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MARRIAGE JOKES!

marriage JOKES (random)

After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, "You know what I really feel like honey ?" "Well sure," she blushed, "But we gotta eat sometime !"

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY marriage JOKES:

 1 - A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymo... More ››
 2 - A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the det... More ››
 3 - young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of t... More ››
 4 - A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one mor... More ››
 5 - A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long b... More ››
 6 - An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife... More ››
 7 - Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman notice... More ››
 8 - A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would tak... More ››
 9 - A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. When he was slipping in an... More ››
 10 - For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After... More ››
 11 - The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were di... More ››
 12 - An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard an... More ››
 13 - A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, "How did you get her... More ››
 14 - An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a... More ››
 15 - After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go... More ››
 16 - A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his fat... More ››
 17 - A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I... More ››
 18 - Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband kept under their bed. The box had be... More ››
 19 - A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediatel... More ››
 20 - "I bet you don't know what day this is", said the wife to her husband as he made his way out th... More ››
 21 - As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, wa... More ››
 22 - A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called... More ››
 23 - Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:... More ››
 24 - "Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me... More ››
 25 - An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb th... More ››
 26 - Husband: Oh, come on. Wife: Leave me alone! Husband: It won't take long. Wife: I won't be able to sl... More ››
 27 - Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed... More ››
 28 - A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upst... More ››
 29 - This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when... More ››
 30 - Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck... More ››
 31 - A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let you... More ››
 32 - The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. Th... More ››
 33 - Mrs. Dugan and Mrs. Riley were talking one day about Mr. Riley and his constant drinking. Mrs. D... More ››
 34 - A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the... More ››
 35 - A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But... More ››
 36 - There were three guys in a bar. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their... More ››
 37 - A biologist phones his wife from his office and says, "Honey, something has just come up, I re... More ››
 38 - A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was... More ››
 39 - When Joe's wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that... More ››
 40 - A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end o... More ››
 41 - The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Ca... More ››
 42 - A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day.... More ››
 43 - A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was felling every time a bus was passing by. S... More ››
 44 - A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the aprtment, walks inside... More ››
 45 - A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our sto... More ››
 46 - A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Fin... More ››
 47 - The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she... More ››
 48 - Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp wh... More ››
 49 - Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she bu... More ››
 50 - Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. "What's wrong?" The depressed one r... More ››
 51 - A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his ye... More ››
 52 - A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and... More ››
 53 - A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he... More ››
 54 - The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used t... More ››
 55 - "Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoki... More ››
 56 - Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They say down on a ben... More ››
 57 - "The thrill is gone from my marriage," Brian told his best friend Mike. "Why not add some intr... More ››
 58 - A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed... More ››
 59 - The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you.... More ››
 60 - A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says,... More ››
 61 - A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-line dating services. I asked hi... More ››
 62 - During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I'l... More ››
 63 - Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of... More ››
 64 - A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. Th... More ››
 65 - A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The... More ››
 66 - A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his... More ››
 67 - The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby.... More ››
 68 - They were married, but since the argument they had a few days earlier, they hadn't been talking... More ››
 69 - One night, Peter was home watching TV when his wife entered the room and asked, "If I died, wo... More ››
 70 - The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He took her to fancy restaurants a... More ››
 71 - A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas. Overnight, he has a fa... More ››
 72 - A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the... More ››
 73 - The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said... More ››
 74 - Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurance company ... Susan: We ha... More ››
 75 - It's for my mother-in-law," explained the mourner at the funeral procession. Tightening the leas... More ››
 76 - A husband and wife entered the dentist's office. The husband said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don... More ››
 77 - As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the t... More ››
 78 - At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish... More ››
 79 - A woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrin... More ››
 80 - A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a ce... More ››
 81 - "Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumble... More ››
 82 - A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He... More ››
 83 - A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage cou... More ››
 84 - Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife - When there is a... More ››
 85 - After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their ro... More ››
 86 - "Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you... More ››
 87 - In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a woman alone in the mud trying to c... More ››
 88 - On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be rig... More ››
 89 - The wedding was over, and the reception was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great tim... More ››
 90 - A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how... More ››
 91 - There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find... More ››
 92 - A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discuss... More ››
 93 - Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife tol... More ››
 94 - Casey married a rich widow, but they didn't get along. One day she said to him, "If it wasn't fo... More ››
 95 - After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace... More ››
 96 - My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detectiv... More ››
 97 - Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving... More ››
 98 - A mother and her child were at a wedding. A little boy looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why... More ››
 99 - At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of h... More ››
 100 - Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was m... More ››
 101 - Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad... More ››
 102 - Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone who would listen about what... More ››
 103 - The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citiz... More ››
 104 - A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her... More ››
 105 - Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. "It's just too h... More ››
 106 - "I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll neve... More ››
 107 - An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for... More ››
 108 - I know a husband and wife who have separate bedrooms, drive different cars, take separate vacat... More ››
 109 - At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her yo... More ››
 110 - Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony pay... More ››
 111 - A woman and her lover are on the bed in the woman's home, when all of a sudden, they hear the f... More ››
