Random Humor Jokes! |
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At the scene of a bank raid
the police
officer came running up to his inspector and said, "He got
away, sir!"
The inspector was furious. "But I told you to put a man on all the
exits!" he roared. "How could he have got away?"
"He left by one
of the entrances, sir!"
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Humor Jokes on your site! |
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The Best Humor Jokes: |
| 1) A wife and her
husband were having a dinner
party for all the major status figure... Read On » |
| 2) A magician was employed by a
Shipping Line
to entertain the passengers during cru... Read On » |
| 3) A newlywed couple, after bringing their
luggage into their cabin, stormed down to... Read On » |
| 4) A girl walked over to her neighbor's for her
morning chat session. When she got t... Read On » |
| 5) Big Louie the
Torpedo was becoming
increasingly curious about one of the newer me... Read On » |
| 6) A young family moved into a
house next door
to a vacant lot. One day a constructi... Read On » |
| 7) The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the
recently
married couple's house. Sh... Read On » |
| 8) There was an engineer who had an
exceptional
gift for fixing all things mechanica... Read On » |
| 9) There
was a guy walking down the street in
San Francisco, and he tripped over
a... Read On » |
| 10) Once there was a millionaire
who had a
collection of live alligators. He kept the... Read On » |
| 11) Well, a man was driving down a country road, and
he decided to get out
and get so... Read On » |
| 12) A woman walks into a bank
in New York City
and asks for the loan officer. She say... Read On » |
| 13) Seems a guy was driving for hours
thu
desolate country when he passed a farmhouse... Read On » |
| 14) Before going to Europe on business, a man drove
his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY... Read On » |
| 15) Three friends were stranded on a desert
island. After several weeks with no food... Read On » |
| 16) A man is hired by the circus to perform a
necessary but rather
unpleasant task. H... Read On » |
| 17) Bill and Steve are enjoying a beer and
discussing the possibility of love. "I tho... Read On » |
| 18) One afternoon, a man was riding in
the back
of his limousine when he saw two men... Read On » |
| 19) Abraham wanted a
new suit, so he bought a
nice piece of cloth and then tried to l... Read On » |
| 20) Steve,
Bob and Jeff are all working on some
very high scaffolding. Suddenly,
St... Read On » |
| 21) So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down
to
the water hole to get some wa... Read On » |
| 22) There once was a German schoolteacher. She went
to England
to teach. When she arr... Read On » |
| 23) Standing at the edge of the lake, a
man saw
a woman flailing about in the deep wa... Read On » |
| 24) A young banker decided to get his first tailor
made
suit. So he went to the fines... Read On » |
| 25) The strong young man at the construction site
was bragging that he could outdo an... Read On » |
| 26) An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert
in Israel and
came upon a casket... Read On » |
| 27) A monastery in the English countryside was
having a hard time with its
cash flow... Read On » |
| 28) An engineer, an experimental physicist, a
theoretical physicist, and a philosophe... Read On » |
| 29) A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother
he's fallen in love
and going to g... Read On » |
| 30) At a
country-club party a young man was
introduced to an attractive girl. He
im... Read On » |
| 31) A
young man was strolling down a street. As
he passed a large building with
a f... Read On » |
| 32) A guy goes to a girl's house
for the first
time, and she shows him into the livin... Read On » |
| 33) The world's most incredibly lazy man found
a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie... Read On » |
| 34) The young wife was in tears when she opened
the door for her
husband. "I've bee... Read On » |
| 35) After wedding a young couple rented a town house
in a large complex.
Concerned ab... Read On » |
| 36) Sherlock Holmes
and Matthew Watson were on a
camping and hiking trip. They had go... Read On » |
| 37) Three men stood before a judge on a charge of
drunk and disorderly conduct in a p... Read On » |
| 38) A man was given the job of painting the white
lines down the
middle of a highway.... Read On » |
| 39) Coleman
moved to Wyoming and was sitting in
the unemployment office applying for... Read On » |
| 40) After a visit to the circus, Geoff and Don were
discussing the thrills and marvel... Read On » |
| 41) The
Rocky Mountains are very big and far
apart. It takes a long time for an
ech... Read On » |
| 42) Mad men are given a test to prove they are
getting
normal their teacher draws a d... Read On » |
| 43) Q: How many
existentialists does it take to
screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to... Read On » |
| 44) A woman reported
the disappearance of her
husband to the police. The
officer lo... Read On » |
| 45) At the scene of a bank raid
the police
officer came running up to his inspector a... Read On » |
| 46) Dawn was
breaking over the camp grounds.
Tony and Steve were lying in their tent.... Read On » |
| 47) This morning I felt that today was going to be
my lucky day. I got up at seven, h... Read On » |
| 48) One day the counsellor got a
phone call. It
was from a camper who had been at cam... Read On » |
| 49) Terry and Debbie were camping with their parents
deep in the woods.
