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The Best Dead And Dying Jokes: |
| 1) A woman goes into a funeral home to make
arrangements
for her... Show more |
| 2) An English guy was very ill and his son
went to visit him in... Show more |
| 3) A Packer fan was enjoying himself at
the game in a packed Lam... Show more |
| 4) A woman goes into the local newspaper
office to see that the... Show more |
| 5) This elderly Newfoundland
fisherman
is on his deathbed and su... Show more |
| 6) A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher
were
sentenced to death... Show more |
| 7) A man
is calling on his best friend
to pay a condolence call... Show more |
| 8) A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal
raisin cookies cookin... Show more |
| 9) Phoning the florist to order some
flowers for her lover's fun... Show more |
| 10) A chap went up to the counter in the
library
and said, "Have... Show more |
| 11) Sam was on his death bed, and his wife
and children were
gath... Show more |
| 12) A man is fibbing
away about how
great things are in his count... Show more |
| 13) Three weeks after her wedding
day,
Joanna called her minister... Show more |
| 14) "Do you
believe in life after
death?" the boss asked one of h... Show more |
| 15) At the inquest
into her husband's
death by food poisoning Mrs... Show more |
| 16) "Why are you crying Fred?" asked the
teacher. "
'Cos my parr... Show more |
| 17) There was a great loss today in the
entertainment world. The... Show more |
| 18) A monster and a zombie went into a
funeral home. 'I'd like to... Show more |
| 19) The man who
was about to die said
to the Sheriff,
"Say, do... Show more |
| 20) A monster and a zombie went
into
the undertaker's. "I'd like... Show more |
| 21) A man was sitting in the electric
chair. The executioner said... Show more |
| 22) Vampire 1: "I once went so long without
fresh blood that I
ne... Show more |
| 23) Did you hear someone has invented a
coffin that just covers t... Show more |
| 24) What's the difference between a very
old, shaggy Yeti and a dea... Show more |
| 25) Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk,
and I swatted one, ho... Show more |
| 26) Why did the cowboy
die with his
boots on ?
Because he didn't... Show more |
| 27) Did you
hear about the undertaker
who buried someone in the w... Show more |
| 28) If a woman is born in Italy, grows up
in
England, goes to Ame... Show more |
| 29) Did you hear about the do-it-yourself
funeral?
They just lo... Show more |
| 30) Doctor, doctor, I'm at death's door!
Don't worry, Mrs Jenkins... Show more |
| 31) I've been e-mailing William
Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare's... Show more |
| 32) My brother's a professional boxer.
Heavyweight ?
No, featherwe... Show more |
| 33) When a knight in armour was killed in
battle, what sign did the... Show more |
| 34) What is the difference between a
musician and a
dead body?... Show more |
| 35) If a man was born in England, raised in
America and died in S... Show more |
| 36) I was so sorry
to hear you buried
your mother last week.
Wel... Show more |
| 37) Teacher: What can you tell me about the
Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead... Show more |
| 38) Waiter, waiter! There's a
dead fly
in my soup.
Oh no! Who's... Show more |
| 39) Why do you want to be buried at sea?
Because my wife says she... Show more |
| 40) Did you hear about the two men who were
cremated at the same... Show more |
| 41) Why did the monster
take a dead man
for a drive in his car?... Show more |
| 42) Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the
waist down.
I'll arrange... Show more |
| 43) What are you doing?
I'm trying to
call Washington!
Oh, have... Show more |
| 44) Did you hear about the man
who left
his job at the mortuary?... Show more |
| 45) Question: What
did the dead raccoon
say in his will?
Answer... Show more |
| 46) What do you call a man who has been
dead and buried for
thous... Show more |
| 47) Waiter, there's a fly in my soup
!
Yes, it's the rotting mea... Show more |
| 48) First ghoul: You don't look too well
today.
Second ghoul: No,... Show more |
| 49) Why do cemeteries have fences around
them?
Because people ar... Show more |
| 50) What lies on the ground 100 feet up in
the air and smells?... Show more |
| 51) Q: What is the
definition of
Death?
A: When you stop paying... Show more |
| 52) What is posthumous work ?
Something
written by someone after t... Show more |
| 53) Why was George Washington buried at
Mount Vernon ?
Because he... Show more |
| 54) What is the last thing you eat before
you die?
You bite the... Show more |
| 55) What did the little kid do with the
dead
battery?
He buried... Show more |
| 56) What kind of ghosts haunt operating
theatres?
Surgical spirit... Show more |
| 57) What's a zombie's favorite pop song?
Dead sails in the sunset... Show more |
| 58) What has four legs, a tail,
whiskers and flies?
A dead cat.... Show more |
| 59) What do you find in a zombie's veins?
Dead blood corpuscles.... Show more |
| 60) Where do ghosts go for their holidays?
The Dead Sea.... Show more |
| 61) How do you make a Venetian
blind?
Poke him in the eye... Show more |
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