1 - Mommy monster:
Don't eat that uranium.
Little monster: Why not?
Mommy monster: You'll get... More ››
2 - What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the
I didn't know we lived on the same block.... More ››
3 - Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when
through the wall came the ghost of his monste... More ››
4 - On her annual visit to another planet,
old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. "I hope... More ››
5 - Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest
invention? It's a new pill consisting of 50 per c... More ››
6 - A very tall monster with several arms and
legs, all of
different lengths, went into a tailor's s... More ››
7 - Igor: Only
this morning Dr Frankenstein
completed another amazing operation. He
crossed an ost... More ››
8 - 'Here's a good book,' said the
assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster.
'How To Help Y... More ››
9 - FRED MONSTER: My sister must be twenty. I
the rings under her eyes.
BERT MONSTER: That'... More ››
10 - 1st Monster: What is that son of
doing these days ?
2nd Monster: He's at medical school.... More ››
11 - An enormous monster with eight arms and eleven
legs walked into a tailors shop.
'Quick!' shout... More ››
12 - Did you hear about the monster with
eye at the back of his head, and one at the front?
He... More ››
13 - FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a
SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't!
FIRST... More ››
14 - FIRST MONSTER: I'm going
to a party
SECOND MONSTER: Oh, are you?
FIRST MONSTER: Yes... More ››
15 - First monster: That
pretty girl over there
just rolled her eyes at me.
Second monster: Well yo... More ››
16 - A monster walked into the council rent office
with a $5 note stuck in one ear and a $10 note in... More ››
17 - What did Dr Frankenstein get when he put his
goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
I don't... More ››
18 - Did you hear about the monster who went to a
holiday camp? He
won the ugly mug and knobbly knees... More ››
19 - Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three
headed mountain monster?
Girl: Really? What kin... More ››
20 - What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son?
He had so much wax in his ears that he became a perm... More ››
21 - FIRST MONSTER: I fancy
eating the city of
Hong Kong tonight. Care to join me?
SECOND MONSTER:... More ››
22 - Did you hear about the monster who
his picture to a lonely hearts club?
They sent it back... More ››
23 - Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein
the safety match.
Igor: Yes, that was one of... More ››
24 - What do you call
a huge, ugly, slobbering,
furry monster with cotton wool in his ears?
Anythin... More ››
25 - What happened to Frankenstein's monster on
He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and... More ››
26 - MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice
to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fa... More ››
27 - FRED: Your monster was
making a terrible
noise last night.
BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madon... More ››
28 - What was the inscription on the tomb of
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTE... More ››
29 - Little monster: Mom,
why can't we have
dustbins like everyone else?
Mother monster: Less talki... More ››
30 - MONSTER MOTHER: How many times have I told you
not to eat with your fingers?
Use the spade lik... More ››
31 - Why was the big, hairy,
top of the class at school?
Because two heads are b... More ››
32 - Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I
leave the table?
Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it fo... More ››
33 - Mr Monster:
Oi, hurry up with my supper.
Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pair... More ››
34 - First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's
Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was... More ››
35 - What's the difference between a dim monster
The candle is a thousand tim... More ››
36 - Girl Monster 1: "I hear you've met the
Girl Monster 2: "Oh yes, he's a bad dream... More ››
37 - Did you hear
about the monster who had an
extra pair of hands?
Where did he keep them?
In a... More ››
38 - Why are monsters huge and hairy and
Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd... More ››
39 - Waiter on ocean liner: Would you like the
Monster: No thanks, just bring me the pas... More ››
40 - What happens if a big hairy monster sits in
front of you at the movie theater?
You miss most o... More ››
41 - What's big and ugly and drinks
out of the
wrong side of the glass?
A monster trying to get rid... More ››
42 - How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?
If it's a good one you will be able to talk about... More ››
43 - Little monster: Mom I've finished.
leave the table?
Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for... More ››
44 - What's the difference between a monster
and a mouse?
A monster makes bigger holes in the skirti... More ››
45 - What do they have for lunch at Monster
Human beans, boiled legs, pickled bunions and eyes... More ››
46 - Did you hear about the monster who had an
extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them?
In a ha... More ››
47 - The monster spent a fortune
before he found out that people didn't like him
anyw... More ››
48 - Why did the
monster paint himself in
Because he wanted to hide in the crayon b... More ››
49 - Little monster:
Mom, Mom, what's for tea?
Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwav... More ››
50 - Why did the monster drink ten liters of
So that he didn't have to buy a winter coa... More ››
51 - What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to
I didn't know we lived on the same block... More ››
52 - What do you get if you cross
a tall green
monster with a fountain pen?
The Ink-credible Hulk.... More ››
53 - What does a monster mom say to her
Don't talk with someone in your mouth.... More ››
54 - Did you hear about the monster who had twelve
no legs? He was all fingers and thumbs.... More ››
55 - What's the difference
Frankenstein and boiled potatoes?
You can't mash Frankenstein.... More ››
56 - Did you hear the
joke about the two
monsters who crashed?
They fell off a cliff, boom, boom.... More ››
57 - Did you hear about the
monster who lost
all his hair in the war?
He lost it in a hair raid.... More ››
58 - What did Frankenstein's
monster say when
he was struck by lightning?
Thanks, I needed that.... More ››
59 - Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs
Of course - he'd be eggs-terminated.... More ››
60 - Did you hear about the Irish monster who went
to night school to learn to read in the dark?... More ››
61 - What does a polite monster say when he meets
you for the
Pleased to eat you!... More ››
62 - What did the big, hairy monster do when he
lost a hand?
He went to the second-hand shop.... More ››
63 - What happened when the monster stole a bottle
He was convicted of fragrancy.... More ››
64 - What should you do if a monster runs
through your front door?
