Random Marriage Jokes! |
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My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that
if anything ever happens to her, I'll have to beg. I told her I'd
be
fine. I mean look at all the experience I've got.
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Marriage Jokes on your site! |
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The Best Marriage Jokes: |
| 1) A married couple was in a
terrible accident where the
woman's face was severely b... Read On » |
| 2) A little boy walked
down the
aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front,... Read On » |
| 3) A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond
ring for
Christmas.
A friend of his s... Read On » |
| 4) Q:
What do you call two spiders who just
got married?
A: Newlywebs.... Read On » |
| 5) A psychiatrist visited a
California
mental institution and asked a patient, "How... Read On » |
| 6) A man and woman where on their honeymoon
after a long and very happy courtship. O... Read On » |
| 7) An old man and woman were married for
years even though
they hated each other.... Read On » |
| 8) During the wedding
rehearsal, the groom
approached the vicar with an unusual offe... Read On » |
| 9) Once there was a millionaire, who collected
live
alligators. He kept them in the... Read On » |
| 10) A
married couple was in a terrible
accident where the woman's face was
severely... Read On » |
| 11) A jealous husband hires a private detective
to check up
on his wife. The husband... Read On » |
| 12) After shopping for most of the day, a couple
returns to find their car has been s... Read On » |
| 13) young couple
were on their honeymoon. The
husband was sitting in the bathroom on... Read On » |
| 14) A boy is about to go on his first
date,
and is nervous about what to talk about.... Read On » |
| 15) A concerned husband went to a
doctor to
talk about his wife. He says to the
doct... Read On » |
| 16) A
man was walking in the street when he
heard a voice: "Stop! Stand
still! If y... Read On » |
| 17) A couple was celebrating their golden wedding
anniversary.
Their domestic tranqui... Read On » |
| 18) Never before had Sue looked in the box that
her
husband kept under their bed.... Read On » |
| 19) A young couple got married and
left on
their honeymoon. When they got back, the b... Read On » |
| 20) "I
bet you don't know what day this is",
said the wife to
her husband as he made... Read On » |
| 21) An Illinois man who left the snow-filled
streets of
Chicago for a vacation in Flo... Read On » |
| 22) As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife
were sitting outside
a Bethlehem so... Read On » |
| 23) A woman accompanied her husband to the
doctor's office.
After his checkup, th... Read On » |
| 24) Four
married guys go golfing on Sunday.
During the 3rd hole the following
conve... Read On » |
| 25) "Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a
divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client... Read On » |
| 26) An explorer
goes into an undiscovered
tomb for the first time, and in
the center... Read On » |
| 27) Two men are having an awfully slow round
of
golf because the two ladies in front o... Read On » |
| 28) A guy gets home early from work and hears
strange noises coming from the bedroom.... Read On » |
| 29) Old Man On A Bench
An old man of ninety
was sitting on a park bench crying. A pol... Read On » |
| 30) This man was sitting quietly reading his
paper one
morning, peacefully
enjoying... Read On » |
| 31) Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a
successful New York
contractor, was standi... Read On » |
| 32) A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking
care of her husband.
