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idiot and fool JOKES (random)

How does a Russian Aeroflot pilot navigate?
By reading street signs.

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 1 - I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it cause it was prettie... More ››
 2 - Iraq has just ordered two thousand septic tanks from Russia. As soon as the Iraqis learn to dr... More ››
 3 - Did you hear about the village idiot buying bird seed? He said he wanted to grow some birds.... More ››
 4 - Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers? They cause too much brain damage.... More ››
 5 - Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this... More ››
 6 - Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says "I want four budgies." Salesman-certainly... More ››
 7 - There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig. The o... More ››
 8 - A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown an especially fine one which he liked t... More ››
 9 - According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S.... More ››
 10 - Henderson bought a new car and, after he left the showroom, decided to catch a movie. When he... More ››
 11 - Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing. Suddenly the spray from a mo... More ››
 12 - Calvin went to Pearson's Pet Shop to complain that his canary wouldn't sing. "File the beak... More ››
 13 - Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came a... More ››
 14 - A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with... More ››
 15 - Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to buy a chain saw ? He said... More ››
 16 - Duayne met Patricia Ann from Birmingham at a Tus-caloosa ballroom. They danced every dance... More ››
 17 - An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month late... More ››
 18 - Chaffee could talk on any subject whether he knew anything about it or not. Mostly he didn't.... More ››
 19 - Guidry called in Plotke, the painter, for an estimate to paint his house. "How much you gonn... More ››
 20 - Edney and Cole, two Ohio Edison electrical repairmen, were working on a blown house circuit.... More ››
 21 - Four Independence boys, Pugh, Sumter, Kilby and Grayson, were walking down a Clay County road wh... More ››
 22 - Rigby drove into the city with his girl to catch their first play at a theater. Rigby rushed... More ››
 23 - Izzard went into a Baltimore bank to cash his check. Since he didn't have an account there, the... More ››
 24 - Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head... More ››
 25 - Kennen was having a drink in a saloon when his neighbor, Stakely, came rushing in. "Ah think... More ››
 26 - My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees... More ››
 27 - A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, a... More ››
 28 - Zack and Tybe, two Alabama farm boys, bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck... More ››
 29 - Wyatt, Milford and Calhoun were standing one on top of the other trying to measure a flag pole.... More ››
 30 - I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the s... More ››
 31 - The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat,... More ››
 32 - Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home... More ››
 33 - After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss... More ››
 34 - During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approa... More ››
 35 - Jim sees his neighbor out back building a bunker, loading in 75 gallons of bottled water, haulin... More ››
 36 - Jett was trying to light a match. He struck the first one and it didn't work, so he threw it a... More ››
 37 - Melburn was strolling along downtown Natchez with a framed picture under his arm. "Hey, what yew... More ››
 38 - Shingles were loose on Pennock's roof, and he complained about leaks to Barton, his neighbor.... More ››
 39 - Two men were knocking in nails to the sides of a house, one of them kept throwing them away. "W... More ››
 40 - Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded h... More ››
 41 - Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 11 years on a book about Swedish economic so... More ››
 42 - I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrati... More ››
 43 - Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees. T... More ››
 44 - Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he star... More ››
 45 - When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide wha... More ››
 46 - A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was... More ››
 47 - Young Bradley arrived at his date's house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it.... More ››
 48 - Delmer: How'd you like the play last night over at the high school? Parley: I only seed the... More ››
 49 - The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five. The youngster proceeded to count to fiv... More ››
 50 - An army sergeant told Private Perkins to go to the end of the line. He did, but then returned.... More ››
 51 - A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough dr... More ››
 52 - A stupid man was struggling out of his house with a big table. His neighbor said to him, "Hell... More ››
 53 - A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school... More ››
 54 - An idiotic laborer was told by an equally idiotic foreman to dig a hole in the road. "And what s... More ››
 55 - Holton sat down in a Green Bay restaurant and said to the waitress, "Do you know whether the m... More ››
 56 - An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two dif... More ››
 57 - QUESTION: Why does the town idiot take his bedroom door off the hinges and put it to the sid eve... More ››
 58 - Tyfus applied for a job in a factory. The company doctor who was giving him a physical asked,... More ››
 59 - Housekeeper: Professor, there's a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wo... More ››
 60 - A boy went into the local department store where he saw a sign on the escalator - 'Dogs must be... More ››
 61 - Did you hear about the Murfreesboro muddlebrain whose father told him about the birds and the be... More ››
 62 - Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBER... More ››
 63 - My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the co... More ››
 64 - IRS Agent: What's all this? Bracken: Well, you told me to bring all my records with me and I did... More ››
 65 - Doctor: That deafness cure help your brother? Archie: Sure did! He hadn't heard a sound in years... More ››
 66 - Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted... More ››
 67 - Did you hear about the dimwit who went to visit his girlfriend and found she didn't have very mu... More ››
 68 - "How come you're only watering half your lawn?" a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident.... More ››
 69 - Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts, so s... More ››
 70 - A stupid glazier was examining a broken window. He looked at it for a while and then said, "It's... More ››
 71 - Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door, "Back in... More ››
 72 - And then there was the Newfie who was found dead in his jail cell with twelve bumps on his head.... More ››
 73 - Treadwell walked into a Biloxi stationery store and asked, "Have you got any invisible ink?"... More ››
 74 - One idiot said to the other, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world... More ››
 75 - Did you hear about the idiot who filled out an employment application? In the blank labeled "C... More ››
