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MONSTER JOKES!

monster JOKES (random)

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?
'I feel abominable.'

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY monster JOKES:

 1 - What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the other? I didn't know we lived on the same block.... More ››
 2 - Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monste... More ››
 3 - On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. "I hope... More ››
 4 - Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It's a new pill consisting of 50 per c... More ››
 5 - A very tall monster with several arms and legs, all of different lengths, went into a tailor's s... More ››
 6 - Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ost... More ››
 7 - 'Here's a good book,' said the sales assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster. 'How To Help Y... More ››
 8 - FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I counted the rings under her eyes. BERT MONSTER: That'... More ››
 9 - 1st Monster: What is that son of yours doing these days ? 2nd Monster: He's at medical school.... More ››
 10 - An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven legs walked into a tailors shop. 'Quick!' shout... More ››
 11 - Did you hear about the monster with one eye at the back of his head, and one at the front? He... More ››
 12 - FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand. SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't! FIRST... More ››
 13 - FIRST MONSTER: I'm going to a party tonight. SECOND MONSTER: Oh, are you? FIRST MONSTER: Yes... More ››
 14 - First monster: That pretty girl over there just rolled her eyes at me. Second monster: Well yo... More ››
 15 - A monster walked into the council rent office with a $5 note stuck in one ear and a $10 note in... More ››
 16 - What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog? I don't... More ››
 17 - Did you hear about the monster who went to a holiday camp? He won the ugly mug and knobbly knees... More ››
 18 - Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three headed mountain monster? Girl: Really? What kin... More ››
 19 - What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a perm... More ››
 20 - FIRST MONSTER: I fancy eating the city of Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me? SECOND MONSTER:... More ››
 21 - Did you hear about the monster who sent his picture to a lonely hearts club? They sent it back... More ››
 22 - Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes, that was one of... More ››
 23 - What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton wool in his ears? Anythin... More ››
 24 - What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road? He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and... More ››
 25 - MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fa... More ››
 26 - FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madon... More ››
 27 - What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's monster? HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTE... More ››
 28 - Little monster: Mom, why can't we have dustbins like everyone else? Mother monster: Less talki... More ››
 29 - MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you not to eat with your fingers? Use the spade lik... More ››
 30 - Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are b... More ››
 31 - Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it fo... More ››
 32 - Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pair... More ››
 33 - First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out. Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was... More ››
 34 - What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle? The candle is a thousand tim... More ››
 35 - Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the perfect guy." Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream... More ››
 36 - Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a... More ››
 37 - Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?- Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd... More ››
 38 - Mommy monster: Don't eat that uranium. Little monster: Why not? Mommy monster: You'll get... More ››
 39 - Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the menu, sir? Monster: No thanks, just bring me the pas... More ››
 40 - What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater? You miss most o... More ››
 41 - What's big and ugly and drinks out of the wrong side of the glass? A monster trying to get rid... More ››
 42 - How do you tell a good monster from a bad one? If it's a good one you will be able to talk about... More ››
 43 - Little monster: Mom I've finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for... More ››
 44 - What's the difference between a monster and a mouse? A monster makes bigger holes in the skirti... More ››
 45 - What do they have for lunch at Monster School? Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes... More ››
 46 - Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a ha... More ››
 47 - The monster spent a fortune on deodorants before he found out that people didn't like him anyw... More ››
 48 - Why did the monster paint himself in rainbow colors? Because he wanted to hide in the crayon b... More ››
 49 - Little monster: Mom, Mom, what's for tea? Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwav... More ››
 50 - Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze? So that he didn't have to buy a winter coa... More ››
 51 - What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the other? I didn't know we lived on the same block... More ››
 52 - What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen? The Ink-credible Hulk.... More ››
 53 - What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime? Don't talk with someone in your mouth.... More ››
 54 - Did you hear about the monster who had twelve arms and no legs? He was all fingers and thumbs.... More ››
 55 - What's the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes? You can't mash Frankenstein.... More ››
 56 - Did you hear the joke about the two monsters who crashed? They fell off a cliff, boom, boom.... More ››
 57 - Did you hear about the monster who lost all his hair in the war? He lost it in a hair raid.... More ››
 58 - What did Frankenstein's monster say when he was struck by lightning? Thanks, I needed that.... More ››
 59 - Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs at him? Of course - he'd be eggs-terminated.... More ››
 60 - Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?... More ››
 61 - What does a polite monster say when he meets you for the first time? Pleased to eat you!... More ››
 62 - What did the big, hairy monster do when he lost a hand? He went to the second-hand shop.... More ››
 63 - What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.... More ››
