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The Best Lawyer Jokes: |
| 1) If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both
drowning, and
you could only save one of t... Show Complete |
| 2) If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how
many orchards does it
take for a law... Show Complete |
| 3) What do lawyers do after they die?
They lie
still.... Show Complete |
| 4) A defendant was
on trial for murder. There
was very strong evidence indicating gu... Show Complete |
| 5) A local United Way office realized that it had
never
received a donation from the... Show Complete |
| 6) A
judge in a small city was hearing a
drunk-driving case and the
defendant, who... Show Complete |
| 7) The bartender asks him
"What'll you have?".
The guy answers,
"A scotch, please"... Show Complete |
| 8) It seems that a devout, good couple was about
to get married,
but a tragic car a... Show Complete |
| 9) An old man was critically
ill. Feeling that
death was near, he
called his lawye... Show Complete |
| 10) A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend
asked the
tombstone maker to inscribe... Show Complete |
| 11) A guy walks into a post office one day
to
see a middle-aged, balding man standing... Show Complete |
| 12) At a
convention of biological scientists
one researcher remarks to another:
"Di... Show Complete |
| 13) A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man,
and a
lawyer were sitting on a train... Show Complete |
| 14) A person is in the hospital and asked his
doctor how much time does
he
have lef... Show Complete |
| 15) A
persistent job-seeker once appeared
before President Lincoln and demanded
an... Show Complete |
| 16) A man walks into a friend and sees that his
friend's car
is total loss and cover... Show Complete |
| 17) A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the
headlights
broken and considerable... Show Complete |
| 18) In the construction
field, it is often
noted that lawyers make the worst clients.... Show Complete |
| 19) "Excuse me," a young fellow said to
an
older librarian, "I've just moved here and... Show Complete |
| 20) The first lawyer questioning a panel of
prospective jurors began right off as an... Show Complete |
| 21) A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with
his family. Suddenly,
he spotted a... Show Complete |
| 22) "How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to
her lawyer, after he had solved her... Show Complete |
| 23) Why is
it that if you give a child an
encyclopedia, "lawyer" is always the
thir... Show Complete |
| 24) "You seem to have more than the average
share of intelligence for a man of
your... Show Complete |
| 25) A convicted con man was recently found to be
impersonating a lawyer in New York C... Show Complete |
| 26) Have you seen the current remake of the movie
"Cape Fear"? It's about a deranged... Show Complete |
| 27) Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted,
will you tell me truly? Did you steal... Show Complete |
| 28) Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to
walk
onto a construction site when plumbers a... Show Complete |
| 29) You're trapped in a room with a tiger,
a
rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun... Show Complete |
| 30) Did you hear that the Post Office had to
recall its series of stamps depicting fa... Show Complete |
| 31) A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor.
"Which side is it best to lie on?" s... Show Complete |
| 32) A lawyer with insomnia consulted
her doctor.
"Which side is it best to lie on?" s... Show Complete |
| 33) If you laid all the lawyers in the world head
to foot around the Equator, then...... Show Complete |
| 34) What's the difference between a lawyer
and
a
trampoline?
You should take your... Show Complete |
| 35) Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic
waste dumps and California got all th... Show Complete |
| 36) First person: Do you know how to
save five
lawyers who are drowning?
Second pers... Show Complete |
| 37) Why don't lawyers enjoy playing
golf?
Because it's too much like work, what with a... Show Complete |
| 38) Why
didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the
lawyer's heart?
Because even Cupid can'... Show Complete |
| 39) If two lawyers were drowning,
and you could
only save one of
them, would you rea... Show Complete |
| 40) How many lawyers does it take to
change a
lightbulb?
None, they'd rather keep th... Show Complete |
| 41) Lawyer: "Let me
give you my honest
opinion."
Client: "No, no. I'm paying for... Show Complete |
| 42) Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why
don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It migh... Show Complete |
| 43) How many lawyers does it take to grease a
combine?
Only one if you run him throu... Show Complete |
| 44) What's the
difference between a lawyer and
an onion?
You cry when you cut up an... Show Complete |
| 45) What is the proper weight for a
lawyer?
About 3 pounds, .......not counting the... Show Complete |
| 46) Q. Why is it that many lawyers have
broken
noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulan... Show Complete |
| 47) Changing lawyers is like moving to a different
deck chair on the Titantic.... Show Complete |
| 48) If I had but one life to give for my country,
it
would be a lawyer's.... Show Complete |
| 49) Why don't lawyers play
hide-and-seek?
Nobody will look for them.... Show Complete |
| 50) How many lawyers does it take
to stop a
moving bus?
Never enough.... Show Complete |
| 51) How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
Other
lawyers look interested.... Show Complete |
| 52) What is black and brown and looks
good on a
lawyer? A Doberman.... Show Complete |
| 53) Where is the best place to hide a lawyer?
In
a brief case.... Show Complete |
| 54) How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut
the rope.... Show Complete |
| 55) What do you call an honest lawyer?
An
oxymoron.... Show Complete |
| 56) What kind of clothes do lawyers
wear?
Lawsuits.... Show Complete |
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