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SCHOOL JOKES!

school JOKES (random)

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework."

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY school JOKES:

 1 - Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One yea... More ››
 2 - Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant ? Pupil: Hong Kong Teacher: Wh... More ››
 3 - Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then. Pupil: My dad won't like that. Teacher: Why is that?... More ››
 4 - Teacher: What is the formula for water ? George: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O Teacher: Is that the formul... More ››
 5 - Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth! Pupil: What?, and get b... More ››
 6 - Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can !... More ››
 7 - A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in,... More ››
 8 - A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his bo... More ››
 9 - A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because h... More ››
 10 - Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during... More ››
 11 - A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to cl... More ››
 12 - A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door,... More ››
 13 - One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rud... More ››
 14 - A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer... More ››
 15 - A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and... More ››
 16 - The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy... More ››
 17 - A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A do... More ››
 18 - "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. Aft... More ››
 19 - A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punish... More ››
 20 - 'Ann!' the teacher shouted one day at the girl who had been daydreaming out the window. 'If Indi... More ››
 21 - The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a... More ››
 22 - The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting fr... More ››
 23 - The teacher was reviewing counting with her first-grade class. "Jackie," she asked, "can you c... More ››
 24 - Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a bi... More ››
 25 - The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the ba... More ››
 26 - A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached... More ››
 27 - Man: "How's your history paper coming?" Woman: "Well, my history professor suggested that I u... More ››
 28 - Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you... More ››
 29 - "Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the... More ››
 30 - School Principal: I've called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about t... More ››
 31 - Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated? Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile! Teache... More ››
 32 - The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. "The only consolat... More ››
 33 - A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the... More ››
 34 - Principal: Do you do your homework? Kid: Now & Then Principal: Where do you do it? Kid: Here... More ››
 35 - 'I'm not going to school today,' Alexander said to his mother. 'The teachers bully me and the bo... More ››
 36 - Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a que... More ››
 37 - "It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "W... More ››
 38 - Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection ? Pupil: Well you... More ››
 39 - Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph? Joseph: Because of a sign down the road. Teacher: What does a... More ››
 40 - The brain is a wonder ful thing Why do you say that ? Because it starts working the second you... More ››
 41 - Fred: I got 100 in school today. Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in? Jason: Two things:... More ››
 42 - Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please? Don't tell me t... More ››
 43 - Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing, dear ? Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow. Mot... More ››
 44 - If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?... More ››
 45 - Teacher: Can you count to 10? Fred: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... More ››
 46 - "Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her... More ››
 47 - Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card. "What is this 45 in math?" asked h... More ››
 48 - A history joke Teacher: When was Rome built? Pupil: At night. Teacher: Why did you say that? P... More ››
 49 - If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left ? I don't know. Why no... More ››
 50 - Teacher: How much is half of 8? Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil:... More ››
 51 - Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "E... More ››
 52 - Teacher: You copies from Fred's exam paper didn't you? Pupil: How did you know? Teacher: Fred'... More ››
 53 - Teacher: How much is half of 8 Pupil: Up and down or across ? Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil... More ››
 54 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Some aliens from outer space bo... More ››
 55 - Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fre... More ››
 56 - Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today. School Secr... More ››
 57 - Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The que... More ››
 58 - Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write? Son:... More ››
 59 - Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now,... More ››
 60 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and... More ››
 61 - Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit... More ››
 62 - Teacher : Give me a sentence with the words defence, defeat and detail in it. Pupil : When a ho... More ››
 63 - Teacher : Why are you the only child in the classroom today ? Pupil : Because I was the only on... More ››
 64 - Teacher : What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late ? Pupil : Well you told me... More ››
 65 - Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say a... More ››
 66 - Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare ? Pupil: No Teacher: What have yo... More ››
 67 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't... More ››
 68 - Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many... More ››
 69 - Mother: How do you like your new teacher ? Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for th... More ››
 70 - Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say abo... More ››
 71 - Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: W... More ››
 72 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to scho... More ››
 73 - Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank ! Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in y... More ››
 74 - How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Anything not completed durin... More ››
