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travel and tourist JOKES (random)

"Look, guide, here are some LION tracks." "Good.
You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."

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 1 - "I can't believe it," said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing b... More ››
 2 - There was a man staying the night in a hotel. He called the front desk and said, "Excuse me, s... More ››
 3 - A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligato... More ››
 4 - Helpful advice for travellers: If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with... More ››
 5 - A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherma... More ››
 6 - Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are travelling by train to a cricket match at the World C... More ››
 7 - A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He... More ››
 8 - Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a... More ››
 9 - A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and boug... More ››
 10 - An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While... More ››
 11 - A traveler became lost in the Sahara desert. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find... More ››
 12 - A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public... More ››
 13 - Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the othe... More ››
 14 - A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in t... More ››
 15 - A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediat... More ››
 16 - Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, sign... More ››
 17 - A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each... More ››
 18 - A pair of tourists were out in the fields when they discovered an abandoned well near an old far... More ››
 19 - A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon,... More ››
 20 - Two anthropologists fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent... More ››
 21 - Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof... More ››
 22 - A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. H... More ››
 23 - An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little antique shop in which he was l... More ››
 24 - In Alaska's National Forests, a tourists guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hi... More ››
 25 - There was a little old lady from a small town in America who had to go to Texas. She was amazed... More ››
 26 - A traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the cler... More ››
 27 - A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says... More ››
 28 - An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when... More ››
 29 - A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a... More ››
 30 - A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and m... More ››
 31 - Two Yanks touring London in a taxi. What is that asked one of the Yank's. Why that is Buckingham... More ››
 32 - A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minut... More ››
 33 - During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with... More ››
 34 - Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started... More ››
 35 - This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm needs a battery. She... More ››
 36 - I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. started to explain the length of the fl... More ››
 37 - Windsor castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airp... More ››
 38 - The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "... More ››
 39 - "And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinne... More ››
 40 - A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling... More ››
 41 - A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in t... More ››
 42 - A man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night. All the l... More ››
 43 - A businessman was having a tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel bag onto the plane.... More ››
 44 - Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting real... More ››
 45 - A farmer, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotel's clerk about the time of... More ››
 46 - An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides t... More ››
 47 - There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was... More ››
 48 - The transatlantic liner was experiencing particularly heavy weather, and Mrs Jones wasn't feelin... More ››
 49 - A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out t... More ››
 50 - A police officer was amazed to see a hiker walking along the road carrying a sign which read "To... More ››
 51 - On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. "I hop... More ››
 52 - Someone -- always a man -- always asks, "does the ship run on generators?" The Cruise Director... More ››
 53 - A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she... More ››
 54 - Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. The only way you'l... More ››
 55 - Mrs Jones: Now, remember, children, travel is very good for you. It broadens the mind. Betty,... More ››
 56 - Tourist: What's the speed limit in this hick town? Native: We don't have one. You strangers c... More ››
 57 - What did the teacher say after spending thousands in the expensive hotel? I'm sorry to leave,... More ››
 58 - The frightened tourist: "Are there any bats in this cave?" The guide: "There were, but don't... More ››
 59 - Q: How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Six: One to hold the bulb and fiv... More ››
 60 - Tourist: The flies are awfully thick around here. Don't you ever shoo them? Native: No, we just... More ››
 61 - "Look, guide, here are some LION tracks." "Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where th... More ››
 62 - Guest: Why did you offer me a piece of candy? Hotel Clerk: You said you wanted the best suite i... More ››
 63 - The tourist: "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park... More ››
 64 - Tourist: Is this 99 Main Street? Resident: No, it's 66, but we turn it upside down to confuse... More ››
 65 - Teacher: I'd like a room, please. Hotel Receptionist: Single, Sir? Teacher: Yes, but I am en... More ››
 66 - What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels? Very large ones.... More ››
 67 - Police Officer: Why did you lead me on a five-state chase? Driver: I love to travel.... More ››
 68 - "Were you in Paris on your vacation?" "I don't know, my wife got the tickets."... More ››
 69 - "Room Service? Can you send up a towel?" "Please wait, someone else is using it."... More ››
 70 - What do you get if you cross a sheep with a holiday resort ? The Baaahaaamaaas !... More ››
 71 - How can you tell elephants love to travel ? They are always packing their trunk !... More ››
 72 - Where do werewolves stay when they're on vacation? At the Howliday Inn!... More ››
 73 - Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space ? He wanted to find Pluto !... More ››
 74 - What is a twip? A twip is what a wabbit takes when he wides a twain.... More ››
 75 - What does a witch get if she's a poor traveler? Broom sick.... More ››
 76 - What people travel the most? Romans.... More ››
 77 - "Room service? Send up a larger room."... More ››
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