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MILITARY JOKES!

military JOKES (random)

An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of attmittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two seabees harrassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentelman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY military JOKES:

 1 - A warrant officer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you ki... More ››
 2 - As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make:... More ››
 3 - During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them w... More ››
 4 - Q: how many vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T T... More ››
 5 - - How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile? - Two. One to launch it, one to watch... More ››
 6 - Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to te... More ››
 7 - Q. "Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships?" A. "Because sheep would be too obvious"... More ››
 8 - Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a go... More ››
 9 - The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruit... More ››
 10 - Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't hav... More ››
 11 - The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heav... More ››
 12 - Sargeant Williams was the newest drill instructor at AOCS, Aviation Officer Candidate School and... More ››
 13 - I was an Air Force ICBM launch control officer in South Dakota. Two officers pulled 24-hour aler... More ››
 14 - The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother die... More ››
 15 - It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A G... More ››
 16 - An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator s... More ››
 17 - You Might be a Marine Wife if: 1. Your mail goes to four addresses in two countries before it r... More ››
 18 - A Maintenance Battalion in Germany had just received a brand new Executive Officer, an Armor M... More ››
 19 - A destroyer pulled into a foreign port, and put down maximum liberty. The skeleton crew didn't n... More ››
 20 - Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their g... More ››
 21 - At Parris Island, a sergeant was teaching a private to throw a grenade at a pracitice training c... More ››
 22 - There were three American pilots captured by Germans in WWII. The Germans thought up a way to ma... More ››
 23 - One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that h... More ››
 24 - Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first Marine he met, "Do you want to go to hea... More ››
 25 - An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anyth... More ››
 26 - On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other... More ››
 27 - A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. "What would you d... More ››
 28 - During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden m... More ››
 29 - A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his gir... More ››
 30 - An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO s... More ››
 31 - A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a ha... More ››
 32 - A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They are bragging and jo... More ››
 33 - An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were... More ››
 34 - The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroope... More ››
 35 - During the Mexican American War, an intense long standoff occurred along the front. For days and... More ››
 36 - Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a P... More ››
 37 - A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. And... More ››
 38 - A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoo... More ››
 39 - While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up... More ››
 40 - During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The tech... More ››
 41 - This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into... More ››
 42 - While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes... More ››
 43 - Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. T... More ››
 44 - The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly hi... More ››
 45 - Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and da... More ››
 46 - Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and da... More ››
 47 - One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new... More ››
 48 - Colin Powell, once USA's highest ranking military officer, (now Secretary of State), loves to... More ››
 49 - A draftee went in for his physical wearing a truss and with a little convincing acting got his p... More ››
 50 - The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly... More ››
 51 - There was this General-in-training, and his superioirs were asking him questions "What happened... More ››
 52 - In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his... More ››
 53 - A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of pap... More ››
 54 - The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't sp... More ››
 55 - As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of... More ››
 56 - The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base "Req... More ››
 57 - Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. "Why, my outfit was so well dr... More ››
 58 - The theatrical manager exclaimed: "Your last role was magnificent, Mr. Brown. You enacted so w... More ››
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 60 - During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered ano... More ››
 61 - A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned... More ››
 62 - - When the general comes, report to me immediately. The general doesn't show. The sergeant get... More ››
 63 - General Heath, a famous lover of parade music and marching drill ceremonies, once listened to a... More ››
 64 - During the Vietnam War, a hillbilly soldier shot about a dozen of the enemy during his first bat... More ››
 65 - We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we... More ››
 66 - At a lesson in topography a soldier was asked: "What is farther away, Harrison, the moon or that... More ››
 67 - The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries wh... More ››
 68 - The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters... More ››
 69 - Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: At the presen... More ››
 70 - Recruits were shocked at the language the sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one... More ››
 71 - Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join t... More ››
 72 - Soldier Ivanov was ordered to peel a barrel of potatos. - In this day and age, the army shoul... More ››
 73 - Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no... More ››
 74 - A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant: - I can't drink from this mug. It h... More ››
 75 - SIX PHASES OF THE MONTH IN NAVY RECRUITING 1. ENTHUSIASM 2. DISILUSIONMENT 3. PANIC... More ››
 76 - Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Look, for onl... More ››
 77 - Short-sighted sarge: "Attention! You also, you little one in the back row with the red cap!"... More ››
 78 - Q. "Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?" A. "So that if the se... More ››
 79 - Two paratrooper recruits in a plane: - Are you crazy, Vasily? You are going to jump without a... More ››
 80 - A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room. - Do I have any choic... More ››
 81 - This is the difference between a lousy Golfer and a lousy Parachutist. The lousy Golfer goes... More ››
 82 - - What do you think about the coming battle, General? - God knows it will be lost. - Then... More ››
 83 - Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "We are not p... More ››
 84 - - Who likes music? - asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a... More ››
 85 - A retired sergeant was asked: "Well, how do you like civilian life?" "Terrible," he said gruffl... More ››
 86 - A general calls a colonel: - Do you have a couple of smart majors? - Yes I do. - Send the... More ››
 87 - Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: 50. One to screw in the ligh... More ››
 88 - Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where... More ››
 89 - - How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None. People that... More ››
 90 - A trooper asks a sergeant: - Is it true that man descended from a monkey? - Yes, troopers... More ››
 91 - Q: How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it take... More ››
 92 - - How many Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? - That is a military secret. If I to... More ››
 93 - Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? They fought like animals and... More ››
 94 - Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 22, one to screw it in, 21 to... More ››
 95 - Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn't think he's a fighter p... More ››
 96 - Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more peo... More ››
 97 - Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.... More ››
 98 - Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.... More ››
 99 - Q: "What has an IQ of 42?" A: "40 Marines plus their lieutenant"... More ››
 100 - Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey.... More ››
 101 - Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador... More ››
 102 - What is Iraq's national bird? Duck.... More ››
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