 75 - Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language ? Pupil: Smiles - because there is a m... More ››
 76 - Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ? Pupil: I did, I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me t... More ››
 77 - Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I didn't know where the Rockies were. Mother: Well ne... More ››
 78 - Teacher, I can't solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one. No wond... More ››
 79 - Mother: How was your first day at school? Son: It was all right except for some man called "Tea... More ››
 80 - Teacher : The word politics - can you give me an example of how to use it ? Pupil : My parrot s... More ››
 81 - Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved. Pupil: Thank you Teacher: Now I can... More ››
 82 - TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got m... More ››
 83 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mo... More ››
 84 - Boy to Friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would st... More ››
 85 - Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions ? Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't... More ››
 86 - Did you hear what happened when there was an epidemic of laryngitis at school? The school nurs... More ››
 87 - Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why were you late? Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept. Teach... More ››
 88 - Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions? Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't b... More ››
 89 - Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ? Pupil: I don't know... More ››
 90 - Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don't feel well Teacher: Where don't... More ››
 91 - Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?" Sam: "I don't know." Teacher: "Bark, Sam... More ››
 92 - Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it? Pupil: I don't know t... More ››
 93 - Father: What did the teacher think of your idea? Son: She took it like a lamb Teacher: Really?... More ››
 94 - Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing? Pupil: No, teacher... More ››
 95 - Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class. Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just... More ››
 96 - Teacher : Can't you retain anything in your head overnight ? Pupil : Of course, I've had this c... More ››
 97 - Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and... More ››
 98 - Why aren't you doing very well in history? Because the teacher keeps asking about things that hap... More ››
 99 - Teacher : What are you reading ? Pupil : I dunno ! Teacher : But you're reading aloud ! Pupil... More ››
 100 - Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you... More ››
 101 - Father: Well Son, how are your exam results ? Son: They're under water Father: What do you mean... More ››
 102 - Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best... More ››
 103 - I'm not going back to school ever again Why ever not? The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she... More ››
 104 - Teacher : Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes. Pupil : We're not passing notes... More ››
 105 - Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine. So what's so great about that?... More ››
 106 - Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow? Pupil: Yes, the... More ››
 107 - Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test! Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest ma... More ››
 108 - When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there a... More ››
 109 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I loaned it to a friend, but he... More ››
 110 - Our teacher talks to herself does yours ? Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actu... More ››
 111 - Teacher: Give me three reasons why the world is round Pupil: Well my dad says so, my mum says s... More ››
 112 - Teacher: Are you good at math ? Pupil: Yes and no Teacher: What do you mean ? Pupil: Yes, I'm... More ››
 113 - "Dad, can you write in the dark?" "I think so. What is it you want me to write?" "Your name on t... More ››
 114 - TEACHER: Jackie, take 932 from 1,439. What is the difference? Stella: That's what I say, what's... More ››
 115 - How are you doing in arithmetic ? I've learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giv... More ››
 116 - Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making ? Dad: Why is that, what are you making ?... More ››
 117 - Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took eve... More ››
 118 - Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4? C... More ››
 119 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost th... More ››
 120 - Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off. Pupil: You have m... More ››
 121 - Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question. Pupil : How long for th... More ››
 122 - Teacher : Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first ? Pupil: I want to know... More ››
 123 - Teacher: What is can't short for ? Pupil: Cannot miss Teacher: and what is don't short for Pup... More ››
 124 - Teacher: Are you good at math? Pupil: Yes and no Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Yes, I'm no... More ››
 125 - Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year? Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd... More ››
 126 - Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong... More ››
 127 - Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ? Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd F... More ››
 128 - Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day? Pupil: The s... More ››
 129 - How many students does it take to change a light bulb? None. Light bulb changing isn't in the cou... More ››
 130 - Teacher : Billy, please don't whistle while studying. Billy : Oh, but I'm not studying - just w... More ››
 131 - Mother: Does your teacher like you ? Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test... More ››
 132 - Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good, but where is the wagon ? Pupil: The horse will d... More ››
 133 - Science teacher: What happened when electricity was first discovered? Fred: Someone got a nast... More ››
 134 - I failed every subject except for algebra. How did you keep from failing that? I didn't take a... More ››
 135 - Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn't see me... More ››
 136 - Teacher: What happened to your homework? Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijac... More ››
 137 - Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour ? Pupil: Because it can't sit... More ››
 138 - Teacher : Tommy you try my patience ! Tommy: No, teacher you had better try mine. There's more of... More ››
 139 - Teacher: This note from your father looks like your handwriting ? Pupil: Well, yes, he borrowed m... More ››
 140 - Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river? Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can'... More ››