 64 - What should you do if a monster runs through your front door? Run through the back door.... More ››
 65 - What do young female monsters do at parties ? They go around looking for edible bachelors !... More ››
 66 - What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.... More ››
 67 - Why did Frankenstein's monster give up boxing? Because he didn't want to spoil his looks.... More ››
 68 - What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin ? Flatman and Ribbon !... More ››
 69 - What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster? - Grandma monster... More ››
 70 - Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner? He was exceeding the feed limit!... More ››
 71 - How did the world's tallest monster become short overnight? Someone stole all his money.... More ››
 72 - What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has sixteen wheels? A monster on roller-skates.... More ››
 73 - What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert? Bumpkin pie!... More ››
 74 - Why did the monster stop playing with his brother? He got tired of kicking him around.... More ››
 75 - What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster? A purple people eater.... More ››
 76 - How do you communicate with the Loch Ness Monster at 20,000 fathoms? Drop him a line.... More ››
 77 - What does the hungry monster get after he's eaten too much ice cream? More ice cream!... More ››
 78 - Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer? Because he had been told to ice it.... More ››
 79 - Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case.... More ››
 80 - What kind of book did Frankenstein's monster like to read? One with a cemetery plot.... More ››
 81 - How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? Because it comes out in conversation... More ››
 82 - What makes an ideal present for a monster? Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.... More ››
 83 - Why is the monsters' football pitch wet? Because the players keep dribbling on it.... More ››
 84 - First monster: I have a hunch. Second monster: I thought you were a funny shape.... More ››
 85 - Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.... More ››
 86 - How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye? When it comes out in conversation.... More ››
 87 - Frankenstein: Help, I've got a short circuit! Igor: Don't worry, I'll lengthen it.... More ››
 88 - What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?- A wash and wear wolf... More ››
 89 - What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster? A failure.... More ››
 90 - Why was the monster standing on his head? He was turning things over in his mind.... More ››
 91 - What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium? He got atomic ache.... More ››
 92 - FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner? SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone's been eaten.... More ››
 93 - What do you get if you cross a monster with a flea? Lots of very worried dogs.... More ››
 94 - What happened to Ray when he met the man-eating monster? He became an ex-Ray.... More ››
 95 - Where does the bride of Frankenstein have her hair done? At the ugly parlour.... More ››
 96 - Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death? He had a crush on her.... More ››
 97 - What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target.... More ››
 98 - How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster? On a piece rate.... More ››
 99 - What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl? A budgerigrrrrr!... More ››
 100 - What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey? "Pleased to eat you!"... More ››
 101 - Why is stupid monster like a jack-o'-lantern? They both have empty heads.... More ››
 102 - What can a monster do that you can't do? Count up to 25 on his fingers.... More ››
 103 - How do you stop a monster digging up your garden? Take his spade away.... More ››
 104 - Why did the monster dye her hair yellow? To see if blondes have more fun.... More ››
 105 - What do you do with a green monster? Put it in the sun until it ripens!... More ››
 106 - What does a monster do when he loses his head? He calls a head hunter.... More ››
 107 - How did the monster cure his sore throat? He spent all day gargoyling.... More ››
 108 - Why did the monster go into hospital? To have his ghoul-stones removed.... More ››
 109 - What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger? The bogeyman.... More ››
 110 - HWhy did the monster lie on his back? To trip up low-flying aircraft.... More ››
 111 - What's big and hairy and goes 'beep beep'? A monster in a traffic jam.... More ››
 112 - What do you call a monster with two wooden heads? Edward Woodward.... More ››
 113 - Why did the monster take his nose apart? To see what made it run.... More ››
 114 - How did Frankenstein's monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down.... More ››
 115 - How does a monster begin a fairy tale? "Once upon a slime . . ."... More ››
 116 - If storks bring human babies, what bring monster babies? Cranes.... More ››
 117 - What is a monster's favourite society? The Consumers' Association.... More ››
 118 - What did the monster say to his psychiatrist? 'I feel abominable.'... More ››
 119 - What monster flies his kite in a rain storm? Benjamin Frankenstein... More ››
 120 - Where do you find monster snails? On the end of monsters fingers.... More ››
 121 - How do man-eating monsters count to a thousand? On their warts.... More ››
 122 - What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? Prankenstein!... More ››
 123 - What's the hardest part of making monster soup? Stirring it.... More ››
 124 - Monster: Where do fleas go in winter? Werewolf: Search me!... More ››
 125 - What does Frankenstein's monster call a screwdriver? Daddy.... More ››
 126 - What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster? Sir.... More ››
 127 - How do you stop a monster from smelling? Cut off his nose.... More ››
 128 - What do you call a monster with a wooden head? Edward.... More ››
 129 - Where do space monsters live? In far distant terror-tory.... More ››
 130 - Where is the monster's temple? On the side of his head.... More ››
 131 - How does Frankenstein sit in his chair? Bolt upright.... More ››
 132 - What do sea monsters have for dinner? Fish and ships.... More ››
 133 - What do you call a clever monster? Frank Einstein.... More ››
 134 - What brings the monster's babies? The Frankenstork.... More ››
 135 - What's a monsters favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet... More ››
 136 - On which day do monsters eat people? Chewsday.... More ››
 137 - What is a monster's favourite drink? Demonade.... More ››
 138 - How do you address a monster? Very politely.... More ››
 139 - What aftershave do monsters wear? Brute.... More ››
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