When he was... Read On » |
| 33) A henpecked husband was advised by a
psychiatrist to assert
himself. "You don't... Read On » |
| 34) A man placed some flowers on the grave of his
dearly
departed mother and started... Read On » |
| 35) The room was full of
pregnant women and
their partners. The Lamaze class
was in... Read On » |
| 36) Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one
day about Mr. Riley and his
constant d... Read On » |
| 37) A couple decided that the only
way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old so... Read On » |
| 38) A
police officer in a small town stopped
a motorist who was speeding down
Main... Read On » |
| 39) There were three guys in a bar. Two are
talking
about the amount of control they... Read On » |
| 40) A
biologist phones his wife from his
office and says, "Honey, something has
jus... Read On » |
| 41) A fellow was very much in
love with a
beautiful girl. One day she told him that t... Read On » |
| 42) When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his
money and his best friend, he
got so... Read On » |
| 43) A funeral service is being held in a
church for a woman
who has just passed awa... Read On » |
| 44) The newlyweds
arrived at the front desk
of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton H... Read On » |
| 45) A man
answers the phone and has the
following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've... Read On » |
| 46) A woman got a problem with her closet door -
it was
felling every time a
bus wa... Read On » |
| 47) A man comes home and
hears hard breathing
female noises from
inside the aprtment... Read On » |
| 48) A
dietician was once addressing a large
audience in Chicago. "The
material we p... Read On » |
| 49) A family was having dinner on
Mother's
Day. For some reason
the mother was unusu... Read On » |
| 50) The
child was a typical four-year-old
girl - cute, inquisitive, bright
as a new... Read On » |
| 51) For their 25th wedding
anniversary, a man
decides to take his
wife on a trip to... Read On » |
| 52) Not that my wife's the
jealous type or
anything, but one day at work, I had taken... Read On » |
| 53) Sarah was reading a newspaper,
while her
husband was engrossed in a
magazine. S... Read On » |
| 54) Two ladies were hanging out together and one
was depressed.
"What's wrong?"
The... Read On » |
| 55) A man really
loved a woman, but he was
just too shy to propose to her. Now he was... Read On » |
| 56) A journalist had done a
story on gender
roles in Kuwait several years
before the... Read On » |
| 57) A man has six children and is very proud of
his
achievement. He is so
proud of h... Read On » |
| 58) The following
conversation took place one
morning between a wife and her husband.... Read On » |
| 59) The man told his doctor that he wasn't able
to do
all the things around the house... Read On » |
| 60) "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried
to change me. She
got me to
stop... Read On » |
| 61) Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple,
went for a stroll in the park. They sa... Read On » |
| 62) "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Brian
told his best friend
Mike.
"Why no... Read On » |
| 63) A father came
home from a long business
trip to find his son
riding a very fanc... Read On » |
| 64) The sailor came home from a secret two year
mission only to find his wife with a... Read On » |
| 65) They were married, but since the argument
they had a few days
earlier, they hadn'... Read On » |
| 66) One night, Peter was home
watching TV
when his wife entered the room and asked, "... Read On » |
| 67) The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for
over a month. He
took her to fanc... Read On » |
| 68) A guy is down on his luck. He takes his
last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.
Overnig... Read On » |
| 69) A husband and wife
went to the
fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on
the Ferris... Read On » |
| 70) The couple was dining out when the wife
noticed a familiar face at the
bar. "El... Read On » |
| 71) Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his
wife, called the
insurance
company ...... Read On » |
| 72) The
newlywed wife said to her husband
when he returned from work, "I have
great... Read On » |
| 73) It's for my mother-in-law," explained the
mourner at
the funeral procession. Tigh... Read On » |
| 74) A little girl
and a little boy were at
day care one day. The girl
approaches th... Read On » |
| 75) A husband and wife entered the
dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a toot... Read On » |
| 76) As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided
to his
wife, "I cannot die without te... Read On » |
| 77) At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8
men and 4 women:
Defendant: "You... Read On » |
| 78) A woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the
artist, "Paint me with... Read On » |
| 79) A couple have not
been
getting along for years, so the husband thinks,
"I'll buy... Read On » |
| 80) "Cash, check or charge?" I asked after
folding items the
woman wished to purchase... Read On » |
| 81) A man was traveling down a country road when
he saw a large group of
people outsi... Read On » |
| 82) A husband and wife were at a party chatting
with some
friends when the
subject... Read On » |
| 83) Hubby - You always carry my photo in your
handbag to the
office. Why?