Run through the back door.... More ››
65 - What do young female monsters do at parties
They go around looking for edible bachelors !... More ››
66 - What happened when the monster stole a
bottle of perfume?
He was convicted of fragrancy.... More ››
67 - Why did Frankenstein's monster give up
Because he didn't want to spoil his looks.... More ››
68 - What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps
Batman and Robin ?
Flatman and Ribbon !... More ››
69 - What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and
belongs to Grandpa monster?
- Grandma monster... More ››
70 - Why did the monster get a ticket at
He was exceeding the feed limit!... More ››
71 - How did the world's tallest monster become
Someone stole all his money.... More ››
72 - What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has
A monster on roller-skates.... More ››
73 - What would you get if you crossed a monster
with a Thanksgiving dessert?
Bumpkin pie!... More ››
74 - Why did the monster stop playing with his
He got tired of kicking him around.... More ››
75 - What do you get if you cross a plum
man eating monster?
A purple people eater.... More ››
76 - How do you communicate with the Loch Ness
Monster at 20,000 fathoms?
Drop him a line.... More ››
77 - What does the hungry monster get after he's
eaten too much ice cream?
More ice cream!... More ››
78 - Why did the monster put the
cake in the
Because he had been told to ice it.... More ››
79 - Why did the monster take a dead man for a
drive in his car?
Because he was a car-case.... More ››
80 - What kind of book did
monster like to read?
One with a cemetery plot.... More ››
81 - How can you tell if a monster has a
Because it comes out in conversation... More ››
82 - What makes an ideal present for
Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.... More ››
83 - Why is
the monsters' football pitch
Because the players keep dribbling on it.... More ››
84 - First monster: I
have a hunch.
monster: I thought you were a funny shape.... More ››
85 - Did you hear
about the monster with five
His trousers fit him like a glove.... More ››
86 - How can you tell if a monster has a
When it comes out in conversation.... More ››
87 - Frankenstein: Help, I've got a short circuit!
Igor: Don't worry, I'll lengthen it.... More ››
88 - What kind of monster is safe
to put in the
A wash and wear wolf... More ››
89 - What should you call a polite, friendly, kind,
A failure.... More ››
90 - Why was the monster standing on his head?
He was turning things over in his mind.... More ››
91 - What
happened when Dr Frankenstein
swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.... More ››
92 - FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner?
SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone's been eaten.... More ››
93 - What do you get if you cross a monster with a
Lots of very worried dogs.... More ››
94 - What happened to Ray when he met the
He became an ex-Ray.... More ››
95 - Where does
the bride of Frankenstein have
her hair done?
At the ugly parlour.... More ››
96 - Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to
He had a crush on her.... More ››
97 - What would you get if you crossed a monster
with a redcoat?
A bigger target.... More ››
98 - How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built
On a piece rate.... More ››
99 - What do you get if you cross a bird with a
A budgerigrrrrr!... More ››
100 - What did the monster say to the
"Pleased to eat you!"... More ››
101 - Why is stupid monster
They both have empty heads.... More ››
102 - What can a monster do that you
Count up to 25 on his fingers.... More ››
103 - How do you stop a monster digging up your
Take his spade away.... More ››
104 - Why did the monster dye her hair yellow?
see if blondes have more fun.... More ››
105 - What do you do with a green monster?
it in the sun until it ripens!... More ››
106 - What does a monster do when he loses his head?
He calls a head hunter.... More ››
107 - How did the monster cure his sore throat?
He spent all day gargoyling.... More ››
108 - Why did the monster go into hospital?
have his ghoul-stones removed.... More ››
109 - What kind of monster can sit on the end of
The bogeyman.... More ››
110 - HWhy did the monster lie on his back?
trip up low-flying aircraft.... More ››
111 - What's big and hairy and goes 'beep
A monster in a traffic jam.... More ››
112 - What do you call a monster with two wooden
Edward Woodward.... More ››
113 - Why did the monster
take his nose apart?
To see what made it run.... More ››
114 - How did Frankenstein's
monster eat his
He bolted it down.... More ››
115 - How does a
monster begin a fairy
"Once upon a slime . . ."... More ››
116 - If storks bring
human babies, what bring
Cranes.... More ››
117 - What is a monster's favourite society?
Consumers' Association.... More ››
118 - What did the monster say to his
'I feel abominable.'... More ››
119 - What monster flies his kite in a rain
Benjamin Frankenstein... More ››
120 - Where do you find monster snails?
end of monsters fingers.... More ››
121 - How do man-eating monsters count to a
On their warts.... More ››
122 - What monster plays the most April Fool's
Prankenstein!... More ››
123 - What's the
hardest part of making monster
Stirring it.... More ››
124 - Monster: Where do fleas go in
Werewolf: Search me!... More ››
125 - What does Frankenstein's monster call a
Daddy.... More ››
126 - What do you call a mouse that can pick up a
Sir.... More ››
127 - How do you stop a monster from
Cut off his nose.... More ››
128 - What do you call a monster with a
Edward.... More ››
129 - Where do space monsters live?
distant terror-tory.... More ››
130 - Where is the monster's temple?
side of his head.... More ››
131 - How does Frankenstein sit in his chair?
Bolt upright.... More ››
132 - What do sea monsters have for dinner?
and ships.... More ››
133 - What do you
call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.... More ››
134 - What brings the monster's babies? The
Frankenstork.... More ››
135 - What's a monsters favorite play?
Ghouliet... More ››
136 - On which day do monsters eat people?
Chewsday.... More ››
137 - What is a monster's favourite
Demonade.... More ››
138 - How do you address a monster?
politely.... More ››
139 - What aftershave do monsters wear?
Brute.... More ››