'How far is... Read On » |
| 50) When Fred was applying for
a credit card,
the manager of the credit card company... Read On » |
| 51) Harry was telling his friend about his holiday
in Switzerland. His friend
had nev... Read On » |
| 52) How many bankers does it take to change a light
bulb?
Four. One to hold the bulb,... Read On » |
| 53) A man walks into a palm reader store and asks
the reader,
"Could you read my palm... Read On » |
| 54) The garbage men were just about to leave the
street when a girl came running out... Read On » |
| 55) Pierre was a camper from France. In his
honour, Jenny sang a French song in the t... Read On » |
| 56) Two women were sitting by the pool, and one
asked what kind of water they fill th... Read On » |
| 57) Q: How many circus performers does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
A: Four: One f... Read On » |
| 58) A husband and wife were shopping when the wife
said, "Darling, its my mother's bi... Read On » |
| 59) I used to not get on with my
mother-in-law,
but over the last few months
I've d... Read On » |
| 60) Two friends: - I heard that you have
founded
a musical band.
- Yes, it is a quar... Read On » |
| 61) At the
end of camp, Julie won the prize for
neatest trunk. Her mother was
amaze... Read On » |
| 62) One day a wife complained, "This wall clock
almost
killed my mother today.
It fe... Read On » |
| 63) What is the difference
between a English
actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
An En... Read On » |
| 64) A man went in to the bank and asked to see the
man who arranged the loans.
'I... Read On » |
| 65) Two cannibals just finished a big
meal and
one turns to the other while rubbing h... Read On » |
| 66) Bob: Did you hear about the camper who was
killed by a garter snake?
Betty: That's... Read On » |
| 67) I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion
like Russell or have a Porsche like... Read On » |
| 68) John was hard at work with
the broom in his
family's tent.
His mother came in an... Read On » |
| 69) The head Counselor gathered all the campers
together. To get their attention, the... Read On » |
| 70) How many social
scientists does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Social sci... Read On » |
| 71) Steve wrote home. 'I'm glad you named me
Steve,' he said in the letter.
'Why?' a... Read On » |
| 72) There was a man who entered a local paper's pun
contest. He sent in ten
different... Read On » |
| 73) The young Southern belle came to the hospital
for a
check-up. "Have you ever been... Read On » |
| 74) A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone. 'Why
don't you play with your friends?' h... Read On » |
| 75) Bank manager: I'm sorry, sir, you can't open
an account with this
sort of money.... Read On » |
| 76) How many architects does it take to change a
light bulb?
Just one, but he has to c... Read On » |
| 77) How many tax auditors
does it take to find a
$1.00 mistake in an expense report?... Read On » |
| 78) How many tax advisors does it take to change a
light bulb?
"In the summer there is... Read On » |
| 79) The Counselor
was talking to the campers
about safety.
She said 'Don't climb an... Read On » |
| 80) The Counselor was greeting the new
campers.
'So you decided to come to camp,' she... Read On » |
| 81) How many archaeologists does it take to change a
light bulb?
Three. One to chang... Read On » |
| 82) Q: How many Mafia
hitmen does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to... Read On » |
| 83) New camper: I
thought you said this camp has
no mosquitoes.
Old camper: That's r... Read On » |
| 84) On the last day of camp everyone was asked the
same question:
'What is the best p... Read On » |
| 85) Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies
today. Would you like to
take
your p... Read On » |
| 86) Q:
How many Survivors does it take to screw
in a light bulb? A: One to
start sc... Read On » |
| 87) A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last
night and stole a thousand pints o... Read On » |
| 88) A man had a nose ring fitted into his nose, a
friend asked, "how much did you pay... Read On » |
| 89) Q. What's te definition of a bachelor pad? A.
All the house plants are
dead, but... Read On » |
| 90) How
many civil servants does it take to
change a light bulb? Twelve. One to
cha... Read On » |
| 91) Two guys are talking:
(1) - I've bought a
tour to my mother-in-law.
(2) - Your mo... Read On » |
| 92) Did you hear
about the fire in the rednecks
library? Both the books got burned, a... Read On » |
| 93) Meg's mother was visiting her daughter at camp.
'How did you find
the steak dinne... Read On » |
| 94) My mother-in-law is like a fine French
Impressionist painting.
She's very lovely... Read On » |
| 95) What's the difference between a sigh, a car and
a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A c... Read On » |
| 96) So the bus
driver said to the string, "Are
you a string?" and the string said,... Read On » |
| 97) How many cashiers does it take
to change a
light bulb?
