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The Best School Jokes: |
| 1) A school teacher injured his back and had to
wear a
plaster c... Show more |
| 2) Introductory
Chemistry was taught at Duke
University for many... Show more |
| 3) A mom
and dad were worried about their son
not wanting to lea... Show more |
| 4) A student called up his Mom one evening from
his college and... Show more |
| 5) Sandy began a
job as an elementary school counselor and
she w... Show more |
| 6) A college business
professor could not help
but notice that o... Show more |
| 7) A student comes to a young
professor's
office hours. She glan... Show more |
| 8) One day our
professor was discussing a
particularly complicat... Show more |
| 9) A teacher was giving a lesson on the
circulation of the
blood... Show more |
| 10) A
professor was giving a big test one day
to his students. He... Show more |
| 11) The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was t... Show more |
| 12) A linguistics professor was lecturing to his
English class one... Show more |
| 13) "If there are any idiots in the room, will they
please stand up... Show more |
| 14) A little girl came home from
school and
said to her mother, "... Show more |
| 15) 'Ann!' the teacher shouted one day at the
girl who had been d... Show more |
| 16) The teacher came up with a good problem.
"Suppose," she asked... Show more |
| 17) The
teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on
counting. Jackie... Show more |
| 18) The
teacher was reviewing counting with her
first-grade class... Show more |
| 19) Johnny comes back from school crying and says,
"Mommy all the... Show more |
| 20) The teacher is droning away in the classroom
when he notices a... Show more |
| 21) A teacher was having
trouble teaching
arithmetic to one littl... Show more |
| 22) Man: "How's
your history paper
coming?"
Woman: "Well, my h... Show more |
| 23) Teacher: If I gave you three
rabbits today
and five rabbits t... Show more |
| 24) "Isn't the principal a
dummy!" said a boy
to a girl.
"Say,... Show more |
| 25) School
Principal: I've called you into my
office, Peter, beca... Show more |
| 26) Teacher: Is
Lapland heavily
populated?
Class: No, there are... Show more |
| 27) The parents were very disappointed in the
grades that their s... Show more |
| 28) A little kid's in
school, taking a
true-false test and he's f... Show more |
| 29) Principal: Do you do
your homework?
Kid:
Now & Then
Princip... Show more |
| 30) 'I'm not going to school today,' Alexander
said to his mother.... Show more |
| 31) Mother: "Why are you home from school so
early?"
Son: "I was... Show more |
| 32) "It's clear" said the teacher, "That you
haven't studied your... Show more |
| 33) Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your
ears, do
you ha... Show more |
| 34) Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?
Joseph:
Because of a sign d... Show more |
| 35) Teacher: In what part of the
world are the
people most ignora... Show more |
| 36) The brain is a wonder ful thing
Why do you
say that ?
Becaus... Show more |
| 37) Fred: I got 100 in school today.
Mother:
Wonderful. What did y... Show more |
| 38) Dad, can you
help me find the lowest common
denominator in th... Show more |
| 39) Mother: Did you
enjoy the school outing,
dear ?
Jane: Yes, a... Show more |
| 40) If you had one dollar and you
asked your
father for another,... Show more |
| 41) Teacher:
Can you count to 10?
Fred: Yes,
teacher-one, two, t... Show more |
| 42) "Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days
she asked us how... Show more |
| 43) Jackie stood quietly as her father
examined
her report card.... Show more |
| 44) A history joke
Teacher: When was Rome
built?
Pupil: At night.... Show more |
| 45) If I had
five coconuts and I gave you
three, how many would I... Show more |
| 46) Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up
and down or across?... Show more |
| 47) Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith
then.
Pupil: My dad won't li... Show more |
| 48) Fred came home from his first day at school.
"Nothing exciting... Show more |
| 49) Teacher: You copies from
Fred's exam paper
didn't you?
Pupil... Show more |
| 50) Teacher: How much is half of 8
Pupil: Up and
down or across ?... Show more |
| 51) An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pup... Show more |
| 52) Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another
there, how many eg... Show more |
| 53) Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and
won't be able to... Show more |
| 54) Father: How were the
exam
questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then... Show more |
| 55) Mother: What did you learn in school
today
Son: How to write... Show more |
| 56) Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on
the map please ?... Show more |
| 57) An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pup... Show more |
| 58) Father:
How do you like going to
school?
