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PARENT JOKES!

parent JOKES (random)

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY parent JOKES:

 1 - "Dad, why do you write so slow?" asked Dennis. "I have to," replied his father. "I'm a slow read... More ››
 2 - A small boy is sent to bed by his father... [Five minutes later] "Da-ad..." "What?"... More ››
 3 - A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their fi... More ››
 4 - Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. 'Teddy,' he called, 'how... More ››
 5 - We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the... More ››
 6 - Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in... More ››
 7 - A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they pa... More ››
 8 - There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an acci... More ››
 9 - A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and no... More ››
 10 - A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there wa... More ››
 11 - An irate father stormed into the principal's office. "I demand to know," he screamed, "why my so... More ››
 12 - A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever se... More ››
 13 - Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, a... More ››
 14 - During a flood in a small Ohio town, a young girl was perched on top of a house with a little bo... More ››
 15 - When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples... More ››
 16 - On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I co... More ››
 17 - For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sist... More ››
 18 - With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our sc... More ››
 19 - "Dad," said Rickey, "what is electricity?" "Uh," replied his father, "I don't really know too... More ››
 20 - For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her gran... More ››
 21 - Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom. "Mr. Talbot," said the t... More ››
 22 - The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone... More ››
 23 - A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.... More ››
 24 - Mrs. Ellis came home from work one evening to find her three-year-old son lighting up a cigar. S... More ››
 25 - Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions. Son: Father, Can I ask you a question? Father... More ››
 26 - There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him... More ››
 27 - A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to look for things they couldn't find.... More ››
 28 - Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriag... More ››
 29 - At dinner, Seth said to his father, "Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it's all your... More ››
 30 - When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son's outburs... More ››
 31 - "What are you reading?" demanded the father of his seven-year-old. "A story about a cow jump... More ››
 32 - The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool. "Everyone kno... More ››
 33 - Mrs. Filmore returned home from a business trip and asked her husband, "How did Greg do on h... More ››
 34 - Bentley and his wife and son were sitting at the dinner table when the boy suddenly blurted out,... More ››
 35 - Down at the office Bostwick boasted to one of his buddies, "My son Arthur is smarter even tha... More ››
 36 - "Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions," said the father. "I'd like to know what would have ha... More ››
 37 - A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two... More ››
 38 - Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father, "Pop, what's... More ››
 39 - "Honey," said Mrs. Beldon to her husband, "Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclop... More ››
 40 - Father: " I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching televis... More ››
 41 - Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock." She said, "But Father, I'm... More ››
 42 - Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My sister's fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads. Dad: No,... More ››
 43 - Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m..... More ››
 44 - Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses, and his father, standing beside him, said, "Now, rem... More ››
 45 - Father: I want to take my girl our of this terrible math class. Teacher: But she's top of the... More ››
 46 - NEWS ITEM. Kidnappers grabbed a little boy and two days later sent him home with a ransom note.... More ››
 47 - Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when y... More ››
 48 - Dad: Why is your January report card so bad ? Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always ma... More ››
 49 - Come here, you greedy wretch. I'll teach you to eat all your sister's birthday chocs. It's all... More ››
 50 - "Can I go outside and watch the solar eclipse?" asked Rupert. "Okay," replied his father, "but d... More ››
 51 - Girl: Mom, mom a monster's just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I've jus... More ››
 52 - Father: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me? Mother: Probably, dear. I still have... More ››
 53 - Son: Where are the Himalayas? Father: If you'd put things away, you'd know where to find them.... More ››
 54 - "Papa, who was Hamlet?" "You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was."... More ››
 55 - Q: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? A: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.... More ››
 56 - "Dad, do you believe in Buddha?" "Why, of course, but I think margarine is just as good."... More ››
 57 - Did you hear about the little boy who was named after his father ? They called him Dad !... More ››
 58 - What's another name for an parent? Someone who's stopped growing except around the waist.... More ››
 59 - Son: What is an autobiography? Father: Er, the story of an automobile.... More ››
 60 - What didn't Adam and Eve have that everyone else has? Parents.... More ››
 61 - What do young ghosts call their parents? Deady and Mummy.... More ››
 62 - Why are parents boring? Because they're groan-ups.... More ››
 63 - When is a parent like a child? When he's a miner.... More ››
 64 - What do you call a small parent? A minimum !... More ››
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