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The Best Men Jokes: |
| 1) One day in the Garden of
Eden, Eve calls out
to God, "Lord, I... Show more |
| 2) A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is
a gorgeou... Show more |
| 3) There were 11 people
hanging on to a single
rope that suspend... Show more |
| 4) One night a wife found her husband
standing
over their baby's... Show more |
| 5) Brian was dating
Lorraine and they were very
close. While the... Show more |
| 6) A husband was trying to prove to his wife
that
women talk mor... Show more |
| 7) Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture
of a shapely... Show more |
| 8) What a woman says: "This place is a mess C'mon,
you and I nee... Show more |
| 9) The difference
between men and women
A man
is driving up a s... Show more |
| 10) Two
confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their
conversation drift... Show more |
| 11) Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so
beautiful?"... Show more |
| 12) One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his
lawn
chair d... Show more |
| 13) A man parked his car at the supermarket and was
walking
past... Show more |
| 14) A neighbor of
mine was bit by a stray rabid
dog. I went to se... Show more |
| 15) Men are like fine wine. They all
start out
like grapes, and i... Show more |
| 16) Which of the following lines will do a better job
of frighten... Show more |
| 17) Why is a
Laundromat a really bad place to pick
up a woman?... Show more |
| 18) Q. Where is the best place in a book
store to
find a man who... Show more |
| 19) Q: Men will brag that
there are women waiting
by the phone at... Show more |
| 20) Women dream of world peace, a safe environment,
and eliminati... Show more |
| 21) Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that
are
sensitive... Show more |
| 22) Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed
gasping for br... Show more |
| 23) Q. How
are men like television
commercials?
A. You can't bel... Show more |
| 24) How are men like carpet
tiles?
If you lay
them properly the... Show more |
| 25) Q: What's the best
way to kill a man?
A:
Put a naked woman a... Show more |
| 26) There are a lot of words you
can use to
describe men: strong,... Show more |
| 27) This man says to his friend," I stopped
driving 10 years ago.... Show more |
| 28) Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a
day.
Teach him how t... Show more |
| 29) How many men does it take to make
popcorn?
Four, one to hold... Show more |
| 30) If a man says something in the middle
of a
forest, and there... Show more |
| 31) What's the difference between a new husband and a
new
dog?... Show more |
| 32) Q: How do you keep your
husband from reading
your e-mail?
A:... Show more |
| 33) What does it mean to come home to a man who'll
give you some... Show more |
| 34) Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A.
We cook-they e... Show more |
| 35) Anytime you see a young man open a car door for
his girlfrien... Show more |
| 36) How is being at a singles bar
different from
going to the cir... Show more |
| 37) Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a
light bulb?
A... Show more |
| 38) Question: If a man speaks in the
forest and
there is no woman... Show more |
| 39) Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV
sports?
A. Because aft... Show more |
| 40) Q. Why is the book "Women Who
Love Too Much" a
disappointment... Show more |
| 41) Men are like bike
helmets.
They are
handy in an emergency... Show more |
| 42) How many men
does it take to open a beer?
- None. It shou... Show more |
| 43) Q. What do you instantly know
about a
well-dressed man?
A. H... Show more |
| 44) Q.
How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By
sucking in their... Show more |
| 45) How many honest, intelligent, caring men
in
the world does it... Show more |
| 46) Q. How
does a man show he's planning for the
future?
A. He b... Show more |
| 47) Q. What's the best way to force a man
to do
sit ups?
A. Put... Show more |
| 48) Q. How many men does it
take to wallpaper a
bathroom?
A. Th... Show more |
| 49) How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet
paper?... Show more |
| 50) Why did God create a man before
a
women?
You need a rough dr... Show more |
| 51) Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill
for men?... Show more |
| 52) Men are like vacuum
cleaners.
They're not
much fun, but at l... Show more |
| 53) Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their
own business... Show more |
| 54) Why don't women
work as long and as hard as
men in the office... Show more |
| 55) Men are like animals:
messy, insensitive
and
potentially vio... Show more |
| 56) Q. What do most men
consider a gourmet
restaurant?
A. Any pl... Show more |
| 57) How are men like noodles?
They are always in
hot water, they l... Show more |
| 58) Q. Why do men buy electric
lawn mowers?
A.
So they can find... Show more |
| 59) A
woman of 35 thinks of having children. What
does a man of 3... Show more |
| 60) Q: Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind
wander?
A: It'... Show more |
| 61) Men are like old
car tires.
Balding, full
of hot air, and it... Show more |
| 62) Men are like plungers.
They spend most of their
lives in a har... Show more |
| 63) Where do you have to go
to find a man who is
truly into commi... Show more |
| 64) Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot
of money, they do... Show more |
| 65) Q. What should you give a man who has
everything?
A. A woman t... Show more |
| 66) Why does a man only get half-hour
lunch-breaks?
So his boss do... Show more |
| 67) Men are like
power tools.
They make a lot
of noise, but it's... Show more |
| 68) Men are like
soap operas.
