1 - This man says to his friend," I stopped
driving 10 years ago. Now my wife drives and I just sit... More ›› 2 - Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill
for men?
A: It changes their blood type.... More ›› 3 - What is the difference between men and
pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.... More ›› 4 - Men are
like high heels.
They're easy
to walk on once you get the hang of it.... More ›› 5 - When do men insist that women are
illogical?
When a woman doesn't agree with them.... More ›› 6 - why don't men do laundry?
cause the washer
and dryer don't run on remote control!... More ›› 7 - Q: What are the three types of men?
A: The
handsome, the caring, and the majority.... More ›› 8 - What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's
God's gift?
Exchange him.... More ›› 9 - One day in the Garden of
Eden, Eve calls out
to God, "Lord, I
have a problem!"
"What's the... More ›› 10 - A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is
a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table... More ›› 11 - There were 11 people
hanging on to a single
rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying... More ›› 12 - One night a wife found her husband
standing
over their baby's
crib. Silently she watched him.... More ›› 13 - Brian was dating
Lorraine and they were very
close. While they were dating he met another
woma... More ›› 14 - A husband was trying to prove to his wife
that
women talk more than men.
He showed her a stu... More ›› 15 - Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture
of a shapely, pinup model in her refrigerator t... More ›› 16 - What a woman says: "This place is a mess C'mon,
you and I need to clean up.
Your stuff is ly... More ›› 17 - The difference
between men and women
A man
is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman... More ›› 18 - Two
confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their
conversation drifted
from politics to cooking. "I g... More ›› 19 - Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."... More ›› 20 - One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his
lawn
chair drinking beer and watching his wife... More ›› 21 - A man parked his car at the supermarket and was
walking
past an empty cart when he heard a woman... More ›› 22 - A neighbor of
mine was bit by a stray rabid
dog. I went to see how he was and found him
writin... More ›› 23 - Men are like fine wine. They all
start out
like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them... More ›› 24 - Which of the following lines will do a better job
of frightening a man
away?
1) Get away or... More ›› 25 - Why is a
Laundromat a really bad place to pick
up a woman?
- Because a woman who can't affor... More ›› 26 - Q. Where is the best place in a book
store to
find a man who is handsome,
a good lover and a s... More ›› 27 - Q: Men will brag that
there are women waiting
by the phone at this very moment for their call.... More ›› 28 - Women dream of world peace, a safe environment,
and eliminating hunger.
What do men dream of?... More ›› 29 - Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that
are
sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
A.... More ›› 30 - Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed
gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You... More ›› 31 - Q. How
are men like television
commercials?
A. You can't believe a word either one of them says... More ›› 32 - How are men like carpet
tiles?
If you lay
them properly the first time around, you can walk all... More ›› 33 - Q: What's the best
way to kill a man?
A:
Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then... More ›› 34 - There are a lot of words you
can use to
describe men: strong, caring, loving.
They'd be wrong,... More ›› 35 - Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a
day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit
in a boat a... More ›› 36 - How many men does it take to make
popcorn?
Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho an... More ›› 37 - If a man says something in the middle
of a
forest, and there is no women
around to hear him, is... More ›› 38 - What's the difference between a new husband and a
new
dog?
After a year, the dog is still exci... More ›› 39 - Q: How do you keep your
husband from reading
your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruc... More ›› 40 - What does it mean to come home to a man who'll
give you some love and tenderness?
You're in the... More ›› 41 - Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A.
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-th... More ›› 42 - Anytime you see a young man open a car door for
his girlfriend, either the car is new or the gir... More ›› 43 - How is being at a singles bar
different from
going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don... More ›› 44 - Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of t... More ›› 45 - Question: If a man speaks in the
forest and
there is no woman around to hear him, is he still... More ›› 46 - Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV
sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happ... More ›› 47 - Q. Why is the book "Women Who
Love Too Much" a
disappointment for many
men?
A. No phone num... More ›› 48 - Men are like bike
helmets.
They are
handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look
si... More ›› 49 - How many men
does it take to open a beer?
- None. It should be opened by the time she brings... More ›› 50 - Q. What do you instantly know
about a
well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clot... More ›› 51 - Q.
How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By
sucking in their stomachs every time they see a biki... More ›› 52 - How many honest, intelligent, caring men
in
the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of th... More ›› 53 - Q. How
does a man show he's planning for the
future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of on... More ›› 54 - Q. What's the best way to force a man
to do
sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes... More ›› 55 - Q. How many men does it
take to wallpaper a
bathroom?
A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.... More ›› 56 - How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet
paper?
No one knows, it's never happened.... More ›› 57 - Why did God create a man before
a
women?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.... More ›› 58 - Men are like vacuum
cleaners.
They're not
much fun, but at least you get to push them around.... More ›› 59 - Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their
own business?
1. No mind
2. No business.... More ›› 60 - Why don't women
work as long and as hard as
men in the office?
They do it right first time.... More ›› 61 - Men are like animals:
messy, insensitive
and
potentially violent, but they make great pets.... More ›› 62 - Q. What do most men
consider a gourmet
restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.... More ›› 63 - How are men like noodles?
They are always in
hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.... More ›› 64 - Q. Why do men buy electric
lawn mowers?
A.
So they can find their way back to the house.... More ›› 65 - A
woman of 35 thinks of having children. What
does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.... More ›› 66 - Q: Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind
wander?