Wife -... Read On » |
| 84) After the third day of a really torrid
honeymoon, the young couple finally emerge... Read On » |
| 85) "Honey," said this
husband to his wife,
"I invited a friend home for supper."... Read On » |
| 86) In the midst of a veritable downpour, a
gallant
driver saw
a woman alone in the... Read On » |
| 87) On his way out of
church, Frank stopped
at the door to speak to the
minister. "... Read On » |
| 88) The wedding was over, and the reception
was in full swing. Dave an usher, was hav... Read On » |
| 89) A guy is dating three women and can't decide
which one to marry. He gives each $1... Read On » |
| 90) There was once a wife so jealous
that
when her husband came home one night and sh... Read On » |
| 91) A young couple drove several miles down a
country road,
not saying a word.
An... Read On » |
| 92) Miles Dobson was away from home on business
in another city. When he
called hom... Read On » |
| 93) Casey married a rich widow, but they didn't
get along. One day she
said to him, "... Read On » |
| 94) After she woke
up, a woman told her
husband, "I just dreamed
that you gave me a... Read On » |
| 95) My
wife and I were watching some TV show
the other nite where the wife
hired a p... Read On » |
| 96) Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young
couple that
just moved in next door see... Read On » |
| 97) A mother and her child were at a wedding.
A little boy looks at his mom and say... Read On » |
| 98) At a local coffee bar, a young woman was
expounding on her idea of the perfect ma... Read On » |
| 99) Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing
their wives.
One signs to the o... Read On » |
| 100) Old Farmer
Johnson was dying. The family
was standing around his bed. With a low... Read On » |
| 101) Returning from her vacation, the
young
secretary was telling anyone
who would li... Read On » |
| 102) The young immigrant couple had just left the
courthouse after being sworn
in as... Read On » |
| 103) A student engineer in the office got engaged
some time ago. At
her
wedding, I wa... Read On » |
| 104) Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave
when the following took place.
"... Read On » |
| 105) "I was married 3 times" explained
the man to a newly discovered
drinking partner,... Read On » |
| 106) An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if
he can remove
a "Curse" he has been... Read On » |
| 107) I know
a husband and wife who have
separate bedrooms, drive different
cars, take... Read On » |
| 108) At a friend's wedding, everything went
smoothly
until it was time for the flower... Read On » |
| 109) Lee was known among his friends for the
punctuality with which he sent
his wife... Read On » |
| 110) A woman and her lover are on the bed in the
woman's home,
when
all of a sudden,... Read On » |
| 111) A young lady came home and told her Mother
that her
boyfriend
had proposed but s... Read On » |
| 112) A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom
and says, "Mommy, why does the girl w... Read On » |
| 113) An Irish couple, whose married bliss was not
without a few "squalls" received a h... Read On » |
| 114) I've never been much on fashion, but got
quite a few compliments on a new sports... Read On » |
| 115) One of the bachelors in the
apartment
development sneaked up
behind an older wom... Read On » |
| 116) A couple came upon a wishing
well. The
husband leaned over, made a wish
and thr... Read On » |
| 117) The man approached the very beautiful woman
in the large supermarket and asked, "... Read On » |
| 118) A guy runs out of a Las
Vegas hotel and
says to a stranger, "Can you
loan me two... Read On » |
| 119) Two men were changing in the locker room
after a game of tennis. One
notices the... Read On » |
| 120) A man happened to meet his ex-wife at a
party, and
after a few drinks,
he sugges... Read On » |
| 121) The angry wife met her husband at the door.
His breath stunk of
alcohol and his... Read On » |
| 122) A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked,
"Will you buy booze?"
The bum said, "No."... Read On » |
| 123) A few moments after the daughter announced
her engagement, her Father
asked, "Do... Read On » |
| 124) A
child at a Christian school was
studying the early days of Mormonism in
his c... Read On » |
| 125) "Get this." said the bloke to his mates,
"Last night while I was
down the pub w... Read On » |
| 126) An English professor wrote the words, "woman
without her man is a savage"
on th... Read On » |
| 127) Mrs.
Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh
Marie," she said to her maid, "I
have r... Read On » |
| 128) It's not what you say, but the way you say
it.
On a blind date, the boy said to... Read On » |
| 129) After the fall in
Garden of Eden, Adam
was walking with his sons Cain and
Abel.... Read On » |
| 130) "You and your husband
don't seem to have
an awful lot in
common," said the new t... Read On » |
| 131) A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing
his wife when
he found her with a nei... Read On » |
| 132) A man took his wife to the doctors.
After
a short examination the doctor said
"Yo... Read On » |
| 133) A recent study showed that the average
husband
only actually speaks to
his wife... Read On » |
| 134) A young husband with an inferiority complex
insisted he was just a little pebble... Read On » |
| 135) Married life
is very frustrating. In the
first year of marriage, the man
speaks... Read On » |
| 136) A woman was in court
charged with wounding her
husband. "But why did you stab him... Read On » |
| 137) In West Kerry, the wife commented, "When we
were first married,
you took the smal... Read On » |
| 138) Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his
wife at a
party and
sneered, "You k... Read On » |
| 139) Some people
ask the secret of Anthony's
long marriage.
They take time to go to... Read On » |
| 140) A wife was
berating her husband. He
motioned for her to quiet
down saying, "Don... Read On » |
| 141) A woman entered the hospital to deliver
her 15th child. "Congratulations,"
said... Read On » |
| 142) Night. A sleeping couple
is lying in a
bed. Door bell rings. A couple
wakes up.... Read On » |
| 143) A man calls his
family
doctor:
man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thou... Read On » |
| 144) A man was complaining to a
friend.
"I
had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BI... Read On » |
| 145) "I was in a very generous mood today," a
woman says to
her friend.
"I gave a poo... Read On » |
| 146) A person
receives a telegram informing
him about his mother-in-law's death. It... Read On » |
| 147) Young
Actor: Dad, guess what? I've just
got my first part in a play. I play
the... Read On » |
| 148) A friend of
mine told me he had signed up
with one of these on-line
dating servi... Read On » |
| 149) Personally I think one of the greatest things
about
marriage is that
as both hus... Read On » |
| 150) A man comes home early from work
and
finds his wife and his best
friend in bed.... Read On » |
| 151) I overheard a friend
telling his pal, "I
can't break my wife of the
habit of st... Read On » |
| 152) Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me
in the ribs and
cackling... Read On » |
| 153) A lady with a
large flowery hat was
stopped at the church door by the
usher. "Ar... Read On » |
| 154) Two men were remembering their
wedding
days. "It was dreadful," said Fred. "I got... Read On » |
| 155) Wife: Who
was that on the
phone?
Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this wa... Read On » |
| 156) "Oh love, what did you ever do to deserve a
wife like me?"
she said looking lovi... Read On » |
| 157) Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He
didn't have to hear about all the men she... Read On » |
| 158) My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that
if anything ever happens to her, I'll... Read On » |
| 159) BARTENDER: I think you've had enough,
sir.
DRUNK: I just lost my wife, buddy!
BAR... Read On » |
| 160) The groom, upon his engagement, went to his
father and said, "I've
found a woman... Read On » |
| 161) A little kid comes running into the
backyard.
He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hi... Read On » |
| 162) But let's get real here guys, I mean who
exactly are we kidding
? A
husband cont... Read On » |
| 163) This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It
was on this day two years
ago that I... Read On » |
| 164) In olden times, it is reported that
sacrifices
were made at the altar.
Since t... Read On » |
| 165) Son: Is it true?
Dad, I heard that in
ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife... Read On » |
| 166) A recent survey done
by marriage experts
shows that the most common form of marri... Read On » |
| 167) "Will the father be present during the
birth?"
asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," r... Read On » |
| 168) Wife, opening mail, to spouse: "The bank says
that this is our last
notice. Isn't... Read On » |
| 169) "And how's yer wife, Pat?"
"Sure,
she do be awful sick."
