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The Best Monster Jokes: |
| 1) Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when
suddenly
through th... Show more |
| 2) On her annual visit to another planet,
an
old lady turns to t... Show more |
| 3) Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest
invention? It'... Show more |
| 4) A very tall monster with several arms and
legs, all of
differ... Show more |
| 5) Igor: Only
this morning Dr Frankenstein
completed another ama... Show more |
| 6) 'Here's a good book,' said the
sales
assistant in the book sh... Show more |
| 7) FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I
counted
the rings u... Show more |
| 8) 1st Monster: What is that son of
yours
doing these days ?
2n... Show more |
| 9) An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven
legs walked in... Show more |
| 10) Did you hear about the monster with
one
eye at the back of hi... Show more |
| 11) FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a
monster with
one hand.
SECOND... Show more |
| 12) FIRST MONSTER: I'm going
to a party
tonight.
SECOND MONSTER... Show more |
| 13) First monster: That
pretty girl over there
just rolled her ey... Show more |
| 14) A monster walked into the council rent office
with a $5 note... Show more |
| 15) What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his
goldfish's brain... Show more |
| 16) Did you hear about the monster who went to a
holiday camp? He... Show more |
| 17) Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three
headed mountai... Show more |
| 18) What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son?
He had so much wa... Show more |
| 19) FIRST MONSTER: I fancy
eating the city of
Hong Kong tonight.... Show more |
| 20) Did you hear about the monster who
sent
his picture to a lone... Show more |
| 21) Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein
invented
the safety... Show more |
| 22) What do you call
a huge, ugly, slobbering,
furry monster with... Show more |
| 23) What happened to Frankenstein's monster on
the road?
He was... Show more |
| 24) MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice
to my mother when s... Show more |
| 25) FRED: Your monster was
making a terrible
noise last night.... Show more |
| 26) What was the inscription on the tomb of
Frankenstein's monste... Show more |
| 27) Little monster: Mom,
why can't we have
dustbins like everyone... Show more |
| 28) MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you
not to eat wit... Show more |
| 29) Why was the big, hairy,
two-headed monster
top of the class a... Show more |
| 30) Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I
leave the table?... Show more |
| 31) Mr Monster:
Oi, hurry up with my supper.
Mrs Monster: Oh, d... Show more |
| 32) First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's
hanging out.
Seco... Show more |
| 33) What's the difference between a dim monster
and a
birthday ca... Show more |
| 34) Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the
perfect guy."
Girl M... Show more |
| 35) Did you hear
about the monster who had an
extra pair of hands... Show more |
| 36) Why are monsters huge and hairy and
ugly?-
Because if they wer... Show more |
| 37) Mommy monster:
Don't eat that uranium.
Little monster: Why... Show more |
| 38) Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the
menu,
sir?
Monste... Show more |
| 39) What happens if a big hairy monster sits in
front of you at t... Show more |
| 40) What's big and ugly and drinks
out of the
wrong side of the g... Show more |
| 41) How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?
If it's a good... Show more |
| 42) Little monster: Mom I've finished.
Can I
leave the table?
M... Show more |
| 43) What's the difference between a monster
and a mouse?
A monst... Show more |
| 44) What do they have for lunch at Monster
School?
Human beans, bo... Show more |
| 45) Did you hear about the monster who had an
extra pair of hands... Show more |
| 46) The monster spent a fortune
on deodorants
before he found out... Show more |
| 47) Why did the
monster paint himself in
rainbow colors?
Becaus... Show more |
| 48) Little monster:
Mom, Mom, what's for tea?
Mother monster: S... Show more |
| 49) Why did the monster drink ten liters of
antifreeze?
So that... Show more |
| 50) What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to
the
other?
I did... Show more |
| 51) What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the
other?
I didn'... Show more |
| 52) What do you get if you cross
a tall green
monster with a foun... Show more |
| 53) What does a monster mom say to her
kids at
dinnertime?
Don'... Show more |
| 54) Did you hear about the monster who had twelve
arms and
no leg... Show more |
| 55) What's the difference
between
Frankenstein and boiled potatoe... Show more |
| 56) Did you hear the
joke about the two
monsters who crashed?
Th... Show more |
| 57) Did you hear about the
monster who lost
all his hair in the w... Show more |
| 58) What did Frankenstein's
monster say when
he was struck by lig... Show more |
| 59) Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs
at
him?
Of c... Show more |
| 60) Did you hear about the Irish monster who went
to night school... Show more |
| 61) What does a polite monster say when he meets
you for the
firs... Show more |
| 62) What did the big, hairy monster do when he
lost a hand?
He... Show more |
| 63) What happened when the monster stole a bottle
of perfume?
H... Show more |
| 64) What should you do if a monster runs
through your front door?... Show more |
| 65) What do young female monsters do at parties
?
They go around l... Show more |
| 66) What happened when the monster stole a
bottle of perfume?
H... Show more |
| 67) Why did Frankenstein's monster give up
boxing?
Because he di... Show more |
| 68) What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps
on
Batman and R... Show more |
| 69) What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and
belongs to Grandpa... Show more |
| 70) Why did the monster get a ticket at
Thanksgiving dinner?
He wa... Show more |
| 71) How did the world's tallest monster become
short overnight?
S... Show more |
| 72) What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has
sixteen wheels?