A: It's too little to be out alone.... More ›› 67 - Men are like old
car tires.
Balding, full
of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.... More ›› 68 - Men are like plungers.
They spend most of their
lives in a hardware store or the
bathroom... More ›› 69 - Where do you have to go
to find a man who is
truly into commitment?
A mental hospital.... More ›› 70 - Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot
of money, they don't generate much interest.... More ›› 71 - Q. What should you give a man who has
everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.... More ›› 72 - Why does a man only get half-hour
lunch-breaks?
So his boss doesn't have to retrain him.... More ›› 73 - Men are like
power tools.
They make a lot
of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.... More ›› 74 - Men are like
soap operas.
They're fun to
watch, but don't believe everything you hear.... More ›› 75 - There are only two four letter words that are
offensive to men:
"don't" and "stop".... More ›› 76 - Men are like
chocolate bars.
Sweet, smooth
and they usually head right for your hips.... More ›› 77 - Question: How many men does it take to mop the
floor?
Answer: None, it's a women's job.... More ›› 78 - What do
you do if your bank account stops
working?
Throw the guy out of the house.... More ›› 79 - Men are like
curling irons.
They're
always hot, and they're always in your hair.... More ›› 80 - Q. What's a man's idea
of honestly in a
relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.... More ›› 81 - Q. What do you
call a woman who knows where
her husband is every night?
A. A widow.... More ›› 82 - Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.... More ›› 83 - What's a man idea of helping with the
housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.... More ›› 84 - How can you tell if a man is cheating on
you?
He has a bath more than once a month.... More ›› 85 - When a man steals your wife,
there is no
better revenge than to let him keep her.... More ›› 86 - Q: What do you call a man who marries an old, ugly
and
poor woman?
A: Desperate!... More ›› 87 - QUESTION: Why are lifesavers better than men?
ANSWER: They come in five flavors.... More ›› 88 - Men are like remote controls.
Simple. Easy to
use. And usually lying around a TV.... More ›› 89 - Men
are like road kill.
They usually just
lie around until they start to smell.... More ›› 90 - Men are like mini skirts.
If you're not
careful, they'll creep up your legs.... More ›› 91 - What does a man consider to be a seven course
meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.... More ›› 92 - Men are like coffee.
The best ones are rich,
hot and can keep you up all night.... More ›› 93 - Men are like horoscopes.
They always tell you
what to do and are usually wrong.... More ›› 94 - Men are
like placemats.
They only show
up when there's food on the table.... More ›› 95 - Men are like copiers.
You need them for
reproduction, but that's about it.... More ›› 96 - Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving
her money, furs and diamonds.... More ›› 97 - Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight
dinner?
A. A power failure.... More ›› 98 - Men are like department
stores.
Their
clothes should always be half off.... More ›› 99 - Men are like
mascara.
They usually run
at the first sign of emotion.... More ›› 100 - Why are men like blenders?
You need one,
but you're not quite sure why.... More ›› 101 - Men are like coolers.
Load them with beer and
you can take them anywhere.... More ›› 102 - Men are
like plastic wrap.
Cheap. Clingy.
And very easy to see through.... More ›› 103 - Men are like pillows.
Eventually, even the best
ones get soft and lumpy.... More ›› 104 - Q. Why do men like love at first site?
A. It
saves them a lot of time.... More ›› 105 - What do you call a man who has lost 95%
of his
brainpower?
A widower.... More ›› 106 - How do you scare a man?
Sneak up behind
him and start throwing rice.... More ›› 107 - Men are like shag
carpets.
Soft, fuzzy and
extremely easy to walk on.... More ›› 108 - Why do so few men end up in Heaven?
They never
stop to ask directions.... More ›› 109 - What do you call a man who opens the car door for
you?
A chauffeur.... More ›› 110 - What is the
thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.... More ›› 111 - Men are
like computers.
Hard to figure out
and never enough memory.... More ›› 112 - Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay
stuck in adolescence.... More ›› 113 - Where's the safest place to
hide money from a
man?
Under the soap... More ›› 114 - Men are like
lava lamps.
Fun to look
at, but not very bright.... More ›› 115 - Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A.
Because they're all pigs.... More ›› 116 - Now do you save a man from drowning?
Take your
foot off his head.... More ›› 117 - Why do men
prefer blondes?
Men always like
intellectual company... More ›› 118 - Q: Why do men float better than
women?
A:
Because they are scum.... More ›› 119 - What's the difference between a
man and
E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.... More ›› 120 - Why do little boys whine?
Because they're
practicing to be men.... More ›› 121 - Men are like government bonds.
They take so
long to mature.... More ›› 122 - What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice
makes perfect."... More ›› 123 - Why did God create men
first? Because we learn
from mistakes.... More ›› 124 - How do you confuse a man?
You don't - they're
born that way.... More ›› 125 - Men don't
get lost; they discover alternative
destinations.... More ›› 126 - What do you do if your boyfriend walks
out?
Close the door.... More ›› 127 - Q. What do you call a
handcuffed man?
A.
Trustworthy.... More ›› 128 - Q. How can you tell if a man
is happy?
A.
Who cares?... More ›› 129 - Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites
attract.... More ›› 130 - Why do men act like idiots?
Who says they're
acting?... More ›› 131 - How do you lose fourteen stone of fat?
Dump
him.... More ›› 132 - Why are men like paper cups?
They're
disposable... More ›› |
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