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CRIMINAL JOKES!

criminal JOKES (random)

"What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?" asked the judge. "Well, Your Honor," replied the arresting officer, "I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, 'I want to listen to it on my record-player!' "

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY criminal JOKES:

 1 - Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big Boss to steal a van load of goods from a bathroo... More ››
 2 - Why do they put a suicide watch on death row prisoners? Why would you care if a man you're plann... More ››
 3 - t was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charge... More ››
 4 - What's another word for a murderer who kills old ladies? A Killergran.... More ››
 5 - Who is the biggest gangster in the sea ? Al Caprawn !... More ››
 6 - It was Rocky's first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates were in their cells and he w... More ››
 7 - Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the gua... More ››
 8 - Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the gua... More ››
 9 - An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place... More ››
 10 - A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thou... More ››
 11 - Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the livi... More ››
 12 - A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear bab... More ››
 13 - Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in w... More ››
 14 - A computer geek goes to prison for fraud, they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy, Having he... More ››
 15 - A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Lis... More ››
 16 - "What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?" asked the judge. "Well, Your Honor," replied the... More ››
 17 - Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn't you take... More ››
 18 - A boy is in a prison cell with no windows and no doors: there are no holes in the ceiling or tra... More ››
 19 - When the school was broken into, the thieves took absolutely everything - desks, books, blackboa... More ››
 20 - The criminal mastermind found one of his gang sawing the legs off his bed. "What are you doing t... More ››
 21 - A police officer was escorting a prisoner to jail when his hat blew off. "Shall I run and get... More ››
 22 - Judge: Tell me your occupation. Prisoner; I'm a locksmith, Your Honour. Judge: Then what were... More ››
 23 - A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, "This is a m... More ››
 24 - A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night. "There's a burglar downstairs eating the ca... More ››
 25 - Newsflash: Two criminals have escaped from prison today. One is orange and 9ft tall, and the oth... More ››
 26 - A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. "Have you any last reque... More ››
 27 - Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe? Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people p... More ››
 28 - "Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow.... More ››
 29 - 'It's a pity you've gone on hunger strike,' said the convict's girlfriend on visiting day. 'Wh... More ››
 30 - Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn't any good, it only has sentimental value. Mugger: That's... More ››
 31 - What is the difference between a thief and a church bell? One steals from the people, the other... More ››
 32 - Fred: We had a burglary last night, and they took everything except the soap and towels. Harry... More ››
 33 - Criminal: Why don't you hire these twins for the robbery, boss? Criminal Boss: I'm afraid of a... More ››
 34 - What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up? Sorry to take so much of your va... More ››
 35 - Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting? Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make mon... More ››
 36 - Detective: Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk? Criminal: You said it was time to spill... More ››
 37 - A rapist, a gangster and a murderer are in the same car... Who is driving the car? A police o... More ››
 38 - What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver? I'm at your service,... More ››
 39 - Detective: Do you think I should put on the cuffs? Criminal: Why? You look good in short sleeve... More ››
 40 - Why are burglars such good tennis players ? Because they spend such a lot of their time in courts... More ››
 41 - Policeman: Did you know your vehicle was reported stolen? Criminal: It wasn't when I took it.... More ››
 42 - Did you hear about the burglar who fell in the cement mixer? Now he's a hardened criminal.... More ››
 43 - If you crossed a gangster and a garbage man, what would you have? Organised grime (crime).... More ››
 44 - What do you get if you cross a bunch of flowers with a burglar ? Robbery with violets !... More ››
 45 - Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered!... More ››
 46 - Who was the world's greatest thief ? Atlas, because he held up the whole world !... More ››
 47 - What kind of party do prisoners in jail like most of all. A going-away party.... More ››
 48 - Why is a sinking ship like a person in jail? Because it needs bailing out.... More ››
 49 - Why would someone in jail want to catch the measles? So he could break out.... More ››
 50 - Knock Knock Who's there ! Burglar ! Burglar who ? Burglars don't knock !... More ››
 51 - What do you call a mayfly with a criminal tendencies ? Baddy long legs !... More ››
 52 - What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner ? A Kong - vict !... More ››
 53 - When did the criminal get smart? When the judge threw the book at him.... More ››
 54 - Why did the burglar take a shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway... More ››
 55 - Judge: Why did you steal that bird? Prisoner: For a lark, sir.... More ››
 56 - What three letters in the alphabet frighten criminals? F.B.I.... More ››
 57 - What do you call a robbery in China ? A Chinese take away !... More ››
 58 - What was the parrot doing in prison ? It was a jail-bird !... More ››
 59 - Why do pens get sent to prison ? To do long sentences !... More ››
 60 - What hired killer never goes to jail? The exterminator.... More ››
 61 - What kind of robbery is not dangerous? A safe robbery.... More ››
 62 - Why was the robber bionic? He was holding up a bank.... More ››
 63 - Why was the robber so secure? He was a safe robber.... More ››
 64 - I think I hear burglars, dear. Are you awake? No!... More ››
 65 - How do bank robbers send messages? By flee mail!... More ››
 66 - What diploma do criminals get? The third degree.... More ››
 67 - What kind of thief steals meat? A hamburglar.... More ››
 68 - Who is the strongest thief? A shoplifter.... More ››
 69 - What stars go to jail? Shooting stars.... More ››
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