"Are you kidding? They wo... Read On » |
| 98) Q. What did Snow white say when her photos
didn't come back from the photo store?... Read On » |
| 99) My brother's looking for a girlfriend. Trouble
is, he can't find a girl who loves... Read On » |
| 100) Camper: There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: That's what we said in the camp ad... Read On » |
| 101) Martin asked David, "In which
state does the
Ohio River run?" David answered with... Read On » |
| 102) Q. What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden
have in common? A. They both look... Read On » |
| 103) Camper:
There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: Shh! Don't make such a fuss. Soo... Read On » |
| 104) Dad, did you manage to
fix my toy? No, it's
not broken, the battery's flat. Well,... Read On » |
| 105) How did the octopus lovers walk down the
road?
Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in... Read On » |
| 106) How many librarians does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
"I don't know, but I... Read On » |
| 107) It was so hot when we went on holiday last
year that we had to take turns sitting... Read On » |
| 108) What's the
best way to increase the size of
your bank balance? Look at it through... Read On » |
| 109) My mother-in-law has got
so many double
chins it looks like she is peering over a... Read On » |
| 110) My
mother-in-law was bitten by a dog
yesterday.
How is she now ?
She's fine.... Read On » |
| 111) Did you hear about the man in the electric chair
who
asked the executioner to rev... Read On » |
| 112) Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your
grandma's
bed? Fred: Because I could... Read On » |
| 113) Why did the kangaroo love the little
Australian bear?
Because the bear had many... Read On » |
| 114) What happened to the wizard who ran away with
the circus?
The police made him brin... Read On » |
| 115) Sammy: My parents are sending me to
camp.
Tammy: Why? Do you need a vacation?
Sam... Read On » |
| 116) Q: Why couldn't the animals
on Noah's Ark
play cards? A: Because Noah was standin... Read On » |
| 117) How many applicants does it take to change
a
light bulb? Only one, but 200 applie... Read On » |
| 118) Q. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with
newspaper?
A. Yes, if you wrap... Read On » |
| 119) Do you love me?
Of course
Then whisper
something soft and sweet in my ear
Lemon... Read On » |
| 120) Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin
opener ? He had a bee in his suit... Read On » |
| 121) Did you hear
about the ghoul's favorite
hotel? It had running rot and mould in ev... Read On » |
| 122) Clown: Why are you wearing such a large
shirt?
Second Clown: I always perform in t... Read On » |
| 123) What happened when the monster kissed his one
true love?
He left lip prints on... Read On » |
| 124) How many brewers does it take to
change a
light bulb?
Third as many as for a reg... Read On » |
| 125) Camper: There's a leak over my
bunk!
Counselor: Don't complain. It only leaks when... Read On » |
| 126) Sharon: I'm so homesick.
Sheila: But this is
your home!
Sharon: I know and I'm si... Read On » |
| 127) Freda: Boys whisper they love me.
Fred: Well,
they wouldn't admit it out loud, wou... Read On » |
| 128) Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in
love?
A: They got married in the... Read On » |
| 129) What's the difference between
ignorance and
indifference? I don't know and I don'... Read On » |
| 130) Why did the janitor take early retirement?
Because he realized that grime doesn't... Read On » |
| 131) Q: Why did the
scientist install a knocker
on his door? A: To win the no-bell
p... Read On » |
| 132) "Do you love me more than you love sleep?"
"I
can't answer now. It's time for my n... Read On » |
| 133) Did you hear about the man who jumped in the
Hudson River?
He committed sewerci... Read On » |
| 134) What would you get if you crossed a
monster
with the god of love?
A stupid Cupi... Read On » |
| 135) Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped
Easter egg?
Because they're both cracked... Read On » |
| 136) Why did the teacher decide to become an
electrician? To get a bit of
light relief... Read On » |
| 137) Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow.
When I
woke up my pillow was gone... Read On » |
| 138) What's a cow's
favourite love
song?
When I fall in love , it will be for heifer.... Read On » |
| 139) They're perfectly matched. He's blinded by
love and her looks are out of sight !... Read On » |
| 140) What's a cow's favourite love
song?
When I fall in love, it will be for heifer.... Read On » |
| 141) What does a man who loves his car do
on
February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!... Read On » |
| 142) If you need a loan, who do you see in the
bank?
The Loan Arranger (Lone Ranger).... Read On » |
| 143) Q: Why did the haunted house not
like rain?
A: Because it dampened his spirits.... Read On » |
| 144) Do you know the difference between genius and
stupid? "Genius has its limits."... Read On » |
| 145) How do you cook vegatables in the
microwave
? Take them out their wheelchair.... Read On » |
| 146) What do you call a nun with a
washing
machine on her head ?