They're fun to
watch, but don't be... Show more |
| 69) There are only two four letter words that are
offensive to me... Show more |
| 70) Men are like
chocolate bars.
Sweet, smooth
and they usually... Show more |
| 71) Question: How many men does it take to mop the
floor?
Answer:... Show more |
| 72) What do
you do if your bank account stops
working?
Throw t... Show more |
| 73) What is the difference between men and
pigs?
Pigs don't turn i... Show more |
| 74) Men are like
curling irons.
They're
always hot, and they'... Show more |
| 75) Q. What's a man's idea
of honestly in a
relationship?
A. Tel... Show more |
| 76) Q. What do you
call a woman who knows where
her husband is ev... Show more |
| 77) Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his ch... Show more |
| 78) What's a man idea of helping with the
housework?
Lifting his l... Show more |
| 79) How can you tell if a man is cheating on
you?
He has a bath mo... Show more |
| 80) Men are
like high heels.
They're easy
to walk on once you... Show more |
| 81) When do men insist that women are
illogical?
When a woman does... Show more |
| 82) why don't men do laundry?
cause the washer
and dryer don't ru... Show more |
| 83) When a man steals your wife,
there is no
better revenge than... Show more |
| 84) Q: What are the three types of men?
A: The
handsome, the carin... Show more |
| 85) Q: What do you call a man who marries an old, ugly
and
poor w... Show more |
| 86) QUESTION: Why are lifesavers better than men?
ANSWER: They co... Show more |
| 87) Men are like remote controls.
Simple. Easy to
use. And usually... Show more |
| 88) Men
are like road kill.
They usually just
lie around until t... Show more |
| 89) Men are like mini skirts.
If you're not
careful, they'll cr... Show more |
| 90) What does a man consider to be a seven course
meal?
A hot do... Show more |
| 91) Men are like coffee.
The best ones are rich,
hot and can keep... Show more |
| 92) Men are like horoscopes.
They always tell you
what to do and a... Show more |
| 93) Men are
like placemats.
They only show
up when there's fo... Show more |
| 94) Men are like copiers.
You need them for
reproduction, but t... Show more |
| 95) Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving
her money, furs... Show more |
| 96) Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight
dinner?
A. A p... Show more |
| 97) What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's
God's gift?... Show more |
| 98) Men are like department
stores.
Their
clothes should always... Show more |
| 99) Men are like
mascara.
They usually run
at the first sign... Show more |
| 100) Why are men like blenders?
You need one,
but you're not quit... Show more |
| 101) Men are like coolers.
Load them with beer and
you can take the... Show more |
| 102) Men are
like plastic wrap.
Cheap. Clingy.
And very easy to s... Show more |
| 103) Men are like pillows.
Eventually, even the best
ones get soft... Show more |
| 104) Q. Why do men like love at first site?
A. It
saves them a lot... Show more |
| 105) What do you call a man who has lost 95%
of his
brainpower?
A... Show more |
| 106) How do you scare a man?
Sneak up behind
him and start throw... Show more |
| 107) Men are like shag
carpets.
Soft, fuzzy and
extremely easy to... Show more |
| 108) Why do so few men end up in Heaven?
They never
stop to ask dir... Show more |
| 109) What do you call a man who opens the car door for
you?
A cha... Show more |
| 110) What is the
thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About... Show more |
| 111) Men are
like computers.
Hard to figure out
and never enough... Show more |
| 112) Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay
stuck in adoles... Show more |
| 113) Where's the safest place to
hide money from a
man?
Under the... Show more |
| 114) Men are like
lava lamps.
Fun to look
at, but not very bri... Show more |
| 115) Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A.
Because they're all p... Show more |
| 116) Now do you save a man from drowning?
Take your
foot off his h... Show more |
| 117) Why do men
prefer blondes?
Men always like
intellectual com... Show more |
| 118) Q: Why do men float better than
women?
A:
Because they are s... Show more |
| 119) What's the difference between a
man and
E.T.?
E.T. phoned ho... Show more |
| 120) Why do little boys whine?
Because they're
practicing to be men... Show more |
| 121) Men are like government bonds.
They take so
long to mature.... Show more |
| 122) What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice
makes perfect."... Show more |
| 123) Why did God create men
first? Because we learn
from mistakes.... Show more |
| 124) How do you confuse a man?
You don't - they're
born that way.... Show more |
| 125) Men don't
get lost; they discover alternative
destinations.... Show more |
| 126) What do you do if your boyfriend walks
out?
Close the door.... Show more |
| 127) Q. What do you call a
handcuffed man?
A.
Trustworthy.... Show more |
| 128) Q. How can you tell if a man
is happy?
A.
Who cares?... Show more |
| 129) Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites
attract.... Show more |
| 130) Why do men act like idiots?
Who says they're
acting?... Show more |
| 131) How do you lose fourteen stone of fat?
Dump
him.... Show more |
| 132) Why are men like paper cups?
They're
disposable... Show more |
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