Funny Marriage Jokes

My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that if anything ever happens to her, I'll have to beg. I told her I'd be fine. I mean look at all the experience I've got.

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The Best Marriage Jokes:

1) A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made h... Show more

2) A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's... Show more

3) A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and as... Show more

4) A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and ver... Show more

5) An old man and woman were married for years even though the... Show more

6) During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar... Show more

7) Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators.... Show more

8) A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's... Show more

9) A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on hi... Show more

10) After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find... Show more

11) young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting... Show more

12) A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about... Show more

13) A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife.... Show more

14) A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop!... Show more

15) A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Th... Show more

16) Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband kept... Show more

17) A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When... Show more

18) "I bet you don't know what day this is", said the wife to he... Show more

19) An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago f... Show more

20) As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting out... Show more

21) A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. A... Show more

22) Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole t... Show more

23) "Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor q... Show more

24) An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time... Show more

25) Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the t... Show more

26) A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises comi... Show more

27) Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park... Show more

28) This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, p... Show more

29) Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York co... Show more

30) A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husb... Show more

31) A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert... Show more

32) A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed... Show more

33) The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The L... Show more

34) Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley... Show more

35) A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while th... Show more

36) A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was s... Show more

37) There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amo... Show more

38) A biologist phones his wife from his office and says, "Honey,... Show more

39) A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day... Show more

40) When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best... Show more

41) A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who... Show more

42) The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-sid... Show more

43) A man answers the phone and has the following conversation:... Show more

44) A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was felling e... Show more

45) A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from... Show more

46) A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.... Show more

47) A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason... Show more

48) The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitiv... Show more

49) For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his... Show more

50) Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day... Show more

51) Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrosse... Show more

52) Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. "... Show more

53) A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propos... Show more

54) A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait sever... Show more

55) A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.... Show more

56) The following conversation took place one morning between a w... Show more

57) The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the thi... Show more

58) "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She... Show more

59) Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll... Show more

60) "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Brian told his best frie... Show more

61) A father came home from a long business trip to find his son... Show more

62) The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to f... Show more

63) They were married, but since the argument they had a few days... Show more

64) One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered t... Show more

65) The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. H... Show more

66) A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to... Show more

67) A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted t... Show more

68) The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar fa... Show more

69) Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the ins... Show more

70) The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from w... Show more

71) It's for my mother-in-law," explained the mourner at the fune... Show more

72) A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The... Show more

73) A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband... Show more

74) As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I c... Show more

75) At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women... Show more

76) A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the ar... Show more

77) A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husban... Show more

78) "Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woma... Show more

79) A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large gro... Show more

80) A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends... Show more

81) Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the offi... Show more

82) After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young c... Show more

83) "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend h... Show more

84) In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a... Show more

85) On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak... Show more

86) The wedding was over, and the reception was in full swing. Da... Show more

87) A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to mar... Show more

88) There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came h... Show more

89) A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not s... Show more

90) Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city.... Show more

91) Casey married a rich widow, but they didn't get along. One day... Show more

92) After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed... Show more

93) My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where... Show more

94) Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just mo... Show more

95) A mother and her child were at a wedding. A little boy look... Show more

96) At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her id... Show more

97) Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives.... Show more

98) Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around... Show more

99) Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling... Show more

100) The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after... Show more

101) A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At... Show more

102) Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the follow... Show more

103) "I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered... Show more

104) An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a... Show more

105) I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive d... Show more

106) At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was... Show more

107) Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with whic... Show more

108) A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman's home, whe... Show more

109) A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend... Show more

110) A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy,... Show more

111) An Irish couple, whose married bliss was not without a few "s... Show more

112) I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few complime... Show more

113) One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up... Show more

114) A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, m... Show more

115) The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supe... Show more

116) A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "... Show more

117) Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis... Show more

118) A man happened to meet his ex-wife at a party, and after a fe... Show more

119) The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk... Show more

120) A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"... Show more

121) A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, he... Show more

122) A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of... Show more

123) "Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I... Show more

124) An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man... Show more

125) Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to h... Show more

126) It's not what you say, but the way you say it. On a blind da... Show more

127) After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his s... Show more

128) "You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in com... Show more

129) A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he... Show more

130) A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination... Show more

131) A recent study showed that the average husband only actually... Show more

132) A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.... Show more

133) A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was j... Show more

134) Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marria... Show more

135) A woman was in court charged with wounding her husband. "But... Show more

136) In West Kerry, the wife commented, "When we were first married,... Show more

137) Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party... Show more

138) Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. The... Show more

139) A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet... Show more

140) A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Cong... Show more

141) Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings.... Show more

142) A man calls his family doctor: man: Doctor, for the last w... Show more

143) A man was complaining to a friend. "I had it all. Money, a b... Show more

144) "I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her fr... Show more

145) A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-i... Show more

146) Young Actor: Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in... Show more

147) A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these o... Show more

148) Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage... Show more

149) A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his b... Show more

150) I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife... Show more

151) Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the... Show more

152) A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church doo... Show more

153) Two men were remembering their wedding days. "It was dreadful... Show more

154) Wife: Who was that on the phone? Husband: Wrong number. Some... Show more

155) "Oh love, what did you ever do to deserve a wife like me?" s... Show more

156) Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear ab... Show more

157) My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that if anything ever h... Show more

158) BARTENDER: I think you've had enough, sir. DRUNK: I just lost... Show more

159) The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said,... Show more

160) A little kid comes running into the backyard. He says, "Pop!... Show more

161) But let's get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding... Show more

162) This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day tw... Show more

163) In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at t... Show more

164) Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man do... Show more

165) A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most... Show more

166) "Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obs... Show more

167) Wife, opening mail, to spouse: "The bank says that this is our... Show more

168) "And how's yer wife, Pat?" "Sure, she do be awful sick."... Show more