 141 - Father: I hear you skipped school to play football Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to pro... More ››
 142 - Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can't sit... More ››
 143 - Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class? Daughter: How to talk without moving my... More ››
 144 - Fred: I've added these figures ten times. Teacher: Good work! Fred: And here are my ten answ... More ››
 145 - Are you in the top half of your class ? No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possi... More ››
 146 - Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class ? Daughter: How to talk without moving my l... More ››
 147 - Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ? About an hour and a half after I arrived at s... More ››
 148 - Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is? Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden m... More ››
 149 - Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch mo... More ››
 150 - Caspar: I was the teacher's pet last year. Jaspar: Why was that? Caspar: She couldn't afford a... More ››
 151 - Teacher : What is a comet ? Pupil : A star with a tail Teacher: Can you name one ? Pupil: Lassi... More ››
 152 - Teacher : What is the most common phrase used in school ? Pupil : I don't know Teacher: Correc... More ››
 153 - Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of Pupil: Life imprisonment... More ››
 154 - Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt? Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!... More ››
 155 - Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even know he was sick!... More ››
 156 - Teacher: Why are you picking your nose in class ? Pupil: My mother won't let me do it at home !... More ››
 157 - Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia ? Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !... More ››
 158 - What happens if you draw on the blackboard and the teacher told you not to? She draws a smack!... More ››
 159 - Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!... More ››
 160 - Teacher : Make up a sentence using the word lettuce ! Pupil : Let us out of school early !... More ››
 161 - Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago ? Pupil: Me !... More ››
 162 - An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: My little sister ate it!... More ››
 163 - Why were you late ? Sorry, teacher, I overslept. You mean you need to sleep at home too !... More ››
 164 - Little Monster: I hate my teacher. Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!... More ››
 165 - Why do teachers use a bamboo cane? Because when the cane goes 'bam' the child goes boo!... More ››
 166 - Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank, Alan? Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it, sir.... More ››
 167 - Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze ? Pupil: Hot water !... More ››
 168 - Be sure that you go straight home after school I can't, I live just round the corner !... More ››
 169 - Teacher : Were you copying his sums ? Pupil : No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right !... More ››
 170 - Teacher : What's happens to gold when it is exposed to the air ? Pupil : It's stolen !... More ››
 171 - Teacher: What's 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good. Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!... More ››
 172 - Teacher: What's 2 and 2 Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good Pupil: Good ?, that's perfect !... More ››
 173 - What do you get when you add 2 apples to 3 apples? A senior high school math problem.... More ››
 174 - Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day ? Pupil: I get up early !... More ››
 175 - Teacher: Where is the English Channel ? Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up... More ››
 176 - Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you? Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!... More ››
 177 - Teacher: What can we do to stop polluting our waters ? Pupil: Stop taking baths ?... More ››
 178 - What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? The food!... More ››
 179 - Teacher: You're new here aren't you, what's your name? Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith... More ››
 180 - Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age? Pupil: The sausage!... More ››
 181 - Why was the headmaster worried? Because there were too many rulers in school!... More ››
 182 - What's the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table.... More ››
 183 - Teacher: In music, if "f" means "forte", what does "ff" mean ? Pupil: Eighty... More ››
 184 - Q. Why did the jellybean go to school? A. Because he wanted to be a smarty... More ››
 185 - Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher? He couldn't control his pupils!... More ››
 186 - Teacher: Didn't you know the bell had gone? Fred: I didn't take it, Miss.... More ››
 187 - What did you learn in school today? Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!... More ››
 188 - Q: What did one math book say to the other? A: Man I got a lot of problems!... More ››
 189 - What do French pupils say after finishing their school dinners ? Mercy !... More ››
 190 - Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days ? Pupil: All of them !... More ››
 191 - Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you? Pupil: Not very much!... More ››
 192 - Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to? Pupil: Nobody I know!... More ››
 193 - Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America? On their feet!... More ››
 194 - Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Because his class was so bright!... More ››
 195 - Playing truant from school is like a credit card Fun now, pay later !... More ››
 196 - Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim!... More ››
 197 - Where did all the cuts and blood come from? The school went on a trip!... More ››
 198 - What do history teachers make when they want to get together? Dates!... More ››
 199 - Teacher: What are the Great Plains? Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16!... More ››
 200 - What's yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? A dead school bus!... More ››
 201 - My teacher reminds me of history She's always repeating herself!... More ››
 202 - Laugh and the class laughs with you. But you get detention alone !... More ››
 203 - What are you going to be when you get out of school? An old man!... More ››
 204 - What's black and white all over and difficult? An exam paper!... More ››
 205 - What was King Arthur's favourite game? Knights and crosses!... More ››
 206 - Where do children learn their ABC's ? At LMN-tary school !... More ››
 207 - The food in our school canteen is perfect. If your a bug!... More ››
 208 - What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals!... More ››
 209 - How do bees get to school ? By school buzz !... More ››
 210 - Teacher: Name two pronouns? Pupil: Who? me?... More ››
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