 112 - A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned h... More ››
 113 - A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"... More ››
 114 - An Irish couple, whose married bliss was not without a few "squalls" received a humble lecture f... More ››
 115 - I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore t... More ››
 116 - One of the bachelors in the apartment development sneaked up behind an older woman, covered her... More ››
 117 - A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.... More ››
 118 - The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've... More ››
 119 - A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can you loan me two hundred bucks?... More ››
 120 - Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is pu... More ››
 121 - A man happened to meet his ex-wife at a party, and after a few drinks, he suggested that they m... More ››
 122 - The angry wife met her husband at the door. His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was plaste... More ››
 123 - A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked... More ››
 124 - A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow... More ››
 125 - A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in his class. He wrote... More ››
 126 - "Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a... More ››
 127 - Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspec... More ››
 128 - It's not what you say, but the way you say it. On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time... More ››
 129 - After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by... More ››
 130 - "You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common," said the new tenant's neighbo... More ››
 131 - A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon bei... More ››
 132 - A man took his wife to the doctors. After a short examination the doctor said "Your wife's mind... More ››
 133 - A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-se... More ››
 134 - A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, "I thought... More ››
 135 - A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach... More ››
 136 - Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman... More ››
 137 - A woman was in court charged with wounding her husband. "But why did you stab him over a hundred... More ››
 138 - In West Kerry, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of stea... More ››
 139 - Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and sneered, "You know, I was a fo... More ››
 140 - Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a restaurant t... More ››
 141 - A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet down saying, "Don't unleash the... More ››
 142 - A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Congratulations," said the nurse, "bu... More ››
 143 - Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple wakes up. Woman: "Quick... More ››
 144 - A man calls his family doctor: man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she wa... More ››
 145 - A man was complaining to a friend. "I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love... More ››
 146 - "I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend. "I gave a poor beggar $25."... More ››
 147 - A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires w... More ››
 148 - Young Actor: Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man... More ››
 149 - Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and Father... More ››
 150 - A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The man throws... More ››
 151 - I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until... More ››
 152 - Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "... More ››
 153 - A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher. "Are you a friend... More ››
 154 - Two men were remembering their wedding days. "It was dreadful," said Fred. "I got the most terri... More ››
 155 - Wife: Who was that on the phone? Husband: Wrong number. Some guy thought this was the weather... More ››
 156 - "Oh love, what did you ever do to deserve a wife like me?" she said looking lovingly into her h... More ››
 157 - Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have marr... More ››
 158 - My wife sez that I'm too extravagant; that if anything ever happens to her, I'll have to beg. I... More ››
 159 - BARTENDER: I think you've had enough, sir. DRUNK: I just lost my wife, buddy! BARTENDER: Well, i... More ››
 160 - The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like moth... More ››
 161 - A little kid comes running into the backyard. He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"... More ››
 162 - But let's get real here guys, I mean who exactly are we kidding ? A husband controls his wife i... More ››
 163 - This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wi... More ››
 164 - In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar. Since then, weddings h... More ››
 165 - Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he ma... More ››
 166 - While creating Husbands, God promised Women that good and ideal Husbands would be found in all corne... More ››
 167 - A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal... More ››
 168 - "Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician. "Nah," replied the mo... More ››
 169 - Wife, opening mail, to spouse: "The bank says that this is our last notice. Isn't it wonderful t... More ››
 170 - "And how's yer wife, Pat?" "Sure, she do be awful sick." "Is ut dangerous she is?" "No... More ››
 171 - We have a young married couple in the neighborhood who are truly inseparable. Last week, it too... More ››
 172 - A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins. She looks surprised and says, I don't... More ››
 173 - Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers? A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, a... More ››
 174 - Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married. Every month the centerfol... More ››
 175 - You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday... More ››
 176 - If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you, what have you usually done wrong? Ma... More ››
 177 - She was two thirds married once. What do you mean ? Well, she turned up, the Minster turned up,... More ››
 178 - Q: How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding? A: Everyone is sitting on the same side... More ››
 179 - Moe: My wife converted me to religion. Joe: Really? Moe: Yes. Until I married her I didn't belie... More ››
 180 - Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground? A. Shoot... More ››
 181 - I've got trouble with the wife again - she came into the bar looking for me and I asked for he... More ››
 182 - Wife: "Do you think of me when you're away darling?" Husband: "Yes honey, I always bare you i... More ››
 183 - QUESTION: Do you know what is honeymoon? ANSWER: A short period of doting between dating and d... More ››
 184 - Today is my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Really? Yes, I've been married twenty-five time... More ››
 185 - QUESTION: What is honeymoon? ANSWER: That brief span of time between, "I do" and "You'd better... More ››
 186 - Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it... More ››
 187 - Both of my marriages have been disappointing. My first wife left me and my second one didn't.mar... More ››
 188 - QUESTION: Why should a honeymoon only be six days? ANSWER: Because seven days makes a whole week... More ››
 189 - What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.... More ››
 190 - Why is a bride always out of luck on her wedding day? Because she never marries the best man.... More ››
 191 - Husband: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body? Wife: Your sense of humor.... More ››
 192 - What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.... More ››
 193 - Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring... Wedding ring... Suffering!!!... More ››
 194 - What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.... More ››
 195 - It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.... More ››
 196 - Q: How is a marriage like a hot bath? A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.... More ››
 197 - NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands? SAGE: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!... More ››
 198 - What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom.... More ››
 199 - Marriage is a three ring circus: - Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.... More ››
 200 - Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.... More ››
 201 - Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man? She wanted a big wedding.... More ››
 202 - Marriage is nature's way of preventing people from fighting with strangers.... More ››
 203 - When Mr. Maxwell's wife left him he couldn't sleep. "She took the bed!"... More ››
 204 - Losing a wife can be hard. In most cases, it is damned near impossible.... More ››
 205 - Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married? A: Newlywebs.... More ››
 206 - I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.... More ››
 207 - A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he's finished.... More ››
 208 - Where did the burgers go after their wedding? On a bun-eymoon!... More ››
 209 - Hey, you just shot my wife. I'm so sorry, have a shot at mine !... More ››
 210 - John: "I'm a man of few words." Bill: "I'm married, too."... More ››
 211 - How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull? Marry her !... More ››
 212 - Why was the broom late ? It over swept !... More ››
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