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HEAVEN AND HELL

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HEAVEN AND HELL JOKES!

heaven and hell JOKES (random)

Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory.
The agent behind the counter says "So Morty, what's it gonna be Heaven or Hell?" Morty asks, "What's the difference?" Sid says "Take a look at the monitor over here." Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds and playing harps in serene bliss.
Morty turns to Sid and says "Well that's nice.
Pretty boring but nice.
What's Hell like?" Sid tells him to look at the other monitor.
Morty does and sees scenes of young people having sex and dancing and smoking and drinking and laughing and singing and generally having a great time.
"This is great!" says Morty.
"I think I'll try Hell." Sid directs him to the elevator and instructs him to push the down arrow.
Morty does so and waits for the elevator to take him to hell.
When the car stops at hell the doors spring open.
Morty look s around from the elevator doorway and is shocked at what he sees.
Everywhere are people burning in agony, screaming in pain, drowning and suffering.
There are laughing demons with pitchforks piercing their skin.
Its horrible, disgusting.
Morty presses the up button and goes right back to Sid." "What is this!?
Hell is nothing like you showed me on the monitor!
It was awful down there!" Sid says, "You mean that monitor?" "Yes," says Morty.
"Oh, well, that was just the pilot."

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY heaven and hell JOKES:

 1 - In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The love... More ››
 2 - Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy... More ››
 3 - Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke u... More ››
 4 - A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiti... More ››
 5 - This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had... More ››
 6 - Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates wait... More ››
 7 - A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have... More ››
 8 - One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by... More ››
 9 - Three college football coaches were flying across the country when their airplane crashed and al... More ››
 10 - Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says "So Morty, what... More ››
 11 - Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a littl... More ››
 12 - There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard... More ››
 13 - It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering... More ››
 14 - A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to... More ››
 15 - A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St.... More ››
 16 - St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What di... More ››
 17 - Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter. St. Peter: Hi, what's your name... More ››
 18 - A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get... More ››
 19 - This guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and... More ››
 20 - Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lin... More ››
 21 - Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. S... More ››
 22 - St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven... More ››
 23 - Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but you... More ››
 24 - Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by... More ››
 25 - President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.... More ››
 26 - A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist.... More ››
 27 - A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the ga... More ››
 28 - A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the... More ››
 29 - An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St Peter who goes through the usual ques... More ››
 30 - Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly... More ››
 31 - Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked... More ››
 32 - One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang. walk up to the Pearl... More ››
 33 - Two Irish friends greeted each other while waiting their turn at the bank window. "This remind... More ››
 34 - A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questi... More ››
 35 - A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates. The doctor said how... More ››
 36 - A Director arrives below and is met by Satan who shows him around. Turns out that Hell is a giga... More ››
 37 - So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, "Y... More ››
 38 - A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he ask... More ››
 39 - St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be... More ››
 40 - A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gat... More ››
 41 - Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven? Ted: No, but the more you s... More ››
 42 - An angel in heaven was welcoming a new arrival. "How did you get here?" he asked. And the new... More ››
 43 - What do you call the queue of Software Engineers standing outside Heaven ? The Y2K deadline !... More ››
 44 - Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.... More ››
 45 - Why did the angel lose her job? She had harp failure.... More ››
 46 - How do angels greet each other? They say, Halo.... More ››
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