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military JOKES (random)

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ?
A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !

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 1 - It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A G... More ››
 2 - A warrant officer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you ki... More ››
 3 - As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make:... More ››
 4 - During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them w... More ››
 5 - Q: how many vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T T... More ››
 6 - - How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile? - Two. One to launch it, one to watch... More ››
 7 - Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to te... More ››
 8 - Q. "Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships?" A. "Because sheep would be too obvious"... More ››
 9 - Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a go... More ››
 10 - The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruit... More ››
 11 - Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't hav... More ››
 12 - The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heav... More ››
 13 - Sargeant Williams was the newest drill instructor at AOCS, Aviation Officer Candidate School and... More ››
 14 - I was an Air Force ICBM launch control officer in South Dakota. Two officers pulled 24-hour aler... More ››
 15 - The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother die... More ››
 16 - An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator s... More ››
 17 - You Might be a Marine Wife if: 1. Your mail goes to four addresses in two countries before it r... More ››
 18 - A Maintenance Battalion in Germany had just received a brand new Executive Officer, an Armor M... More ››
 19 - A destroyer pulled into a foreign port, and put down maximum liberty. The skeleton crew didn't n... More ››
 20 - Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their g... More ››
 21 - At Parris Island, a sergeant was teaching a private to throw a grenade at a pracitice training c... More ››
 22 - There were three American pilots captured by Germans in WWII. The Germans thought up a way to ma... More ››
 23 - One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that h... More ››
 24 - Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first Marine he met, "Do you want to go to hea... More ››
 25 - An airforce officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anyth... More ››
 26 - On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other... More ››
 27 - A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. "What would you d... More ››
 28 - During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden m... More ››
 29 - A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his gir... More ››
 30 - An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO s... More ››
 31 - A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a ha... More ››
 32 - A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They are bragging and jo... More ››
 33 - An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were... More ››
 34 - The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroope... More ››
 35 - During the Mexican American War, an intense long standoff occurred along the front. For days and... More ››
 36 - Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a P... More ››
 37 - A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. And... More ››
 38 - A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoo... More ››
 39 - While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up... More ››
 40 - During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The tech... More ››
 41 - This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into... More ››
 42 - While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes... More ››
 43 - Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. T... More ››
 44 - The cavalryman was galloping down the road, rushing to catch up with his regiment. Suddenly hi... More ››
 45 - Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and da... More ››
 46 - Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and da... More ››
 47 - One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new... More ››
 48 - Colin Powell, once USA's highest ranking military officer, (now Secretary of State), loves to... More ››
 49 - A draftee went in for his physical wearing a truss and with a little convincing acting got his p... More ››
 50 - The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly... More ››
 51 - There was this General-in-training, and his superioirs were asking him questions "What happened... More ››
 52 - In the 1970's, before women were allowed to sign up for combat duty, a man was bragging to his... More ››
 53 - A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of pap... More ››
 54 - The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't sp... More ››
 55 - As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of... More ››
 56 - The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base "Req... More ››
 57 - Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. "Why, my outfit was so well dr... More ››
 58 - The theatrical manager exclaimed: "Your last role was magnificent, Mr. Brown. You enacted so w... More ››
 59 - Airmen had to launch two E-3 AWACS from a National Guard base after a heavey snow strom. Well af... More ››
 60 - During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered ano... More ››
 61 - A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned... More ››
 62 - - When the general comes, report to me immediately. The general doesn't show. The sergeant get... More ››
 63 - General Heath, a famous lover of parade music and marching drill ceremonies, once listened to a... More ››
 64 - During the Vietnam War, a hillbilly soldier shot about a dozen of the enemy during his first bat... More ››
 65 - We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we... More ››
 66 - At a lesson in topography a soldier was asked: "What is farther away, Harrison, the moon or that... More ››
 67 - The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries wh... More ››
 68 - The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters... More ››
 69 - Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: At the presen... More ››
 70 - Recruits were shocked at the language the sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one... More ››
 71 - Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join t... More ››
 72 - Soldier Ivanov was ordered to peel a barrel of potatos. - In this day and age, the army shoul... More ››
 73 - Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no... More ››
 74 - A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant: - I can't drink from this mug. It h... More ››
 76 - Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Look, for onl... More ››
 77 - Short-sighted sarge: "Attention! You also, you little one in the back row with the red cap!"... More ››
 78 - Q. "Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?" A. "So that if the se... More ››
 79 - Two paratrooper recruits in a plane: - Are you crazy, Vasily? You are going to jump without a... More ››
 80 - A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room. - Do I have any choic... More ››
 81 - This is the difference between a lousy Golfer and a lousy Parachutist. The lousy Golfer goes... More ››
 82 - - What do you think about the coming battle, General? - God knows it will be lost. - Then... More ››
 83 - Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "We are not p... More ››
 84 - - Who likes music? - asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a... More ››
 85 - A retired sergeant was asked: "Well, how do you like civilian life?" "Terrible," he said gruffl... More ››
 86 - A general calls a colonel: - Do you have a couple of smart majors? - Yes I do. - Send the... More ››
 87 - Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ? A: 50. One to screw in the ligh... More ››
 88 - Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where... More ››
 89 - - How many survivors of nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb? - None. People that... More ››
 90 - A trooper asks a sergeant: - Is it true that man descended from a monkey? - Yes, troopers... More ››
 91 - Q: How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it take... More ››
 92 - - How many Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? - That is a military secret. If I to... More ››
 93 - Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? They fought like animals and... More ››
 94 - Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 22, one to screw it in, 21 to... More ››
 95 - Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn't think he's a fighter p... More ››
 96 - Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ? A: Aeroflot has killed more peo... More ››
 97 - Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.... More ››
 98 - Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.... More ››
 99 - Q: "What has an IQ of 42?" A: "40 Marines plus their lieutenant"... More ››
 100 - Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey.... More ››
 101 - Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador... More ››
 102 - What is Iraq's national bird? Duck.... More ››
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