"Is ut dangerous s... Read On » |
| 170) We have a young married couple in the
neighborhood who are truly
inseparable. La... Read On » |
| 171) A man brings his
wife a glass of water
and two aspirins. She
looks surprised and... Read On » |
| 172) Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A.
They're hard to get started, they emit no... Read On » |
| 173) Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for
men who
are married.
Every mont... Read On » |
| 174) You know the
honeymoon is pretty much
over when you start to go out with the boys... Read On » |
| 175) If your wife comes out of the kitchen to
whine at you,
what have you usually don... Read On » |
| 176) She was two thirds married once.
What do
you mean ?
Well, she turned up, the Mins... Read On » |
| 177) Q: How do you know when you're at a
hillbilly
wedding?
A: Everyone is sitting on... Read On » |
| 178) Moe: My wife converted me to
religion.
Joe: Really?
Moe: Yes. Until I married her... Read On » |
| 179) Q. What should you do if you see your
ex-husband rolling around in pain on the gr... Read On » |
| 180) I've got trouble with the wife again - she
came into the bar
looking for me and... Read On » |
| 181) Wife: "Do you think of me when you're away
darling?"
Husband: "Yes honey, I al... Read On » |
| 182) QUESTION: Do you know what
is honeymoon?
ANSWER: A short period of doting between... Read On » |
| 183) Today is my twenty-fifth wedding
anniversary.
Really?
Yes, I've been married t... Read On » |
| 184) QUESTION: What is
honeymoon? ANSWER: That
brief span of time between, "I do" and... Read On » |
| 185) Son: How much does it cost to get married,
Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm stil... Read On » |
| 186) Both of my marriages have been
disappointing. My first wife left me and my second... Read On » |
| 187) QUESTION: Why should a honeymoon only be six
days?
ANSWER: Because seven days mak... Read On » |
| 188) What's the best way to get a man to remember
your anniversary?
Get married on hi... Read On » |
| 189) Why is a bride always out of luck on her
wedding day?
Because she never marries th... Read On » |
| 190) Husband: What do you love most, my
natural beauty or my body?
Wife: Your sense... Read On » |
| 191) What's
the difference between an Irish
wedding and an Irish
funeral?
One less... Read On » |
| 192) Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring...
Wedding ring...
Suffe... Read On » |
| 193) What is the one thing that all men at
singles bars have in common?
They're marri... Read On » |
| 194) It's
not true that married men live
longer than single men. It only seems
longe... Read On » |
| 195) Q: How is a
marriage like a hot
bath?
A: Once you get used to it, it's not so ho... Read On » |
| 196) NOVICE: Do clever men make good
husbands?
SAGE: Clever men don't BECOME husbands... Read On » |
| 197) What happened at the cannibal's wedding
party?
They toasted the bride and groom... Read On » |
| 198) Marriage is a three
ring circus:
- Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.... Read On » |
| 199) Before we got married,
I caught her in my
arms.
Now I catch her in my pockets.... Read On » |
| 200) Why did the 280-pound girl
marry the
400-pound man?
She wanted a big wedding.... Read On » |
| 201) Marriage is nature's way of preventing
people from fighting with strangers.... Read On » |
| 202) When Mr. Maxwell's wife left him he
couldn't sleep.
"She took the bed!"... Read On » |
| 203) Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases, it
is damned near impossible.... Read On » |
| 204) I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was
Always.... Read On » |
| 205) A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he's finished.... Read On » |
| 206) Where did the burgers go after
their
wedding?
On a bun-eymoon!... Read On » |
| 207) Hey, you just shot my wife.
I'm so sorry,
have a shot at mine !... Read On » |
| 208) John: "I'm a man of few words."
Bill:
"I'm married, too."... Read On » |
| 209) How do you
turn a Fox into a Pit
Bull?
Marry her !... Read On » |
| 210) Why was the broom late ?
It over swept
!... Read On » |