Son: The going bit... Show more |
| 59) Teacher : Give
me a sentence with the words
defence, defeat a... Show more |
| 60) Teacher: What is the formula for
water ?
George: H,I,J,K,L,... Show more |
| 61) Teacher : Why are you the only child in the
classroom today ?... Show more |
| 62) Teacher : What are you doing,
crawling into
school ten minute... Show more |
| 63) Teacher: This is the third
time I've had
to tell you off this... Show more |
| 64) Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read
Shakespeare ?... Show more |
| 65) An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your
homework?
Pupi... Show more |
| 66) Teacher: If you have five
haystacks in one
corner, five in an... Show more |
| 67) Mother: How do you
like your new teacher
?
Son: I don't. She... Show more |
| 68) Teacher: This is the third time I've had to
tell you off this... Show more |
| 69) Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of
school
this m... Show more |
| 70) An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pup... Show more |
| 71) Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the
fish tank !
Pupi... Show more |
| 72) How
many schoolteachers does it take to
change a light bulb?... Show more |
| 73) Teacher: What's the longest word in the
English
language ?
P... Show more |
| 74) Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil:
I did, I shook my h... Show more |
| 75) Pupil: My teacher was mad with me because I
didn't know where t... Show more |
| 76) Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any
five year old should... Show more |
| 77) Mother: How was your first
day at
school?
Son: It was all ri... Show more |
| 78) Teacher : The word politics - can you give me
an
example of h... Show more |
| 79) Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing
has improved.
Pu... Show more |
| 80) TEACHER: "Can anybody give an
example of
COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNN... Show more |
| 81) An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pup... Show more |
| 82) Boy to Friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to
go out after schoo... Show more |
| 83) Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my
questions ?
Pup... Show more |
| 84) Did you hear what
happened when there was
an epidemic of lary... Show more |
| 85) Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why
were
you late?
Pupil:... Show more |
| 86) Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my
questions?
Pupi... Show more |
| 87) Teacher: That's quite a
cough you have
there, what are you ta... Show more |
| 88) Son: I can't go to school today.
Father:
Why not?
Son: I don... Show more |
| 89) Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a
tree called?"
Sam: "... Show more |
| 90) Teacher: That's quite a cough you have
there, what are you ta... Show more |
| 91) Father: What did the
teacher think of your
idea?
Son: She to... Show more |
| 92) Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me.
Are you having tr... Show more |
| 93) Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in
my class.
Johnny:... Show more |
| 94) Teacher : Can't you retain anything in your
head overnight ?... Show more |
| 95) Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is
4+4?
Pupil: That's not fa... Show more |
| 96) Why aren't you doing very well in
history?
Because the teacher... Show more |
| 97) Teacher : What are
you reading ?
Pupil :
I dunno !
Teacher... Show more |
| 98) Teacher : If you had five apples on your desk
and the boy next... Show more |
| 99) Father: Well Son, how are your exam results
?
Son: They're und... Show more |
| 100) Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I
lost it fighting thi... Show more |
| 101) I'm not going back to school ever again
Why
ever not?
The tea... Show more |
| 102) Teacher : Would you at the
back of the room
stop passing note... Show more |
| 103) Great news, teacher says we have a test today
come rain or shin... Show more |
| 104) Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass
but you've on... Show more |
| 105) Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this
test!
Teacher... Show more |
| 106) When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it
remind him of a... Show more |
| 107) An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pup... Show more |
| 108) Our teacher
talks to herself does yours
?
Yes, but she does'... Show more |
| 109) Teacher: Give me three reasons
why the
world is round
Pupil:... Show more |
| 110) Teacher:
Are you good at math ?
Pupil:
Yes and no
Teacher:... Show more |
| 111) "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
"I think
so. What is it you... Show more |
| 112) TEACHER: Jackie, take 932 from 1,439. What is
the difference?... Show more |
| 113) How are you doing in arithmetic ?
I've
learned to add up the z... Show more |
| 114) Pupil: The
art teacher doesn't like what
I'm making ?
