok,... More ››
 53 - Student: "Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?" Compute... More ››
 54 - A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him... More ››
 55 - A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling... More ››
 56 - This customer comes into the computer store. "I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lo... More ››
 57 - As most technophiles are aware, there are special programs to run scanners. These programs use a... More ››
 58 - A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: "To... More ››
 59 - How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? "You're still thinking procedural... More ››
 60 - I overheard a woman in a computer store say to the sales assistant "I want a game capable of hol... More ››
 61 - This computer you charged me L950 for doesn't work....and you said it would be trouble free.... More ››
 62 - - Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer? - Well, dear... Every time I ask yo... More ››
 63 - Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for... More ››
 64 - A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days lat... More ››
 65 - Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my fa... More ››
 66 - Technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust co... More ››
 67 - I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But th... More ››
 68 - Redmond, WA --Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new operating s... More ››
 69 - The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy a computer, don... More ››
 70 - Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a laptop computer. You're just run down, let me give you so... More ››
 71 - Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key"... More ››
 72 - Q: Complete the following word analogy: Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND... More ››
 73 - "This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you." Studying... More ››
 74 - Customer: I think I've got a bug in my computer. Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noi... More ››
 75 - Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a computer. My goodness, you'd better come to my surgery ri... More ››
 76 - Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the prog... More ››
 77 - Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use. Teacher: You get a choice her... More ››
 78 - ..... Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for con... More ››
 79 - Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider? A: "Life is like a bo... More ››
 80 - "Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?" " My right hand." " Ama... More ››
 81 - I've been sitting at this computer for hours and I haven't seen a single website. That's becaus... More ››
 82 - Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer? Black, Red or Iced? Iced Ink? Well, y... More ››
 83 - How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, provided there's a pr... More ››
 84 - Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1.99904274017, but that... More ››
 85 - Helpline? I've just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive! Has the computer stopped workin... More ››
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 87 - Customer: "I'm running Windows '95." Tech: "Yes." Customer: "My computer isn't working now."... More ››
 88 - Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586? A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pent... More ››
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 90 - How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb? One, to generate a "ChangeLightBul... More ››
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 92 - How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "la... More ››
 93 - You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No, they... More ››
 94 - Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman c... More ››
 95 - If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operat... More ››
 96 - Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer? Someone told him he was supposed to boot... More ››
 97 - Customer: "It says I've performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Have I done someth... More ››
 98 - I've been on my computer all night! Don't you think you'd be more comfortable on a bed like every... More ››
 99 - What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night? No wonder you called the company... More ››
 100 - My computer made a funny sound the other day. Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a win... More ››
 101 - Computer helpline? Everytime I log onto the seven dwarfs website my computer screen goes snow... More ››
 102 - Would you like to buy a second-hand computer? I'm afraid not. I'm only able to type with one hand... More ››
 103 - Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb? A: He doesn't. He declares darkness the industry... More ››
 104 - Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, that's a hardware pr... More ››
 105 - Customer: "Hi, I'm supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack i... More ››
 106 - If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed... Oh, wait a minute, he already... More ››
 107 - Q. What creature has the best aptitude for engineering ? A. The spider -- It has its own webs... More ››
 108 - Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: The warning lab... More ››
 109 - Tech Support: "Which format are the images you send?" Customer: "Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters.... More ››
 110 - Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on? Pupil: No, Miss, the dress you're wearing looks fine... More ››
 111 - Q: What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium? A: Successive approximations.... More ››
 112 - Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad scientist.... More ››
 113 - Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? Because DEC 25 = OCT 31... More ››
 114 - Why do computer teachers never get sick? Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.... More ››
 115 - Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old block.... More ››
 116 - What do you get if you stuff your computer's disk drive with herbs? A thyme machine.... More ››
 117 - What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer? The Netcracker suite.... More ››
 118 - Mum, Mum, Dad's broken my computer! How did he do that? I dropped it on his head.... More ››
 119 - Want to buy a pocket computer? No, thanks, I already know how many pockets I've got.... More ››
 120 - Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer? A: You get a short circut.... More ››
 121 - Customer: "Wait, that password looks really gray. I'm going to type it in again."... More ››
 122 - Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis? Because it is below C level.... More ››
 123 - Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer? He wanted to have webbed feet.... More ››
 124 - Why did the dish and spoon hide their computer? The cat kept fiddling with i.t.... More ››
 125 - What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.... More ››
 126 - How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out? Hide their trainers.... More ››
 127 - What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard? Sorry, you're not my type.... More ››
 128 - Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98? A: 3 years... More ››
 129 - What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard? The space bar.... More ››
 130 - What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink? A slipped disk.... More ››
 131 - Why was there a bug in the computer? It was looking for a byte to eat.... More ››
 132 - What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger? A big mac.... More ››
 133 - What happened when the computer fell on the floor? It slipped a disk.... More ››
 134 - Which football team to you need to connect up your computer? Leeds.... More ››
 135 - Who holds up stagecoaches and steals laptop computers? Click Turpin... More ››
 136 - The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.... More ››
 137 - To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.... More ››
 138 - What do you do if your computer hums? Tell it to change its socsks!... More ››
 139 - What do you get if you cross a constable with a computer? PC Plod.... More ››
 140 - Got this email from a friend: CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?... More ››
 141 - Where is the best place to buy computer software? Washington C.D... More ››
 142 - What do computer experts do at weekends? Go for a disk drive.... More ››
 143 - Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house? A. He uses "windows".... More ››
 144 - Q: What's the best way to accelerate a Mac? A: 9.81 m/s2... More ››
 145 - Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.... More ››
 146 - Q: Which way did the programmer go? A: He went DATA way!... More ››
 147 - Why did the computer act crazy? It had a screw loose.... More ››
 148 - When do computers go to sleep? When it's internight.... More ››
 149 - Where does an elephant carry its laptop? In its trunk.... More ››
 150 - My computer isn't that nervous. It's just a bit ANSI.... More ››
 151 - What do computers eat when they get hungry? Chips.... More ››
 152 - Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.... More ››
 153 - What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.... More ››
 154 - What did the mouse say to the webcam? Cheese.... More ››
 155 - Who sits on Cinderella's keyboard? Buttons.... More ››
 156 - Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"... More ››
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