A... Show more |
| 73) What would you get if you crossed a monster
with a Thanksgivi... Show more |
| 74) Why did the monster stop playing with his
brother?
He got tir... Show more |
| 75) What do you get if you cross a plum
with a
man eating monster... Show more |
| 76) How do you communicate with the Loch Ness
Monster at 20,000 f... Show more |
| 77) What does the hungry monster get after he's
eaten too much ic... Show more |
| 78) Why did the monster put the
cake in the
freezer?
Because he... Show more |
| 79) Why did the monster take a dead man for a
drive in his car?
B... Show more |
| 80) What kind of book did
Frankenstein's
monster like to read?... Show more |
| 81) How can you tell if a monster has a
glass
eye?
Because it c... Show more |
| 82) What makes an ideal present for
a monster?
Five pairs of gl... Show more |
| 83) Why is
the monsters' football pitch
wet?
Because the players... Show more |
| 84) First monster: I
have a hunch.
Second
monster: I thought yo... Show more |
| 85) Did you hear
about the monster with five
legs?
His trousers... Show more |
| 86) How can you tell if a monster has a
glass
eye?
When it comes... Show more |
| 87) Frankenstein: Help, I've got a short circuit!
Igor: Don't wor... Show more |
| 88) What kind of monster is safe
to put in the
washing machine?-... Show more |
| 89) What should you call a polite, friendly, kind,
good
looking m... Show more |
| 90) Why was the monster standing on his head?
He was turning thin... Show more |
| 91) What
happened when Dr Frankenstein
swallowed some uranium?... Show more |
| 92) FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner?
SECOND MONSTER: Yes, eve... Show more |
| 93) What do you get if you cross a monster with a
flea?
Lots of... Show more |
| 94) What happened to Ray when he met the
man-eating monster?
He... Show more |
| 95) Where does
the bride of Frankenstein have
her hair done?
At... Show more |
| 96) Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to
death?
He ha... Show more |
| 97) What would you get if you crossed a monster
with a redcoat?... Show more |
| 98) How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built
his monster?... Show more |
| 99) What do you get if you cross a bird with a
monstrous snarl?... Show more |
| 100) What did the monster say to the
Thanksgiving turkey?
"Pleas... Show more |
| 101) Why is stupid monster
like a
jack-o'-lantern?
They both hav... Show more |
| 102) What can a monster do that you
can't do?
Count up to 25 on... Show more |
| 103) How do you stop a monster digging up your
garden?
Take his... Show more |
| 104) Why did the monster dye her hair yellow?
To
see if blondes hav... Show more |
| 105) What do you do with a green monster?
Put
it in the sun until... Show more |
| 106) What does a monster do when he loses his head?
He calls a hea... Show more |
| 107) How did the monster cure his sore throat?
He spent all day ga... Show more |
| 108) Why did the monster go into hospital?
To
have his ghoul-stones... Show more |
| 109) What kind of monster can sit on the end of
your finger?
The b... Show more |
| 110) HWhy did the monster lie on his back?
To
trip up low-flying a... Show more |
| 111) What's big and hairy and goes 'beep
beep'?
A monster in a traf... Show more |
| 112) What do you call a monster with two wooden
heads?
Edward Wo... Show more |
| 113) Why did the monster
take his nose apart?
To see what made i... Show more |
| 114) How did Frankenstein's
monster eat his
lunch?
He bolted it d... Show more |
| 115) How does a
monster begin a fairy
tale?
"Once upon a slime .... Show more |
| 116) If storks bring
human babies, what bring
monster babies?
Cra... Show more |
| 117) What is a monster's favourite society?
The
Consumers' Associat... Show more |
| 118) What did the monster say to his
psychiatrist?
'I feel abominab... Show more |
| 119) What monster flies his kite in a rain
storm?
Benjamin Frankens... Show more |
| 120) Where do you find monster snails?
On the
end of monsters finge... Show more |
| 121) How do man-eating monsters count to a
thousand?
On their wart... Show more |
| 122) What monster plays the most April Fool's
jokes?
Prankenstei... Show more |
| 123) What's the
hardest part of making monster
soup?
Stirring it... Show more |
| 124) Monster: Where do fleas go in
winter?
Werewolf: Search me!... Show more |
| 125) What does Frankenstein's monster call a
screwdriver?
Daddy.... Show more |
| 126) What do you call a mouse that can pick up a
monster?
Sir.... Show more |
| 127) How do you stop a monster from
smelling?
Cut off his nose.... Show more |
| 128) What do you call a monster with a
wooden
head?
Edward.... Show more |
| 129) Where do space monsters live?
In far
distant terror-tory.... Show more |
| 130) Where is the monster's temple?
On the
side of his head.... Show more |
| 131) How does Frankenstein sit in his chair?
Bolt upright.... Show more |
| 132) What do sea monsters have for dinner?
Fish
and ships.... Show more |
| 133) What do you
call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.... Show more |
| 134) What brings the monster's babies? The
Frankenstork.... Show more |
| 135) What's a monsters favorite play?
Romeo and
Ghouliet... Show more |
| 136) On which day do monsters eat people?
Chewsday.... Show more |
| 137) What is a monster's favourite
drink?
Demonade.... Show more |
| 138) How do you address a monster?
Very
politely.... Show more |
| 139) What aftershave do monsters wear?
Brute.... Show more |
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