Dad: W... Show more |
| 115) Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I
was mugged on the wa... Show more |
| 116) Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you
to all answer... Show more |
| 117) An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pup... Show more |
| 118) Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day
without having to... Show more |
| 119) Teacher : In the exam you will be allowed 30
minutes for each... Show more |
| 120) Teacher : Why are you
reading the last
pages of your history... Show more |
| 121) Teacher: What is can't short for ?
Pupil:
Cannot miss
Teacher... Show more |
| 122) Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes
and no
Teacher: Wha... Show more |
| 123) Teacher:
Can anyone tell me how many
seconds there are in a y... Show more |
| 124) Teacher: Did your parents help you
with
these homework proble... Show more |
| 125) Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds
there are in a yea... Show more |
| 126) Teacher: What's big
and yellow and comes
in the morning to br... Show more |
| 127) How many students does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. L... Show more |
| 128) Teacher : Billy, please don't whistle while
studying.
Billy... Show more |
| 129) Mother: Does your teacher like you ?
Son:
Like me, she loves m... Show more |
| 130) Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good,
but where is t... Show more |
| 131) Science teacher: What happened when
electricity was first dis... Show more |
| 132) I
failed every subject except for
algebra.
How did you keep... Show more |
| 133) Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at
Fred's test paper... Show more |
| 134) Teacher: What happened to your
homework?
Pupil: I made it i... Show more |
| 135) Teacher: Why does the
statue of liberty
stand in New York har... Show more |
| 136) Teacher : Tommy you try my patience !
Tommy:
No, teacher you h... Show more |
| 137) Teacher: This note from your father looks like
your handwriting... Show more |
| 138) Teacher: Why is the Mississippi
such an
unusual river?
Pupil... Show more |
| 139) Father: I hear you skipped school
to play
football
Son: No I... Show more |
| 140) Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put
your hand to you... Show more |
| 141) Teacher: Why
does the statue of liberty
stand in New York har... Show more |
| 142) Mother: What
was the first thing you
learned in class?
Daugh... Show more |
| 143) Fred: I've
added these figures ten times.
Teacher: Good wor... Show more |
| 144) Are you in
the top half of your class
?
No, I'm one of the s... Show more |
| 145) Mother: What was the first thing you learned in
class ?
Daught... Show more |
| 146) Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning
?
About an h... Show more |
| 147) Teacher: Who can tell me where
Hadrians Wall
is?
Pupil: I ex... Show more |
| 148) Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I
gave
you?
Son:... Show more |
| 149) Caspar: I was the teacher's pet last
year.
Jaspar: Why was tha... Show more |
| 150) Teacher : What is a comet ?
Pupil : A star
with a tail
Teache... Show more |
| 151) Teacher : What is the most common phrase used
in school ?
Pu... Show more |
| 152) Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest
sentence you can t... Show more |
| 153) Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes,
the bible tells ho... Show more |
| 154) Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead
Sea?
Pupil: Dea... Show more |
| 155) Teacher: Why are you picking your
nose in
class ?
Pupil: My... Show more |
| 156) Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in
Russia ?
Pupi... Show more |
| 157) What happens if you draw on the blackboard and
the
teacher to... Show more |
| 158) Father: You were absent on the day of the
test?
Son: No but th... Show more |
| 159) Teacher : Make up a sentence using the word
lettuce !
Pupil... Show more |
| 160) Teacher: Can you tell me something important
that
didn't exis... Show more |
| 161) An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your
homework?
Pu... Show more |
| 162) Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I
overslept.
You mean you... Show more |
| 163) Little Monster: I hate my teacher.
Mother
Monster: Well just e... Show more |
| 164) Why do teachers
use a bamboo
cane?
Because when the cane goe... Show more |
| 165) Teacher: Why do you want to
work in a bank,
Alan?
Fred: 'Cu... Show more |
| 166) Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a
liquid that won't fre... Show more |
| 167) Teacher: I wished you would pay a little
attention
Pupil: I'm... Show more |
| 168) Be sure that you go
straight home after
school
I can't, I li... Show more |
| 169) Teacher : Were yo |
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