 76 - Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to swim the English channel? Halfway across he decid... More ››
 77 - Fred: Did you hear about the Irish window cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder? Har... More ››
 78 - Did you hear about the rookie Rhode Island cop who gave out twenty-two parking tickets before he... More ››
 79 - Carmella and Mario were out on their first date. "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" asked Carmell... More ››
 80 - Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in the whole school. Mother: That's my son. Teacher: Oh! I... More ››
 81 - Did you hear about the Baton Rouge bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends... More ››
 82 - Did you hear about the Iranian terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter be... More ››
 83 - "What did Shawn like most about his trip to Paris?" "He said it was lovely to hear the French... More ››
 84 - Did you hear about the guy from Newfoundland who was twenty-two years old before he knew which... More ››
 85 - Did you hear about the hillbilly who asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs.... More ››
 86 - Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places? Vanderkron: I would... More ››
 87 - An Irishman saw a notice outside a police station which read: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY. So he we... More ››
 88 - Did you hear about the Puerto Rican secretary who was getting so experienced she could type tw... More ››
 89 - Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water? He thought they would... More ››
 90 - I can't understand the critics saying that only an idiot would like that television program. I r... More ››
 91 - Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendi... More ››
 92 - Did you hear about the Brooklyn bubblebrain who was two hours late for work because the escala... More ››
 93 - Why did the idiot drive his pickup truck over the side of the cliff? He wanted to try out his ne... More ››
 94 - Q: How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Change i... More ››
 95 - Did you hear about the Finn who spent a fortune building a storm cellar in case there was an... More ››
 96 - Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash? - He thought he saw the rotating car washer as... More ››
 97 - Why did Rudolfo salute the box of Cornflakes in the supermarket? Because the label said Genera... More ››
 98 - Did you hear about the idiot who planted Cheerios in his backyard? He thought they were donut... More ››
 99 - Did you hear about the dumb father who got up and struck a match to see if he had blown out the... More ››
 100 - Sister: Why are you putting the saddle on backward ? Brother: How do you know which way I'm goin... More ››
 101 - Did you hear about the Mexican bricklayer who went crazy trying to lay a cornerstone in a roundh... More ››
 102 - Did you hear about the stupid photographer? He saved burned out lightbulbs for use in his darkr... More ››
 103 - Hoot: How the hell can ya be so stupid? Jessie: Well, it ain't somethin' yew can pick up overnig... More ››
 104 - "Say, your house is burning." "That's okay. I got enough lumber in the attic to build a new one... More ››
 105 - She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter is a very strong person who goes round picking up shops.... More ››
 106 - What do stupid kids do at Halloween? They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.... More ››
 107 - My friend is so stupid he thinks that an autograph is a chart showing sales figures for cars.... More ››
 108 - Did you hear about the dimwit who was so dumb he thought Gatorade was welfare for crocodiles?... More ››
 109 - Why can't the Philippines field an ice hockey team? The players all drowned in spring training.... More ››
 110 - Why are Canadians given only a half hour for lunch? They don't want to have to retrain them.... More ››
 111 - Fred: Do you think I'm a fool? Harry: No. But what's my opinion against thousands of others?... More ››
 112 - Did you hear about the Texan who moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of both states?... More ››
 113 - How does an idiot call for his dog? He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.... More ››
 114 - My friend is so silly that he spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for the doorknob!... More ››
 115 - Did you hear about the Montana moron who went looking for a gas leak with a safety match?... More ››
 116 - Q: Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic? A: There's a 12-month waiting list.... More ››
 117 - Did you hear about the fool who keeps going round saying "no"? No. Oh, so it's you!... More ››
 118 - Did you hear about the stupid wizard? He couldn't remember if he used to be forgetful.... More ››
 119 - The Albanian planted lightbulbs in his garden. He heard that tulips grew from bulbs.... More ››
 120 - Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?... More ››
 121 - How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life ? Tell him a joke when he's a baby !... More ››
 122 - Q: Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? A: They were riverdancing.... More ››
 123 - Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash.... More ››
 124 - Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit ? So he could tell the time at night !... More ››
 125 - Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away ? Because it had a hole in the middle.... More ››
 126 - How do you confuse an idiot? Give him two spades and ask him to take his pick.... More ››
 127 - Loomis: Does your dog have a license? Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the drivin'.... More ››
 128 - What has eight legs and an IQ of forty? Four guys watching a baseball game.... More ››
 129 - I don't know what it is that makes you stupid but whatever it is, it works.... More ››
 130 - How do Filipinos count money? One-a, two-a, three-a, four-a, another-a ...... More ››
 131 - Why did the stupid boy wear a turtle neck sweater? To hide his flea collar.... More ››
 132 - Did you hear about the stupid water-polo player? His horse drowned . . .... More ››
 133 - He is so dumb, he thinks an agent is someone who keeps track of your age!... More ››
 134 - What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer.... More ››
 135 - Did you hear about the idiot who invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle?... More ››
 136 - What do you get when you cross an idiot with a watch? A cuckoo clock.... More ››
 137 - "Can you read Chinese?" "Yes, but only when it's printed in English."... More ››
 138 - Did you hear about the stupid Kamikaze pilot ? He flew 57 missions !... More ››
 139 - How does a Russian Aeroflot pilot navigate? By reading street signs.... More ››
 140 - "Why do rednecks act like such morons?'' "Who says they're acting?"... More ››
 141 - Did you hear about the stupid woodworm? He was found in a brick.... More ››
 142 - My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing.... More ››
 143 - Hatton: I ain't as dumb as I look! Folsom: You couldn't be!... More ››
 144 - What did the stupid ghost do? He used to climb over walls.... More ››
 145 - How do Alaska CB radio operators say "10-4"? "5-5-2-2."... More ››
 146 - What did the idiot do to the flea in his ear? Shot it!... More ››
 147 - What do you call a stupid skeleton? Bonehead.... More ››
 148 - What do Filipinos call Canada? Upper U.S.... More ››
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