Sister Matic !... Read On » |
| 147) Q: Why did the Mummy go to the bathroom? A: To
wrap itself in
toilet paper!... Read On » |
| 148) Q: Why did the clown wear loud socks? A: So
his feet wouldn't fall asleep.... Read On » |
| 149) Q: What did the hat
say to the necktie? A:
You go AHEAD I'll HANG AROUND!... Read On » |
| 150) Q. Have you heard the latest
scandal? A. Dr.
Pepper was drunk at a party.... Read On » |
| 151) Q. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A.
He didn't have the guts too... Read On » |
| 152) What is the most breathless thing on television
? The Pink Panter Show
!... Read On » |
| 153) Do you believe in love at first sight or do I
have to walk by you
again?... Read On » |
| 154) What did one rock pool say to the other rock
pool? Show me your mussels.... Read On » |
| 155) What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I
love you with all my art!"... Read On » |
| 156) Why are
Saturday and Sunday so strong?
Because the rest are weekdays.... Read On » |
| 157) Q. Why did the belt go to jail?
A. Because he
held up a pair of pants!... Read On » |
| 158) Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid?
He was totally bow-gus!... Read On » |
| 159) How is a bell obedient? It sounds off only when
it is told
(tolled).... Read On » |
| 160) Do you believe in love at first sight or do I
have to walk by
again?... Read On » |
| 161) Q: Why did the clown cross the road? A: To
find his rubber chicken.... Read On » |
| 162) What do
you get if you cross a toilet with a
pop singer ? Loo-Loo !... Read On » |
| 163) Why did the boxer date the pretty girl? Because
she was a knockout!... Read On » |
| 164) What did the bell say when it fell in the water?
I'm wringing wet.... Read On » |
| 165) Q. What do you call a ginger bread man wit one
leg? A. Limp
biskit... Read On » |
| 166) Why was the banker bored? Because he lost
interest in
everything.... Read On » |
| 167) Why can't you keep secrets in a bank? Because
of all the
tellers.... Read On » |
| 168) What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton!"... Read On » |
| 169) Where did the fortune-teller go on her
vacation?
To Palm Beach.... Read On » |
| 170) What did one amorous flea say to the other?
I
love you aw-flea.... Read On » |
| 171) Q. Why do bakers work so hard? A. Because they
need the dough... Read On » |
| 172) What do
lovesick owls say when it's
raining?
Too-wet-to-woo.... Read On » |
| 173) What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come
back? A
stick.... Read On » |
| 174) Q: Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go
to? A:
Heck... Read On » |
| 175) What is an archaeologist ? Someone who's career
is in ruins !... Read On » |
| 176) What do you call a guard
with a hundred
legs? A sentrypede.... Read On » |
| 177) Which painter always had a very bad cold?
Vincent Van Cough... Read On » |
| 178) Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two
mothers-in-law.... Read On » |
| 179) My teacher loves me - she puts
kisses
against all my sums.... Read On » |
| 180) Q. What is the bigest pencil
in the world?
A. Pennsylvania... Read On » |
| 181) What do you call a tube with a degree? A
graduated cylinder.... Read On » |
| 182) Q: Why don't you wear snow boots? A: Because
they'll
melt.... Read On » |
| 183) Q: What's
black, white and read all over?
A: A newspaper.... Read On » |
| 184) What did one bell say to the other?
"Be my
valenchime!"... Read On » |
| 185) What do you call a bell
wearing a tutu
?
A bellerina !... Read On » |
| 186) Question: What goes up and never comes
down?
Answer: Up... Read On » |
| 187) Q: What did the cook say to the dough? A: I
"NEED"
you!... Read On » |
| 188) Who does a ghoul fall in
love with?
His
ghoul friend.... Read On » |
| 189) What is the most romantic city in England?
Loverpool!... Read On » |
| 190) What do you call a man who cleans out toilets
?
Lou !... Read On » |
| 191) What kind of hair do
oceans have?
...Wavy hair.... Read On » |
| 192) What do you
call an amorous insect?
The
love bug.... Read On » |
| 193) What do you call two
birds in love?
Tweethearts!... Read On » |
| 194) What do you call an Igloo without a toilet ? An
Ig !... Read On » |
| 195) Where do mermaids go to see movies?
...The
dive-in... Read On » |
| 196) Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ate
nine.... Read On » |
| 197) Q. What did
dela wear?(Delaware) A. Her New
Jersey... Read On » |
| 198) How do you get pikachu on to a boat? You
pokemon... Read On » |
| 199) How much is 5Q and 5Q? 10Q. "You're welcome.
"... Read On » |
| 200) What runs all day but
never gets tired?
Water.... Read On » |
| 201) What's blue and sings alone? - Dan
Ackroyd.... Read On » |
| 202) What kind of bell doesn't ring?
A
dumbbell.... Read On » |
| 203) What do you use to cut the ocean? A
seasaw... Read On » |