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WOMEN JOKES!

women JOKES (random)

Shortly after the birth of their second child, her husband offered to take her shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated. As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband's opinion. By this time, he had learned just the right things to say. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer and slenderizes your hips." Just then, a voice from the dressing room piped up. "If there's a dress here that will do all that- I'll take ten!"

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THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY women JOKES:

 1 - Why haven't Women landed on the Moon? - Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!... More ››
 2 - A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For... More ››
 3 - On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and... More ››
 4 - A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why she left her last employment, she r... More ››
 5 - Shortly after the birth of their second child, her husband offered to take her shopping for a... More ››
 6 - What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes ? Nothing, you told her twice.... More ››
 7 - A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and... More ››
 8 - The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a... More ››
 9 - A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his drea... More ››
 10 - A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided... More ››
 11 - A young woman with a happy, cheerful voice was working in her husband's trucking line office. Sh... More ››
 12 - A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dress... More ››
 13 - A few women were discussing diet tips. When it was mentioned that getting enough exercise and sl... More ››
 14 - Q: Why is a modem better than a woman? A: A modem doesn't mind if you talk to other modems. A... More ››
 15 - At a family gathering, husband began teasing his wife about how she always get her way. "Honey,"... More ››
 16 - An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and d... More ››
 17 - One woman to another at a singles bar: "I'm not as optimistic about relationships as I used to b... More ››
 18 - A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her,... More ››
 19 - A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted." -... More ››
 20 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you... More ››
 21 - In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God cr... More ››
 22 - Teacher: Who was the first woman on earth? Fred: I don't know, Sir. Teacher: Come on, Fred,... More ››
 23 - Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None: A 'Real Woman' would ha... More ››
 24 - Smart man + Smart Woman = Romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy Dumb Man + Smart Woman =... More ››
 25 - Doctor Sawbones speaking. Oh, doctor, my girlfriend's just dislocated her jaw. Can you come over... More ››
 26 - Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds? Because mo... More ››
 27 - How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? - She starts her sentence with... More ››
 28 - OUESTION: What is cosmetics? ANSWER: Cosmetics is a woman's means for keeping a man from reading... More ››
 29 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%. - It's c... More ››
 30 - Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later... More ››
 31 - QUESTION: What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman? ANSWER: A battery has a posi... More ››
 32 - Why did the women cross the road? Well thats not the point what is she doing out of the kitchen?... More ››
 33 - Why are women such bad drivers? Because there is no road between the bedroom and the bathro... More ››
 34 - Why do women have smaller feet than men? - It allows them to stand closer to the sink.... More ››
 35 - Q: Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine? A: It depends on the age.... More ››
 36 - How do you fix a woman's watch? - It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.... More ››
 37 - Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it.... More ››
 38 - QUESTION: What's the best way to get a youthful figure? ANSWER: Ask a woman her age.... More ››
 39 - What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? - A woman that won't do what she's told.... More ››
 40 - What are the three fastest means of communication? Internet, telephone, telawoman.... More ››
 41 - Why did God invent shopping carts? To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.... More ››
 42 - Q: What do you call a woman who marries an old, ugly and poor man? A: Stupid!... More ››
 43 - I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months! - I don't like to interrupt her.... More ››
 44 - What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.... More ››
 45 - Brother: What kind of sharks never eat women ? Sister: Man-eating sharks.... More ››
 46 - Boy: Do you have fever? Girl: No, why? Boy: Cause you look hot!!!!!... More ››
 47 - Why did the woman take a load of hay to bed? To feed her nightmare.... More ››
 48 - Should I have a baby after 35? No, 35 children is enough.... More ››
 49 - My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" - I said, "Dust!"... More ››
 50 - Why do men die before their wives? - They want to.... More ››
 51 - What do you calll a woman that people sit on ? Cher !... More ››
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